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« Yesterday's Most Right-On Dialogue | Main | Our Latest Soap Opera Digest Column »

March 05, 2009

Will This Character Rehabilitation Work? I Say No, No, No

I like to think that if my child were in a permanent coma because he was shot on the head during a botched attempt on his father's life by one of his father's multiple enemies that I would go to any lengths possible to keep him safe. Maybe I have read Harry Potter too many times, but the "constant vigilance" mantra doesn't seem like a bad one, especially when one considers that every mobster on the eastern seaboard and a good portion of the viewing audience want the child's father dead.

I would start by asking that my son's name not be plastered on his door, like a neon blinking "SONNY CORINTHOS'S SON IS HERE" sign. Or, failing that, I'd at least use a pseudonym


I'd also be hypervigilant about checking the visitor logs to see exactly who has been going to visit him. I would probably also leave the mob and/or cut of all ties with mob related people.

Um, I don't have a lot in common with Sonny and Carly. 

The Claudia Zacchara Redemption tour is in full force. Plagued with guilt over her part in Michael's shooting, she has apparently been visiting Michael offscreen! And not just visiting, but visiting a lot!

Claudia: How's he doing?

Doctor:He's holding his own, Ms. Quartermaine.

Claudia: But there's no change?

Doctor: I don't mean to sound discouraging. I appreciate that you come every week like clockwork, but I don't expect any improvement. I'm sorry.

Like clockwork! And conveniently managing to never once bump into Carly, or Jason, or Jax. Imagine that!

I don't know about all of you, but I'm totes done being leery of Claudia now!

I especially enjoy the fact that her alias is Quartermaine. Hello, red flag alert! There are no young, female Quartermaines. Because they are all dead.

My adoration of Sarah Brown is well publicized, and she almost had me today when she was tearful and dejected


Claudia: Hey, Michael. How you doing? It's me. I don't know who keeps doing this. Who keeps moving these photographs? These are supposed to be like this. Because your family should be looking at you at all times, right? Smiling at you. So when you wake up, you won't feel so alone, right? Your father misses you so much. And your mother, talk about a force of nature, you can't even imagine how much she loves you. I know I say this every week, Michael, and I know that you're probably getting sick of hearing me say it, but I am so sorry.

First of all, Shooter McGavin, hands off the kid's pictures. That's just ooky. And, um...I don't think I'd get sick of hearing the person responsible for my coma apologizing for it.

Secondly...while I appreciate her efforts, not even Sarah Brown could make those words sound like anything but "You did not actually see what you think you saw and I am nothing like what I once was like, so if we could all just move on knowing that the stuff that happened didn't actually happen, that would be great".

Claudia: I'm not a mean person, Michael

HA! Like when she stepped over Kate after Kate was shot last year? That wasn't mean?


Or maybe Claudia was secretly whispering "I'm sorry, Kate" in her head during all of their scenes together, which totally makes it okay and proves that she's not a mean person.

Sorry, GH, but you'll have to do better. And since you're completely inept at doing better...well, I just won't hold my breath or anything.


It has confused and amused me for years that Guza has simultaneously tried to tell me that Sonny and Jason are the most fearsome mobsters in the known world and no one on Earth would know who they or their loved ones are. Huh? I know...damn me for thinking logical and all!

Of course this redemption tour is courtsey of the same team that thinks if they just tell us Sonny/Jason only kill the bad mobsters...we'll be completely swoony for them overlook the whole "unrepentant career criminals" thing and be all "I'll be your baby momma!"

As with most things GH related....made of Epic Fail.

Oh my. Shooter McGavin. I love it. Sadly, that's about the only thing I love about this whole crapfest of a show.

