This Show Confuses Me, Again, Some More
Well, that didn't last long...
I ended Friday's episode of General Hospital on a high, all "That maybe wasn't kind of so bad" (the state of GH is so bad that half-hearted, begrudging positivity counts as a high), and I ended today's episode befuddled, bored and more than a little irritated. It's so good for things to be back to normal!
As is often the case, I have questions about this show (the two weighing heaviest on my mind, "Double you tee eff?" and "How the hell does Bob Guza still have a job?" are not included below, because reflecting on their sheer unanswerability is depressing)...
Was anyone in the world really clamoring for the return of Billy Dee Williams to GH? Actually, don't tell me if you were, because I'd sleep better at night not knowing that people like that exist.
I wonder which Billy Dee (I totally forgot that his name on the show was actually Toussaint, because I don't think I ever called him that) will reappear: the jerky one from Night Shift 2, or the creepy, elevator-loving (not a euphemism) one from Night Shift 1? I also wondered if he will put any more effort into the whole acting thing than he did towards the end of the last season of Night Shift, but I am pretty sure that it is physiologically impossible to exert less effort than he did towards the end of the show...
Is it just me, or was Spinelli kind of a little bit awesome on Monday?
I am just as surprised as you are to read that sentence, because my feelings for Spinelli are more often than not of the not so, you know, good variety, but I am trying to be a more fair person and not have kneejerk reactions to things. It is tough, especially when I see girls wearing tights in lieu of pants and my natural instinct is to silently judge them, but I feel it is something I need to do in order to be a more well-rounded person. So, with that resolution in mind, I have to give credit where credit is due: Spinelli's reaction to Johnny and Maxie's kiss was nothing short of entertaining.
Spinelli: Right. Oh. Of course -- the only natural solution to every altercation is to go for the jugular. It doesn't matter if the disagreement is important or trivial. The end result has to be maximum damage!
Maxie: Why are you talking to me like this?
Spinelli: Like what?
Maxie: Cold and detached, not you.
Spinelli: How would you have me respond? What constitutes proper behavior when the only girl you desire makes it perfectly clear that she prefers Mr. Perfect 41 regular?
Maxie:No, Spinelli, that's not true. You're my --
Spinelli: If you say "essential person," I will start screaming and never stop.
I am so pleased that they didn't automatically go to the Sad, Wallowing Spinelli well and let him get angry, AND made fun of the irksome "essential person" phrase AND let him talk like an actual human being. It can't be a coincidence that he becomes 80 percent more tolerable when he speaks English, right?
What...the hell? How is this even possible?
Either he is in the most unflattering lighting EVER, or all Maurice Benard eats is yams, followed by a Tang chaser.
In addition to limitless snarkiness and great bone structure, does Rick Hearst also have super human facial hair growing powers?
The man's got skills.
Are they ever going to stop trying to make this happen?
It's not going to happen! And even if it DOES happen, none of us will be around to see it because we will have all died of boredom in the meantime.
Did I hallucinate, or were Monica, Edward, Bobbie AND Alexis on today's episode?
OMG IT'S A MIRACLE!
Now let's wait for them to get a real story!
**NOTE: HOLDING YOUR BREATH FOR THIS MAY LEAD TO DEATH**
What do you do to pass the time during the Scrubs PPD story?
Today, rather than let Guza & Co. try their best to make me hate Robin and Patrick and the letters P and D, I played Scrabble online, gave myself a pedicure and thought about how awesome the movie Date Night is going to be.
Remember the days when we complained that Robin and Patrick were never onscreen, and never had a real story? I would use my life savings to go back to that era. What innocent times those were!
What the HELL are they trying to do with Claudia?
Claudia: I honestly don't know how you could think that I could live in this house with you Sonny, and eat with you and sleep with you and have something to do with hurting your son.
First of all, stop reminding us about how you and Sonny sleep together! It is sick-making when it happens, and even more so when we are caught off guard and reminded of it.
Secondly...um, you did have something to do with hurting his son you freaking sociopath. Are we all supposed to say to ourselves, "Hey, she sure is saying she didn't do anything wrong an awful lot. Maybe she's right and she didn't do anything wrong. We imagined the whole thing!"? Sarah Brown is good, but she's not that good.
Okay, that's not a question, but it is an encapsulation of my feelings about Ethan.
Lucky: Lulu needs her family today. You know what? For some insane reason, I thought you just might care. You might want to just try to step up a little as a father.
Ethan: Hey, back off, all right? Some of us would be honored to have Luke as a father. You know, what a burden it must be to get stuck with Luke Spencer as a father. What a terrible disappointment to be saddled with a savvy, original thinker who lives life on his own terms.
Am I a fool for being excited about Helena's return?
I am, aren't I? But even though I am sure the story will be awful, lame and stupid (this is GH we're talking about after all), I am excited nonetheless because Helena is so over-the-top and crazy and fun to watch.
Helena: Congratulations. I'm delighted to see General Hospital is back in business, and didn't my grandson do a fabulous job on the renovations? I suggest you enjoy it, because it will be his last act of charity. Nikolas, my darling, everything I have done, as always, is for you. Until you meet my demands, no good deed of yours shall go unpunished.
I give them three episodes before they completely ass it up.