Ugh In the Afternoon
In my ongoing effort to explain why General Hospital is the craphole that it is, I thought of, and ultimately rejected several theories: were the writers using Mad Libs to create scripts? No, because these writers obviously aren't cool enough to appreciate the joy of playing Mad Libs. An elaborate game of Truth or Dare with very high stakes? Not even the most depraved of minds would dare someone to do something as horrible as create the role of Winifred. The idea that the writers think this show is actually, like...good was rejected almost immediately because of how patently implausible it is.
I have now started to wonder if the writers are explicitly trying to ruin things that people love. Like, for example, the time that an innocent person said, "I'd probably watch Sarah Brown read the phone book". I feel like today's episode was a direct challenge to that statement. "You say you'd watch her read the phone book, but will you watch her partake in the scenes that redefine the word 'seedy'?" And I will not, okay Guza? Uncle! You win.
Claudia: I need you to get him to the hospital and make sure he gets his stomach pumped. I will distract Sonny.
Johnny: We're going to be carrying dead weight down the stairs. We're bound to make some noise.
Claudia: He won't notice. He's waiting to have sex with me.
Claudia: Just tell me what you want, and that is what i'm going to do, ok? Does that sound good, hmm?
Sonny: Ok, but don't take long, ok? Because I need it right now.
Can television sets contract chlamydia? I'm seriously concerned!