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« Soap Blog Coalition | Main | This Show Has Hit The Motherlode »

March 26, 2009

Given the Opportunity, This Show Would Probably Kick Puppies

No, I'm not talking about American Idol, who put the blind kid in pink pants (PINK!) and let the oil rig guy do...whatever we're calling that to a Motown classic.  I'm really, genuinely bitter and worked up and filled with righteous indignation that is totally out of proportion with the circumstances even if they were happening to me and not random fictional characters.  So of course, I am talking about General Hospital.

Sometimes, when I am having a stressful day at work (most days that end in "-day" qualify), I get an email from Mallory that, much like the soaps we previously loved used to do, provides me with a few minutes of escape from the drudgery of the real world.  Such was the case yesterday when I received this gem:

Subject:   Question

Email:  Have you ever seen a baby more clearly saying "PLEASE HELP ME"?


Now, in fairness, I have seen a baby more desperately seeking an escape, because I have glanced at the faces of infants I've been holding.  But baby Emma comes close.  The poor, sweet, gorgeous, inexplicably Latina darling needs an escape from this horrendous "postpartum depression," Robin-and-Patrick's-marriage-is-in-trouble storyline.  Don't we all, Please Help Me Emma.  Don't we all.


Mallory and I have never claimed to be unbiased when it comes to Patrick and Robin.  Jason Thompson is the kind of hot that only amazing genes, innate sexgodliness, and Canadian water can produce.  And Kimberly McCullough is adorable and super talented, and has endeared herself to at least two generations of GH viewers since she first appeared on this show (back before it was a godforsaken wasteland of former soapiness).  The two of them have such mad chemistry that even now, more than two years into their characters' run as a couple, one of the main sources of our blog's traffic is questions (some very earnest and posed as if a search engine is an actual person) about whether they are, as the kids say, hitting it in real life.  (I don't actually know if that's what the kids say, as I don't hang out with kids, because they are obsessed with Twilight and the Jonas Brothers, but I imagine it's something like that.)

So the actors I'm pretty over the moon for.  The characters, well, we've had a rockier history.  The only consistent thing about the writing for them has been its inconsistency, with the notable (and lamentably brief) exception of the second season of Night Shift.  More than once, I've had to officially put one or the other of them on notice.  (OMG, looking for those links I rediscovered that effing blog war and one of the Night Shift low points for Patrick and Robin's likability.  Sometimes it shocks even me how low this show chooses to routinely sink.  Why, I don't know, because how does something that happens every day manage to shock you, but whatever.  I think it's because I don't really pay that much attention.) 

Anyway, let's face it, when not tempered by a good relationship, Robin can tend towards the shrill harpy end of the Soap Opera Strong Woman Spectrum.  And Patrick, well, Patrick is kind of a dick, not to mention one-dimensional, when he's not wooing Robin.  So the characters generally benefit greatly from being together, especially because then the actors' chemistry can trump a lot of the truly awful writing in a way that it can't when the characters aren't supposed to be wanting to tear each other's clothes off.  I like them together, a lot.  That being said, I would not freak the hell out if they broke up, if it was well done; I understand that this is a soap and if couples don't have bumps in the road, they get boring.  But I admit to a degree of fangirliness that makes me want these two to the be the one couple of their generation that stays together (you know, how every soap seems to follow that unwritten rule?).

Setting aside fangirliness, do you even have to do anything more than barely tolerate these two (either actors or characters) to think that this postpartum depression is story is one of the worst things ever?  I was willing to admit that John and Marlena fans got screwed with their horrible exit from Days despite the fact that there were points in time at which I would have paid good money to facilitate their departure in general, so I assume even the Patrick/Robin haters can spot me this one, right?  Just in the name of decent soapiness, everyone should be staging protests over how awfully this show is handling what are supposed to be serious issues, and torpedoing a popular couple in the process.

I'm not going to attempt to chronicle all of the medical inaccuracies of what's happening with Robin, because 1) I don't know what they all are, 2) other people have already made admirable efforts to do so, and 3) eh, I find medical details kind of boring.  But I can sum up by saying that when you make me yearn for the Grey's Anatomy storyline earlier this season involving curing a disease by ingesting POOP, you have gone off the medical drama rails.

But on the topic of medical ridiculousness, now Robin has Lainey "helping" her, so obviously Robin is completely screwed.


Keep it up, Dr. Freud.  Thinly veiled contempt is the new compassion!

