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« I'm Sorry To Bother You, But Are You Aware That Your Show Sucks? | Main | My Hart Will Go On »

February 05, 2009

I Couldn't Contain It (My Boredom, That Is)

It's terribly fitting, isn't it, that one could answer the question "What's the non-sweeps stunt on GH about?" with "...balls". It's factual AND descriptive!

Yes, another General Hospital stunt has, to the surprise of absolutely no one, been terrible, in every conceivable way. We all knew it would be terrible; after all, we've lived through over a decade's worth of Guza's stunt plots (I feel like calling them plots is giving them far too much credit, but "hastily conceived of and poorly written ideas slapped together with no rhyme or reason" takes too long to type) (and also, ohmigod, how sad is it that this man has been getting paid to ruin this show for more than ten years?), so the real question was how terrible it would be. And I have to admit, it has kind of exceeded my expectations in terms of badness, mostly because I don't understand a lot of it.

I admit this with great reservation, as it is awfully embarrassing to be on the record as being confused by stories written by Bob Guza & Co., but it's true: There are numerous things about this show that I don't understand, the first and foremost being, obviously, why the eff do I still watch?

WHY are they using the song "Breathe (2 AM)" by Anna Nalick in endlessly aired promos for this show? For starters, it's old, and not in the fun "old enough to be retro" way, just "is it 2005 again and no one told me?". And it was also used multiple times on Grey's Anatomy, and you know what I always say: when you brazenly copy something, you don't need to copy EVERYTHING about it. Okay, I've never actually said that, and it could stand to be a little catchier, but STILL.

Divider

HOW did Mark Pinter manage to deliver this line with a straight face?

Inspector Rayner:Well, look, I'm sorry, Mr. Jax, but we can't allow civilians to interfere in emergencies.

ORLY, Inspector Rayner?

Jasam

I mean, I know, heaven forbid we have a story where Jason isn't the central focus, the voice of reason and the greatest hero to ever live. I'd never suggest anything quite so ludicrous. But couldn't they have involved him in a way that wasn't quite so ham-fisted and, um, crappy?

WHY was Jax not allowed into the hospital but Leyla's fiance was? Related: HOW AWKWARD was it when Sam started to console Leyla's fiance after Leyla's, uh, tragic (?) demise? Perhaps that's just my personal issue, as I wouldn't want a stranger trying to help me grieve. I also don't like it when strangers tell me to smile. I am starting to think that Stranger Danger had a more profound impact on my life than I had ever realized.

ARE we supposed to laugh when Rebecca skulks around? Because I do.

 Rebecca 

I am always looking forward to where she'll randomly pop up next. It's like my own personal Where's Waldo game?

WHO DO I WRITE TO about the beret situation? I thought that berets died their long overdue death when the Monica Lewinsky scandal broke and the fact that they are coming back upsets me. Stop trying to make berets happen!

REALLY LUCKY? I hate to nitpick the otherwise adorable Lucky and Elizabeth scenes of late, but seriously, Lucky? Your reaction to Elizabeth being in peril and possibly leaving your children motherless is to go see her in the hospital, running the risk of leaving your boys total orphans?

Ll2

I mean, I know Cam could totally take care of himself and raise Jake, if need be, but let's not go out of our way to make that a certainty rather than a possibility!

WHAT WILL IT TAKE to get Ric and Alexis storylines of their own? Rick Hearst and Nancy Lee Grahn deserve to be more than good looking window dressing.

HOW could the writers so totally waste Stephen Macht? I know that expecting this regime to do anything decent is asking far too much of them, but this actor, and his character, are filled with so much potential and yet...nothing.

ALSO, DID YOU KNOW that his son Gabriel Macht is married to Jacinda Barrett of The Real World: Most Boring Season Ever London? This random factoid has nothing to do with anything and I am sure that we will all promptly forget it within minutes, but I like to reminisce about the days when The Real World didn't make me feel dirty inside.

HOW effortlessly pretty is Laura Wright?

Laurawrightpretty

She pulls off a ponytail quite cutely.

IS LULU FOR REAL?

Lulupout

That pout irritates me something fierce.

IS ROBIN'S PPD STORY written and produced by two completely different sets of people? Because some of it is SO genuinely good and completely at odds with the rest of the show. It should go without saying that Kimberly McCullough has been completely heartbreaking and amazing during this story and it's kind of a shame, because GH in no way deserves such a fantastic performance.

