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« Our Column in the 3/3 Issue of Soap Opera Digest | Main | Kane and Able (To Be Bitchy) »

February 25, 2009

Where Should I Send My Therapist's Bill?

Have you ever done something really terrible? So terrible that you can't even bear to remember it? To the point where you want to go get hypnosis to make yourself forget that it ever happened, but since that's crazy, you do your best to excise it from your memory and never, ever mention it?

Sonny and Emily's romance was that kind of horrible mistake. If I were the poor soul responsible for creating it, I'd never think about it again, much less mention it onscreen, because of my overwhelming embarrassment about how bad it was, and also out of concern for the audience.

Unfortunately, Bob Guza is completely lacking in shame and dredged up the memory that we all tried our best to repress:

Sonny: You're not going to find one person who didn't love Emily. She was kind, wonderful, generous.

Rebecca: Yeah, Nikolas said she was an angel.

Sonny: He didn't deserve her, but she loved him anyway, because that's the type of person she was. She just saw the best in everyone.

I love when Sonny gets judgmental. The ironing is delicious!!!

Rebecca: Did she have any faults at all?

Sonny: Yeah. She made mistakes, you know, like we all do, but not as many, and not as bad.

I am trying to think of a mistake worse than dating Sonny and I am coming up empty. Maybe mass murdering a bunch of children and kittens, but even then, it's pretty much even, especially if those kids played with guns, in which case they had it coming anyway.

Sonny: One of the things -- she loved too much, and she gave too much, and terrible things happened to her.

Indeed, terrible things did happen to Em. Breast cancer, being raped by her husband's doppelganger, dating Sonny, being strangled...

Rebecca: Sonny Corinthos?

Lucky: Stay far away from him.

Rebecca: Oh, why? He's the only person I've met so far who seems to know who Emily really was.

It was at that point in the show that I seriously started to consider that I hallucinated the entire episode. After all, if it wasn't a hallucination, how else could Anthony fly from Florida to New York in the same amount of time that it took for Sam and Jason to take the elevator to the pool?!


Well cleary Anthony has access to the Super Secret Mobster Tunnel that can get you anywhere at the speed of thought. (Insert Jason Brain Damage joke here)

I'd like to propose that for not breaking the fourth wall and yelling "ARE YOU EFFING INSANE WITH THIS SHIT" no one deserves the Emmy more in 2009 than one Greg Vaughan.

Nothing irks me more that when Sonny gets all hypocritical and says stupid shit (all right, that may not be the thing that irks me most, but go with it). He has no moral ground to stand on and say that Nikolas didn't deserve Emily - at least Nikolas isn't an abusive mobster who treats women like crap and refers to them as "sluts" and "bitches" on a regular basis. And yes, Nikolas screwed up by cheating on Emily (like Soily, I block all things Nikolas/Courtney related from my mind for my own sanity), but it's absolute crap for Sonny to say that guilt is what is making Nikolas want to get to know Rebecca. That doesn't even make sense. Nik wants to get to know her because she bares an uncanny resemblance to the love of his life, not because he feels guilty over the affair (although I do think he still feels guilty for causing Emily so much pain, as he should). It just pissed me off that Sonny was passing judgment on Nikolas and making him out to be the bad guy while making no mention of how terribly he himself treated Emily. The writers are complete morons for even going there.

EyelinerEmily was actually kinda relatable until she jumped on the Sonny worship bandwagon. I was all like, "You go, girl! Tell Nikolas to stop stalking you!" And then she offered to buy Sonny coffee??? WTF?

"Rebecca: Oh, why? He's the only person I've met so far who seems to know who Emily really was"

You've got to be kidding me! On the show I watched Sonny was the guy who met Emily when she was a very young girl, stole her braindamaged brother, had an affair with her skanky sister-in-law, hung her other brother on meathook and stole his son ultimately turning him to a psychopath, had pretty much no contact with her for years then when she grew up he decided to add her to the long list of women he's had sex with and almost got killed, and when he was done with her he had pretty much no contact with her until she was murdered. That's how I remember Sonny and Emily's relationship but maybe I imagined all that and it was actually all love, rainbows, and chocolate cupcakes.

And speaking of therapist bills are you going to post about the GH alernate reality episode, because I have a lot of issues to work out about that fiasco.

Personally, I'm more disturbed by the follicular travesties that have been foisted upon Kirsten Storms lately. First that horrid red wig and now it appears she has a bleached bird's nest attached to the side of her head. Poor girl.

I still can't believe I still watch this show.

I commented about this unholy disaster already after the post about "Annoying". Gag reflex and all. GUZA IS SATAN.

But to add to the insanity, and after reading Cate's reply I feel I must add another bit of historical accuracy, to the best of my recall. I mean I'm just a long time viewer not a show runner with endless access to the GH archives! Insert hysterical eye roll here.

Sonny knew Emily as a 13 year old girl because his first wife Lily (who he also cheated on) had a son who she put up for adoption or was stolen by her gangsta daddy back in PR since he didn't approve of Shake Your BonBon being his daughter's bastard son's baby daddy. Juan, he was the product of her first love affair with Livin' la Vida Loca. Juan, then Sonny's step son age 14 was Emily's first boyfriend! Can I get an EWWWWW?

