The Fact That Their Couple Name Is "Zen" Gives the Proceedings an Extra Layer of Irony
Whenever I see the All My Children promo declaring that Kendall is "caught between two good men", I always find myself thinking, "Kendall is in a love triangle with Brot and Petey?! How did I miss that?" before I remember that, in melodramatic soap promo language, "good men" is synonymous with "obnoxious, cruel and/or misogynistic men" and then I can sort of see how Ryan and Zach apply.
If ever there were a need for Kendall to take advice from Kelly Taylor, this is it. KENDALL: CHOOSE YOURSELF. EVERYTHING ELSE IS A LOSE/LOSE SITUATION!
Well, let me rephrase that: choosing between Ryan and Current Zach is a lose/lose situation. If Kendall and Zach were acting like the characters that they actually are, it would be a totally different story, but because Charles Pratt can't find his own ass with two hands and a flashlight, let alone character history, here we are.
Hating Ryan is a decades-long hobby of mine and I have to admit to enjoying the comfort that comes with being able to watch any episode of AMC from any decade and bask in the warm familiarity of Ryan hate. But Zach?! If you had told me a year ago that Kendall would be drawn to Ryan (and admitting to always loving him! !!!Vomit!!!), and that Zach would be terrible, I'd have laughed in your face (and also been disappointed in future-me for still watching this show). But because the AMC writers are on a quest to prove that there are no depths they won't sink to in order to redefine the word "crap", we have Kendall and Zach acting like their Bizarro selves.
Kendall, at least, has an excuse, since she was in a coma. And had her entire life torched by the people she loved whilst in that coma, just for kicks. And had her brother's heart transplanted into her (Yes, Virginia, Kendall had a brother!). Eighty percent of her actions since coming out of the coma can be written off as reactions to the fact that she is living in a completely new world, and the other twenty percent can be blamed on whatever wonkiness comes with Josh's heart. I grew to love that Aborted Fetus dearly (and was a little gleeful to see him on an old episode of Law & Order: SVU today), but he was in love with Babe, so obviously something was a little off and I am sure that off-ness spread to his heart.
But Zach? I am a fan of Zach, and Zach & Kendall, and yet the only reaction I had to this:
Zach: A fine day. Sun's out, it's warm, and I've lost everything. My family, my company, and my wife.
was "It IS a fine day! Sunny and warm, and the first day in months I can wear flip flops and drink an iced beverage! Hurray for spring!"
(Okay, there was also a little bit of "How the hell can Ryan take Cambias AND the casino, because I'm pretty sure those are completely separate entities and also, what the hell kind of company can be taken over in three and a half days").
Because Zach has been on a collision course with a slap in the face for a really long time.
From March 24th:
Zach: Well, I appreciate your honesty. And now I would appreciate you being honest with me and be honest with yourself. I mean, you know that this marriage was in trouble for a long time, way before Reese. And you know why. Because you love Ryan. Always have and always will.
That is...hate speech.
I love how some soap writers cannot tolerate working with characters or couples that they didn't create and need to decimate them in order to fit their "vision" (derisive air quotes used because, seriously, I don't buy that Pratt & Co. have this show mapped out past Tuesday).
Zach: But the second he was, you went to bed with him. From the morgue to his bed. I know this is an awful thing to say, but I'm glad Greenlee isn't here to see this, to see what a great friend you really are.
I don't know, about that. Greens has experience with getting together with her friends' lovers under the murkiest of circumstances...
Kendall: Including other people in our lives is not clinging to the past. I could be close with someone. I could spend time with them and --
Zach: Sleep with them.
I am no fan of Kendall's tendency to use sex as a coping mechanism and have had a hard time watching her scenes lately, because of the ook involved, but REALLY. Would you like a giant cube of sugar for the high horse you're on, Mr. "I got your sister pregnant, kissed your sister's girlfriend and killed your brother, but Jesus, can you just move past that?"?
Kendall: Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? My whole world was turned upside down.
Zach: I tried to explain to you what happened, and you shut me out.
Kendall: What did you expect?
Zach: I expected you to try.
See...I don't expect anything from people who just came out of comas, much less make huge emotional demands on them. But then again, I am the type of person who dotes on others after they have a routine cold, so maybe my perspective is off.
From March 20th:
Zach: Take it easy. Nothing to fight for here.
I thought it was "Always, only you", not "Always, only...eh, whatever".
From March 16th:
Kendall: Oh, my God. Oh, my God, you did it. You slept with Reese. I saw you. I saw you at the casino. You were going back to her room. You slept with her.
Zach: No, I didn't. But I wanted to.
So many things wrong with that statement, and not enough hours in the day to make pithy comments about them, so I will just sum up with WTF?
AGAIN, I am not on board with Kendall having an affair (and certainly not having an affair with Ryan) and if Zach wants to be furious with her because of that, fine. But he has been treating her with thinly veiled contempt ever since she came out of her coma and didn't respond well to the fact that he made a baby with her sister behind her back (during the months in which he lectured her about keeping secrets!), moved her sister and her girlfriend into their home, and had a relationship with her sister's girlfriend that was so close that it made MULTIPLE people suspicious about its true nature. He wanted her to shrug everything off and welcome Reese and Gabrielle to the family with open arms and when she didn't do that, and was a little leery, he got angry! Because she wouldn't accept the choices that he made which impacted their family right away, no questions asked! That selfish, awful woman!
(Also, HE KILLED HER BROTHER. Not that she knows that and therefore, she can't use it as ammunition in a fight with him, but I haven't forgotten!)
For me, and for the show (I think...I hope...), Zach/Kendall is endgame and this is all an elaborate way of tearing them apart to bring them back together, and if a competent writer was at the helm, I would be okay with it, but we are not talking about competent writers! We are talking about MORONS who, I think, feel like they are writing this great love story about a "good man" and that's not earth logic at all.