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« And then There Were None. No Viewers, That Is | Main | Soap Blog Coalition »

May 20, 2009

Smells Like Teen Angst

Remember that time when I was genuinely moved by Michael waking up? It was only Monday, but it feels like so long ago, mostly because it usually takes me more than 48 hours to change my mind so drastically about something, but here we are: I wish Michael were comatose again!

Michael: You should have been here when I woke up, but you weren't...I don't want you here!

I actually sort of understand Michael's blistering anger towards Carly in theory, because teenagers can often be the worst people in the world and their mothers often get the brunt of their hormone-induced rage, sadly. Teenaged me spent an absurd amount of time screeching at my mother, slamming doors and moaning about how people don't understaaaaand. I yelled the words, "It's like you don't even know me!" more times than I am willing to admit. My mom is a saint and would have been more than justified if she dropped me off at a local orphanage (I think the lack of a local orphanage was probably the only thing stopping her from doing just that), but she was patient and gave me my space and let me grow into a person who...screeches on a blog and still slams doors. Uh, moving on...

So Michael, being a teenager (and a new teenager at that) AND having massive head trauma and being in a coma for a year, is of course going to be a beast. PLUS, he has Carly's DNA, so a lot of attitude is to be expected. I would just understand it more if he was like that with everyone, and not just Carly, but this is General Hospital, the land where reason goes to die.

Conversations from today, paraphrased (but only just):

Sonny: I'm sorry.
Michael: Sorry for what, Dad? You're the best, Dad. Don't apologize, Dad.
Sonny: Someone tried to kill me and shot you instead. I'm the reason you've been in a coma for a year.
Michael: Oh, whatever, Dad! It's not a big deal!
Sonny: You could have died because of me.
Michael: You have nothing to feel guilty for! You shouldn't even be apologizing, but I forgive you anyway!

Michael: You weren't here when I woke up.
Carly: I know, and I am so, so sorry. I have been by your side 23 hours a day and--
Michael: GET OUT OF MY ROOM! I HATE YOU! NEVER SPEAK TO ME AGAIN!
Carly: But--
Michael: I SAID I HATE YOU!

This effing show.

If Michael is already this annoying, and if we are in for a summer filled with Michael...how are we, the innocent GH watching public, going to survive? I may not get to see September! Like, when he was complaining about how Carly got pregnant to replace him? Dude, she lost a baby last year when you ran away and you knew about that! Maybe she was replacing that baby. Carly telling him how badly she wanted him to wake up? "You wanted it so bad that you just left me here!"

And whine, whine, whine, some more!

Michael: You always tell me the truth, Dad. I need to know what happened. She treats me like a baby.

1.) That is what mothers do, especially when their child almost dies and 2.) You were a tween until two weeks ago, so forgive her if she's not used to your newfound maturity yet.

On the plus side, Michael's awakening has given us some great performances. Maurice Benard has been pretty good all week, and since I NEVER say things like that, you know it must be at least a little true.

Sonny: I was supposed to protect you, and I failed.
Michael: Stuff happens.
Sonny: This isn't stuff, buddy, we're talking about your life. I almost lost you. I am so sorry.
Michael: You don't have to keep saying that.
Sonny: I can't say that enough. You are the most precious thing in my life* (Lips trembling) I don't even have the right to ask your forgiveness.

*Somewhere, Morgan is like WTF did I ever do to you, dude?

Drew Garrett hasn't had a whole lot to do besides be surly and confused, but he's done quite a nice job of it! I also like that he kept touching the monitor on his finger because that's a completely realistic little detail.

The true highlight has, of course, been Laura Wright. Since she was robbed of an Emmy nom this year, I can only hope that she is preparing her reel for next year and will perhaps include some of these awesome scenes. She's just been fantastic. I don't know what else to say without seeming like a total fangirl. Her hurt and confusion when Michael was yelling at her, her devastation, her utter love. She has been breaking my heart.

(Also, Carly remains, like, my favorite character on the show, which is something I am having trouble wrapping my head around. Carly!)

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I am also having trouble wrapping my head around the Luke/Holly/Ethan drama, because of sadness and boredom. I have a feeling it is supposed to be an intriguing cat and mouse game, with cons possibly conning each other, but in execution it is just a mess of implausibility and character assassination and mumbling.

As bizarre as it was that this was playing out in Patrick and Robin's living room, I loved seeing Patrick as a befuddled observer and assessing the situation thusly:

Patrick: You're all crazy.

There's not enough "word" in the world, Pattycake.

I also loved Luke's reaction to Patrick's shocking suggestion that they do a DNA test, but because of the implausibility, sadness and boredom mentioned above:

Luke: We don't need any more tests, doctor, we need the truth.

As if another test, done at a hospital that actually follows laws and codes of ethics, wouldn't provide them all with the truth! Patrick, logic never wins in a Logic vs. Contrivance cage match!

I will say that Emma Samms looks beautiful, even if her hair extensions weigh more than a small child.

