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« This Is One Instance Where I'm Not Upset To Have Been Wrong | Main | Oh, Silver Fox. Never Change! »

February 23, 2009

I Need Some Synonyms For "Annoying"

The latest GH non-sweeps non-event has taught us one thing, and one thing only: apparently the major side effect of being exposed to toxic balls, suffering smoke inhalation or some combination of the two is that you become ENDLESSLY ANNOYING. Unless you're Carly, in which case the toxicity and/or smoke engages with your natural hatefulness and the resulting chemical interaction renders you human and kind of adorable. Everyone else, though: ENDLESSLY ANNOYING.

Truly, today's episode of GH once again made me wonder what goes through the writers' minds (assuming that there are actually people writing and not just interns photocopying old scripts and changing names); I can only assume that the writers had some mandate to be heinously irritating, because of this amount of annoying is unintentional, well...I have no words.

Robin and Patrick: ANNOYING

Yeah, I went there. And it pains me to do so, truly it does, but this PPD "story" (we can't in good faith refer to it as a story, can we? It's pretty much two lines of dialogue repeated ad nauseum) is not doing either character any favors.

I know Robin isn't well and isn't thinking clearly, but...I think that it's a perfectly reasonable reaction for Patrick to want to stay in for the night after a hospital blew up/their daughter was ill/their daughter was tucked in a tree. And when she was all irritated about Patrick turning down the date night offer and said that so many Emma-related factors play into what she and Patrick got to do? I LOLed. Robin, talk to any new parent ever and see how much time they had to themselves. Spoiler: the answer is none.

But Patrick is not covering himself with glory, either. After the aforementioned hotel blowing up./daughter being ill/daughter being tucked in a tree scenario, he wants quality time with his wife and daughter so badly that he either went to work at Mercy the next day or went to Mercy to arrange working there (the writing wasn't clear on that point). Um, could you not take a few days off? You are an Everyday Hero, after all, with your mugshot featured on the front page of the paper


I think time off would be okay!

And here is a shocking thought...if you are worried about Robin perhaps having PPD, maybe you should talk to a medical professional about it? I can understand why you don't want to talk to Lainey and Kelly, because they are both incompetent lunatics, but maybe try talking to a doctor at Mercy instead of discussing it with Liz, Matt, Carly, Jason and Sam? It's coming across part dutifully concerned husband, part shameless gossip and part "the writers of this show literally have no idea what they're doing, so I am just going to stall while they Google PPD to see how this story should progress".

Nikolas and Rebecca: ANNOYING

For the most part, I have been on Rebecca's side, as much as I can be on the side of a character whose entire personality is conveyed through chewing gum and raccoon eye makeup, because I can see how creepy and irritating it would be to have people following you around obsessively because you look like their loved on. But then she had to go pile on even more eye makeup and act "snarky" at Wyndemere


and I had to take the stalker's side. Awkward! He is at least self aware and knows how creepy he is being, though.

And what the hell was Rebecca talking about when she said that she thought butlers only existed in black and white movies? HAS SHE REALLY NOT HEARD OF SOMEONE NAMED MR. BELVEDERE?!?!?!

Then there was the trip down Nikolas & Emily memory lane, because we can't have enough of those, can we? I found myself longing for flashbacks, because Nikolas's, um, unique interpretation of the events was kind of...off:

  • Emily married "some guy named Zander"?
  • His description of Emily's battle with breast cancer conveniently left out the part where his true love cured her! Perhaps it was good that he didn't mention that part, because if there was anything to make Rebecca think he was even nuttier, it would be that
  • I am assuming that was also the reason he glossed over the Text Message Killer saga with "she was murdered by some mad man", and didn't go into detail about the fact that said mad man was back from the dead

When Nikolas finally showed her a photo of Emily, Rebecca hightailed it out of there after a very painful attempt by Natalia Livingston at expressing shock. I am assuming that this means that Rebecca was hired by someone because she looks like Emily and is doing something nefarious? I am unspoiled, and I also mostly don't care, that's just my gut feeling on the matter. How very...lame that will be if/when it happens. "Can't wait!"

