The Kids Are All Right, But I Can't Say The Same For The Rest of the Show
A surprising amount of people have found their way to Serial Drama lately via an image search for "cute babies", which surprised me at first, but then I realized that, while we don't often give soaps credit for much, we do give them credit for their cute babies ('sup, Cam?).
Latching on to something positive and ruining it is what General Hospital does best (we all remember the chocolate cake incident, right?), so it makes a sad sort of sense that an entire episode about babies, either living, hoped-for or foreshadowed, was terrible from start to finish.
Emma is by far the best part of the execrable postpartum depression story. Her little baby facial expressions crack me up. I especially like how she was visibly annoyed during Patrick's soliloquy about fatherhood, rolling her eyes as if to say, "Here he goes again with the father of the year story"
and then plainly thinking, "If I ignore him, maybe he'll stop talking".
And yes, I know that she is a baby and doesn't have complex thoughts, but you know what? I need something entertaining to cling to in a story that has managed to make me irritated with everyone involved and if the only entertaining thing is a particularly emotive child actor, well, so be it.
Who would have thought that I would spend the better part of 2009 irked beyond belief with Robin and Patrick? I went from a card-carrying Scrubs fangirl (or fangurl? I've gotten accused of being both, and I get the idea that "fangurl" is somehow worse) to officially putting them both on notice to cringing as soon as I check the TiVo episode description and seeing that they'll be on. Thank you, Bob Guza, for proving that you can and will rob me of all of life's joys.
My complaints about this story are myriad (it is never-ending; it is poorly researched and pretty much a spit in the face to anybody who currently suffers from, or know someone who suffers from, PPD; it is boring; it is poorly written; and did I mention that it is never-ending?) and today's episode reminded me of several more:
- Patrick, if you think your wife cheated on you/is currently cheating on you/wants to cheat on you, CONFRONT HER ABOUT IT. You are a married freaking neurosurgeon, not a sixth grader. Act like an adult.
- “Why does everything I say sound so awful?” Um, because everything you have said lately is awful, Robin. She has had her bitchpants on with everybody (except Jason; Robin is a lot of things, but she is not blasphemous). It's hard to be on her side about getting treatment and taking anti-depressants when she is so obviously miserable about it.
- How can Patrick go, in the course of one sentence, from "I am worried that Robin will jump off the docks" to "here's an idea, spend some time with Emma"? Yes, let's force a person you think is suicidal to spend time with her baby!
- Freaking Kelly "I didn't pick up on the fact that Maxie was pregnant with a pillow" Lee is the voice of reason
- Robin's explanation of why she is hesitant to take the anti-depressants (they fog up her thinking) seemed less like an explanation and more a way for the writers to drag this story out even longer
- I don't like complaining about something that puts Becky Herbst onscreen, because seriously, I am always going to be a pro-Liz advocate, buuuuut: the Patrick/Liz element is an added layer that this story doesn't need. There are plenty of obstacles in Patrick and Robin's relationship without throwing jealousy over Liz into the mix.
And who could have guessed that Robin would stumble upon Patrick and Liz and Cam (!!!) and Jake and Emma playing shiny, happy family?
Headless people. Headless people could have guessed that. Subtlety, like so many other things, is something that GH does not do well.
Dear General Hospital,
If Carly is pregnant (I am assuming that she is based on the fainting, because fainting on soaps means either pregnancy or brain tumor, and since she has not yet had sex with a ghost, I am ruling out brain tumor), pleasepleasePLEASE let her baby survive. By default, she has become my favorite character on the show, which is shocking and troublesome and wrong, but it is the truth, and I want good things for her. And also...if I have to sit through one more dead or maimed baby story on a soap, I will not be held responsible for my actions.
I originally wrote, "The Claudia and Sonny storyline continues to repulse me", but that doesn't quite do my feeling of sickness, horror and nausea justice. It's so much more than repulsion! I don't think one word can sum it up. It's more like a sound. Like Liz Lemon's "blurg" meets "gag", so..."glurg"?
I think "glurg" is how I will put it from now on in lieu of discussing their relationship in detail, because watching their "relationship" (I will call it that because it is easier to type than "revoltingly dysfunctional union with literally no redeeming qualities") unfold is bad enough; having to write about it is even more painful because it forces me to remember things that are better left repressed.
Sonny and Claudia having sex in seemingly every episode? Glurg.
Claudia becoming increasingly unhinged in her efforts to conceive Sonny's hundredth child and running around Port Charles like an escaped mental patient in cheap pleather? Glurg.
The close-up of Claudia's book about pregnancy and the fact that it made me have to contemplate the logistics of these two making a baby? Glurg.
Claudia lying on her back with her legs up after sex with Sonny? Glurg.
This show actually makes me feel dirty.