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« Fatal Attraction and Basic...Idiocy | Main | Failure Is Aspirational For These People »

March 03, 2009

The Icing On The Cake

On our ongoing list of Things General Hospital Ruins Without Even Trying, we can now add cake.

Cake

Damn it, GH! Why must you use chocolate cake for evil?! Although maybe cake is the Emily Post-approved gift of choice for thanking a hitman for doing his best to protect you from evil law enforcement agents after you broke the law multiple times...

The use of quotation marks cracks me up, though. As if Cook at the Quartermaine mansion was like "I refuse to say Stone Cold Rocks as if it were a factual statement, so I am just going to quote this obviously misguided sentiment". It would have only been more amusing if it had been Stone Cold "Rocks".

Divider

There were many wrong, baffling aspects to the toxic balls non-sweeps, non-event, but most wrong of all is that we are apparently stuck treading water until real sweeps happens later this month. Is anything ever going to happen on this show again? Or are we going to be subjected to repeated conversations endlessly while the writers kill time thinking of new and exciting ways to off Quartermaines during sweeps and finding out what post-partum depression actually is?

Well, to be fair, actually, something did happen on this show and it is something that has not happened in a long time: I was delighted by something Sonny Corinthos related. I KNOW, RIGHT? Shocking!

Tell me this is not the most hilarious juxtaposition of facial expressions in the history of ever:

Sonnyclaudia

Claudia is disturbingly thrilled with the fact that she boned Sonny, joining the illustrious ranks of...ninety percent of the female population of Port Charles. And Sonny has the most amazing "I think I've made a huge mistake" look on his face.

I'm sorry, I LOLed.

I am just desperate for any kind of entertainment in a sea of boring. Like, such as:

  • Sonny and Claudia's marriage
  • Endless discussions from all sorts of random characters about Sonny and Claudia's marriage. I know that Robin and Sonny are friends, and I know that everybody in town hates Claudia, but it was still weird.
  • Sonny burdening a poor baby with talk about his marriage to Claudia

Sonnyemma

The child was justin a treenot a few weeks ago! Why are you adding to her PTSD? And what's with the baby combover?

  • Endless praise of Jason, which has been stale since, oh...1998
  • Endless praise of Spinelli. Really, Maxie? Spinelli uses the best words like poignant? Although I am having a hard time believing that a girl who wears her hair like this is a good judge of character

Kstormshair

That's how I wear my hair when I am washing my face! A ginormous, side, frizzy bun...thing is not meant for the public eye!

  • Nikolas being a sad panda about Emily and obsessing over her look-alike as if look-alikes in this town aren't a dime a dozen (Exhibit A: NIKOLAS AND CONNOR)
  • Natalia Livingston trying, bless her heart, really hard to play a bad girl. This "trying" involves a lot of squinting, eyeliner and a deliberately lower voice and not a lot of, um, acting

Badgirl

  • Patrick wanting to spend time with Emma and Robin (and them immediately dropping everything to go to work and leaving Emma in the care of the local mobster whose eldest child is in a coma because he was shot in the head in a botched hit on his father's life)

  • Robin not wanting to spend time with Emma

  • Carly and Jax fighting/talking about their fights/reconciling/talking about their reconciliation

  • Olivia. Just...Olivia

And people are all "Daytime ratings are in the toilet! What do we do?!" As if producing entertaining, quality television is just too far outside the realm of possibility to even consider.

Comments

If I were Emma and my choices were being stuck in a tree and being baby-sat by Sonny. I'm taking the tree.

loved this:
Sonny burdening a poor baby with talk about his marriage to Claudia
The child was justin a tree not a few weeks ago! Why are you adding to her PTSD? And what's with the baby combover?

although i like the 'combover'..it fits her face with those big beautiful dark eyes..NUemma is adorable..and i get tired of babies with the spikey hair..now that ain't cute to me.

Emma is cute, but why does she appear to be Latino? I don't need one more confusing thing on this show.

I'm so glad I haven't had a chance to see GH ruin cake yet. Never have I been so happy to work until 11pm.

I've stopped watching General Hospital and am now watching Guiding Light, and am so happy you could kick me in the face and I wouldn't even feel it.

Ok, not really, but man, I don't miss this show.