Kate and Claudia: ANNOYING

What's more annoying than a poorly-dressed woman so obsessed with thoughts of Sonny that all logic and reason fly out the window? Two poorly-dressed women so obsessed with thoughts of Sonny that all logic and reason fly out the window.

Holy shit, did the writers ever screw these two characters up. I LOVED Kate for most of the time she's been on the show and I adore Sarah Brown so much that I was willing to give her a very long while to make the character of Claudia work, but this is just a mess.

WHY can't Kate just tell Sonny that Claudia was behind Michael's shooting? I know she had a lame line today about how she wants him to suffer and feel like a fool for staying married to the woman who put his son into a coma, but that's so not a good enough reason. And it's certainly not a good enough reason to withhold a huge, tragic secret from someone who carries a gun and is known to have violent fits of rage when he finds out he's been betrayed...

And Claudia is driving me up a wall with the way she sneers at Kate, and condescends to her and acts like Kate is a delusional liar. Claudia knows she's right; the audience knows she's right. So why is Sarah Brown playing her like this? I don't understand!

And I don't understand either of the outfits they were wearing! It's like the wardrobe department sought out the two ugliest, most ill-fitting jackets manufactured between 1987 and 1991.




Sonny can be summed up in his own words thusly:

Sonny: Say what you gotta say because I gotta take a nap


At least he is somewhat aware that he is a petulant child.

During his scene with Jason that I tried, really I did, to pay attention to but just couldn't stop myself from zoning out, he gave Jason his old job back. Really? It was that easy? Where are all of the official documents and legal contracts it took to give Jason the business in the first place?!


Jason: I don't want to deal with those bastards.

Ah, yes, the evil FBI. Those law-enforcing bastards!


Someone's making an early run at Duh Face of the Year 2009!

So, Jason asked for his old job back (I was amused by the vague way they alluded to said job. I guess having your romantic hero explicitly ask to be a hitman again isn't a good thing?) and was promptly given the assignment of tracking down Anthony Zacchara and killing him. For reasons I am still not clear about, he asked Sam for help and to come join him on said tracking down and killing.

I am incredibly opposed to this turn of events.

I do not want Anthony to die! Not when he wears hilarious straw hats and brings joy to my life!


I have no real opinion on Sam and Jason working together and interacting again, unless you count my opinion that the Lucky/Sam and Jason/Liz stories should have lasted for much longer before abruptly ending and hastily pushing Lucky/Liz and Sam/Jason back together, but I do need to register my amusement with the hotel clerk offering "the love birds" a romantic hotel suite, including strategically scattered rose petals. They barely seemed like they knew each other, let alone desired a romantic getaway.

Lulu and Johnny: ANNOYING

After a brief detour into the world of being a normal human being, Lulu is back to her bratty self, pouting and bitching and generally being unpleasant. I get that she was jealous over Maxie and Johnny spending time together, so I'll cut her a little slack, but that pout! It drives me mad.


And then there's Johnny, who, it must be noted, becomes more attractive and more fun as soon as he is out of Lulu's orbit, but who is obviously out of his mind:

Johnny: You're not the kind of girl who gets bent out of shape over that fashion, girly stuff

Fair enough, Johnny, but...she gets bent out of shape over literally every other thing in the world. Literally.

Maxie and Spinelli: ANNOYING


I will give Bradford Anderson endless props for his big declaration of love (the declaration of love that Maxie slept through! Ouch!), because when he is given the opportunity to do so, he does really great work. He was very sweet, choking up and that went a long way in erasing how AWFUL he was earlier in the episode, twisting himself into a hysterical ball of neediness, about Maxie and Johnny. It was painful to sit through.

Maxie: I know I don't tell you this enough, Spinelli, but you're my best friend and I don't know what I'd do without you.

You don't tell him that enough? You tell him that a thousand times a week!

It was cute, however, when she told him he was oodles more fun than Johnny. Any compliment is automatically made better by the inclusion of the word "oodles"!


The clumsy discussion of BJ's heart, and Maxie wondering if life would have been better for everyone if BJ had survived, leading us into Maxie's dream where she finds her own grave


was a ham-fisted set up for tomorrow's alternate reality episode about exactly that happening. Crazy! We haven't had one of those episodes in a few months!