Lainey is actually the perfect choice for a therapist, because the writers don't want Robin's postpartum depression to be cured.  That wouldn't be "soapy"!  And Patrick would have no "justification" for cheating on her.  Because that's totally going to happen.  I'm unspoiled, but that's totally going to happen, right?  I think it's going to happen because I am not new, and I know all of this is a clumsy setup for interlopers.  Interlopers are the backbone of soaps.  And clearly these writers want to capitalize on Jason Thompson and Becky Herbst's awesome chemistry by throwing Patrick and Liz into a totally ill-advised relationship that these idiots who brought us Jason and Elizabeth's "romance" probably think would be delightfully swoon-worthy.


Jason Thompson and Becky Herbst have chemisty with everyone, so that really shouldn't drive all story decisions, or Patrick and Liz would have slept with everyone in town including their relatives.  And while I do actually think -- a long time down the road -- Patrick and Elizabeth are an interesting possibility (as a traditionally soapy bump obstacle to a Patrick and Robin reunion after a couple of years of non-adultery-related angst, for example, or an option if Robin leaves town), it is way too soon.

It's also too soon for Jason and Robin, whom I loved the first time around but who, again, would suffer from a rushed story and, oh yeah, the fact that Jason is now a longstanding unrepentant hitman and Robin is a mother. 

Side note:  Steve Burton's expressions lately continue to crack me up.


Wait, what's "postpartum"?  I've posted bail lots of times.  Is that similar?


Note to self:  For real, wikipedia what a partum is . . .

Because actors' chemistry aside, this couple didn't need interlopers until eons down the road, if at all.  Lest we forget -- and I'm sure the writers would like us to, since they apparently have -- Patrick and Robin have been married for THREE MONTHS.  That is a millisecond in soap time.  Or it should be.  The first relationship I ever saw develop on a soap was Steve and Kayla, and it took them over a year to get together.  It was sudsy perfection!

So why the rush?  Especially when unlike others, this couple has built-in drama.  The HIV stuff, the postpartum depression, Patrick the flirt trying to settle down, Robin the control freak trying to parent -- that could have driven story for a year or more.  Who taught these idiots how to pace a soap, and can we send them to some kind of reeducation program?  (I know such programs exist, because I've been following Katie Holmes' life for several years.)

Watching Patrick turn into some kind of 1950s male chauvinist, acting like taking care of his child and having patience with his sick wife are actions worthy of the medal of honor, while SybilRobin parties it up in Rochester and makes out with another guy (on a gross polyester motel comforter, THE HORROR), has made the last week or so of GH even more painful to watch than usual.  Patrick and Robin were pretty much the only established and popular couple in their age range on the entire canvas.  They were not what needed fixing -- and how many things can you say that about in Port Charles?  I would have even preferred them becoming a backburnered, boring married couple to this cluster.  Why are the people in charge of this show so determined to ruin everything that is remotely good about it?


There is a little bit of good news.  Kimberly McCullough was fantastic in the scenes with Robin coming to terms with having a problem.  And although Patrick's hotly label is on hold, Jason Thompson's is intact.  He played hotly devastated when Patrick saw Robin kissing Brad.


And he remains hotly pained.


While we're on the topic of Brad (I know we weren't, really, but...well, it's my blog and I'll change the subject if I want to), can we talk about him?


And how he is HOT AS HELL?  I take nothing away from Jason Thompson or his obvious status as Hotly titleholder, but damn, Brad . . . Brad could get it.

That this actor (and even character) were wasted on this POS story, and that I have to deal with Ethan every day but Brad is gone, are tragedies on par with at least some small-scale wars.


Finally, because I need to stop thinking about this storyline or I am going to end up spending my lunchhour tripping random passers-by on the sidewalk:  Please, someone stop me from taking that final step off the ledge.  I know that the writing isn't going to get better and I will probably end up hating these characters I previously looked forward to watching, but I can probably deal with that because that's pretty much what I've been doing with General Hospital for at least a half-decade.  But some kind staffer in the wardrobe department must do the right thing with an errant cigarette and


TORCH THAT FUCKING SHIRT.  If not, I can't promise not to lose my mind entirely.  In a most medically inaccurate way.

Screencaps courtesy of LaurieLuvsLiason.


I know GH is stupid and the writers are idiots but I actually think the writer's aren't going to hook up Patrick and Liz now. They are trying to gather fans for the couple so that when they do decide to put them together (like if KMC decides to leave) they will already have a fanbase.

