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« People Now Think You're Wearing a Rug. Is That Not Motivation Enough?! | Main | Soap Blog Coalition »

May 27, 2009

[Insert Witty Description Of Boredom and Annoyance Here]

If General Hospital is good for anything, it is good for giving me ample opportunity to find new and exciting ways to roll my eyes. When and if the the Olympics ever get their act together and introduce eyerolling as a sport, I'd be a shoo-in for the US team and would probably win the gold medal. I don't mean to be conceited or anything, but it's important for a person to know his/her strengths, and one of my strengths is my wide range of eyerolls, from the nearly imperceptible and subtle, to the huge, melodramatic eyeroll favored by Paul Rudd. During my post-medal interview on The Today Show, I'd make a point of thanking GH for being my training regimen, thanks to its full-fledged commitment to being irritating.

POP QUIZ

Three of the following pieces of dialogue were actually spoken on Tuesday's episode; only one of them is imaginary. Can you spot the fake?

a) Sonny: We were idiots...

b) Lulu: (Upon hearing that her father's extramarital affair with Holly was not a love child producing affair, just a run-of-the mill one) I'm sorry!

c) Edward: I've always been very fond of you, Carly. You're tough, and you're resilient, and you're smart, everything I admire in a woman.

d) Jason: I'm just checking in on you. I can stay, I can leave, whatever you want me to do.

   Michael: Get out!

Answer after the jump!

a) Sonny: We were idiots...

This startling moment of self awareness actually DID happen. Granted, it was brief and he was referring to his (and Carly's and Edward's) idiocy in terms of fighting in front of Michael minutes earlier, not the fifteen years worth of bad acts and bad acting he has engaged in since coming to Port Charles, but still, it was spoken and recorded for posterity. Shocking!

I will never, ever take Sonny and Carly's side over Edward's, especially not when Edward is wearing his adorably jaunty cap, but I do feel he has come on a little strong with his grand plan to re-Quartermaine Michael. The kid is obviously reeling from losing a year of his life and does not need to parse through even more drama. And also, he has been acting so foully that I wouldn't be fighting to get custody of him...

However, Edward more than redeemed himself when he pointed out that:

Edward: Every mishap that has befallen this young man in his short life has been because of you.

Carly and Sonny reacted to this well-timed and all too true burn with contempt and duh-face, respectively. When Sonny got his bearings back, he went below the belt:

Sonny: Edward, you might want to get your hearing aid checked.

Yeah, the Weeble took it there. "Oh, yeah, with your facts and your truth-telling? Well, you're OLD. YA BURNT!" It's not like I expect cleverness from him, but I'm still disappointed when he lives down to expectations.

b) Lulu: (Upon hearing that her father's extramarital affair with Holly was not a love child producing affair, just a run-of-the mill one) I'm sorry!

I can see why you may have thought this was fake, because what kind of person who spent most of her life looking up to her parents fairytale romance would feel any sympathy for her father when he finds out that he didn't actually father a child when he cheated on her mother, but, unfortunately, Lulu DID say that, which, ugh, obvi.

I don't buy that Ethan isn't Luke's son, but if he is or if he isn't, I'm still not clear as to why is Lucky the only person peeved by the whole situation. I'm also not understanding what the purpose of ruining Luke (and Holly, for that matter) so thoroughly is, but I think the answer to all of my confusion is "Bob Guza is terrible".

I will say this, though: Nathan Parsons is far better at playing angry than he is at playing smug and charming. I have barely been irritated with him recently! That is mostly because I am too irritated by the destruction of Luke Spencer, but it is also partly because NP is doing a good job.

Also doing a good job? Whoever is responsible for Julie Marie Berman's makeup and wardrobe, which is a sentiment expressed rarely in these parts.

Lulu

 Jmb

She looks gorgeous! Also, her hair looks pretty from the front, but it was actually two buns that looked insane, so it is not included in the above compliment.

c) Edward: I've always been very fond of you, Carly. You're tough, and you're resilient, and you're smart, everything I admire in a woman.

