In Which I Hurt Myself Jumping to Conclusions
I have been uncharacteristically quiet on the subject of soaps these past few days, and it's certainly not because the world of daytime isn't giving me anything to work with. I don't normally throw myself pity parties here, but if you'll indulge me for a quick moment: I AM SO STRESSED. It is the end of the semester, and I have so much to do in the next week that I am afraid to even look at the multiple to-do lists I have written because I know that if I look at this list, I will start crying and be completely inconsolable. If someone ever tells you that you should go get your Master's, you should say, "[Insert name of crazy person here], you so crazy!" Because I have been pretty much glued to books and my computer these past few days and have barely made a dent in the pile of work, and it is completely terrible and overwhelming.
Today, in an effort to keep myself sane, I decided to reward myself with an iced coffee and an hour of that wonderful salve known as "television". And the few minutes I caught of the tail end of an episode of Law & Order went a long way in making me feel better about life and general. Then I glanced at my DVR, and saw the backlog of All My Children episodes and thought to myself, "Well, that feeling didn't last long..." Because I knew intuitively that there was no good to be had in those episodes.
And how right I was! Friday in a nutshell: Eden "I'm totally responsible for the state of this show" Riegel is back briefly to do this show a solid that it sorely doesn't deserve, Randi and Frankie are boring, Ryan is just the worst, Rendall is vomit-inducing and Krystal may have given birth to twin whores back in the day. Must-see TV, no?
Scott: Cute kid. Must take after his mom.
J.R.: Don't act like you knew Babe.
Scott: Hey, I'm just saying. Babe had to be some kind of saint to put up with you.
J.R.: You know, you need to shut up. You have no idea what we had together. In fact, I don't want you to say Babe's name ever again.
Can we stretch that "Don't say Babe's name ever again" ban to the rest of Pine Valley? Because she has been dead for, like, seven months and yet I hear about her more than I hear about Brot and it's starting to irk me (I say "irk" because I feel too ashamed to be honest and say "angers me in the way that a television show shouldn't anger me").
SO, after that debacle, I decided to go see what else is coming up on AMC. I normally don't actively seek spoilers out, because I like pretending that soaps are capable of surprising me with their plots (they always surprise me in terms of the lows they will sink to, quality-wise). And the spoiler that I came across made me even crazier than I was before, and since before I was a highly stressed mess who actually said "ACK" a la Cathy (an incident which will surely be used as evidence should I ever be committed), that is saying something.
From Soap Opera Network:
A stunned Ryan receives a manuscript from Alexander Cambias Sr. detailing the Satin Slayer murders. Tad is affected when Ryan informs him that Alexander takes credit for all of the murders except Dixie's in the book. Ryan goes against Tad's advice and visits Alexander at the psychiatric facility. Alexander insists to Ryan that there's still a killer on the loose. Tad reluctantly tells JR about Alexander's claim. No longer cogent of that fact that Babe was the intended target anyways, JR deduces that if Alexander didn't kill Dixie that Babe was most likely the intended target. Ryan tells Zach about his visit with Alexander. Tad is determined to find out who really killed Dixie. Stuart tells Tad and Jesse that he remembers seeing Adam with a satin ribbon on the day of Dixie's death. Stuart becomes increasingly troubled when he remembers more about Adam's behavior on that day. Adam suffers a seizure as an aggressive JR lays into him, demanding to know whether or not he killed his mother. Adam makes a startling confession to Erica on Friday, May 1.
I swear, this better be the biggest red herring to ever be...um, red, or else I will have to take drastic measures. I don't know what kind of drastic measures I will take, but they will possibly involve designing an angry button to wear, if not actually making said angry button, and I will be angry all throughout the design process. Because SERIOUSLY. Charles Pratt has done little but torch the actual Pine Valley and replace it instead with model Pine Valley characters whose storylines and character motivations change on a whim, but if I have to give him credit for something, it will be credit for the awesome renaissance of the Adam/Erica friendship and if he torches this, too, by making Adam a Dixie-killer, as if Adam would ever kill someone via poison pancakes, I will...I will devote a category on this blog solely to Charles Pratt hate and the entire text of posts in that category will simply be "CharlesPratt? HAAAAAAAAATE"
Luckily, he has given me permission to do that!
This May, I take all credit and blame for what will be on screen.
So if Adam winds up being completely ruined, I can blame him and not Eden Riegel like I had originally been planning to do. Good to know!
(It is entirely possible that Adam will emerge from May sweeps unscathed and my anger is completely unwarranted, but honestly, we all know Pratt will do something equally absurd next month, so the Charles Pratt Hate category will probably come into being regardless)