Brad needs to come back. They can bring him back as a Zander recast. Brad is sexy. I barely watch GH as it is. Because of wasting guys like Brad (and Ric) and keeping Ethan.

If you ladies decide to do another poll, it should be on which ABC soap is worse-AMC or GH.

But with Greg Vaughn leaving or being put on recurring (I'm not sure since the rumours keep changing), GH sure could be in the lead. They'd be stupid to get rid of him. Then again, this is GH...

Now Jason is going to cure PPD? Who needs a doctor when a hitman can save people from every physical and mental calamity known to man?

(I'd say man AND woman, but we know that if you remind Guza that there are women on this show, he gets the urge to kill them off or have some man verbally abuse them. Or coerce them into sex using blackmail.)

Thank you amiejayne. Patrick's Saint and Mother Goddess who he trusts more than anyone besides maybe the runner up to that job in Patrick's opinion, Liz, had her "PPD" cured by Jason. I watched back then, more wasted hours.

Original Carly was freaked out after giving birth because she made a massive catastrophic shit storm of her life. And that poor innocent baby was at the epicenter right next to her. So on Jason's ever generous blood money she ran away to Florida to hide while Jason cleaned up her messes and cared for her sick Son which was way more than she wanted to do, especially under the observant eyes of the men she had fucked with, Tony and AJ. Both of them were all over her and the baby to make sure they were or were not really the biological father. The PPD was thrown in to excuse her running away and explain Sarah Brown's real life maternity leave.

When she came back months later she played the scared wounded Mommy to keep Jason in her clutches. If she showed any desire or ability to care for Michael herself he wouldn't be at her beck and call and forever by her side as Michael's daddy and full time main care giver. She went shopping and to the spa and out to lunch regularly, again all on Jason's mob millions, and did near nothing to help raise the baby. THAT too is not PPD Guza! Just like the Nancy Greene crap.

Carly's shooting of Tony and her time at Ferncliff was so totally whitewashed and rewritten for LW and her chat w/ Patrick that I broke my remote when I through it to the ground disgusted.

Robin, for as much as Carly hated her, found and saved the kidnapped Michael from a now totally insane and mentally broke down Tony. Who was totally pushed there by the evil crap Carly pulled. She took advantage of him while his marriage was shaky and he was still deeply bereft over BJ's death. Then she promised him everything and that included the baby she was carrying. He believed her lies and even loved and was engaged to her, then she dropped the bomb that Jason was the father and he was a real man that she wanted and so on..... Tony was so out of his mind and desperate to regain some of his life back he kidnapped Michael and eventually held Robin captive too, where she got pneumonia and could easily have died. He felt Michael was his and that he was a far superior parent to hitman Morgan. A child to replace the one taken away so brutally.

Carly lost it when Robin testified that Tony was insane and needed help not incarceration. So Carly, as she always does, acted out of rage and impulse and shot a smirking Tony in open court nearly hitting Robin Felicia and even Bobbie. I still think she might have been aiming for Robin too.

As for her time in Ferncliff, Carly got no therapy there for her alleged PPD. Which is why she was sent there and not prison. She lied and crafted all kinds of BS for the doctors there. She kept them happy and impressed with her so called theraputic improvements until Jason could buy off enough judges to get her sprung early for her crime. Jason, the most honest hit man of all time even praised her for being such a skilled liar and manipulator. Stupid Robin was so in love with the Borg she let him get away with that crap. Jason hated lies , but when Carly lied he thought it was just super!

So Carly's so called PPD was NEVER treated. Jason in his magnificene cured her completely. The fact that Robin now buys that BS so completely and Patrick buys into all of it at Carly's say so is TOTAL SHIT!

If Eye Shadow Emily 2 has cancer she can just go to Jason and forget surgery and chemo. He's a cure all.

What a pile of steaming dung this all is, and a huge disservice to the 1 in 9 women who suffer from PPD. But who cares about women, I mean this show is a Soap, not many watch those anyways.

I completely co-sign to Mike's comments above. You have in my opinion a Type-A personality that TFIC have decided out of the blue that for one she wants a baby,and when her wish of said child is fulfilled, again out of FREAKING NOWHERE, she can't handle it. This is a legacy character that for one should not be treated this way, and for another is HIV positive and that has in no way been addressed in anyway of shape or form. In other words... this blows huge DONKEY BALLS and continues to shit on the history of once believable STORYTELLING on this former wonderful soap.

