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« The Melrose Revamp Ill-Advisedly Continues | Main | I've Never Been So Happy For My TV To Go On The Fritz! »

April 06, 2009

Our Long Hoped-for Drinks Session with Kelly Monaco Will Now Be Very Awkward

Okay you guys.  I knew from the initial description that Kelly Monaco's Vegas venture would not be the best career move ever.  I believe it was described as a classy topless burlesque act.  I feel the need to bust out the Sam McCall airquotes for that one.

SamAirquotes

"Classy" topless Vegas show.  Uh-huh.

But no matter what you thought about the idea in theory, in execution . . . have mercy. (Link has no nudity but is probably not safe for work, unless you work in a strip club, in which case you're going to take issue with this entire post so you might as well just not click and skip ahead to the comments section where you berate me for being a prude.  Thanks.)

I sent that link to Mallory yesterday and we both sat, awestruck (on the "horror" end of the awe spectrum, as opposed to the "amazed and delighted" one), pondering how this horrible thing befell the lovely Kelly Monaco.

Mallory:  HOLY CRAP.  How did anyone let her do this?! I feel like she needs an intervention in a major way.
Becca:  Like, seriously, are drugs involved?  I worry.
Mallory:  They must be. I honestly don't understand what kind of people she is friends with if they all let her do that. What kind of a manager does she have?!?!
Becca:  I get that you don't get rich doing soaps, and there's not a lot of job security, but she has way more national exposure than most soap stars, plus I think even if GH dumped her she would get picked up in a heartbeat by another show.  She seems to have a strong fanbase.  So why this?  And why with Scary Spice?  The whole thing is like something some overgrown frat boy sketched on a cocktail napkin while drunk.
Mallory:  I feel like most soap stars don't have great job security but SHE does. Frons loves her and bent over backward to get her to re-sign. I feel like this is just...tacky. And weird! I don't know what she's hoping to get out of something like this, I really don't.

I seriously need help understanding this.  I also need to erase those stick-on-bra and rhinestone g-string images from my mind, so I'm going to reach back into Expression Hall of Fame history and bust out with one of my favorite Kelly Monaco moments ever:  Very Drunk Sam!
DrunkSam1
DrunkSam2
DrunkSam3
DrunkSam4
DrunkSam5

Come to think of it, maybe the reason those scenes made us want to do happy hour with Kelly Monaco is that she seems to be so very comfortable holding that martini glass.  Perhaps real-life imbibing is what led to this whole Vegas thing?  If that is the case, as Mal says, Kelly needs new friends.  Because even if we were well and truly sauced, if a good friend of mine proposed a "classy" Vegas strip-tease gig, my reaction would have been, how can I put this politely . . .

CamBitchPlease

bitch, please.  If that friend were Kelly Monaco, I would have said "bitch, please" and then demanded her workout tips.  But you get what I mean:  Friends don't let friends do topless acts in Vegas.  So clearly, Kelly Monaco needs new friends. 

But I'm probably being too Type-A and judge-y about this.  What say you?

Comments

I used to work in a store that sold dancewear and I can tell you right now, this show looks roughly INFINITELY more "classy" than regular strippers I saw on a daily basis. It's not a great career move, and I do wish she looked like she was having fun with it, but if she wants to have some fun in Vegas and get paid for it, there are worse things to do.

Also, I think it's funny that some people seem okay with Greg Vaughan stripping, but oh no, Kelly can't do it because it's sleazy and degrading? Just because a woman dances does not make her automatically a tragedy to the whole of womankind. Live and let live and let her enjoy her still-smokin' bod while she can.

I love Kelly and I wish her all the best.

I think people would be reminded of her playboy days regardless. Before there were any hints of this vegas show, in write ups about her, they more often than not mentioned playboy, even if it was more than 10 years ago. And I believe Kelly has said on several occasions she wasn't ashamed of her past or the choices she made. She pretty much shrugs it off and does what she wants.

