General Hospital Week in Review: Polls-Only Edition. This Is What I've Been Reduced To.
Mallory covered this week's highlights -- er, biggest happenings -- brilliantly already, and I had a pretty packed weekend (dyed my hair, bathed the dog, did laundry, cleaned the refrigerator, reorganized my handbag -- you know, the usual glamorous routine), so while the concept in general has been reinstated, there will be no traditional Week in Review this time out. So instead: Fun with polls! And random bits of celebrity and other sort-of-pop-culture related news! Please read on and pretend this post is borne out of something other than laziness!
They've recast Michael Corinthos. Soon, that collection of pillows will be a real live boy (it already is more of one than Spinelli). Having Michael wake up and aging him to his late teens could be a great move, opening up a new teen scene, changing the Sonny/Carly dynamic, making life difficult for Claudia, and more. This could be great. Plus, it would be almost impossible for Michael to be more annoying than he was before, so you'd almost have to make a concerted effort to screw this up.
Those scenes with Sonny and Claudia discussing Mob Summit 2009? In which Sonny basically said Claudia's only purpose would be sex-fantasy material for the men? Gross. And so emblematic of why this show is completely screwed up.
According to the most recent Soap Opera Digest, the guy who plays Ethan (Nathan Parsons) is now under contract. Yeah, because another crime-based character is just what this show needed.
Let's get down to the dirty details, though: This means more uncomfortably flirtatious scenes between Parsons and Anthony Geary's Luke. I adore Geary and think he's incredibly talented, but if he's not going for "I really want to hook up with this dude" in his scenes with Parsons, something has gone terribly off the mark. And if that is going for that, well, the father/son hints are making this whole thing incredibly icky, and I worry that they've replaced the fake booze on set with real stuff if these two think this is okay. Like, they make Claudia and Johnny look like the model of a totally appropriate, non-sexual familial relationship.
In a little town in England, locals have called the police nearly a thousand times because they think a pony is actually a horse stuck in the mud. Sometimes only punctuation can capture what you're thinking: " . . . "
Mal and I used to LOVE Lindsay Lohan. With The Parent Trap (who knew the remake of such a classic could be anything other than odious, let alone great?) to Mean Girls (one of the most quotable movies of all time), she earned an almost indelible soft spot in our hearts. But she is rapidly eliminating all our remaining good will towards her, especially with yet another run-in with the law and craziness like this. (Had she not thrown the "LA needs better restaurants" in the midst of that lunacy, we would be totally done with her.) But throughout all her supremely annoying, self-destructive behavior, you do have to give Lindz credit: At least her bad girl routine runs deep and is evidenced by something other than eye makeup.
Can we just jump ahead to the reveal that Rebecca is actually Emily? Despite the fact that we saw Emily's corpse on display for weeks? (I'm unspoiled, but I assume that's coming. These writers are nothing if not predictably nonsensical.) That would be less annoying than what we're having to sit through now.
You know what's a fun game to play while watching GH? Pretend you are the showrunner who, in this awful economy, gets to make decisions about which characters get killed off. (You must also pretend that you are not a moron who decides to ADD to an already bloated cast at a time when everyone else is making cuts, and at the same time you reportedly must consider cutting established and talented castmembers, but presumably you are many steps further away from "moron" than the people who run GH and ABC Daytime, so it shouldn't be too hard.) Make believe that the character taking a permanent dirt nap doesn't put some poor actor out of work, and just thin that herd.
I was checking out Oh No They Didn't this week, as I am known to do when I'm in search of celebrity gossip, bizarre series of gifs, and tutorials in whatever internet lingo the kids are using these days. I happened upon a post about Newsweek's Top 10 Oddball Barbies, my favorite of which is Pooper Scooper Barbie, complete with itty bitty magnetic poop. (Nothing in that sentence was made up, I swear!)
Random Barbie side note: Kristen Wiig is so funny that I will forgive her tickling my boyfriend Seth Myers.
Screencaps courtesy of LaurieLuvsLiason.