Will This Character Rehabilitation Work? I Say No, No, No
I like to think that if my child were in a permanent coma because he was shot on the head during a botched attempt on his father's life by one of his father's multiple enemies that I would go to any lengths possible to keep him safe. Maybe I have read Harry Potter too many times, but the "constant vigilance" mantra doesn't seem like a bad one, especially when one considers that every mobster on the eastern seaboard and a good portion of the viewing audience want the child's father dead.
I would start by asking that my son's name not be plastered on his door, like a neon blinking "SONNY CORINTHOS'S SON IS HERE" sign. Or, failing that, I'd at least use a pseudonym
I'd also be hypervigilant about checking the visitor logs to see exactly who has been going to visit him. I would probably also leave the mob and/or cut of all ties with mob related people.
Um, I don't have a lot in common with Sonny and Carly.
The Claudia Zacchara Redemption tour is in full force. Plagued with guilt over her part in Michael's shooting, she has apparently been visiting Michael offscreen! And not just visiting, but visiting a lot!
Claudia: How's he doing?
Doctor:He's holding his own, Ms. Quartermaine.
Claudia: But there's no change?
Doctor: I don't mean to sound discouraging. I appreciate that you come every week like clockwork, but I don't expect any improvement. I'm sorry.
Like clockwork! And conveniently managing to never once bump into Carly, or Jason, or Jax. Imagine that!
I don't know about all of you, but I'm totes done being leery of Claudia now!
I especially enjoy the fact that her alias is Quartermaine. Hello, red flag alert! There are no young, female Quartermaines. Because they are all dead.
My adoration of Sarah Brown is well publicized, and she almost had me today when she was tearful and dejected
Claudia: Hey, Michael. How you doing? It's me. I don't know who keeps doing this. Who keeps moving these photographs? These are supposed to be like this. Because your family should be looking at you at all times, right? Smiling at you. So when you wake up, you won't feel so alone, right? Your father misses you so much. And your mother, talk about a force of nature, you can't even imagine how much she loves you. I know I say this every week, Michael, and I know that you're probably getting sick of hearing me say it, but I am so sorry.
First of all, Shooter McGavin, hands off the kid's pictures. That's just ooky. And, um...I don't think I'd get sick of hearing the person responsible for my coma apologizing for it.
Secondly...while I appreciate her efforts, not even Sarah Brown could make those words sound like anything but "You did not actually see what you think you saw and I am nothing like what I once was like, so if we could all just move on knowing that the stuff that happened didn't actually happen, that would be great".
Claudia: I'm not a mean person, Michael
HA! Like when she stepped over Kate after Kate was shot last year? That wasn't mean?
Or maybe Claudia was secretly whispering "I'm sorry, Kate" in her head during all of their scenes together, which totally makes it okay and proves that she's not a mean person.
Sorry, GH, but you'll have to do better. And since you're completely inept at doing better...well, I just won't hold my breath or anything.