I Need Some Synonyms For "Annoying"
The latest GH non-sweeps non-event has taught us one thing, and one thing only: apparently the major side effect of being exposed to toxic balls, suffering smoke inhalation or some combination of the two is that you become ENDLESSLY ANNOYING. Unless you're Carly, in which case the toxicity and/or smoke engages with your natural hatefulness and the resulting chemical interaction renders you human and kind of adorable. Everyone else, though: ENDLESSLY ANNOYING.
Truly, today's episode of GH once again made me wonder what goes through the writers' minds (assuming that there are actually people writing and not just interns photocopying old scripts and changing names); I can only assume that the writers had some mandate to be heinously irritating, because of this amount of annoying is unintentional, well...I have no words.
Robin and Patrick: ANNOYING
Yeah, I went there. And it pains me to do so, truly it does, but this PPD "story" (we can't in good faith refer to it as a story, can we? It's pretty much two lines of dialogue repeated ad nauseum) is not doing either character any favors.
I know Robin isn't well and isn't thinking clearly, but...I think that it's a perfectly reasonable reaction for Patrick to want to stay in for the night after a hospital blew up/their daughter was ill/their daughter was tucked in a tree. And when she was all irritated about Patrick turning down the date night offer and said that so many Emma-related factors play into what she and Patrick got to do? I LOLed. Robin, talk to any new parent ever and see how much time they had to themselves. Spoiler: the answer is none.
But Patrick is not covering himself with glory, either. After the aforementioned hotel blowing up./daughter being ill/daughter being tucked in a tree scenario, he wants quality time with his wife and daughter so badly that he either went to work at Mercy the next day or went to Mercy to arrange working there (the writing wasn't clear on that point). Um, could you not take a few days off? You are an Everyday Hero, after all, with your mugshot featured on the front page of the paper
I think time off would be okay!
And here is a shocking thought...if you are worried about Robin perhaps having PPD, maybe you should talk to a medical professional about it? I can understand why you don't want to talk to Lainey and Kelly, because they are both incompetent lunatics, but maybe try talking to a doctor at Mercy instead of discussing it with Liz, Matt, Carly, Jason and Sam? It's coming across part dutifully concerned husband, part shameless gossip and part "the writers of this show literally have no idea what they're doing, so I am just going to stall while they Google PPD to see how this story should progress".
Nikolas and Rebecca: ANNOYING
For the most part, I have been on Rebecca's side, as much as I can be on the side of a character whose entire personality is conveyed through chewing gum and raccoon eye makeup, because I can see how creepy and irritating it would be to have people following you around obsessively because you look like their loved on. But then she had to go pile on even more eye makeup and act "snarky" at Wyndemere
and I had to take the stalker's side. Awkward! He is at least self aware and knows how creepy he is being, though.
And what the hell was Rebecca talking about when she said that she thought butlers only existed in black and white movies? HAS SHE REALLY NOT HEARD OF SOMEONE NAMED MR. BELVEDERE?!?!?!
Then there was the trip down Nikolas & Emily memory lane, because we can't have enough of those, can we? I found myself longing for flashbacks, because Nikolas's, um, unique interpretation of the events was kind of...off:
- Emily married "some guy named Zander"?
- His description of Emily's battle with breast cancer conveniently left out the part where his true love cured her! Perhaps it was good that he didn't mention that part, because if there was anything to make Rebecca think he was even nuttier, it would be that
- I am assuming that was also the reason he glossed over the Text Message Killer saga with "she was murdered by some mad man", and didn't go into detail about the fact that said mad man was back from the dead
When Nikolas finally showed her a photo of Emily, Rebecca hightailed it out of there after a very painful attempt by Natalia Livingston at expressing shock. I am assuming that this means that Rebecca was hired by someone because she looks like Emily and is doing something nefarious? I am unspoiled, and I also mostly don't care, that's just my gut feeling on the matter. How very...lame that will be if/when it happens. "Can't wait!"
Kate and Claudia: ANNOYING
What's more annoying than a poorly-dressed woman so obsessed with thoughts of Sonny that all logic and reason fly out the window? Two poorly-dressed women so obsessed with thoughts of Sonny that all logic and reason fly out the window.