It is what it is at the end of the day. For almost a year, Sam was running around in bikinis, hoping in hot tubs and all that jazz. Kelly is pretty much doing the same thing in this show since she isn't even topless. Aside from better music and hotter guys what's the difference between her playing Sam and her being on stage in her undies?

Yeah, I think people need to lighten up. I won't call anyone a prude but for real, there are more questionable GH stars out there. Somehow I repect Kelly more than those who ask fans to sell juice.

I don't think KeMo feels this is questionable at all. DWTS may have been outside her comfort zone but this isn't because she is extremely comfortable with her body. She's never been ashamed of her Playboy connection (she submitted her pics at 19 and was immediately chosen as Miss April) nor has she tried to hide it. To this day she still parties regularly with the Playboy girls (she's featured in gossip mags fairly regularly - sometimes every weekend - with them either at the mansion or in Vegas well before this show).

So for her this isn't a bad career move -- it's an extension of her lifestyle and even better, she's backed by some very important people in her chosen world.

Is it for me? Nope. Not at all. (Of course, if I had her body I might think otherwise!) But I think she will succeed in her chosen venue and this will open the sort of doors she's interested in. I think she probably realizes she'll never be Meryl Streep and more importantly, that her youth and sexuality has a limited shelf life so she's capitalizing on that. (She really just barely missed out capitalizing on her DWTS fame which might have taken her another direction -- but the writers strike really screwed with that.)

Of course, it completely grosses me out that Frons and Guza probably have front-row tickets reserved every weekend (and rehearsal tapes that they play slo-mo in and endless loop in their darkened offices). I don't mean that as a knock on her because I think she's quite good on GH -- but rather as a knock on them because they're such pigs (you know it's true!) The only downside is I think she's looking a lot harder lately and that partying is going to catch up to her. (Of course, she's still a rockin' 10 and better looking than I'll ever be.)

PS ... and having said all that ... Mock On, Ladies, Mock on! ;o)

First off, I think she looks gorgeous and as Rosie says, if I looked like her I'd be hanging out naked in the frozen foods section of the local supermarket! She may have absolutely no problem with her magazine past, and may actually think this is a good move for her careerwise. . . I personally don't see it, but maybe she's looking for something different than what I'd be looking for, from her career??

Anyway, I thought your analysis was very funny as usual and I don't think you crossed any lines. . .

What I'm really wondering about is what you thought about GH the last few days (especially yesterday). . .self recriminations galore by the "sonny set" and some funnies put in their either by the writers (unlikely) or the funny was played up by the actors, or both. I've actually. . . dare I say it. . .enjoyed it!

When I first heard about the show, I was like okay that could be interesting. Then, I saw the pics and was like WHA?

Kelly is attractive and has a fantastic body. I'm sure she works hard for it and she can flaunt for money or for free. Personally, I just don't see how this show is helpful for her acting career, but then I'm sure people were shocked at first by her choice to do DWTS and look how that turned out.

Finally, when you put yourself out there you are for better or for worse going to get comments and not for nothing but I'm sure Kelly expected people to talk and I can only imagine that was a part of the allure. Anyway, I think your post was fun and funny without crossing any lines.

There is nothing classy about Vegas; never has been. Sure, she has every right to take her clothes off for money. But that doesn't make it ok. And before you say it, I'm well aware that Kelly Monaco doesn't care what I think of her. Doesn't change my opinion.

they have the video of KMo in Vegas http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BFJkbkyLeI0

Hey Val, you totally missed my point. Probably my bad, so sorry, and I'll try again. I didn't say Kelly or her show was degrading or anything like it. I like Kelly, and I think she is funny and obviously perfectly built for teenie tiny outfits. Holy Hotness right?

I was just trying to make a funny :-) Like how goofy it would be to see Greg V in a Chipendale's show. And how as cheesy as those shows are, for him, I would go!

And how hilarious it would be to see more soap actors turn up in odd jobs once all the soaps get cancelled and the economy continues to struggle......

How about powerhouse Kim Zimmer in dinner theater? Or Bradford Anderson doing kids parties in a clown suit? Jason Thompson teaching a class at the Learning Annex on "Hotness"? Susan Lucci hocking shampoo and cheap handbags on QVC...wait, she already does that doesn't she?

