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« New Feature Alert: Soap Blog Coalition | Main | Why Couldn't the ABC Soaps Be Pre-Empted Instead? »

March 19, 2009

Nancy Drew and the Case of the Never-Ending Boredom

You'd think that a show which provides so many improbable, poorly written plots would be fascinating to watch, in the train wreck sort of way. You would be wrong because General Hospital, home to a number of ludicrous plots that exceeds the population of some small nations, is sooooo boring.

Don't get me wrong; I still have a quasi-hysterical outraged reaction to something at least once per scene, but the scenes are endless. And the show goes on for so long. When Sonny started to lecture Olivia about the evils of mail tampering, I violently rolled my eyes (a la Paul Rudd in Wet Hot American Summer) and caught a glimpse of the clock and saw that it was 3:03 and then the theme started playing. It felt like the show should have been half over!


How about those scintillating Sonny and Olivia scenes, and the reminder that Olivia has a secret?!

Sonny: We all have secrets, even Jax. Even you.

Olivia: I'll never tell.

Subtle! I can't wait for all of the similarly clever anvils we will get during the months (or, god forbid, years) that the Dante secret stays hidden.


Carly and Jax renewing their vows was sweet and I am all for pretty people being married and being pretty


...but I am so over these two and their cycle of being happy before some contrived plot point comes their way and they implode, causing Jax to leave town and then come back to be happy again.


[Here is the part where I'd normally talk about Spinelli and Winifred and how awful Winifred is and how their lame storyline and steadfast refusal to speak actual human English irritates me in such a way that all I can do is screech, literally, like a CRAZY PERSON, but even remembering the lame awfulness is giving me agita, so in the interest of sparing my blood pressure a massive spike, I am going to move on]



Oh, Patrick. So hot, so freaking moronic.


Patrick: Robin gets so upset when I talk to anybody about this.

That's so weird that someone would be angry about her husband talking about her mental health to anyone physically capable of listening to him.

Elizabeth: With love and patience.

Patrick: I tried that already.


"Patience? Yeah, I tried that for like a day and it didn't work. What else?"

Patrick: You know, I got to be honest, Elizabeth. I mean, somebody's going to have to take care of Emma, and I'm pretty pissed off about all this. I mean, Robin's a mother, you know.

Hi Patrick, 1953 called and wants you to shut the fuck up.

Patrick: Until she admits she has a problem, it's up to me to take care of Emma.

NO! No, that's just unreasonable. The FATHER taking care of a BABY?! That's INSANE. We cannot let that happen! Let's go find the mentally ill mother and browbeat her into coming back to town and taking care of Emma, the way god intended!

Emma's all, "Are you kidding me with this, Dad?"



The less said about "Nancy Green" and her "adventures" in Rochester, the better. Aside from how utterly bizarre it is that the writers think that PPD includes the desire to run away and invent a new life....who picks Nancy Green as their fake name?! I often use a fake name at Starbucks (not because I am crazy, but because nobody ever gets my name right. And then the barista is calling "Melanie? Melanie?" and I don't realize that I am supposed to be Melanie. At least if I give a fake name that cannot be misheard, I will know what to expect. Okay, maybe I am crazy), but I make sure to choose something fun and exciting.


Hey, Mac! Good to see you! Can't wait to see you be all awesome and stuff.

Maxie: Hi. I got your message. Did you guys find Robin?

Mac: No, not yet. But I've got the department working on it. And until then, I'm taking Emma out of this house.


Maxie: I noticed something was up the night of the hospital crisis. Johnny and I found Robin's minivan broken down on the side of the road, and then Robin herself wandering through the snow. She had no idea where Emma was. She was acting like she didn't even know she had a baby.

Mac: Well, she did the smart thing. It was freezing out, she wrapped her up and put her in a sheltered place.



Glad I wasn't holding my breath on the whole "being awesome" thing.



"Hi, I'm Liz. I'm stunningly gorgeous, more than a little fabulous, a legacy character, the mother of the most sainted human being's child, a nurse at the General Hospital that General Hospital gets its name from, and I have ties to pretty much every person in this town. Please enjoy this glimpse of me while it lasts because you probably won't see me again until the end of the month, when I once again pop up as  background scenery! "


I love Alexis, and I always get excited when I see Alexis because, hello, she rules, but it also makes me sad because Nancy Lee Grahn is amazing and gorgeous



And hilarious...

Alexis: [Spinelli] was dressed like one of the Blues Brothers, and I think he was trying to be a secret service agent. 

Alexis: A mob party, cool.

Sonny: Yeah?

Alexis: RSVP or die.

Sonny: You want to keep the streets safe, right?

Alexis: I was just sort of thinking of the party games you could play -- bobbing for body parts, pin the tale on the squealer. Or you could play musical chairs. Whoever doesn't get a chair loses a limb.

(Ha, hee, and ha again!)

...and completely wasted on this show. WHY IS THIS WOMAN NOT THE SHOW'S LEADING LADY? WHY?! Is it because that would be good? And because this show has an allergic reaction to good? Is that it?!

Screencaps courtesy of LaurieLuvsLiason.


Mike, me not watching this show is like Tina walking out on Ike. It's gonna take a minute but I'll get there. LOL!!

