The Day's Dumbest Dialogue: Ironically, It Hurts My Heart
We have had few Day's Dumbest Dialogue entries lately. That seems bizarre, since other than Young and the Restless (which I don't even get to watch), our shows are, on the whole, dumb, and are unfortunately on daily. But somehow either the individual passages of dialogue aren't the problem, or it's all so bad that nothing sticks out as especially awful. So leave it to General Hospital to get me riled up enough for the first Day's Dumbest Dialogue of 2009. Milo and Max's lecture to Diane about heart health raised my blood pressure and, on account of its stupidity, stressed me out about the state of this show. Probably not what they were going for?
Milo: Now, most people think of it as a guy thing, but what they fail to realize is that heart disease is the number one killer of women.
Diane: Milo, I know this! In fact, it was I last February who reached out to Alexis Davis to educate her –
Milo: So you know it’s just as important for women to control risk factors. Stress? Forget about it. It’s the worst.
Max: Yeah, yeah – Diane’s got a lot of stress.
Diane: Oh, do I?
Milo: You have to counteract it with exercise and healthy eating.
Max: Diane’s got an important job. She can’t spend all day in the kitchen.
Milo: Well there’s plenty of good stuff that doesn’t take any time at all: Campbell’s Healthy Request Soups, Swanson Chunk Chicken, Prego Heart Smart.
Diane: I took a basket of those very items to Alexis.
Milo: All due respect, Ms. Miller, we’re talking about you. Your heart, your health. It’s never too soon to start monitoring both.
Max: Milo does have good points. I mean --
Diane: Which sound suspiciously rehearsed.
Milo: Oh would you look at that, I’ve got a jar of Prego right here with me.
Diane: You have GOT to be kidding.
I wish I were kidding that this scene actually occurred on national television. I wish the writers knew what "heavy-handed" meant and that it is a bad thing. I wish that they had left well enough alone, since Maxie attending the Campbell's heart-health benefit actually does make sense and is not eyeroll-inducing. I also wish we could get through a sweeps crisis without Jason ending up as the hero, that there was a single couple on this show that intrigued me, that I had Megan Ward's hair, and that the return to trendiness of light-wash denim was an ongoing hallucination or practical joke. But now I've drifted away from the topic at hand, which is: Today on a soap opera I watched a five-minute scene about processed tomato products. Please study that sentence closely and tell me how anything in it is acceptable on any TV-viewing level, at all. Thank you in advance for your help.