Holy shit, did the writers ever screw these two characters up. I LOVED Kate for most of the time she's been on the show and I adore Sarah Brown so much that I was willing to give her a very long while to make the character of Claudia work, but this is just a mess.
WHY can't Kate just tell Sonny that Claudia was behind Michael's shooting? I know she had a lame line today about how she wants him to suffer and feel like a fool for staying married to the woman who put his son into a coma, but that's so not a good enough reason. And it's certainly not a good enough reason to withhold a huge, tragic secret from someone who carries a gun and is known to have violent fits of rage when he finds out he's been betrayed...
And Claudia is driving me up a wall with the way she sneers at Kate, and condescends to her and acts like Kate is a delusional liar. Claudia knows she's right; the audience knows she's right. So why is Sarah Brown playing her like this? I don't understand!
And I don't understand either of the outfits they were wearing! It's like the wardrobe department sought out the two ugliest, most ill-fitting jackets manufactured between 1987 and 1991.
Sonny can be summed up in his own words thusly:
Sonny: Say what you gotta say because I gotta take a nap
At least he is somewhat aware that he is a petulant child.
During his scene with Jason that I tried, really I did, to pay attention to but just couldn't stop myself from zoning out, he gave Jason his old job back. Really? It was that easy? Where are all of the official documents and legal contracts it took to give Jason the business in the first place?!
Jason: I don't want to deal with those bastards.
Ah, yes, the evil FBI. Those law-enforcing bastards!
Someone's making an early run at Duh Face of the Year 2009!
So, Jason asked for his old job back (I was amused by the vague way they alluded to said job. I guess having your romantic hero explicitly ask to be a hitman again isn't a good thing?) and was promptly given the assignment of tracking down Anthony Zacchara and killing him. For reasons I am still not clear about, he asked Sam for help and to come join him on said tracking down and killing.
I am incredibly opposed to this turn of events.
I do not want Anthony to die! Not when he wears hilarious straw hats and brings joy to my life!
I have no real opinion on Sam and Jason working together and interacting again, unless you count my opinion that the Lucky/Sam and Jason/Liz stories should have lasted for much longer before abruptly ending and hastily pushing Lucky/Liz and Sam/Jason back together, but I do need to register my amusement with the hotel clerk offering "the love birds" a romantic hotel suite, including strategically scattered rose petals. They barely seemed like they knew each other, let alone desired a romantic getaway.
Lulu and Johnny: ANNOYING
After a brief detour into the world of being a normal human being, Lulu is back to her bratty self, pouting and bitching and generally being unpleasant. I get that she was jealous over Maxie and Johnny spending time together, so I'll cut her a little slack, but that pout! It drives me mad.
And then there's Johnny, who, it must be noted, becomes more attractive and more fun as soon as he is out of Lulu's orbit, but who is obviously out of his mind:
Johnny: You're not the kind of girl who gets bent out of shape over that fashion, girly stuff
Fair enough, Johnny, but...she gets bent out of shape over literally every other thing in the world. Literally.
Maxie and Spinelli: ANNOYING
I will give Bradford Anderson endless props for his big declaration of love (the declaration of love that Maxie slept through! Ouch!), because when he is given the opportunity to do so, he does really great work. He was very sweet, choking up and that went a long way in erasing how AWFUL he was earlier in the episode, twisting himself into a hysterical ball of neediness, about Maxie and Johnny. It was painful to sit through.
Maxie: I know I don't tell you this enough, Spinelli, but you're my best friend and I don't know what I'd do without you.
You don't tell him that enough? You tell him that a thousand times a week!
It was cute, however, when she told him he was oodles more fun than Johnny. Any compliment is automatically made better by the inclusion of the word "oodles"!
The clumsy discussion of BJ's heart, and Maxie wondering if life would have been better for everyone if BJ had survived, leading us into Maxie's dream where she finds her own grave
was a ham-fisted set up for tomorrow's alternate reality episode about exactly that happening. Crazy! We haven't had one of those episodes in a few months!
UGH. When the writers occasionally luck into something not awful, they promptly run it into the ground and render it lame. And I am steeling myself for another of Guza's attempts at doing a BJ's Heart story. Will his hackishness taint that story forever?!
Lord, beer me strength...