There Are Worse Things They Could Do
I mean, there aren't many worse things they could do, but there are some!
I was going to begin by asking if anybody had ever seen a terrible high school production of Grease, but of course you have, because every high school production of Grease is terrible. I don't know if it's because the film version is so popular and nothing can stack up, or if it's just not the same watching teenagers playing teenagers, instead of Stockard Channing passing herself off as a teen despite quite probably collecting social security at the time, but I have never seen a good high school production of this show (whether or not I have actually seen a good high school production of anything is a debate for another time).
When my high school did Grease, the actress playing Rizzo had these broad tics that were supposed to convey just how naughty Rizzo is: a Billy Idol like sneer, contemptuous hair flipping, gum-snapping and an unnatural, stilted way of speaking. It was, unsurprisingly, terrible.
Why do I bring up this long repressed memory?
This is why. This is why I cry at night. Because of the pain.
This development pains me for several reasons. For instance, it kind of hurts to be crushed by SIX TONS OF FORESHADOWING, what with all of the Emily mentions lately. Seriously, they've talked about her more this week than anyone has talked about Mac since 1998. Secondly, because it reminds me how much I have missed Emily Quartermaine. I mean, just think about it: they killed off EMILY via an UNDEAD SERIAL KILLER and then blithely brought her portrayer back after less than a year as a new character. Why not just stop writing scripts and have the actors just say, "For those long-time viewers tuning into today's show...suck it"? That's what the powers-that-be obviously think! Thirdly, we are supposed to believe that no one at the hospital noticed the resemblance this beret-wearing chick has to Emily? Emily....a doctor at GH. Emily...the daughter of two prominent GH doctors. Emily...a rich girl who married a prince. This show's full-blown love affair with contrivance needs to stop. Also...what's with the beret? Who in the GH wardrobe department has a fetish for crocheted hats and what made them the way that they are?
But what kills me the most, more than the contrivance and the bad acting and the knit caps, is how proud Bob Guza is about this story. He's been tauting its brilliance since Natalia Livingston left a few months ago, saying that he has this great story to tell when she returned from spreading her wings or whatever. And that great story pretty much boils down to, "So, okay, get this. Emily was totally sweet and kind and wonderful, so imagine this: there's this girl who looks like Emily, right? Except she's not like Emily. I know! She's not sweet and kind and wonderful. She's--wait for it--bad. Right? Get it? Because Emily was NOT bad? It's gonna ruuuuuuule".
As if the Lifetime Movie empire doesn't have a specific sub-genre devoted to lookalikes with different personalities! And as if those movies, while terrible and sporting such titles as "Mother, May I Sleep With Danger" and "My Stepson, My Lover", aren't miles above GH in terms of quality! Lifetime movie level is aspirational for this show!