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« The Day's Most "That's What We've Been Saying!" Dialogue | Main | More Dumb Dialogue Than You Can Shake A Stick At »

April 26, 2009

In Which I Hurt Myself Jumping to Conclusions

I have been uncharacteristically quiet on the subject of soaps these past few days, and it's certainly not because the world of daytime isn't giving me anything to work with. I don't normally throw myself pity parties here, but if you'll indulge me for a quick moment: I AM SO STRESSED. It is the end of the semester, and I have so much to do in the next week that I am afraid to even look at the multiple to-do lists I have written because I know that if I look at this list, I will start crying and be completely inconsolable. If someone ever tells you that you should go get your Master's, you should say, "[Insert name of crazy person here], you so crazy!" Because I have been pretty much glued to books and my computer these past few days and have barely made a dent in the pile of work, and it is completely terrible and overwhelming.

Today, in an effort to keep myself sane, I decided to reward myself with an iced coffee and an hour of that wonderful salve known as "television". And the few minutes I caught of the tail end of an episode of Law & Order went a long way in making me feel better about life and general. Then I glanced at my DVR, and saw the backlog of All My Children episodes and thought to myself, "Well, that feeling didn't last long..." Because I knew intuitively that there was no good to be had in those episodes.

And how right I was! Friday in a nutshell: Eden "I'm totally responsible for the state of this show" Riegel is back briefly to do this show a solid that it sorely doesn't deserve, Randi and Frankie are boring, Ryan is just the worst, Rendall is vomit-inducing and Krystal may have given birth to twin whores back in the day. Must-see TV, no?


Scott: Cute kid. Must take after his mom.

J.R.: Don't act like you knew Babe.

Scott: Hey, I'm just saying. Babe had to be some kind of saint to put up with you.

J.R.: You know, you need to shut up. You have no idea what we had together. In fact, I don't want you to say Babe's name ever again.

Can we stretch that "Don't say Babe's name ever again" ban to the rest of Pine Valley? Because she has been dead for, like, seven months and yet I hear about her more than I hear about Brot and it's starting to irk me (I say "irk" because I feel too ashamed to be honest and say "angers me in the way that a television show shouldn't anger me").

SO, after that debacle, I decided to go see what else is coming up on AMC. I normally don't actively seek spoilers out, because I like pretending that soaps are capable of surprising me with their plots (they always surprise me in terms of the lows they will sink to, quality-wise). And the spoiler that I came across made me even crazier than I was before, and since before I was a highly stressed mess who actually said "ACK" a la Cathy (an incident which will surely be used as evidence should I ever be committed), that is saying something.

From Soap Opera Network:

A stunned Ryan receives a manuscript from Alexander Cambias Sr. detailing the Satin Slayer murders. Tad is affected when Ryan informs him that Alexander takes credit for all of the murders except Dixie's in the book. Ryan goes against Tad's advice and visits Alexander at the psychiatric facility. Alexander insists to Ryan that there's still a killer on the loose. Tad reluctantly tells JR about Alexander's claim. No longer cogent of that fact that Babe was the intended target anyways, JR deduces that if Alexander didn't kill Dixie that Babe was most likely the intended target. Ryan tells Zach about his visit with Alexander. Tad is determined to find out who really killed Dixie. Stuart tells Tad and Jesse that he remembers seeing Adam with a satin ribbon on the day of Dixie's death. Stuart becomes increasingly troubled when he remembers more about Adam's behavior on that day. Adam suffers a seizure as an aggressive JR lays into him, demanding to know whether or not he killed his mother. Adam makes a startling confession to Erica on Friday, May 1.

I swear, this better be the biggest red herring to ever be...um, red, or else I will have to take drastic measures. I don't know what kind of drastic measures I will take, but they will possibly involve designing an angry button to wear, if not actually making said angry button, and I will be angry all throughout the design process. Because SERIOUSLY. Charles Pratt has done little but torch the actual Pine Valley and replace it instead with model Pine Valley characters whose storylines and character motivations change on a whim, but if I have to give him credit for something, it will be credit for the awesome renaissance of the Adam/Erica friendship and if he torches this, too, by making Adam a Dixie-killer, as if Adam would ever kill someone via poison pancakes, I will...I will devote a category on this blog solely to Charles Pratt hate and the entire text of posts in that category will simply be "CharlesPratt? HAAAAAAAAATE"

Luckily, he has given me permission to do that!

This May, I take all credit and blame for what will be on screen.

So if Adam winds up being completely ruined, I can blame him and not Eden Riegel like I had originally been planning to do. Good to know!

(It is entirely possible that Adam will emerge from May sweeps unscathed and my anger is completely unwarranted, but honestly, we all know Pratt will do something equally absurd next month, so the Charles Pratt Hate category will probably come into being regardless)


This is so bizarre. Why does ABC Daytime think having a head writer with no class, sense or talent helm AMC is a good idea? Since Pratt is not saying that he wants wants to take AMC in another direction, one would think he would back away from the Adam Chandler is the source of all evil in Pine Valley mindset, but it is not to be. Even if Adam didn't kill Dixie (frankly I wouldn't put it past the hack) there is NO point to this storyline. Argh!

Seriously that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard!! If you start an angry mob against Charles Pratt, I'm definitely in!!

I'm also a big fan of his complaints that he can't write mysteries about who will die because us fans are too aware of contract negotiations and when they are up. yeah cause that's the ONLY way to write a character off is to kill him/her.

Seriously whatever blackmail pics Guza has on Frons....he must have given them to Pratt....

I just found your blog a few days ago and I must say I'm hooked. Now, I too am a grad school student and it is everything you say and more. If anyone suggests someone go to grad school you should stab them in the neck with a fork. I record AMC all week and sit on Sunday and watch. It's my one break during the insanity of school. It has sucked so bad lately, I'm just glad I found you and you validate my anguish. Thanks and keep up the good work....

Seriously? There are many things wrong with those spoilers. First among them being that Stuart would suspect that Adam killed Dixie with poisoned peanut butter pancakes. Honestly, Stuart, Adam can be bad, but that? The notion is insane.

Oh dear lord, what if Pratt writes that Adam was actually trying to kill Babe and got Dixie instead? If Adam had wanted the bitch dead he wouldn't have killed her with pancakes.

If this isn't a red herring and Adam is ruined, Pratt had better watch out.

Wow! It's like Pratt is trying to top McTrashit's destruction of a beloved Pine Valley Character - by making Adam the killer. Seriously? Is there a competition going on for who can be the worst head writer in daytime that we just don't know about? Do Head Writers get major points for destroying beloved characters that make the freaking show?!! Sigh.

And if destroying the awesomeness of Adam Chandler isn't bad enough, they're going bring back a Babe look a like?!!! I need a drink!

I can only hope this is some bizarre plot to bring Dixie back. AGAIN. You know - Adam didn't really kill her, but only pretended to kill her to keep her safe from the slayer or some such nonsense. Of course this means the post-death Dixie visitations no longer make sense, but still. This is AMC.

If Adam and/or Adam/Erica is tarnished, I'll totally help you follow through on the angry button-making.

I have a couple things on the show which I enjoy and the above is one of them. So if that is destroyed for something that Adam would just never do...it is so on.

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