On the other hand....

I don't want to see Peter Bergman doing Advil commercials! I love me some Jack. Example, I was an AW fan. Now when I see Stephen Schnetzer (Cass) doing similar ads it makes me sad. I miss him as Cass stirring up trouble with Felicia (Linda Dano).

So in wacky conclusion, what ever the future holds for soap actors I wish them all well. For the writers, producers and show runners I say welcome to unemployment you evil hacks! Enjoy the government cheese!


Sorry, Sarah! :) I certainly didn't mean that you had implied Kelly's act was degrading, it's just simply an argument I've heard from others who drool just the same over the idea of male celebrities gettin' nude. My combination of the two points was perhaps hurried and not quite as well-organized as it could have been.

As for me, I'd probably see Kelly if I had the chance, and the same for Greg Vaughan too! I am always in favor of attractive people showing some skin if they're comfortable doing it and it's their choice, no matter who they are. I'm probably less puritan than most, but let's face it - the only way we can get rid of some of the unfair shame that exists out there is by talking about it.

But of more concern to me is the badness of soap writers these days - no joke, whichever poster remarked on the bad writing that made a Vegas show look like a good alternative (objectively speaking and I'm sorry I forgot your name, poster!) was right on the money.

THanks Val..that was me!

Thanks for the vid link, Pharangese. I'm stunned to say this (as one who loved her in DWTS) but she seems oddly graceless in that clip. Her striptease is not provocative so much as mechanical and disjointed (and no, not disjointed in the sections where they obviously cut to a new segment ... her moves are disjointed).

One thing about burlesque is that it doesn't have to be nasty but it does have to be sensual. This just ... wasn't (for me at least). It's more like one of the Playboy poker videos on YouTube that another poster shared. It just didn't work for me, but then, I'm not her targeted demo I guess. :o)

Incidentally, I say this as one who loves KeMo and thought she was incredible in DWTS. Although dancing didn't come easily to her, she worked so hard that she accomplished miracles and deserved the mirror ball trophy. I'm sure she worked equally hard at this but for some reason it just doesn't flow for me. Eh ... she's still got a rockin' bod which is why 98% of her audience will buy tix I guess. But there's a lot more to a striptease than simply taking your clothes off.

For those who think a male star wouldn't get as much static, I have two words: Marcus Patrick.

Girl has got body. I adore her and I wish her the best of luck in whatever she does. When I saw her, she looked good, but I'm not sure I'd go see it.

Okay, I'd go see it if I happened to be in Vegas. Why lie?

not that kemo is old but i think she should be past all this stripping barely clothes thing by now. playboy was a long time ago, i dont think she will be taken serioulsy as an actress if she always takes these kind of roles, and why does she never wear clothing. she needs to grow up a bit

She must really hate doing GH if she took a break from it to do this!!!!! She's a hack as an actress though so what ever she has to do to make money I guess she should do.

I am with you ladies all the way! I just can't figure why in the world DISNEY would be behind this in any way... meaning allow her time off from GH to do a "STRIP SHOW"...
I certainly hope none of my daughters friends see any of this! They are teens and most think Sam is 'cool'! thankfully my daughter isn't a Sam fan! But if she were I would be upset! I don't care how 'great' Kelly's body is.. to use it this way is just a step down for her IMO... I think you guys are spot on and she for sure needs some 'intervention' from someone!

I side with Becca and Mallory on this one. DWTS was cool because she had to actually, you know, DANCE. But this gig seems to be entirely based on the fact that she has a killer body and is willing to bare it.

"WE COULD'VE GOTTEN ANYONE TO DO THIS SHOW! JANET JACKSON! MADONNA! NOMI MALONE! BUT KELLY MONACO IS WHAT VEGAS IS ALL ABOUT!!"

hi its me ur cousin giavanna my friend caitlin loves u on ur show she loves sam!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! u must make a lot of $$$$$$ on ur show call 2159708759

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