Even in the midst of their squabbling, Edward DID find time to pay Carly a compliment, and reminded me of why I used to find Carly so terrible before she became my favorite character: because she is constantly excused by other characters, and the writers, for being an awful person. Like, we are seeing her doing horrible things, but that's just what happens when a person is so tough and smart and awesome! 

d) Jason: I'm just checking in on you. I can stay, I can leave, whatever you want me to do.

   Michael: Get out!

OBVIOUSLY, this never happened. As if anybody, ever, would turn down an opportunity to spend time with Jason and bask in Jason's greatness.

Michael, in the midst of the aforementioned fight between Carly, Sonny and Edward, had an absolute shitfit

Michael: Shut the hell up, all of you, and get the hell out. Get out!

Remind me again why they are all fighting for him to live with them? I'd be like, "With that attitude? Really? You can have him. Peace out. No need to set up a visitation schedule, I won't be dropping by" after the first time he disrespectfully screamed at me for daring to express concern for his well-being following his year-long coma.

And then Jason The Wise told them to listen to him and offered to leave, too, but Michael said (paraphrased), "No, of course not, I want to spend the rest of the show showering you with compliments" and unburdened his poor, confused soul to Jason The Wise and Jason The Wise was supportive and then Michael repeatedly referred to Jason as brain damaged

Michael: I know you had brain damage, I used to hear people talking about it like it was some big tragedy, but it was no big deal. You seemed normal.

Jason: You seem smart to me.
Michael: What do you know, you're brain damaged

and Jason reacted with either his amused blank stare or his nonplussed blank stare, I can't tell which

Blank1

I reacted with a peal of laughter, in case you were wondering.

UGH. Michael's hatred and resentment would be very entertaining (not to mention realistic) if it extended to Jason and Sonny, but the fury he is unleashing on Carly alone is just a reminder that even though Carly is a writer's pet, she's not quite as important to them as Sonny and Jason, who can do no wrong. 

Divider

Also notable in Port Charles:

Robin and Patrick's reunion.

Scrubs

Utterly sweet. It will take a long time for me to forget how bad the PPD story was, but I am excited that it is quite nearly behind Robin and Patrick and, more importantly, the audience. I especially enjoyed Robin's recap of what PPD is, a recap that completely didn't match the insanity that we saw onscreen and that could have easily been replaced with the words "So remember that PPD I had? Yeah, apparently, that was not PPD at all, which we learned from thousands of angry calls and emails about how ridiculous and offensive our version of PPD is. PPD actually doesn't make you stick your baby in a tree! Who knew? If only the writers had thought to google PPD, we could have avoided all of this. Oh, well!"

On a shallow note, Kimberly McCullough's hair is looking fantastic. I love the length and the style.

Also: Emma!

Emma

She's all, "Hey, mom! I'm just sitting here being ADORABLE. Look at my shirt and hair clip. I am seriously the most ADORABLE thing on this planet".

Spinelli being a gossip

Why on earth did he feel the need to tell Lulu about Johnny and Olivia's hooking up? And why did he repeatedly press her for her reaction? And why is he so insanely annoying?

Spinelli: Fair Lulu's heart doesn't appear to be wounded by what I found to be unsettling news

Shut it, nerd!

Olivia's boobs

Olivia

HOLY BOOBS, OLIVIA.

Comments

Oh Lucky is the only one peeved because I think we're supposed to think he's this jealous insecure a-hole who clearly isn't worthy of being Luke's son. Or to paraphrase: "Bob Guza sucks and cant' read an audience to save his life."

FrankenMichael can go back to the coma at any time. If I can't get the full reverse Jason Morgan I don't want him back. (Am the only one confused as to why he's the only one on this show who has bandages that actually match being shot in the head? Where's the artfully placed band-aid on the corner of the forehead?)

My fave moment from yesterday was when Patrick and Robin were sitting in the restaurant and Patrick said something along the lines of "This has not been my favorite chapter in the Patrick and Robin saga." Amen to that.