Kimmc

The other part of it is what we've come to expect of this show: dumb. How did Robin get lost driving in the town she's lived in since the 80s? Why on earth would she walk through the snow after her accident and not on the main road? Why would she get out of the car at all? Why is this show so unfailingly committed to contrivance and not, like, producing high quality television?

SINCE WHEN is Sam a bad shot?

Samshooting

Isn't being calm  and good with a gun her raison d'être?

But I suppose I can forgive this contrivance because it led to some hilarity. Intentional hilarity, even!

1.) Jason's facial expression after being shot was wounded, in more than one sense of the word.

Jasonwounded

2.)

Sam: I could make the shot.

Jason: OBVIOUSLY, you can't.

Sam: You stepped in to the line of fire! It's really not my fault that I shot you.

Ha!

3.)

Epiphany:A blizzard outside. The hospital locked down by the FBI. A deadly poison loose in the air supply. And here I am, bandaging up everyone's favorite hitman, and he won't even tell me how he got shot.

Double ha! That's the Pip I grew to love on Night Shift: 2--bitchy, but in a hilarious way and for all the right reasons. Pip, Pip, hooray!

IF JOHN INGLE IS NOT THE CUTEST EVER, who is?

Edward

The adorability is off the charts.

DOES ANYONE ACTUALLY watch the Sonny/Zacchara scenes?

Sonnyzacchara

I feel like you should probably be studied for scientific purposes, perhaps with a researcher looking to see exactly how much concentrated stupid (and hamminess) a person can sit through without losing it.

Also, perhaps one of you could answer me this question: why did Sonny have a gun with him even after he changed into scrubs? And, of course, the bigger question: did he really bring a gun with him to Michael's benefit? Is even Sonny that big of a dick?

SERIOUSLY, toxic balls, what the hell?

Comments

Sorry guys, I love the storyline, and I'm very entertained. Robin, did move to an unfamiliar neighborhood, Patrick said she hasn't driven much, she's emotionally not stable, a blizzard with a baby screaming her head off. Why can't she get lost? She made a wrong turn, and I'm sure visibility wasn't the best, it could happen to anyone. She put the baby in the best place she could find, at least she wasn't in the snow, with her mother. I always look at GH with positivity, they have a great group of actors, whether we love, or despise some of the characters or hate the writing, there have been worst stories written. I have looked at a lot of soaps and IMO, GH tops them all. Whether they write the same story and give it a different twist, there is just so much you write about before your repeating a story. They just need to work on showing more love scenes and keeping a family together without a 3rd party. Love my Scrubs, with 33 years of watching GH.

I totally co-sign to all of what Mike said up above. Becca and Mallory you rock. This stuff is beyond compare at all times. I really miss the writer's strike. I wish is was still on.

actualy berets are pretty popular for the hipster urban outfitter shopping types that live in williamsburg brooklyn and appear on last nights party. i frequently wear berets.

wait till you see todays episode RObin stuck Emma in a freaking tree!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is guza smoking crack or doing acid or something. im not sure i can ever watch this show again and take it seriously. A TRee people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just for the record, PW's fiance was there waiting for her before the hospital was locked down. They had a dinner date planned.

You totally won my heart forever with the due recognition given to Cam's complete awesomeness and the praise of Rick & Nancy.

A TREE. OMG, you guys, sometimes there are truly no words. I am SPEECHLESS. You'd see that on a parody of a soap.

Thanks for catching that, Jennifer! My Night Shift Season 1 caused PTSD causes my eyes to glaze over during Leyla scenes, so I missed that.

And Jules: HA! I don't think that would work, would it? Spencer's so old, he couldn't possibly keep up with Jake running all over the place!

