I'm Sorry To Bother You, But Are You Aware That Your Show Sucks?
Well, by now you've probably heard the big Days of Our Lives news:
Yes, it is like that. But that makes total sense, because younger viewers are tuning in in DROVES (what with there being no other forms of media to attract them) and women in their 30s through 60s hate soap operas and never watch them!
I refuse to be all "Sob! When Steve and Kayla are gone I will be too! There is almost no reason not to boycott television, end my life, and/or start watching Guiding Light!" Because 1) I mocked people who did that about John and Marlena, 2) I get paid to watch this show, so my threats would be empty, and 3) come on, there is no reason on earth to watch Guiding Light. But . . . without getting all uber-dramatic about it, this could very possibly signal the end of Salem, you guys. Because what's left is either terrible or is tainted by what's terrible, and I see no signs of anything improving.
I am creatively tapped out lately, so let me just be blunt: Days sucks right now. The emphasis is almost entirely on:
- Nicole and her babymama (Worth noting: The actress playing the babymama just got a contract! !!!)
Some of those characters are occasionally entertaining, but none are well-written or central to the canvas and certainly none can fill the void left by John and Marlena, Steve and Kayla, and Bo and Hope. (Yes, I know technically the idiots in charges have not yet fired Peter Reckell and Kristian Alfonso, but the writers have made Bo a FUCKING PSYCHIC and turned Hope into an occasional and frequently sanctimonious day-player, so that last remaining 80s supercouple is MIA for our purposes.)
Every new character this writing team brings on is worse than the last, and they have demonstrated zero ability to write a decent 1) romance, 2) slow-burn build-up (romantic or otherwise), 3) adventure plot, or 4) socially progressive story. What the HELL else is there? What do they do well? Bring really good gossip to the water cooler? Make tasty guac for the holiday party? Brake for animals?
I was willing to look at the bright side of the show canning Deidre Hall and Drake Hogestyn because I wasn't a fan of John and Marlena: The Truest Love In the History of All Love That Is So True We've Lost Track of the Fact That It's Fictional, and I thought maybe the showrunners would take the opportunity to creatively re-align a bit, redistribute some of the resources that had been going into what I imagine by soap standards were pretty giant salaries, and generally get their shit together to make Days a show you looked forward to watching again. Why is it that when I'm wrong, I'm so horribly off-base that it's laughable? This is exactly what happened when I grew out my bangs, and when I jumped on the overalls trend.
I will be back to post something substantive about the show, as soon as I'm inspired or entertained enough. No wait, that's crazy talk. I'll try to cobble together some review of the last month or so soon. I know I've been a derelict Days blogger. I mean, it hardly matters anymore, but let's put on a happy face and unite around making fun of the last few characters left wandering the streets of Salem aimlessly doing boring stuff and falling in love with people we don't give a crap about, okay?
I think it's really important to think positively at a time like this, obvi.