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« Awful Squared + Terrible x 95 | Main | Because They Didn't Destroy Her Character Enough Last Time... »

March 10, 2009

General Hospital Week in Review

Dear Serial Drama reader who found us with this Google search Friday:

i would like to know what happened on general hospital this week

No, you wouldn't. 

Keep on keepin' on, and maybe start watching Y&R,
Becca

P.S.  However, since we're all about reader service, I will reinstate the Week in Review to help you out.  Please provide the address to which I can send my therapist's bills.

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Johnny seems to almost openly loathe Lulu at this point.

JohnnyLulu

So he's getting close to my position on that particular issue.

But fear not, Lulu has competition for most annoying possible spawn of Luke Spencer.  ("Possible" because I'm holding out hope for a baby-swap explanation for this Lulu creature, and because if that isn't what they're hinting at with Ethan then I have been totally misinterpreting the 2x4-to-the-face-like subtlety of this story thus far.)

Ethan

1) The accent.  I don't know if it's real or fake, but it's annoying.  And I have been known to say things like that I would date absolutely any man with an Australian accent unless he had an extensive and violent criminal record or a strong affinity for Mel Gibson.  2) The actor, while cute, reminds me of Chad Brannon, but in a cheap knock-off kind of way.  3) The hair.  I find it obnoxious.  I didn't think such a thing was possible, but it totally is.

Ethan2

But what I find most annoying -- GALLING, in fact -- is that these writers felt that Luke needed a son-like figure in his life.  Right, because who else could possibly fill that role?  Oh, I don't know, maybe Lucky Spencer, one of the most famous soap kids in history?  If he hadn't been written alternately as a doofus and jackass for the better part of the last five years, before finally coming around recently only to be relegated to Occasional Transporter of Darling Children,

ElizabethLuckyKids2

then maybe Lucky Spencer could have a good storyline with his dad instead of being invisible while a possibly fake Australian dude with exceedingly white teeth alternately worships and flirts with the great and powerful Luke.

P.S.  If they manage to make him less annoying (a feat this writing team is unlikely to accomplish since they can't even do that with characters I used to adore), I want Ethan to be Robin's half-brother.  She could use a sibling, and Luke and Laura's history doesn't need another re-write, thank you.

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So despite the fact that months ago, we were told there was absolutely nothing that could be done to help Michael and he would be in a vegetative state forever (reminder: this is all because he did something bad and deserved to be punished!), now there is a simple, almost risk-free procedure that might help him.  Who could have seen this coming?! 

But alas, there are detractors.

Sonny:  I don't want a bunch of doctors shockin' Michael's brain.

Yes, Carly, you dumbass.  That is the job of errant mob bullets.  And plus, what if something goes wrong and he wakes up like ten years older but without red hair and that faint tinge of devil-child that we loved so much about him?

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Gosh geewillakers, those wacky hijinks with Nikolas and Rebecca and the spilled tomato soup that led to the slip-filled mopping scene

NikRebeccaMop 

NikRebeccaMop2

sure were fun! 

If you have a really limited definition of "fun"!

And when they led to Nikolas, the multi-gabillionaire, having to shower in a rented room above Kelly's which resulted in Rebecca seeing him half-clothed, well, I was shocked and totally didn't see that coming!

NikRebeccaMop3

Oh wait, yes I did.  Because I've watched television before.  But for those of you who hadn't, I hope that whole deal was heaps of entertainment for you. 

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Does the mixing of brown and black in Robin and Patrick’s living room bother anyone else?  On a related note, is it indicative of how poorly handled this PPD storyline is that I am focusing on the decor of the room in which many of the scenes are taking place?

I haven't contemplated Jason Thompson's hotness in at least a week and a half.  This is getting serious, you guys.

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Alexis' reaction at being forced to eat at Kelly's so that Nikolas could continue to stalk NotEmily was hilarious.

AlexisWTF

I concur, Natasha. Though keep in mind that even the Dead Wife Doppelganger is preferable to Nadine, aka Smurfette come to life.

