The Crap Heard Round the World
Yesterday, when Bianca stormed out of her hotel room to go confront Kendall about attending her sham wedding, Reese had this look of abject terror, pain and despair on her face that was kind of amazing:
Far be it from me to ever admit to having any sort of kinship with Reese the Great, but I have to say that her face is exactly what my soul looks like when I watch this show.
But in the spirit of the Valentine's season, I will say this for All My Children: it's very rarely boring these days.
Granted, this is because the writers have, for some reason, opted for gut-churningly bad, rather than run of the mill dull but, hey, a compliment's a compliment.
Three things happened in today's episode that were alarmingly hard for me to watch:
1.) Kendall's toast to Reese and Bianca
Kendall:Uh, I actually would like to make a toast as well. To my new sister-in-law, Reese. You have certainly made quite an impression on all of our lives. My sister, with whom I've always felt a very special bond, has been utterly transformed since she met you. So much so that I hardly even recognize her anymore. And my husband, Zach -- well, we all know how much you've captivated him, don't we? And even though you will be moving back to France with Bianca and your adorable new daughter, I have a feeling your presence will be felt around here for a long time to come. Weddings are supposed to be about beginnings. I suppose it is for you and Bianca. However, for the rest of us, it's about endings -- mainly that we won't be seeing you around here any longer. So, here's to a safe and swift journey home. Au revoir to the both of you.
My love of Kendall is borderline irrational--it's still borderline, right? I have not yet gone into the realm of crazy stalker type fans. I hope I haven't--so, naturally, I found this toast to be more than a little bit delicious, and so wonderfully worded. I loved the dismissive "I suppose it is, for you and Bianca", as if the feelings of a wedding's brides are secondary to those of the guests. And I honestly feel like Kendall is justified in giving a hate-filled rant to Reese. I actually feel like Kendall is justified in cutting people. Literally, angrily cutting people.
But I couldn't completely enjoy it, because holy shit, will this ever blow up in her face in a huge and epic way, and that is going to be painful to watch.
Bianca and Reese's dual expressions of shock
were amusing to me because (a)since when has Kendall ever thought first, acted later? and (b) Did they not see the look of absolute death she shot when Zach went to comfort Gabrielle in the chapel?! It was only a matter of time before she went after one or both of them, either verbally or physically.
If looks could kill, Kendall would be more lethal than poisoned pancakes.
I also feel like she almost, maybe, kind of regretted lashing out like that until Erica, Erica Kane applauded her for it:
Erica: Well, you certainly stirred the hornet's nest, but you had me smiling.
And then she just shrugged off any doubt and proudly stole the title for "Most Dramatic, Bitchy Toast" from Greenlee.
2.) The thing that happened.
If Charles Pratt's ultimate goal in life was to ruin things, by god, he has succeeded.
3.) Zach and Ryan's conversation.
Ryan: I saw you at the church. Has this been going on a while, or was it your first time? How can you do this to Kendall and to Bianca? Are you so screwed up about this child that you went to bed with --
Zach: Nothing happened, And you will not say anything like that ever again.
What the hell?! I know Zach is in a screwed up place right now, but honestly, you deal with Ryan like you deal with a child. You do not threaten him like that to get him to leave you alone, you say, "What's that, Ryan? Look, it's a cloud! See that round cloud up there, Ryan? What does that cloud look like? A marshmallow, doesn't it? Good boy" and run away once you distracted him. But expressly telling him not to say something is pretty much guaranteed to get him to jump up on that high horse of his and run smugly to Bianca and/or Kendall! Duh, Zach. DUH.
But what do I expect from a show written by Pratt and produced by Julie Hanan Carruthers, who has given another self-congratulatory interview that is almost satirical in its complete ineptitude.
Some fans were upset when it appeared that Reese might consider leaving Bianca for a man.
She is not considering it. That’s the audience rewriting what’s there. It’s not being written that way at all. Reese has never wavered in what she wants.
Bitch, please. I barely have energy to give this show a second thought besides "HAAAAAATE" once it's over, please don't delude yourself into thinking that I am taking the time to rewrite the show in my head.
You do get why people would be upset if Reese left Bianca for a man?
I understand why they might be upset. As respectful and supportive as we are of the gay and lesbian community, the story is not just for them. The story is for a large audience. We are telling tantalizing soap stories.
Are you getting pushback from viewers?
A little bit of pushback, but we have strong ratings right now. People aren’t tuning out, because they are connected to the characters. I think the audience is more invested in the characters than the political statement, and quite frankly, that is how you open people’s eyes.
I am pretty tolerant of clueless people, but when cluelessness is mixed with a heavy dose of bitchiness, it makes me gag a little bit.