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« I Literally Do Not Understand What These Words Mean | Main | The Crap Heard Round the World »

February 11, 2009

Guza's March To the Sea

Now when we say that Guza torched the hell out of General Hospital, it works on a factual level as well as a metaphorical one.


This non-sweeps stunt stands out even amongst prior stunts for the sheer laziness of the writing (reminder: prior stunts include "Masked Men Take Over the Metro Court Before Jason Saves The Day", and "A Strangler Terrorizes The Black and White Ball Before Jason Saves The Day"), I assume because Bob Guza was all, "Right, right, plot, continuity, yeah, we'll get to that. Tell me...when do we get to blow stuff up?"

Is it just me? Or does so much of what we are seeing not make any sense? It's like I have two possible reactions to this show: blistering rage or slack-jawed confusion. I will admit, in fairness to the GH powers-that-be, that some of my confusion is due to paralyzing boredom that glazes my eyes over during certain scenes and renders my comprehension useless. But the rest of the questions I continue to have are the direct result of the GH writers half-assing the entire non-event.

  • If the hospital exploded, how come some technology still works? And why didn't cell phones work, but Spinelli's internet connection did?
  • Does Winifred sap everybody else of their will to live, or is that just me?

Winifred:Thank gods and goddesses. No, no, they must be possessed by the zorn of zurenar if they truly expect the priestess to comply.

I seriously cannot deal. I want her dead, and I don't care if they have to bring Diego back to do it.

  • Is Luke's complete obliviousness to the fact that his entire family is in mortal, toxic-ball related danger supposed to be entertaining? Like, "Haha, this is ironic! His family is in peril and he's yukking it up! HAHA!"? Because if that's what they were aiming for they failed.
  • Is there any particular reason that Ethan was introduced during this "important" "crisis" that "will change everything"? Could it not have waited a few weeks? I know that they get really excited when they have something new and shiny to play with, but surely he's not that awesome that he needed to be shoehorned into this non-sweeps non-event.
  • Did anybody else gasp when Jax was flying the helicopter? Because I was pretty shocked to see Jax be a hero, and in keeping with his character history, even!
  • Am I the only one who gets a little excited when Alexis shows up, even if it's only for a few seconds? It's a nice reminder that she still exists and that the writers haven't decided to kill her, off camera.
  • Why is Nikolas acting like doppelgangers are some earth-shattering, insane event? Because he had a lookalike of his own, so he should be used to this by now.
  • How long will Lulu's sudden jaunt into the land of normalcy last? She's been more than tolerable lately, perhaps because she's in close proximity to Tracy, and Tracy's awesomeness has a tendency to rub off on people.
  • And will Carly always stay rational and adorable? Because I LOVE this version of Carly.


She's cute, and funny, and remarkably unshrill, and the voice of reason, and it's...well, unsettling. Maybe Emily's not the only one with a doppelganger running around.

  • The show's, um, subtle foreshadowing leads me to ask: how long before Maxie gets pregnant? And will it be a terrible story? Just kidding about that last part, of course it will be a terrible story.
  • Why hasn't Kate just told Sonny that Claudia is involved with Michael's shooting? Why is she prefacing her big announcement with hours worth of Shakesperean prose about the importance of what she's about to tell him?
  • How much of a huge freaking bitch is Olivia? Why did she burn the DVD? Why didn't she at least watch it to see if Kate was being irrational or not? I mean, wouldn't any good busybody at least watch the DVD?! What would Gladys Kravitz say?!
  • How pathetic was the snow on today's show?


That's just shredded paper!

  • Really, Bob Guza set fire to General Hospital. I have so many questions, all with some variation of "fuck", "mental deficiency", "childhood trauma", "fucking", "hate", "hack", "bastard", "offensive" and "fuckety" in them. But mostly I cry.


Amen. How is it that the entire viewing public can see how painfully pathetic and ridiculous this show has become but the people in charge seemingly are clueless?

I just love how Guza was so proud of himself that he had to spout off to anyone who would listen how this would be The Greatest Story Ever Told. And it turns out to be a pile of nonsensical garbage.

