I've Never Been So Happy For My TV To Go On The Fritz!
Early in yesterday's episode of All My Children,right around the point that Zach and Reese and Ryan and Kendall were staring each other down and being contemptuous of one another, there was suddenly no sound, so I absent-mindedly hit the mute button to un-mute it, and it wasn't on mute at all. I got nervous that I had actually had a rage blackout and gone deaf (this worried me most especially because how embarrassing would it be to explain that to a doctor? "Reese is just awful and Ryan is the worst, and Zach is being terrible lately, and I got so irritated that my ears broke!" Hello, humiliation), but when I changed the channel, everything else had sound; AMC was the only show that was muted. It was weird and glorious, and like my TV was doing me a solid, saving me from the angst that was sure to follow.
Before I comment on the happenings in Pine Valley, lets check in on the offscreen AMC happenings, in a continuing series I like to call, "Wow, These People Shouldn't Be Trusted With a Pet Rock". Today's installment, brought this way via reader Donna, features Julie Hanan Carruthers, Charles Pratt and the black hole of suck that accompanies them at all times. Regarding the recast of Liza with Jamie Luner, the AMC powers-that-be had this to say:
“She’s coming to Pine Valley with a big bang – literally — a great surprise entrance that’s unexpected and pretty delicious”
If we're not surprised and don't find it delicious, will we again be accused of writing elaborate mental fanfiction?
Back then, Jamie’s nickname on the set was ‘Turbo’ because she’s such a ball of energy and you can throw anything at her,” says Pratt.
"It is a skill that will serve her well here because, I gotta be honest with you, I change stories so fast you'd get whiplash."
“I warned her that joining AMC would be daunting and crazy. What with 30 actors and all the behind-the-scenes stuff, it’s like high school."
What a bitch! He seriously just insulted all of the show's cast and crew. Unless there is a set-wide burn book that the public doesn't know about, he needs to just stop. And if there IS a set-wide burn book, I'm willing to wager that all of the nasty entries are about him.
"But they’re the ones who have to watch out"
Yes, David Canary, Susan Lucci, Debbi Morgan, Thorsten Kaye, Alicia Minshew, and the rest need to watch out for the master thespian Jamie "Just The Ten Of Us" Luner.
"Jamie’s not an ass kisser. She’s very straightforward. She’s going to shake up the cast in a very good way.”
The thing is that I LIKE Jamie Luner! But way to diminish all of my good will before her first air date by blatantly admitting that you're casting people you know in order to create a new AMC that suits your vision, rather than do something insane like work with the cast and history you have.
Pratt says he’s not going to commit to any romantic entanglements right away but he does want to see how Luner sparks with Thorsten Kaye. Says the scribe: “His character Zach is at a desperate, dark place in his life when Liza returns — he’s at the lowest point he’s ever been — so that could be a very exciting match for the audience,” Pratt says. “But we’ll play it by ear. We’re going to put Jamie with a lot of guys and see what kind of hell she can raise. After all, that’s what she does best.”
I compulsively write to-do lists, so maybe I'm not the best person to ask, but just for the sake of argument: shouldn't you, I don't know, have A PLAN when you bring back an important character. We are going to be in for months of Liza aimlessly going from story to story until something sticks, aren't we? Can't wait!
With people like that in charge, is it any wonder that the show is a vortex of badness? Seriously, the bad to good ratio is astounding.
GOOD: ADAM AND ERICA
I don't trust these writers to handle Adam's mystery illness well and part of me (the paranoid, conspiracy theory prone part of me) wonders if they are going to give him some sort of dementia that lets them write him off canvas. In which case, I WILL QUIT. Do you hear that AMC? I WILL QUIT. I won't quit the show, probably, but I will quit something and it will be DRAMATIC and ANGSTY.
But aside from that worry, I am enjoying this thus far. Or maybe I am just enjoying David Canary and Susan Lucci playing off of each other. I LOVE them together. I'd seriously watch an hour of them just doing different things everyday. Like, baking cupcakes one day, and learning Japanese the next. It would be awesome.
Always and forever. I could have potentially enjoyed David's doubts over performing Ian's surgery and reflecting on the loss of Leora, especially since it gave him something to do besides sneer and be evil, but with Krystal drawling all over the place, I can't get past being annoyed. She is the worst. I know that she has no job and no custody of her child, but really, she has nothing better to do than hang around the hospital?
GOOD: ANNIE AND AIDAN...FOR NOW
Melissa Claire Egan continues to rock the proverbial house in Oak Haven. I regret ever thinking that she was bland and pointless, because the truth is that she's talented and entertaining. And her relationship with Aidan is surprisingly sweet, and MCE and Aiden Turner work really well together.
And, I know this makes me a hypocrite because I always bitch about rushed stories, but...is this story going on for a bit too long, or is it just me? I guess I am just enjoying it, but also ready for Annie to be interacting with people regularly again.
(Although that also runs the risk of making her annoying, so maybe she should stay institutionalized. It is a no-win...)
BAD: ZACH + KENDALL + RYAN + REESE
A one-act play:
MALLORY: Wow, this is so great. Look at Kendall and Zach and how they put their drama behind them for Ian's sake.
RYAN: (Comes to the hospital, ostensibly with a card from Spike, to stare judgmentally)
KENDALL: Excuse me, Zach, I'll be right back. (Leaves)
KENDALL: Let me waste some time filling you in on Ian's state while we wait for Reese to make her dramatic entrance.
REESE: (Makes dramatic entrance)
KENDALL: What the hell are you doing here?
REESE: I was at the hospital for a checkup, so that I could make sure I won't go blind again.
REESE: And I came to see how Ian was.
KENDALL: You're just doing this to get into Zach's pants.
REESE: Nuh uh, I got close to Ian when I was taking care of him.
MALLORY: You took care of him because his mother was in a coma! Taking care of a comatose mother's baby is not something to be celebrated, it's just what you do!
RYAN: (Stares Vacantly)
REESE: (Stares Smugly)
KENDALL: You still want Zach.
ZACH: (Enters dramatically) That's enough.
KENDALL: (Stares Sadly)
REESE: (Stares Smugly)
RYAN: (Stares Vacantly)
Zach, Kendall and Ryan in one scene together is brutal and throwing Reese in just seems mean.