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Sweetie, there are few things on earth that justify being this smug

ClaudiaSmug

. . . and I am 1000% positive that having sex with Sonny isn't one of them.

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Jax and Carly back together:  I will let Olivia express my feelings about this particular development.

JaxCarlyKiss 

JaxCarlyKissOliviaReax

Beyond the fact that the characters were never good together, that Carly sucks the life out of any man who enters her orbit, and that Jax deserves to finally have a love interest who isn't a Sonny cast-off, my biggest objection is this:  THAT FUCKING SONG.  Crap on a cracker, did they get a bulk rate on that joint?  I have a Pavlovian twitch the second I hear those opening notes.

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On an almost daily basis, other than the usual "serial drama blog," "bitchy soap bloggers," and "[Days/GH/AMC] is awful," the Google search that leads the most people to us is some variation of "Kirsten Storms eating disorder." 

MaxieThin

It's not a mystery as to why.  A reminder of the "before," FYI.

Not to get all PSA up in here, and I know this isn't the first time this has been said -- it's not even the first time we've said it -- but if in fact something is wrong (I'm not saying there definitely is, but . . . seriously, there probably is), it's irresponsible of the show to continue putting Kirsten on screen in tiny little dresses that reveal every protruding bone.  Lord knows I love fun fashion on soaps, and Maxie is a bright spot amidst a sea of, well, whatever we're calling what they dress Lulu in, but this is all getting really worrisome. 

We adore Kirsten and hope that all is either well or will be soon. 

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When it comes to soaps, I like to give credit where credit is due.

Um, let me qualify that.  Occasionally, given the right convergence of circumstances, if they are positive and happen to someone of whom I'm generally fond and against whom I hold no particular ill will or responsibility for ruining my shows, I like to give credit where credit is due.

Which brings me to Leslie Charleson.  In the past, I have commented, on occasion, about things she has done to herself.  But lately, it appears she is doing less of them.  And the results are lovely!

Monica

Thumbs up!  Now, if she could just talk to a certain co-star (rhymes with "Tacky Demon").  The soap world would be a better place with more original facial parts in it.

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Maybe it's just me (that's disingenuous -- I know this is an opinion shared by at least one other person, Mallory, but y'all know we're kind of weird), but does it seem like Steve Burton is just totally over this bullshit show lately?  The more I watch him, the more convinced I am that he has become the personification of that internet chestnut, "DO NOT WANT!"

Being your mobtastic second banana once again because -- shockingly -- Sonny is taking his business back?  A Jason and Sam re-tread?  Having to pretend like Jason and Elizabeth got a remotely fair shot at an actual relationship?  Playing straight man to Spinelli's increasingly ridiculous "comedic" setups?  Doing shit like dismantling a bomb over the phone and not cracking up or using expletives?

Steve Burton says and exasperated "Do Not Want" to all of that.

JasonDNW1

JasonDNW4

JasonDNW6 

JasonDNW7 

JasonDNW8

JasonDNW9

JasonDNW10

JasonDNW11

Well, "Do Not Want" times eight, with a side of yawn.

JasonDNW5

That pretty much covers it.  I'm so with you, Steve-o.  I'm way over this show too!  Let's hang out and dish the dirt about how the current showrunners have messed it up, plus you can give me a chance to convince you that the re-Quartermaining story to which you are rumored to be steadfastly opposed is the best possible thing for your character and career at this point.  But I won't buy any of that berry juice crap.  Just wanted to get that out of the way right now.

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You know, I thought that Spinelli could not annoy me more.  Then three things happened:

1)

SpinelliBeard

2)  Friday's episode title:  "Winifred and Spinelli go on the run"

3)

SpinelliIndianaJones

Spinelli as Indiana Jones?  I just can't go on anymore, I'm sorry.  Please feed my dog and water my plants, and make sure that someone who knows about leather care and lint-bag usage gets my handbags.

Screencaps courtesy of LaurieLuvsLiason.

Comments

My first thought when I saw the pictures of Ethan was, 'When did Zander come back?'

Thanks for the brillant re-cap(s)!

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