The burning down of the hospital itself seems very fitting seeing as the show has been ruined.

LOL I watched a little bit of the show and felt it was written similar to when I was five and me and my four brothers and sisters would make up stories like, "Escape from Land of the Giant Daisies." (We used to watch "Land of the Lost.") I think our stories were more creative.

Anyway, you hit the nail on the head:

"It's like I have two possible reactions to this show: blistering rage or slack-jawed confusion."

My reaction was more slack-jawed confusion. Why is everyone sitting around and chatting? Why is Jason and Sam, Nikolas, Sonny, and all of them just running back and forth down the same hall for hours? Is Rebecca Shaw playing dress-up? My daughter and I laugh hysterically every time we see that trailer with her strange, New Yorky-like accent, "Don't let me buuhhrrn!" It cracks us up every time. LOL And, what are they doing to Robin? I had PPD and one thing that always snapped me to reality was the basic need to protect and keep my children safe. They're making her totally insane now. It makes no sense.

But then... since when has this show made sense? I have to remind myself why do I bother to peek when it's only frustrating.

Oh yes, and I. SAW. ALEXIS! She's still alive - but even her one minute quickie presence only makes me sad and hate this show more. I know it's a tease.

Anyway, great stuff as always. Your site is the only good thing going with GH right now.

Toxic Balls destroy General Hospital pretty much sums up this story for me.

So this was the big storyline Guza had to postpone till now and was unlike any other story ever told. Well I'm glad it's not sweeps b/c instead of gaining viewers I think the storyline is driving viewers away. I can't even watch the show anymore it's become a joke. I just watch the scrubs clips on you tube every night since the only they are the only scenes worth watching. Maybe it's time to bring back that consultant who did the MC storyline. Now that was how you tell a sweeps storyline.

I just love you and the way you so profoundly express the deep conviction I have that Guza should just finish burning Atlanta..., er, I mean Port Charles up and then just disappear. Then maybe my dream could come true of Sri Rao coming in and waving his magic wand to fix the charred history of PC and make all our heart boo-boos better.

this entire post was EXACTLY what i have been thinking this week. I enjoy the Johnny & Maxie pairing. I'm completely conflicted with feelings that aren't pure hate for the Carly character. Damn Laura Writght and her awesomeness. Hurray for Jax and Alexis! (i am also excited to see she's still among the living)

Guza doesn't deserve this cast.

Mallory, spot on as always. The stupid thing that has been done is leading us to think that Johnny is Trevor's son WITHOUT ANY EXPLANATION WHATSOEVER!??!!!! That was a serious WTFGH moment and there are many to choose from during this so called "crisis". Funny post you hit all the right marks as usual. Happy Love Day EVERYONE!!!!

Winnifred and Kate should just die!!! I like Spinielli but he can get on my nerves. Winnifred just sounds forced and is just annoying to look at. Kate is just unbearable. I hope she dies. And I hope Rebecca doesn't stay so annoying cuz if she does she can join Kate and Winnifred on the list of characters I want to die. Oh yeah throw in Ethan.

I'm not surprised, Guza has finally done what he's wanted to do from day one: torched General Hospital. I mean hypothethically he's been doing it since about 2002, but now he's gone ahead and just given the long time fans of the original recipe GH his stubby middle finger and burned the place up.

However, I am surprised he didn't set the whole thing to "Amazing Grace" and have Sonny and Jason shooting all of the Q's with the hospital in flames in the background.

I'm not surprised, Guza has finally done what he's wanted to do from day one: torched General Hospital. He's been doing it hypothetically since about 2002, but now he's just gone ahead and followed through.

However, I am surprised he didn't have the whole thing set to "Amazing Grace" with Sonny and Jason high-fiving before shooting all the Q's with the hospital in flames in the background.

What a marvellous weekend, looks absolutely blissful from start to finish. I love the first picture of your table - it looks so summery and outdoorsy - all bright and fresh and warm and inviting. The evening bbq table looks wonderful too - am now really hoping for good weather this weekend so I can try to capture all the feelgood vibes that there are in your photos here.

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