Hey, I thought you tricked me. But I read it wrong, because I know that ALL of those things were said yesterday (I was reading Michael's "get out" as a separate comment, not a response to st. Jason).

I agree with the holyolieboobs. So much I went to get my hubby to look, just to give him a little thrill. He thanked me.

I have to say, I liked yesterday's episode, maybe because it had ROBIN!!! Yah!, or maybe because Monica was a voice of reason,(as it should be), or maybe because I like Mikey's sense of humour when he shows it, ("hide the weapons we wouldn't want anyone getting shot in the head". . . "what do you know, you're brain damaged" hehe).

But very likely it's only because it was noticeably missing the bitch from hell, "Elvira" . . . oh, sorry I meant Claudia.

I like this new Michael actor so exponentially more than I liked Dylan Cash that he can say pretty much anything he wants at this point. And while I don't agree with his yelling at Carly, seeing anyone yell at Carly makes me happy, so there's that.

And Julie Berman has been looking gorgeous lately. I can't figure out if the character is intentionally supposed to be looking better, like she's becoming interested in fashion/Maxie is rubbing off on her, or if they got a new wardrobe person (though Olivia's ensemble would suggest otherwise per the latter).

There was so much to chat about in that great post. But I am in shock after that last screencap. Whoah! Did she just get back from the plastic surgeon? And is she going for that Pam Anderson look? They look incredibly painful and fake. I mean really, you could fit a pair of sneakers in the valley of those Tetons. Sad.

How funny and tragic would it be if Edward got his way? Can you imagine if Jason and NuMichael really did move into the Q's Manse and began running ELQ w/ Tracy? Tracy already spends half the year chasing after her ruined drunk cheating unrecognizable husband. And when she is home she manufactures and lies about selling defective condoms. I love her, but big business is not her forte. So that leaves Jason and NuMichael to run ELQ..... both brain damaged rageaholics who kill for money or think killing for money is just super.

There's a recipe for success in good old corporate America :-0

Aww...baby Emma is beginning to garner the same devotion as Cam from me. She is beyond adorable.

I watched for the first time in a long time yesterday just to see Scrubs back together. I found the urge to FF through pretty much everything else.

Olivia does have a pair of knockers on her doesn't she?? They're like a neon sign flashing that all you can do is look at them even if you don't want to.

Olivia obviously went to The Krystal Carey Chandler Martin Hayward School of Fashion For Women Who Are No Longer Ingenues But Want to Show Off Their Rack.

I thought it was weird that Spinelli insisted on telling Lulu about Johnny, but more weird that she really had like NO reaction. It's like the writers are like, oh, yeah, that whole Johnny and Lulu thing? Never happened. We didn't spend two years trying to convince you that Johnny and Lulu were the NEXT GREAT SOAP COUPLE OMG LOVE OF THE 21ST CENTURY.

Great job Mallory! Perfect review of yesterday's show for me except I can't go as far as to say Nathan Parsons is doing a good job playing angry. Personally, I just think he's not doing a piss poor job playing angry like he has been playing smug and charming. Regardless, I would have been perfectly happy to see a bomb wipe out the Haunted Star and take Luke, Holly, Ethan and Lulu with it.

I can kind of see why Laura Wright was so excited about the aging of Michael, but unfortunately for me, I actually watched the custody battle over Michael the first 100 times it occurred on GH and I'm really not interested in watching another. On top of that fact, Chucky is the most annoying obnoxious selfish brat to be SORAS'd since Lulu and it drives me nuts that they all coddle him. The kid needs to be shipped off to Dafur for a week and gain some perspective on his "poor" "sad" privileged life.

"She's all, "Hey, mom! I'm just sitting here being ADORABLE. Look at my shirt and hair clip. I am seriously the most ADORABLE thing on this planet"."

LOL! Can we blame her? She is the most beautiful baby on the soaps.

KMc's hair was gorgeous. She looked so pretty. She and JT make a good looking couple and with Emma, they are the best looking family on the soaps.