I especially enjoy the fact that her alias is Quartermaine. Hello, red flag alert! There are no young, female Quartermaines. Because they are all dead.
Um... those three sentences? Pure, hardcore, unadulterated awesomeness. Thanks for saying what we're all thinking, Mallory. I love that they're trying so hard to rehab Claudia. Just like they did with Sam. And even though I feel like Claudia stands a better chance than Sam of being rehabilitated (mainly because Sarah Brown can be awesome, while Kelly Monaco kind of isn't), it still ain't gonna happen. It pains me that so much time will be spent dedicated to this hopeless, fruitless venture.

Under Guza it seems like all the female villains and anti-heroes are seriously toned down (like Maxie and Tracy), redeemed (even multiple times, like Sam), or, in the case of Helena Cassadine, only wheeled out once every other year. I guess it's better than what usually happens to the male villains, who all wind up being ineffective and doing practically nothing (like Rick or Jerry) or being killed by Jason.

I have never understood soap operas obsession with putting names on hospital doors. They have these crazy things called privacy laws nowadays.

It's like this, in the beginning "evil slut Claudia" wore her signature red shoes and clothes showing us she was devilish. NOW, she wears only black which shows us she is a moody sad misunderstood mob princess not at all responsible for anything she ever did, especially when she wore red. Like when she giddily skipped over a dying Kate in those red shoes, not current "black only wearing Claudia" who cries a lot.

Thanks Guza for creating a paint by numbers soap opera. It's real entertaining. NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mallory, your titles or headers get funnier and more clever with every post :-)

Amy Winehouse will be a decade sober and two decades preppy before I ever even consider buying into the sham that Claudia as a good person :-0

Claudia's redemption is ridiculous and a total insult to viewer intelligence, but what else is new?

Love your blogs, but this one is some kind of awesome. It can only be done justice if GH TPTB get a memo on it somehow. Thanks for the great writing!

I just... I really am not surprised at nothing that GH does anymore. they glorify mobsters and killings, make cops and anyone involved with the law look like morons, kill off perfectly good characters, be stupid enough to kill off a Quartamine and bring the actress who wasn't that great to begin with back as pretty much the same person with darker makeup and clothes, destroy legendary characters, and did I mention GLORIFY THE MOB AND ALL THAT IT STANDS FOR? and despite all that, they still will not fix the problem only continue to do shit like they are by doing a rehabilatation of a cold manipulative bitch character like claudia and destroy a once great character like Kate and it's fine with them. There are so many problems with this show, starting with the dick who H.W. it and until he is gone, nothing can bring this show to what it once was, nothing.

I'll admit it--I just happen to love Sarah Brown so--I'm really rooting for Claudia. I'll even admit this, I don't necessarily understand the logic that holds her fully responsible for Michael's shooting. She's certainly partially responsible, but considering that Jason killed Lorenzo Alcazar in his home while Skye and Lila Rae were in there (??), how is ordering a hit on a sworn mob enemy in a warehouse where the mob enemy's kids ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE (!!) her fault? Yes, Jason didn't shoot Lila Rae, and Skye was an accomplice to Lorenzo's hit, BUT if those things hadn't been true, there could have been some real tragedy, some REAL blood on our SAINTED MOB HITMAN's hands.

Ordering the hit, yes, in the real world it is morally reprehensible. But on this show it is only reprehensible if you aren't Sonny or Jason. Somehow Sonny and Jason can avoid the consequences of their murderous actions. So it really bothers me, all the double standards. And I've decided that I forgive Claudia (especially since the show is making her decidedly more likable of late) and to hell with the consequences. I like to think the half of Port Charles that knows about Claudia being behind the hit agrees with me too.

Really this whole story has been a disaster from the start.

GH takes it's viewers for idiots! I'm not buying what they are trying to sell in regards to Claudia. They have totally screwed this character from the beginning and now want viewers to have pity on her. Please ... so sick of this crap!

Eva, THANK YOU FOR YOUR ABOVE COMMENT. I hated Skye after that, I did not care if she lived or died. Lorenzo did not deserve to go out like that..on a blatant betrayal by Skye and done by someone she didn't even care for in Jason, whom for him was a cold-blooded thing to do that we all saw do. Hate that fucker always.