Why is Emma now Middle Eastern and wearing her hair like Donald Trump?

Re: Emma

Well, at least they got rid of the Chinese baby they had playing her for the non-sweeps non-event.

AS usual, I have a few things to add. Well, that's not exactly true, it's usually more than a few things, but I digress.

Today, I felt rage I haven't felt since... well, last week's total carnage that masqueraded as a dream tribute to... well, BJ or Maxie, I can't be sure. Anyway, just when it seems Spinelli might see the light and put his skills to legitimate use by doing PI work with Sam, he falls to worship at the "Stone Cold" altar and aspire to the highest achievement in life. Becoming heir to a mob-hitman empire. Those bastards! I love Spinelli and I just want him to be good. I want Jason to go legit and be with Liz, even though I hate Liason, just so that Spinelli can follow Jason out of the criminal life. Because until that happens, I cannot cheer Spixie on unreservedly, much as I want to. I don't want Maxie shot at the altar when she marries Spinelli. Or goes out to dinner with him. Or drinks orange soda on the street with him. Or flashes her toothpicks- oops, I mean arms- in gaudy strapless dresses last seen in the dressing room of Pretty in Pink.

More rage over Sonny babysitting Emma after Patrick didn't even want Robin around Sonny during the pregnancy for her safety. And PATRICK IS THE ONE WHO LEAVES EMMA WITH SONNY??? Stupid bastards don't even pay attention to what THEY write, why should I be surprised they butchered the BJ anniversary so enragingly horribly?

Aside from the rage, though, I did have a good frolick of laughter over this exchange:
Jason: "I don't really know what to say."
Maxie: "As if anyone could tell the difference."
Okay, it was more than a frolick. Might have been a full-on guffaw.

I also laughed at Rebecca's comment about traveling light. Because I had the unbidden thought that she HAD to be joking because it would take several suitcases just to haul all her eye makeup around.

Other than that, I'm drowning in the sea of boring along with the rest of you.

An aside about the baby, I know Robin is supposed to be white, but one of KMc's parents is Mexican. So it's not inconceivable that Robin and Patrick, who also has dark hair, could have produced that baby. And I have to agree with the poster who said that the combover is cute on that baby and a huge improvement over the spiked look.

My last few miscellaneous thoughts... I hate Rebecca and want to know who decided bringing back an actress to daily remind us they killed off another Quartermaine was a good idea. Sonny and Claudia are no longer interesting and there's no suspense for me in waiting for Sonny to find out the big secret because they have become boring, bizarre, and somehow pathetic and I can't even watch them anymore. Might be the thing Mallory mentioned about her thinking she won a prize by being nailed by a man who's laid more women than Charlie Harper and impregnated half of them. Lastly, praise jesus or whoever that we didn't have to see Jax and Carly making out in the Metro Court lobby to "boost employee morale". It about made me heave the last few days, and if it goes on much longer, I'll look like Maxie by swimsuit season.

P.S.

Does anyone know what the record is for most shitty episodes of General Hospital in a row? Because although I was not impressed with the toxic balls storyline, it looks like a shining star compared to what followed, what with the Campbell's/Prego/V8 episodes, the horrid "tribute" episode, and the unremmittingly crappy and uninteresting/enraging garbage that's come since. Every day seems at least as bad if not worse than the one before it. So I'm thinking they might be trying to break some record. Somebody please tell me they're getting close or I might have to kill my tv to make it stop!

In the future I will watch any scene of Sonny & a baby on mute. Mo is good with babies, quite clearly, and the baby is cute to look at but the words that come out of Sonny's mouth are horridly trite (in the case of him blathering on about the "essence of life") or inappropriate (as in sex talk). So no words, just pictures works best.

In fact, I think that rule could in fact be applied quite liberally to GH. I'm fairly certain the dialog I make up in my head is far more entertaining that what allegedly professional writers get paid to write.

I was also unsure about the baby comb-over but she is still too darned cute. She's growing a bit fast though. Maybe Emma will age as quickly as Spencer, remember Nikolas does have a kid, who was suddenly 10 one day. Then she can explain to her mommy that she has PPD and it's really time to get some help. [I HATE this supposed PPD story with a passion.]