UGH. When the writers occasionally luck into something not awful, they promptly run it into the ground and render it lame. And I am steeling myself for another of Guza's attempts at doing a BJ's Heart story. Will his hackishness taint that story forever?!

Lord, beer me strength...


I don't have any comments except that you summed up my feelings exactly. Oh, and why are we still watching this crap?

So I would totally get excited over the BJ alternate reality episode tomorrow if it's historical basis didn't guarantee it to be screwed up by the writers. Mainly because only 3 (possibly 4or5 if Bobbie and Monica show up) characters from the original storyline are going to be apart of this alternate reality showing how life would be different if Maxie had died instead of BJ. Here's who's lives would have been different Maxie and BJ of course, their parents Felicia, Frisco, Bobbie, Tony, and Mac; their siblings Lucas, Robin, Georgie, who would have never existed, and even Carly. I really don't care how Spinelli and Matt's lives would be different because they have nothing at all to do with it. I could go more indepth on this but it would require a lot of typing and make me really angry.

My Rebecca theory is that she's Emily's biological cousin, daughter of that aunt she and Lucky ran away to find back when GH was quality television.

Bruce Weitz and Kirsten Storms are both awesomely cute in very different ways.

The rest is not only annoying but a total yawnfest.

I really don't know what to say. I really love robin and patrick, and well those ass holes who "write" this show are working my last nerves, so much so that they are turning the only dam couple that I actually like to watch on this shit face show into what they started with today. and yes I said started cause what they want the audiance to feel for robin is NOTHING BUT HATE NOT SYMPATHY BUT PURE HATE and with Patrick they make him look like a gossip who would rather talk to anyone and there mamma about his wife's state of mind than to actually TALK TO A PROFFESIONAL AND GET HIS WIFE THE HELP SHE NEED'S BEFORE IT'S TO LATE I mean really I said I was waiting for the other show to drop, and it started when they put poor Emma in a tree, I knew then that that was the start of the end for what had the potential to be a well told story about a very serious medical condition. Man I truly, really feel bad for Kimberly Mccullough cause I read somewhere that this story was important for her to tell cause she had some friends in real life go through it, and she wanted to tell that story. Sadly for her she works on a show where monkeys with no fingers could write better material. MAN GUZA SUCKS!!! SOMEONE PLEASE FIRE HIS ASS PLEASEEEEEEEE! And as for the rest of the show..... watching paint dry is more entertaining than this crap fest called a show. I swear that the idiots in charge of this show want Guza to deliberately destroy it day by day. Starting by having the few audiance viewers they have left to stop watching it and then after that he will have the actors say enough is enough and they will all QUIT!! then they will fire his ASS BUT BY THEN IT WILL BE 2 LATE!!

I started the pool of when Rebecca's annoyance at Nik's stalking would be re-written as attraction to him from the first second she saw him about three seconds after she first popped up Where's Waldo style. I do find all the spoilers that discuss her annoyance with Nik in these amazed terms....like every girl wants to be stalked.

Aren't ALL Guza's stories the same two lines repeated all the time? (I can point you in the directions of a certain recently ended storyline that were word for word repeats every single time) And really did we have hope for a good stoy about a woman's issue like PPD from the man who thinks Carly is a heroine, it's entirely appropriate to pimp out V8 and that Miracle Juice certain actors sell on air, that all the boys should want Lulu and that Spinelli is a more viable character than Georgie Jones? Not to mention...the "wonderful" job he did with the HIV pregnancy......It was just a matter of time before he effed it up.

Annoying it is, all of it. Excellent post. The tragic thing is this post could go on and on endlessly.

Like how Robin may be ill with PPD but she is also still a doctor with a brain and a heart... insert my duh face here. By this time in this "story" she would be at least researching treatment for herself let alone be in therapy and/or on meds, not to mention being honest w/ her doctor husband that she is sick! Robin is not Robin under Guza, it began w/ Cottage Hell and resumed w/ her return three years ago. She is a shadow of the real Robin.

My favorite omission of the "great love" retelling of NEM was how Nikolas himself had a broody moody doppleganger ( all he was missing was the eyeliner and hubba bubba ) that RAPED Emily. And when she didn't recover fast enough from that he cheated on her with the world's worst character ever, the heinous Courtney. Resulting in yet another broken marriage for the Man Once Known as Jax and new bastard baby John/Spencer. Who is now an invisible teenager due to his kidnapping by Carly IMO, it's all toxic balls when she comes around. Yet she is Guza's example of the perfect woman. Insert my duh face here.

