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« In Which I Hurt Myself Jumping to Conclusions | Main | What's This Feeling? Could It Be...Enjoyment? »

April 28, 2009

More Dumb Dialogue Than You Can Shake A Stick At

While watching yesterday's episode of General Hospital, my ears kept perking up every few minutes. "There it is," I'd say, "That's the day's dumbest dialogue." And I'd write it down...under the list of the, like, seventy pieces of dialogue I'd already thought would wind up as the day's dumbest. Moral of the story: never think this show has reached a quality nadir.

Day's Dumbest Dialogue #1

Sonny: Doctor, schedule the operation.

Dr. Hensen: Do you need to discuss this with Michael's mother?

Sonny: No, no, I know Michael's mother very well. She would want me to do it.

Um...don't you need to have custody of your child before you can give consent for them to undergo a life-threatening operation? I would have liked to hear Sonny go into more detail about how well he knows Michael's mother. "See, she and I go way back. We forced Michael's biological father to give up his rights by hanging him on a meathook. It was crazy. We've been married like thirty times, and I shot her in the head once. Funny story, I'll have to tell it to you one day. And Michael is in his present state because he got caught in a hit on my life. So you see...Carly would really want me to make this decision, because I do so many reasonable, well thought out things."

Day's Dumbest Dialogue #2

Olivia: Here is what I think. I think you set sonny up so he wouldn't notice the convenient timing of your pregnancy and he wouldn't ask too many questions about how you got pregnant when you were supposedly using protection.

Claudia: Sonny and I can be extremely energetic during sex. I was a gymnast. What can I say? Accidents happen.

That's not so much dumb as it is FOUL. Sonny and Claudia continue to redefine gross. I think GH needs to start airing viewer discretion warnings!

Day's Dumbest Dialogue #3

Claudia: Wow, you take every opportunity you can get to talk to my husband, don't you? Show up at his house unannounced, follow him onto the dock. You know, they have a technical term for that. It's called stalking.

Okay, again, maybe it's not dumb, exactly, but making me agree with something Claudia said certainly is dumb. Ugh, Olivia is annoying. Remind me again why she is on the show? And remind me again why Megan Ward got bumped down to recurring? I mean, besides the answer that the powers-that-be are literally incapable of making a good decision. That's obvious, I am just wondering if there is something else. Something like a sinister plot to drive the audience insane...

Day's Dumbest Dialogue #4

Nikolas: Why is it so impossible for everyone to believe that I might like Rebecca for herself?

Because she is terrible, Nikolas. We're trying to figure out how you can stand to spend five minutes with her, let alone moon after her.

Day's Dumbest Dialogue #5

Olivia: You know what? Sonny is not a complete idiot.

Oh, Sassy Port Charles Truth-Telling Truth-Teller, you are wrong. So very wrong.

Day's Dumbest Dialogue #6

Jason: Yeah, I know. I'm looking into that.

Sonny: I need you to find him. I'm counting on you to take care of this while I focus on Michael.

"All you have is a head injury, Jason. No big. Now please, go do my bidding for me. Hurry!"


hehe. I love you guys. Yesterday was a treasure trove of dumb dialogue for sure. I was actually cringing and doing one of those bad medicine taste body shakes over the "energetic sex/gymnast" comment.

Things I liked included Ric and Olivia's interaction. . . there might be something there. I loved Jax yesterday. Some very nice acting there. And hello Monica! Nice to see you! And I gotta say I'm so glad that we are seeing glimpses of the ppd light at the end of the tunnel.
Please bring back the Robin we know and love.

Jason's brain must look like swiss cheese or applesauce by now. Just how many brain injuries can an already brain-injured hitman take, anyway? If Steve Burton doesn't re-sign, they can easily pop Jason into Laura's old rocking chair. I wish that they'd put Ric and Olivia together, maybe have him get friendly with Dante (if he ever shows up) and therefore give Rick Hearst something actually to do.

Why was Kate thrown over for Olivia in terms of airtime? WHYYYYYYY? Did Megan Ward piss off the almighty "Mo" or something?

And while we are trying to figure out why Nikolas is all mooney over Remily...can we also figure out why the show expects me to be on his side with this whole stalking business?

Sarah Brown warned us once that there was going to be losts of sex on screen during a magazine interview...couldn't she just warn us all the time when there is going to be discussion of it as well?

Thank you thank you thank you. Sonny was legally retarded yesterday. No offense to the mentally disabled. It was just every word he spoke was pure stupid. Not to mention offensive and completely without logic.

And poor hit man Jason. If a catscan were done of his brain I think we'd see oatmeal. How can he even breathe on his own anymore? He's a blue eyed crash test dummy.

Between the Claudia and Sonny gymnastics and the Remily Lucky hookup and even more disturbing the Liz and Nik bangin'... I am off sex. Can this show ruin anything else? Seriously? They have ruined kids, chocolate cake, Luke and Laura, the Q's, the Scorpio's, the Spencer's, the mob, and sex.


My Mom just called about your post today. She told me the title before I had a chance to tell her I already read it, she was laughing so hard she couldn't hear me talking :-)

She said the title today was "More Dumb Dialog Than You Can Shake a PEE Stick At"

She is becoming so soap snarky she included the "Pee" bit all on her own. So thanks for that too. It made my morning.