HAHAHAHA.... WELL, YOU'RE RIGHT GIRL! THAT'S WHAT I AM WAITING AND LOOKING FOR! MORE LOVESCENES HAHAHHA... OKAY GUZA! GIVE US "HOT OH LALA LOVE SCENES OF YOUR COUPLES ESPESCIALLY MY SCRUBS,I WANT A BANG BANG SEX SCENES ON BED! OPPPSSS! I BECOME SO NAUGHTY NOW, SORRY JUST CARRIED AWAY!!!! WELL, YEAH GH STORY STILL ONE OF THE BEST SOAP EVER MADE COMPARED TO OTHERS. IN FACT GH HAS ONE OF THE MOST CHARACTERS WHO ARE GOOD LOOKING ACTRESS AND ACTORS , SERIOUSLY, I AM NOT KIDDING. I SAW OTHER SOAP BUT I JUST FOUND THEM NOT TO ATTRACTIVE FOR ME, THEY CAN'T PATRONIZE THEIR LOOKS WITH ME. WELL, N ACTING I CAN SAY THEY ARE GOOD TOO BUT WHAT I LOVED GH IS NO MATTER WHAT THE STORY THEY GONNA GIVE TO THEM, THEY ARE TRYING TO MAKEIT GOOD IN A DIFFERENT ANGLE EVEN SOMETIMES GUZA TRYING TO MAKE HIS CHARACTERS STUPID HAAHAHAHAH BUT GOOD ENOUGH THAT THEY CAN HANDLE AND DELIVER UT IN A RIGHT WAY TO AKE IT GOOD FOR US. OMG! MOMMY ROBIN WAS SO GOOD TODAY! I LOVED HER ACTING TODAY. OMG! ILOVED DADDY HOTTIE TODAY E WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT HIS OWN FAMILY! ESPECIALLY THE 2 SECOND PHONE CALL , SO SWEET AND WONDERFUL THAT NO MATTER HOW BAD THE WEATHER THEY ARE STILL FIND A WAY TO KNOW WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON! AWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVED MY SCRUBS 1 BILLION TIMES HAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!SCRUBS FOREVER!

I totally agree about Robin's PPD story. And Kimberly is just freakin' AMAZING. I love that this story lets her shine... but there are undeniably parts of the story that, true to GH fashion, are just suckishly horrible. Like today when Emma was in a TREE. A FREAKIN' TREE. I mean... *sigh* I got no words. I do love however that Maxie wasn't even fazed by the "baby in a tree whole" thing. I mean I guess that it protected Emma from the storm and all but I just can't get over that there was a BABY IN a TREE!!

Edward/John Ingle is the shiznit. I adore him. He totally is the cutest ever. And my heart just broke a little, or rather a lot, when he listed all the Q deaths. Its like Guza reminding us... that made me cry, seriously. The way this show has essentially killed off one of its core families and a family I believe to be one of the best EVER in daytime, is disgusting.

As for Leyla's death... ummmm, I'll be nice and just say no comment. Did love the "tragic (?)" though, LOL! As for her fiance(btw let me just take a moment to *eyeroll* here) he was already there but he didn't know what was going on(from what I remember... no way in hell I'm gonna watch those scenes again. All the eyerolling and gagging wasn't good for me...) and its like SERIOUSLY.

I saw the Jason and Sam scenes which were insanely HILARIOUS. I also saw the Sonny/Anthony scenes... I mean for no other reason than the sheer amazingness of them. I mean you just don't get things like Sonny knocking out Jason(not a good day for Jaseface huh? Sad how much I enjoyed it) and Anthony running away.

Speaking of Sonny... I maintain the best line of the week was from Sonny to Patrick(something along the lines of this)"What's going on? Explain it to me like I'm ten years old.

And about Patrick... he's just awesome. I have no idea why I thought he would play hero to in this story... of COURSE its St. Jasus(PC's one and only holy savior), his sidekick, and his shooter. Nevermind none of them are DOCTORS in a MEDICAL crisis. Patrick beats all their butts and then some though. (Jason Thompson <3) Also why does Patrick essentially have to do everything? I'm still in awe that he had to basically get everyone out of the OR singlehandedly.

And you know what... I STILL can't get over the ridiculousness of it all. Its a story about TOXIC BALLS.

I know with so much to complain about in this horrific non-sweeps story, I'm harping on something minor, but WHO THE FUCK is Rebecca talking to on that cellphone?? Or is it one of those "Paris Hilton" tricks where she pretends to talk to someone on a cell phone so no one will talk to HER? Didn't Lulu whine that she couldn't get in touch with Johnny before the cell phones stopped working? So is Rebecca a nut job talking to NO ONE on her cell phone?