Anthony? Is pure joy. He had a tropical drink today with an umbrella and a curly fun straw. Now that is my kind of mobster.

Ohh Sarah! How could I forget the ommission of Connor. And my annoyance that Nik also forgets when he found out about Connor his first reaction was not "COOL! LETS BE BFFs FOREVER CONNOR!! We can braid each other's hair and tell secrets!"

Although that might have made the whole Connor storyline oodles more fun.


Oh my gosh, I was drinking water when I read this and nearly ruined my keyboard. Hee.

I am impressed the GH writers remembered Maxie's real name, though.

I am impressed the GH writers remembered Maxie's real name, though.

Very true. Now if only they could remember that BJ was Bobbie's _adopted_ daughter and thus that hideous red wig KS will be wearing tomorrow makes. no. sense.

Sonny: "Say what you gotta say because I gotta take a nap."

OMG! If that is not classic Sonny, I don't know what is. Every time I read it, I start cracking up all over again. And I missed the original delivery because I ff through nearly all of his scenes lately.

Truly, today was bad enough to make me nostalgic for Max spouting off about pasta sauce to a naked Carjax and the HSN style set-up with Max and Claudia behind a table of Campbell's products last week. Really, it was that bad. Two things made today's show tolerable: the Spixie sweetness, and the hilarious bug-eyed overacting of NL when Alfred asked if he should pour the tea. Now THAT is a screencap worth immortalizing!

That screencap of Robin and the headline is made of meta-win.

a) Your comment "Lord, beer me strength" permanently and forever cemented my undying love for you. Not in a creepy, Nikolas stalker kind of way though so no worries.

b) Some brilliant person photoshopped that "General Hospital Destroyed" front page that Robin is holding to include not a picture of Patrick but rather a picture of Bob Guza. I bow to their genius. Tis a very simple photoshop job but the poignancy is of epic proportions.

c) I will not shun you, ala Dwight, for calling Robin & Patrick annoying because even I have to admit this story is driving me up a tree. (pun intended.)

"I am just going to stall while they Google PPD to see how this story should progress."

That line right there is perfection. The writers really don't know how to deal with this story and in turn it has become the same line week after week, day after day and I'm really getting tired of it. I am a die hard Robin/Patrick fan, but all I can think of when I watch their scenes is that Jason's hair is getting a little too long for my liking...

Also, how bad is it that I can't even remember who the text message killer ended up being? I'm just drawing a blank on that whole storyline, which is probably a good thing!


Where is the Photoshopped front page???? Please include a link...

^^ I know, right. Please post the link.

I wish Rebecca was hired by Helena to drive Nikolas mad so she can get her clutches on Spencer and raise him to be her image of a Cassadine.

Love your post as i always do!! I do agree with soo much of what you said. I have to say that the scene of Anthony in that straw hat made my day!! That was soo funny!! Bruce Weitz plays such a great role as crazy Anthony!!

I very much enjoyed Kirsten Storms in her scenes! When she was talking about her heart transplant and BJ's death, i was almost hoping they would have her do a flashback to that whole storyline from back in the day, but knowing Guza he would not have had that happen :(

As always, awesome post!!!

I am in exam week right now, and this post totally made me laugh out loud (and Im not even that much of a humorous person), so I guve you props for that, and please never stop writing this column .. like ... ever!!

Mallory, I was with you until you praised the little creep Spinelli.

"Like how Robin may be ill with PPD but she is also still a doctor with a brain and a heart... insert my duh face here. By this time in this "story" she would be at least researching treatment for herself let alone be in therapy and/or on meds, not to mention being honest w/ her doctor husband that she is sick!"

Sarah, I have been reading about PPD. Having PPD effects the brain chemically. This is effecting Robin's thought processes and emotions so it is highly unlikely that she could diagnosis her PPD just because she is a doctor. Patrick is the one who should be pushing her to get treatment, but he acts like there is nothing wrong with her most of the time.