Sonny is a pig from hell.

Man, I would love to add something witty to this, but you guys have said it all. I thought my head was going to explode from the Sonny/Rebecca dialog. I do have one tiny theory that may or may not mean anything (since it's hard to ascribe any intellect to the writing)....but....how on earth could Rebecca know WHOSE description of Emily is the most accurate if she herself has never met the woman....unless....she HAS....hmmm???

Have no fear, there will most certainly be a discussion about the terribly written, terribly wigged Maxie/BJ episode! Stay tuned!

Yesterday's show is why I will forever Hate the character of S. Corinthos. He WILL NOT EVER SEE THE FOREST FOR THE TREES!!!! For this "little man" to continue to think that his shit is the best shit that ANY WOMAN COULD HAVE and at no time is he ever at FAULT for his part in said "relationships" that don't include Carly is beyond compare. Uber hate him until this show is cancelled.

Ah yes - the great and wonderful Sonny, insightful angel that he is. Do you think they can harness some wings on him to wear in every scene, just to remind us that no matter what he does, he's a heavenly creature?

The thing that I hate second most of all (Sonny being the first) is that the women on this show - women, how on other shows, might be considered heroines - fall all over themselves defending Sonny, loving Sonny, 'understanding' Sonny, excusing Sonny. It completely undermines the character, because no matter how GOOD you are - how many children you save, no matter how kind you are - when you continuously understand, support and forgive a murderer like Sonny (and Jason for that matter), you are NOT a good person. You just aren't.

Never mind that the few characters who don't forgive or excuse Sonny or Jason are male and are treated like buffoons as a result.

I just don't understand how this show - any show - can treat being a mobster and/or a hired killer as just another viable line of work, like banker, retail associate or mechanic. "Yeah, I know you killed someone today, but leave that at the office - thanks for being so great!"

This - Sonny / Jason / Mob / completely warped morals that go so far beyond reasoning that they aren't even entertaining / stupid women - is why I don't even watch the show anymore. I follow it here, but watching it is a waste of an hour.

I guess once you give someone the safe sex talk and procede to sleep with them...you really know who that person was.

Rebecca: Oh, why? He's the only person I've met so far who seems to know who Emily really was.

True, Rebecca. Sonny did see Emily drunk on a few occasions. All defenses down, who knows what she told the guy. eeeewwwwwww!

Okay, to be honest...if I didn't know anything about the people of Port Charles, I could totally understand Sonny's appeal over Nikolas. Her remark about him being the only person who knows Emily was presumptuous, but even a haggard Maurice Bernard is sexier than a bloated Tyler Christopher any day. And let's face it, hormones affect first impressions.

Regardless, I was feeling Rebecca's scene with Lucky and would be more down with that hook-up than a LnL2 or NEm revisit. Greg Vaughn really is under-appreciated by the writers (particularly as a sex symbol) and LnL2 always turns him into a schmuck. Back in his early days in the role of Lucky, I first started to positively respond to him while he was crushing on Emily when Nik had amnesia (the Summer story they initiated him with made me gag). While I could have lived my life happily without ever seeing Natalia Livingston again, I would actually watch her if they developed Rebecca's relationship with Lucky.

All I can say about this horrible show is that Greg Vaugh is definitely under appreciated by the Idiots that run this show. To the poster above (jbj) not only is Nicholas bloated so is Jason. I wonder what they are doing....

"Have no fear, there will most certainly be a discussion about the terribly written, terribly wigged Maxie/BJ episode! Stay tuned!"

So sorry, that show was so incredibly horrible and excrutiatingly painful, I had to post about it in the "annoying" post, because I was in danger of having a stroke from rage. And now this Soily-pimping with the utterly charmless and overly-eyelined Rebecca...

Who decided we deserved two of the worst shows yet this year on back-to-back days? After the "must-see" toxic balls "sweeps" "event" we just finished suffering through? They hate us. They really hate us. All I can say is, eat a bag of ass, Bob Guza.

All I can say is, eat a bag of ass, Bob Guza.

Succinct and hilarious. Exceptionally well said.

What with all the Kate pushing Johnny and Maxie to go out together, and Sonny fondly remembering his "romance" with Emily while bashing Nikolas, and Jax and Carly making me want to puke in my cereal groping each other in the Metro Court lobby to "bolster morale", I almost missed the one golden scene yesterday. Bernie telling Sonny that the men prefered Jason as their boss over him was almost worth having to sit through all the other... whatever the hell all the other stuff was supposed to be.

Since there are so few scenes I actually enjoy on this total shitfest of a show, I have to make note of them, or I will be forced to go in search of toxic balls and fall on them.

I have to say that despite the black eye makeup, the beret and the bad attitude, Natalia Livingston bores me as much as Rebecca as she did as Emily. The only good thing? She doesn't have that stupid grin on her face like DeadEmily did.

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