Oh and was I the only one who wanted to a) smash that cake into Spinelli's face at a high velocity and b)rip that stupid bun out of Maxie's hair and then brush it?

I HAVE AN EXPLANATION FOR KIRSTENS HAIR BEING LIKE THAT

I went to a soap event with Bradford and Julie and Bradford told us about how Kirsten got extensions put in. She was all happy tossing her long hair around and then someone came down to give her the bad news that they had to put her hair up and her happiness went away so quickly. Apparently they thought she looked too much like Julie with long hair. So thats the reason for the terrible updo.

I'm just waiting for Sonny's Super Sperm (tm) to kick in. Like I mentioned elsewhere, if this storyline were any more telegraphed, we'd be getting it in Morse Code.

I'm sorry Bri but there is no excuse for that shitty ball of a mess on Maxie's head. That updo could've been better.

It gets even worse, folks. Robin is going to date some guy and kiss him. Guza is HATE.

The new Emma is gorgeous.

Yes, it was crazy for Patrick to leave Emma with Sonny, but I loved Sonny/Emma. Sonny, as a character, is so far gone, but I still love when he gets to have cute scenes with kids (of course, then they get shot in the head!)

This was the best paragraph:

And people are all "Daytime ratings are in the toilet! What do we do?!" As if producing entertaining, quality television is just too far outside the realm of possibility to even consider.

Yes, why not try some quality television? LOL! Great column as always!

It's not awful enough they destroyed GH but now they have to taint chocolate cake too?


LOL - you had me at the cake: Stone Cold "Rocks." HAHA I am so thankful I don't watch this show any more. Even glimpses are like staring at the sun too long.

Emma is adorable - combover and all.

Great post as always.

I just watched today's evil episode from hell. (3/4/09) And then saw some screencaps of next week. And I have to mention what makes this show so painful and cruel to viewers.

The teasing and the bait & switch.

They are able to keep viewers like me hooked by dropping little tiny seconds of goodness amidst all the shit. Like today, which sucked toxic balls, Robin had a new red coat! It looked nice and it was stylish.

HOWEVER! In the screencaps for next week that plaid vile coat is back. Seriously, she wears it while she abandons Emma at Kelly's.

Is it not enough that they have ruined Robin completely now? They have to keep bringing back that coat too?


sorry posted before I finished.....

I wish Robin, Patrick and Emma would just leave GH together happy and plaid free. Stop torturing us by ruining Robin even further in this new vile PPD crapfest. And Patrick is a dope. Talking to everyone about Robin and PPD except Robin or a therapist?!?! His swooning over Liz and worshippping her earth mother goddess title makes me ill. Her Jason obsession just nearly got Jake killed, I mean is that forgotten now too Patty? And leaving Emma w/ Sonny? WTF? The more Patty interacts w/ the GH cast the dumber he gets. Robin too.

I wish GH would stop teasing Scrubs fans with a few seconds of promise and then dumping this horrid stuff in our laps instead. Put Robin in her red coat and send the happy family away from all this abysmal suckage that is GH.

Robin's red coat was sharp. Unfortunately, her outfit underneath was not.

Sex and chocolate ruined in one day...DAMN YOU GUZA

I have to defend the baby comb-over: My daughter's hair grows like that. I have no choice but to comb it to the side with an extreme side part. I try to dress it up with barrettes. Maybe headbands would also work. But once my daughter's hair really started growing, I understood Trump's ridiculous hair style. NuEmma's stylist probably can't help it either.

I love you guys. Now I don't have to watch the show to see the awful hair on KS.

It did make me give a girlie scream.

I know you've said that DAYS is a tiny bit worse than GH right now, but I think after the cake we need to reassess. There is no way that anything on TV could be worse than this, I just don't see how it could be possible.

i am a bit dissapoineted that they re cast emma. this baby doesnt really look like either of them. the last baby was a dead ringer for jason thompson. oh well she is still cute but get rid of the comb over. also i loath the way maxie sucks up to spinelli "my essential person" puke. if he was so great maxie why dont u marry him already and bare his child good god

To give Natalia Livingston credit, if you take away the deep voice, squinting and raccoon eyes, it's the same way she played Emily.

There are appx 5 things I like about this show. Having Robin flirt/kiss another guy (and a stranger at that) is ruining one of them.

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