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« My Eyes Are Leaking! | Main | Smells Like Teen Angst »

May 19, 2009

And then There Were None. No Viewers, That Is

What follows is a purely hypothetical exercise, because, in all likelihood, no one will ever ask you "Why so much hatred for Charles Pratt?", mostly because they know innately that he is the worst, even if they are completely unfamiliar with All My Children or his previous work.

If, however, someone happened to ask you, "Why so much hatred for Charles Pratt?", you can pull out an annotated list detailing the reign of terror he has enacted which, by the time he gets fired (or the show gets canceled, whichever comes first), will rival Gone With the Wind in size, a list which can be updated today with the following piece of evidence to bolster your argument: 

OMFG HE KILLED ADAM STUART CHANDLER

I am completely distressed by this, even though I knew that it was coming, and even though if I HAD to choose between Adam and Stuart, I would choose Adam, and even though Stuart appears roughly once a quarter so it's not like a gaping hole will be left on the canvas. If anything, that makes it even more distressing! The character has been on the show for 25 years, and is hardly ever on, so killing him off just seems to flipping the bird to the audience. "Oh, this character is beloved, and you'd rather him live peacefully off camera and occasionally interact with his son? That's cute. Hold that thought while I violently murder him."

He never fails to fail, does he?

Divider

While we are all accustomed to limitless horror coming from Pratt's poison pen, we are equally accustomed to David Canary being classy, awesome and a blend of the two, further exemplified by this interview with TV Guide.

AMC promised to kill off a beloved character and, for once, it isn’t an exaggeration. Stuart’s death is sure to upset a lot of viewers.
Well, I don’t want to be crass about it, but upsetting people is what they want to do. Killing Stuart gets attention. It certainly got my attention!

What will you miss most about playing Stuart?
I’ll tell you this: It’s going to be harder to win an Emmy! I’m embarrassed to admit it but I’ve won the Emmy five times, and every time I have submitted Stuart scenes. But I’m accepting this as a challenge. I think it’s going to help the show, and has the potential to be something very poignant, maybe even beautiful. Of course, we’ll see if having Adam solo is going to carry the weight the two of them did. I doubt that it will. But this does give us the chance to see another side of him—the broken-hearted man who feels he better get his life in order or else. This is going to put some real energy into the show. So, one way or the other, the spirit of Stuart will live on.

I absolutely adore him. I want to have drinks with him (in a non-randy way, because he is 45 years older than me*), and he can regale me with stories about AMC and Bonanza and whatever fascinating things he does in his spare time, because I am sure he is the type of person to have fascinating hobbies, and I will tell him, "You are just delightful, David Canary", because I would feel weird just calling him David.

*I am having a moral dilemma, though: I think that Adam Mayfield, who plays Scott, is adorable.

Scottchandler

I also think that he looks like a young David Canary (and far more like David Canary than any of the actors playing characters who are Chandlers by blood, go figure). Does this mean that I secretly do find David Canary to be adorable, even if he is in the same age bracket as my grandparents?

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It seems that Pratt used all of his energy coming up with the plot for the groundbreaking ("...") murder mystery on screens now and gave no thought to what would come next, because very little of it makes sense. JR accused Scott of being the murderer at one point and then in the next scene was convinced it was Annie. What's with the police tape being around the living room only, and not the entire property? How did Natalia become a cop in, like, six weeks? Why did Tad's brain surgery only last three minutes? Why is Liza pretending to be pregnant, is she going to want to adopt Amanda's baby, and for what purpose? How can Kendall be involved in a murder and have a son she thought was dead and an arrested ex-husband and stress up the wazoo and still look like a supermodel? Nobody thought to themselves, "Adam is dead. Maybe we should mention it to his twin brother". I know people believe in twintuition, but it cannot be relied upon!

SO MANY QUESTIONS! SO MUCH ANGER! SO MUCH JEALOUSY THAT THIS MAN HAS A SOAP WRITING JOB AND I DON'T.

Comments

If I ran a soap, I'd hire you, Mallory. In a heartbeat.

I knew that effin a**hole was going to murder Stuart, I knew it, but I still can't stand it. Though it's been a very long time since Stuart was a regular, still the Stuart/Adam scenes were always amazing to me. Stuart could easily be seen as a mentally slow goodie goodie, but he was so much more complex than that. And DC played him brilliantly.

In DC's interview he all out admits TIIC want to upset viewers. Fine, I can accept that. Or I could if they also wanted to entertain, engage, reward, titilate, inspire, inform, and give their viewers a show to love and crave. But they don't do any of that anymore. It's all effin upsetting, and by damn design! And that I just don't get. Why should the only thing a daytime drama gives it's fans and viewers is pain?

How is that good business or entertainment or even something to be proud of? How has this industry sunk so low that the only goal is to upset viewers?

I think that Mayfield is a perfect match as Scott Chandler and he does remind me of David Canary, which isn't a bad thing. He's got that quirky and cute vibe and I LOVE that he's a giant (so tall) compared to most of his co-stars.

Thank you, Celine! I like to think I'd do a good job, or at least wouldn't completely ruin a show within a month...

Difficult Diva, he IS a giant compared to the rest of the cast! According to IMDB, he is 6'2, which is tall, but I'd have guessed he was even taller. AMC must be populated by munchkins!

OK, I'll admit that I'm a bit of a cyber stalker.

That said, did you know this about David Canary's daughter. WOW!!!

I'm not going to judge him. His daughter's a grown woman. But, WOW!!!

OK, the link didn't work.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0224577/bio

Cece, I hear "I Love Tits!" is quite the masterpiece.

Cece, I think I heard that before, but reading about it shocked me all over again! Wow, indeed. "Jizz Junkies" sounds like it could have been a serious awards contender...

I suppose you can partly blame Pratt for this. I've been recording and watching AMC daily since 1982 or so. About a month ago, I removed it (along with the other two ABC shows...which I haven't been watching for quite as long) from my DVR schedule. And, you know what? I don't miss any of 'em. On AMC, I just got too tired of watching the Ryan worship. The character makes no sense. Why does everyone in Pine Valley love him? On OLTL, it all just got too boring. On GH, I finally just got tired of the mob stuff. I'd been reflexively watching all 3 shows for at least 3 years without truly enjoying any of them. There would *maybe* be one storyline on each show that would sort of keep me around. But, the writers always found ways to screw those stories up to where I'd give up on 'em. I'd maybe start getting interested in another story, though, so would stick around. If finally dawned on me that I really wasn't enjoying any of 'em so I stopped recording 'em.

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