First of all, I hate Claudia and the whole sham of a marriage. Sonny deserves a "happily ever after" with someone he loves (*cough* Kate). But that's a whole different rant...

This whole "redemption" thing is just whitewashing a perfectly evil character. She came on to the show and was pure evil and that made her character great. She made you cringe out of rage or fear, but it was legit. Now they want us all to do a 180 and love her. I can't and I won't. I mean really, could you imagine Helena coming back in town and setting up a coffee date with the Spencers? That's not why we love her. we love her b/c she's so evil it's funny. Guza and co stop screwing with what works

Great column although I have to say I'm not much of a fan of Sarah Brown this time around. While I won't disagree that she's been handed a holy horror of a character to try and play, I can't say that she's brought much to the table -- she seems just as lost at the audience on who Claudia is on any given day. And now that Claudia is on this Redemption Tour, it really is a shame that Guza wouldn't know the meaning of redemption if it bit him in the ass. Lest we forget this is the guy who viewed 12 year old Mikey being shot in the head as appropriate consequences for his accidentally shooting Kate. So is it really surprising that being told about weekly offscreen visits for the last year after the fact is supposed to make it all okay that Claudia put a bullet in Mikey's head sending him into a permanent coma?

It frankly surprises me that Guza isn't putting forth the idea that Claudia was just giving Kate the justice she deserved and was denied for that demon child shooting Kate! And now Kate is being nasty to Claudia??? What an ungrateful bitch that Kate is. And really, with Claudia showing Michael that there are consequences for his actions, she's really giving him more parenting than he's ever had before. She's freaking step-mother of the year at this poing and let's hope Sonny thanks her for her efforts when he finds out Claudia was the one who taught Mikey this important lesson.

Great Blog as usual... but did u not see Kirsten Storms arms on thursdays show... holy crap!

Great post as always!
You definitely hit the nail right in the head. This redemption tour is making me want to turn off GH. This show has become a complete joke...yikes!

I am sick to death of the fuckin' Claudia Zacharra Redemption hour. I'm sorry to fans of SJB, but she is NOT the actress she once was. The fact that she got a pre-nom shocked the hell out of me. Guess Daddy Frons rigged it this year. The sad part of this whitewashing is that Megan Ward (Kate Howard) was completely thrown under the bus, backed up over and ran over again. The Kate that Sonny fell in love with and was gonna marry is gone. They annihilated Kate to prop up Claudia and screwed over Megan in the process. And whether you are a fan of Maurice Benard/Sonny or not (I personally am), as a longtime viewer, it is sad to see him on screen these days. It's obvious he can't stand being used as a prop to this whitewashing. Mo used to have a gleam in his eyes, a sparkle....all I see now are dull brown eyes which look heavy and tired and his delivery of his lines has almost no emotion....even he doesn't give half a shit about this show anymore. 15 + years of blood, sweat and tears to this show and this is the fucking thanks he gets. Way to go Frons and Luza...the Fucktard twins!

I'm glad there are ppl out there that agree with me!!! It really is a shame what they are doing to Kate in order to make us feel bad for Claudia. I don't care about anyone, I still don't feel any pity for Claudia and what she did. And seriously, they are just using everyone around her as props and the thing is that she would flop w/o out them, but they are wasting/hurting those characters in the process. The only thing I am looking forward to is the possible return of Helena. She is a legit OG, always has, always will be.

This article is dead on and judging by what I read elsewhere from various fanbases, it's also an accurate representation of what a majority of the General Hosptial viewing audience feels. Now that it's fair to say Guza and Frons have pissed off nearly everyone out there by their lack of respect for what viewers want to see, I wonder how much more it will take to get them to wake up and realize there's no balance to this show between romance and violence, and shoving storylines that only the writer thinks worthy down the audiences throats will NOT gain him any fans, will NOT bring in new viewers, and will NOT keep the previously loyal ones!

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