Also, I know she was supposed to be there for an interview. Is that what was going on yesterday when she was in the hall while Nikolas, Lucky and Emily were talking? She was getting a tour of the hospital and a crash course on how the bulletin board works for 20 minutes? Nothing like pretending there isn't "ball gas" floating through the hospital and going right on ahead and filling out your W4 forms and signing up for uniforms! Go writers!

So why am I again going to watch GH? Shit, I don't know.....

Puppies and baby birds are adorable. Once upon time, so were Liz and Lucky. Like when they were teenagers living in a boxcar eating takeout from Eli’s. That was adorable.

Ten years, four affairs, two baby-daddies and one lying whore later, the queen of ONS babies and the dumb "detective" are anything but adorable. That ship has sailed and no amount of reminiscing and reminding the audience of how good they USED to be will make me forget all the un-adorable events that have taken place since.

I haven't watched GH in months - the way I know what's going on is through this blog, which is 10000000 times better than the actual show. The Real World: London had one good moment - remember when the blonde rocker got his tongue bitten off by a fan?!?

So much to say...so little space...

I'll get the high points out of the way first -- simply b/c there aren't alot :)

Johnny and Maxie. Some serious chemistry going on there! I am liking them!

Baby Emma in the cutest snow suit EVER! :)

Kimberly's performance.

Okay...on with the bad!

1) New drinking game: Everytime you hear the word "spheres", take a shot. You'll die of alcohol poisoning before you hit the half hour mark.

2) Cell service is down EVERYWHERE, yet Rebeccally is yapping away on hers nonstop. mmkay...

3) Someone mentioned above me about Sam wanting to dig the remaining "spheres" out of the dead guy. Okay...WTF!WTF!WTF! That was so completely stupid. Because, yeah, every Joe Blow can just cut into internal organs.

I could go on for days b/c we ALL know there aren't only 3 bad things about the show...

My husband is rarely home when I watch, but he was last night and he goes "Why do you watch this if all you do is fast forward?" so I was all "Umm...um...Patrick and Robin and their cute little baby." (even though, sorry JT, I had to ff through you with Leyla, and you with Leyla's out of nowhere fiance -- just wasn't happenin' -- that's how much I didn't care.)

He caught the part where Jason, Sonny and Anthony were in the chapel and he was like "This is so bad."

He's right. It's bad. Very. Very. Bad.

HAAHAHHAHAA!!! YEAH! THAT LEYLA SCENE, I WATCHED IT BUT I DIDN'T PUT MUCH TIME TO ABSIRB WHAT SHE WAS TELLING. HAHAHAHAA LOL! NO COMMENT TOO! . EMMA AND ROBIN SCENE IS ONE OF THE BEST TODAY FEB. 6. I JUST LOVED THE WAY ROBIN PORTAYED THE SCENE . IT WAS ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL!


WELL, YOU KNOW WE SEE IB THESE SWEEPS THAT PATRICK IS TOTALLY EXHAUSTED , EVERYONE INSIDE THE HOSPITAL IS ALWAYS ASKING PATRICK WHAT TO DO, WAT HAPPENED TO THE BIOTOXIN , THEY KEEP ASKING IF THEY FOUND THE OTHER ONE,EVEN IT SEEMS THAT JASON IS THE HERO WITHOUT DOING ANYTHING JUST WALKING AROUND WITH SAM AND WAITING FOR A CALL AND ASKING PATRICK WHAT'S GOING ON AND JUST SUGGESTING WHAT TO DO. WTH IS THAT? JEEZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!! WHATEEVER! I LOVED MY SCRUBS!

TODAY I LIKE WHEN JAX TOLD TO ROBIN THAT THEY CAN'T GO INSIDE BECAUSE OF THE BIOTOXIN . AND ROBIN SAID , "WHAT ABOUT PATRICK?, WHAT ABOUT MY HUSBAND? " OMG! WHILE WATCHING THIS ON T.V. I CAN'T TAKE BUT TO SMILE! HAHAHAHAA..... AND ALSO WHEN ROBIN CALLED PATRICK SO SWEET!


WE KNOW THIS SWEEP IS MORE ON MOB THING. A MOB SCENE IN THE HOSPITAL AND TRYNG TO KILL PEOPLE, HAHAHA! WHAT'S NEW ? HEHEHEHEE..... WELL,GH STILL THE BEST FOR ME! SCRUBS ARE AMAZING!

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