Oh the infamous pee stick. LOL!!! It got more screen time than Monica, Bobbie, and Kate put together.

And anyone wonders why audiences are flocking to this show? Hmm....I'm not really seeing the mystery with that one.

And the pee stick, I could not believe it. This show is getting worse by the day.....I think TPTB are competing with each other for the dumbest story winner. Poor Elizabeth, she has no story and is just filling in these days....Claudia and Sonny are so boring (kind word) I would rather see Elizabeth tidy the medicine cabinet.....than Claudia and Sonny together, this is the worst hook up for GH. Thanks ladies your posts are the BEST.

Can we really be that surprised by Jason and his reactions to Sonny's demands? He really is Sonny's third Ball since the two he has or not NEARLY ENOUGH. Just Desserts for the Borg I'd say.

Oh you nailed it!!! I especially loved what you said about the character of Olivia and the status of Megan Ward. I keep hoping this is all a dream and GH will wait up and put Megan and Rick back on contract. But the nightmare just continues.

Whoever you all are - you expressed everything I have been feeling for months, brilliantly!!!!

A travesty, MW on recurring. Now, like many others, only watching GH on a recurring basis - when Megan is on!

Claudia & Sonny - Disney should be ashamed of themselves. The most repulsive, crudest, sleeziest, bunch of crap evah!

Sonny: No, no, I know Michael's mother very well.

WTF...I'm truly baffled, that is just the oddest statement. I lose brain cells just thinking about what happens on this awful show. I can't believe there are actually pepople that watch this show for enjoyment.

Thanks for pointing out these "painful" moments. GH has managed to put MW and this viewer on a recurring status. I can't remember a day in 2009 when I could watch a full episode (and most days I don't view at all). Female characters they showcase (Claudia, Olivia & Rebecca) are unwatchable for this female viewer - thanks for your insight.

First of all, to the person that implied did Megan ward piss off the almighty Mo?? Get a clue....you more than likely have not seen these 2 interact outside of the show. So her being bumped to recurring has nothing to do with Mr. Benard. It's asshat Frons who made that shit decision. As for the dialogue....didn't they hire Luza's *cough* wife *cough* to make sure some of this crap never finds it's way onto the screen? Glad to know she's doing her job *excorcist eye roll to the back of my head* If we think it's dumb, what do you think Mo feels? He's the one that actually has to say this shit! Poor man probably needs a drink just to read through his scripts at night. Mo/Sonny and Megan/Kate have all been thrown under the bus for the condom poking, fertile mushrooming, crab infested whore and joke that is Claudia. Wish I had as much pull at work as SJB does, seeing as the show has been hijacked and character after character decimated and sacrificed all so we feel sowwy for poor widdle Clawho!!! "F" that! Put her ass on recurring and bring back a REAL actress, Megan Ward....maybe then the REAL Sonny will come back, not the POD version on my screen now!

Thank you so much for your brilliant assessment!
This show is a F**ing joke! I cannot beleive it has come to this. And as for Megan being bumped into a recurrring role for no smart reason made my blood boiled. Hopefully the power that be will smarten up and give the audience what they want. Not the sickening Claudia and boring Rebecca an Olivia!!!

Gh is a load of crap and don't go blaming Mo for Megan getting bump to recurring.

Maurice is an actor and not a script writer,so Sonny saying stupid dialogue has nothing to do with the character but the moron who thinks these ridiculous dialogue should be uttered on screen.Claudia,Olivia and Rebecca are irrelevant and a waste of screen time and should be killed off in a murder mystery to save GH.Maurice is an actor doing his job,don't be balming him for what happen to other actors unless you have firsthand knowledge he is at fault.That is libel.Don't make faults statement unless you can produce proof of your accusation.

Yeah this insane not having Megan and skate together!!

It's called an opinion, Chalize (it's Charlize, BTW). You really need to get a clue and a life. Libel? Wow. How about using another person's identity to post your comments? Perhaps the real Charlize Theron should be coming after YOU for identity theft! Woooo!!!

Excellent blog again! I've stopped watching GH for weeks, if not months, due to the focus on Claudia, and other "lesser" characters like Ethan, Olivia, & Rebecca. The dialogue you quoted is so insanely bad, I almost can't believe they were even written, let alone allowed to air. That Claudia gymnastics-sex statement was so revolting, I gagged a little, something no dialogue on tv or movies has ever made me do before. Isn't there an indecent-language ban on what hits the airwaves now? WTH? GROSS.

I agree about how shameful it is that someone as talented as Megan Ward, who also happened to have created a well-conceptualized, great character in Kate Howard, is now recurring. As others stated, that move alone has put GH on recurring with me as well. I'll only watch when she's on now.

This blog & some of the subsequent comments are so entertaining to read, it makes GH slightly more interesting to me. I love the "pee stick" & "watching Liz organize a medicine cabinet instead of Sonny & Claudia scenes" comments.

And I agree with the previous poster regarding "Chalize Theron" - CHILL! These blogs have always been written with humor that is sometimes razor-sharp & are, after all, opinions. There really is no need to be so unpleasant & whip out the "libel" mention OR to get so serious with your comments. I, for one, have mostly agreed & a few times disagreed with these blogs, but have always found them well-written, a good laugh, & entertaining. So thanks for writing Mallory!

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