Honestly, if Robin is going to be used to justify Patrick being a cheating louse or sleeping with the Perfect Ms. Lizzie, bring Brad back. I think he and Robin had chem, and I think he was hot as hell. Why should Patrick be the only one with options?

As for Brad being hot I really don't agree I thought he was fugly I think I read someone said he looked like a potato with lips I have to agree with that persons opinion whoever she was LOL. But to each their own as they say.

I can't believe the lengths this SL is going to. It's aggravating to watch and I can't stop because I love Kimberly and Jason and of course, my Scrubs. No one compares to Scrubs so they better not even try.

And damn, can they like have sex soon? Geez!!

Becca, I totally apologize. Like, walk-of-shame apology.

You are correct, Robin does not have a Latina heritage.

I totally confused Felicia's Aztec grandmother with Robin's nanny. Oh, the shame!

You know Scrubs, and all general Scorpio-Drake goodness, is what has kept me watching this damn show for about 3 years. They were quite literally the ONLY reason. Now I can't even enjoy them. I haven't watched in weeks nor do I wish too simply b/c this isn't the Robin and Patrick I love. I justified and excused before but really, I'm done. While I certainly don't blame Robin for having PPD or some actions that come along with that PPD isn't an excuse for EVERYTHING. Maybe its just that I don't know enough about PPD or something but I just can't excuse every single one of Robin's actions with PPD and I don't think my boy Patrick should either. And speaking of my boy Patrick while he has been REALLY unhotly saying and doing some things I think in some cases he has had some unfair bashing, from what I have seen/heard anyway.

As far as Brad, ehhh, he's ok. I'm not even just saying that because he's the guy that Robin cheated with, I just don't see it. I also didn't see it with ASJ that pretty much everone thought was hot so what do I know. Maybe I've just been too spoiled with Jason Thompson and Greg Vaughn that no other "hotness" compares, although I don't think thats the case.

Great post though, I'm not gonna get into the other hundred things I could or elaborate in some things I've mentioned. I'm just over GH and now that Scrubs, whom I've usually found better than everyone else for whatever reason, are as suckish as the rest I don't have to watch anymore. If I did I'm liable to break my tv.

Hey, Tania. Don't worry if you don't know anything about PPD. Neither do the GH writers. Unless they decide she has post-partum psychosis instead of depression, there's no plausible explanation for half the shit she's done the past couple weeks. And even then, they're stretching things.

Hmmm, Lainey looked really pretty outside of her thinly veiled contempt, and that Brad dude was hot... I think he should come to PC in search of Robin and end up with Lainey. But then again, I'm not writing this crap. Unfortunately.

I am truly surprised anyone is upset with the Robin PPD storyline with Patrick. As soon as they were together, I predicted they would be the next couple on Guza's chopping block. He does not believe in romanance or even a honeymoon so as soon as they were married, it was obvious to me they were the next couple to be destroyed. I stopped watching after that fiasco Luke/Laura/Tracy/Scott storyline where Luke became a different character than the one we've known for 30 years. I used to hope Scott and Laura would return but I hope they run far, far away from this cesspool of crap Guza turns out called GH. I am just not masochistic enough to stomach this GH and watch Guza's misogynistic view of women, stupid and disjointed storylines, his mobfest obsession, newbies that stream in and out without development, purpose or connection, and the destruction of every beloved character on screen. ENOUGH.

Why have none of the higher up’s noticed that Guza has almost completed his self destruct course of this show?

Just some of my grievances would include; couples that personify the romance of a pimp and his crack whore, the shows title is “General Hospital” yet in reality we all know it should been changed to “General Mobbing A Sonny Corinthos Story”. In regards to children well heck the only storylines the little tykes are welcome in are the ones where they’re shot, left in trees or left anywhere else for that matter and getting baby sat by complete psychos, Why keep bringing on new characters when you only write for three central players anyway?

My real hate for this show stems from the complete disregard the writers show for actually writing anything worth spiting on, it’s actually painful to watch this soap therefore I have done the sensible thing and bowed out gracefully.

PPD, lame storyline. GH in general is a big old mess. JnR, been there let's not repeat. Jason/Liz, the ONLY reason they are not together is because of the danger, SO, on what planet would Jason be with Robin? Patrick, get a clue, stop calling Liz and call Lainey... Liz, take care of your own boys, and then call Jason to get his balls out of the closet and claim his son.

I understand the need to tie storylines together, but Liz is totally wasted in all this.
Why can't Liz have Brad and Robin have a proper PPD storyline?

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