Has anyone noticed the headline on the Port Charles Herald? "GENERAL HOSPITAL DESTROYED" He!

Okay, so based on that headstone, Maxie is only 19? So she was, what, about 16 when she was drugging Lucky and sleeping with him? About 15 when she was dating Jessie the cop? Did she lose her virginity at 10? HELP ME UNDERSTAND THE TIMELINE! AHH!

Unless PPD stands for "Pretty Putrid Dialogue," then I don't get the "PPD" story. Robin is just cloying and annoying, and the fact that Patrick coddles her every wish instead of insisting she get help makes it even more horrendous.

If I have to watch Kate do that slowwwww, deliberate, "can't...you...tell...how...mad...and...HATEFUL...I ammmm???" voice and her "oh sweetie" this and "oh honey" that while wearing the most horrible outfits ever (great choices, Fashion Editor!), I'm going to scream. I think I'm SUPPOSED to love Kate and hate Claudia, but it must be opposite day.

Is there a possibility that there can be a delayed reaction to "toxic ball gas?" Because I'm so hoping that Lulu gets it. Or chokes on a bowl of Campbell's Healthy Request Soup!

I think Spinelli and Maxie are adorable, but I have to say, Maxie and Johnny are hot together. And if it would piss off Lulu, well MEGA-SCORE!

So how many years will it take for GH to rebuild? Is it officially "General Mobspital" now? Only Guza would choose to burn down the building that is the main impetus for the show's title. Bastard. I hope when they rebuild, they consider those quirky little details like sprinkler systems. Just a thought.

Rebecca Raccoon = Suckage. Nuff said. I can't believe I'm saying it, but I hope Nadine runs her over with her patented plow.

Finally in my rant of the day, will Sonny and Jason just sleep together already? I can't take the tension anymore. I just can't figure out what song will possibly play during THAT particular "love scene." The duh faces at different angles should be interesting, though.

As a wise sage once said:

"This effing show."

A world of word to Simone. After having my son 7 months ago, I was a total wreck. I was afraid to pick him up, afraid of being left alone with him, I cried all the time, I couldn't eat. Simply put, I was a mess. Unlike Robin, however, I knew I had a problem, my husband knew, our families knew, and on and on. They tried their best to help, but they really didn't understand what I was going through. In my case, medication helped me get back to my normal self (or as normal as I could be while still being sleep-deprived!).

While I can sympathize with the character's emotions, it grates me that nothing serious is being done to steer her back to good mental health. During the last storyline, I was sure that Emma was going to end up dead due to Robin's actions.

The problem with GH is they cannot stop when they are ahead. The "tree" incident was a clear sign that it is time for treatment, yet it was pretty much dismissed. I wish they stop the madness and start the PPD treatment portion of this s/l.

So sick of Sonny and his glorified "tramp" being shoved down our throats and it's causing me to gag. The writers can continue to destroy Kate all they want but Claudia will still continue to be disguisting. Whitewash all they want ... it won't change a thing.

Sonny and Jason, whatever ...

Cate, if only your comments were the extent of the suckage of this "storyline".

I'm only ten minutes in and besides Bobbie and Monica having one minute of airtime, I am beyond incredulous at how terrible this episode is. Even the campiest version of Scrooge's ghosts were not as totally bizarro as Maxie-in-the-red-dress talking to total jackass versions of even the nicest characters after every 10 seconds of dialogue.

Even sewage-related slang could not convey my utter disgust at this point. I guess I should just be thankful they didn't replay the scenes of BJ's death to remind me of how far down the crapper this show has gone. Never mind. Today, I'm painfully aware. Did they let a 2 year-old chimpanzee write this episode???

Oh, wait. One exception. Bitter, crotchy Lulu is an improvement over pouty, screechy Lulu....

Apologies to Becca and Mallory on jumping the gun and posting on this....this... I don't know, calling it a story seems a stretch, implying as it were that there is some sort of plot or "characters", or even half a minute of dialogue not interrupted by Maxie talking to aforementioned assy "characters" while weirdly looking directly into the camera.

I needed to vent before I shot my tv. Well, I don't have a gun, but in my mind, it was a General Hospital-style shootout in my very living room today.... minus a wedding dress or toxic balls, that is.

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