Awesome recap ladies, as usual.

I had forgotten how much I enjoy Alexis until yesterday. I loved her scenes with everyone. Why do they not use this actress more? And why am I tortured with Sam/Spinelli/Maxie/Winnie on my screen?

Why don't I see more of Liz and Alexis on my screen? WHY GH WHY?

Oh and I'm just ignoring Patrick these days. Muting him and just watching for the prettiness makes everything so much more tolerable.

"Hi Patrick, 1953 called and wants you to shut the fuck up."

LMAO. Best line of the year so far. Keep on writing Mallory. GH may be a horror to watch, but your blog is oh so much fun to read.

I hate pretty much every storyline on this show right now, and the only bright spot to my day was that the soap blog link to Daytime Confidential reminded me that you gals mentioned the Seamus Deaver interview some time back where he disses GH.

I finally went and listened to the interview, and I laughed my friggin' ass off at how much he and the interviewers bashed the show. The doctor-turned-hitman, how the writing quit making any sense when Guza's crew returned after the strike, how Michael "deserved" to be shot for playing with guns, and the freaky sex vibe between Johnny and Claudia. I needed to laugh about this show really badly (it balances out all the rage), and I know a lot of you do, too. So if you follow the link to Daytime Confidential and click on the Castle interview with Seamus' picture, you can hear the smack-talk too. It starts around 18 minutes in. Enjoy.

The ONLY thing GH does right: Baby casting.

Good: They cast a baby with the Scorpio women's dark good looks. (But what's with that combover? Will she have FH's waist length hair by age eight?)

Better: A baby that can react to her co-star's line reading better than SBu or MB.

I used to FF thru stupid scene too. Until I realized it was more economical to watch the three good minutes online. (Good minutes = Mac, Elizabeth, and of course, Alexis.They still have stupid dialogue, but it's more tolerable from them.) Although I did like Ric scaring the bajeezus out of Claudia with that DVD. Oh Ric, I miss you!

The sad part is that all the above is pretty much right and yet Guza stays in place..what is it going to take to remove him before he totally wrecks GH...Hows much of Jax and Carly have we seen the last few weeks...renewing vows, love scenes, running around the hotel lobby in robes, on and on...HOW much have we seen of Robin and Patrick since the wedding...Honeymoon...we didn't see it...anyh other time together...None...
ONLY carly and her constant drama between Jason, Sonny and Jax...Almost thought Jax got his head on straight a few weeks ago,,,,but no such luck....
But guza writes on and on and on !!!!!

I have my dream GH-- the one that I really want to happen..
In my GH

Georgie is alive with Felicia and Frisco saving the world-- she will come back once Guza and company are gone.

Mac and Alexis are a couple. Mac asks her out and she decides to date a good man for a change.

Ric has decided to leave the mob. He becomes the lawyer for GH and tries to woo back Liz. His true love.

Lucky quits the force and becomes a PI with Sam -- creating a love of fun and adventure while solving crimes.

Sonny gets arrested and is sent to Statesville for a term.

Robin and Patrick repair their marriage. They have a strong marriage however former enemies of her parents come to town and wreck havco -- Faison, Helena, and Grant Putman

Robert, Luke and Anna plus Sean and Tiffany came back as needed to help save Port Charles from the various old enemies.

Ethan goes off... Matt and Maxie get together, all mob related people leave....

it my GH--- I stopped watching with Toxic balls--don't know if I will come back-- the show needs new writers....

Trish, I would so TOTALLY watch your GH.

Once a week, I set aside a special time for myself to delete GH off my dvr without watching. Then I get angry over the lack of Becky Herbst in my life. At this point, I will take a Liz/Pip romance just to see ThePretty.

Okay, I'm here to defend Patrick! I was watching his scenes and totally identifying with him and his anger. My babydaddy just left me and our 21 month old daughter 2 months agao and is now living a whole new life with a new wardrobe, new lifestyle (bars, clubs) and a new younger girlfriend. And he is diagnosed bipolar. So even though he is mentally ill, it does NOT excuse or take away the disappointment, hurt, feelings of rejection that Patty is going through! Hell yeah he's pissed! So am I! He's resentful and this is oddly the only storyline on GH since the labine days is even remotely believeable. It's a very hard situation and i don't think he's being an ass at all. He just doesn't understand and is hurt. I feel his pain because, well literally, I am feeling his pain.

P.S. My mom uses fake names at Starbucks all the time. She uses really old names like Mabel and Gertrude. It's awesome.

It is good to know that some things never change. Robin is acting like an idiot, but she gets a free pass from criticism. Patrick does nothing wrong and gets slammed because he isn't kissing Robin's feet and worshipping her. 'K. That makes no sense to me. He has been taking care of Emma, from the very beginning from what I have seen and he would just like Robin to be doing the same. Shame on him, he's so unreasonable. You are kidding right? Give me an effin' break.

GH's ratings from early this month were only 229,000 ahead of LAST PLACE.
And you'd have had to double their viewers to get them to first.

The show really does suck and viewers are jumping ship like mad.

Does anybody here really think that will get Brian Frons or Bob Guza's attention? Anyone? Bueller?

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