Mal, you have got to do a comment on Tony Geary's BS interview in the latest ABC SID.

Patrick, Robin, and Emma are the only people I watch on this show.

Emma IS the most darling baby in the soap world. Beautiful. And cute. GAH!

Totally agree with the PPD SL and cute little Emma. I'm so happy to have my Scorpio-Drake family back.

Simone...I've sent it to her.....and yes BS is the best description of that interview. I want whatever drugs he's on.

Hearing that Scrubs was back and normal sent me to watch clips on YouTube for the first time in months. ADORABLE! The scene with Emma on the changing table was the squee. That little baby is trying to act already. :)

Simone (and my news correspondent Beth R.!) a post about Tony Geary is coming up soon. It will probably be unoriginally titled WTF TONY GEARY?

I am loving the Emma love. She and Cam are probably my favorite characters on the show, which says a whole lot about the show and also about their cuteness.

I am not supporting children disrespecting their parents or adults in general... but I'm not feeling the nuMichael hate. I can't stand Carly so I'm actually enjoying nuMichael's displaced anger. However, Michael giving Sonny and Jason a pass makes no sense! Whatever Guza. *Roll eyes*

Wow! Emma is absolutely beautiful. Cam is also one of my favs on GH. Hee. And, finally, my girl Robin is baaaaaaack! Loved my Scrubs yesterday. I thought GH did it right for a change. Not sure how long that will last though.

Luke and Jax are competing for who is the biggest ass-hole! I hate Guza for spitting on history and his treatment of Lucky enrages me. "Mumbles" Ethan seems more likely to be related to Sonny than Luke or Robert.

Yay! Monica, the voice of reason. Loved her! I have mixed feelings regarding Edward. Paying Carly that sweeping compliment... uh no, but his comments to Sonny were dead on.

I want to freeze Cam and Emma in their current ages on GH. The wonder and cuteness that is them must be spared the Guza treatment.

Looking ahead to NuKristina and NuMichael I weep for the futures of any children on this show. The last young Kristina was adorable as was the last toddler aged Molly. So of course, they are gone.

And toddler Jake? Do we really think there is a future sans mob in this poor kid's life? NOT LIKELY. Carly will be hitting on SORASED Jake as soon as he is recast just to piss off Liz.

I still remember with great fondness the adorable brunette beauty who played little Lulu. And yes, BOTH her parents loved her and wanted her even after they split up. (LUKE IS DEAD TO ME NOW) And she was also adored by both her big brothers. Look at her now. Despite the much improved hair of late, don't you miss the real Lulu who should be about 16 by now?

Shopping Note: Emma's adorable turtle and hearts jammies are available at Baby Gap (sizes from 3 mo. to 5 years)

Blah Blah Blah Patrick and Robin are great. What a shock. The PPD story was actually one that got me half interested in them. Now I'm bored again with them.

i think the fact that Jason had become a "coma whisperer" kills me everytime I summon up the desire to watch. It just makes me laugh because Jason knows everything about coming out of comas. 'Cause he did it once too, and now he knows everything.

My favorite part was on Tuesday though, when Monica showed up for her standard 30 seconds of screen time. And Michael goes, "Wow, that was a good idea bringing her into our discussion."
but then she was banished.
and i felt like I was seeing Guza at work; tempting us with real characters that we had been attached to and the reeling them back in with fishing line so we can listen to Jason Coma Whisperer Morgan talk about how angry not being in a coma anymore really is.

So...Michael is basically A.J. Soprano?

Should have know that you would be on the job, Beth R. The TG interview made me throw up in my mouth. I'm looking forward to your comment, Mal.

Blah Blah Blah Patrick and Robin are great. What a shock. The PPD story was actually one that got me half interested in them. Now I'm bored again with them.

**************
Don't hate. LOL!! I loved the Scorpio-Drake family bonding moments. *hearts*

I really hope Ethan isn't Luke's son, because he and Lulu have better chemistry than virtually every "real" couple on this show except scrubs.

Which I suppose means they actually ARE related... *sigh*

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