Holly

I just wish that the powers-that-be had even an inkling about Holly's character history and didn't bring her back for these ludicrous fiascos. I'd also like a pony and a date with Peter Bergman if someone is handing out crazy wishes.

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Sam: Uh oh, this is bad.
Jason: No, it's a miracle.

I LOL'd. People can't tell Jason's happy blank stare from his sad blank stare! Someone needs to update his emotive facial expression chip.

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Then there was the Johnny and Olivia hookup, which was completely random and kind of bizarre. It was also gross how, immediately following their drunken sex, Olivia said "I never saw myself as a cougar", because the whole cougar thing is annoying and followed it up with "I have a son your age". !!! That's exactly what you talk about with a hot guy, post-sex. Your son. Dumbass.

Her dumbassedness was similarly in full force yesterday when she took on the Quartermaines despite being completely ignorant to their long history with Sonny

Edward: It will not be all right until you are out of his life. You are a scourge, Sonny
[<3--Ed.].
Olivia: Ok, ok, hold on one freaking minute here. Who do you people think you are taking a kid away from the only father that he has ever known?
Edward: You may be a very charming young woman, Ms. Falconeri, but you know less than nothing about the hell that this man has brought down on this family.
Olivia: You know what? I'm not so charming. And I know what I need to know, ok? Starting with if you were going to keep Sonny out of Michael's life, you needed to do it a long time ago, like when he was a baby, not now when they're all emotionally connected to one another. You can't come running with your expired ticket and try to jump on the boat, no. No. And another thing, if you think this whole thing has been some kind of picnic for Sonny, then you know nothing about what it is to be a parent.

Pointless AND obnoxious! So glad that they dumped Kate for Kate's cousin and her over the top My Cousin Vinny impression! Ugh! Don't take on the Quartermaines if you don't know what the eff you are talking about, heffa.

And can I state for the record how sick I am of Olivia alluding to the Dante thing whenever someone says the word "secret" in her presence? I hate Dante with a passion usually reserved for characters who have been annoying me for months, and he hasn't even been cast yet. This does not bode well for GH in the future!

I did enjoy Brandon Barash being flirtatious, though. He and Julie Marie Berman had anti-chemistry together, but they sparkle opposite others (JMB unfortunately sparkles with the actor who may be playing her sibling, which is an unfortunate story for another time). I don't think there is any potential for Olivia and Johnny as a real couple, and she makes me seriously insane, so I will have to fast forward them if there is, but BB works well with Lisa LoCicero.

Also, I was again genuinely entertained by something Sonny related (!!! Is it 1995 again and no one told me) when he barged into Olivia's and then realized that she and Johnny hooked up. I think it is absurd that he didn't think that something was going on when she opened the door in lingerie, but it was worth it for his hilarious reaction shot when he saw a shirtless Johnny stroll into the living room.

Sonnyduh

His on purpose dumbfounded is quite nearly as good as his unintentionally dumbfounded face!

Comments

I felt so sorry for Jason Thompson in that scene. You know he was going "Oh god ...WTH did I do to these writers to end up with this?"

Then again I am also confused as to why Lulu didn't pull her shrieking harpie act when she found out her father intentionally set her up with someone who could be her brother. But that's just me using logic.

NuMichael might not be as creepy as the Evil Muppet Child he was like three months ago...but he's still annoying the crap out of me. Mainly because he's robbing of my dream of NuGiantMichael having the reverse Jason Morgan and going full on Q and changing his name to Alan Quatermaine III. Just saying it would have rocked. But noooo he's got to be all cool with Sonny and Jason....apparently Guza monitors my dreams and is determined to crush them too.

Beth, that was also my dream! Sob.

I read in SOD that Olivia was going to say the things that she did to the Quartermaines, but knowing about it in advance doesn't make it any better. Dear writers: We, the audience, have watched Edward trying to keep Michael away from mobsters since he was born until all hope was thwarted. It's not EDWARD'S fault that Michael sees a mobster as his father. It's SONNY'S fault.

Ahhh, Olivia, you are such a major hypocrite. If you think Sonny's a great father, why don't you tell him about Dante??? I'm so pissed Kate's been replaced by Olivia.

Sonny's reaction to Michael was one of the most genuine emotional outbursts I've ever seen in a soap. That being said, must we have yet another character telling Sonny how it's never his fault that zillions of PC citizens are injured and killed in thrice-yearly mob wars? I'm half surprised they haven't somehow made Edward Q. the real shooter. Just to prove that legit business is waaay awfuller than the little ol' mob.

I know it was a fat chance anyway, but I guess we won't see Michael demanding that he be allowed to live with the Quartermaines and changing his name. Still, I was hoping that Guza would end up making Michael a Quartermaine, to truly justify after the fact having him shot and put into a coma.

But it is interesting that a kid who kind of resembles Sean Kanan was put in the role.

My favorite was when Edward told Sonny "We're changing Michael's name back to Quartermaine!" right before he left... I hope this brings us more Qs. I'm sure this hope will be squandered.

I actually quite like Olivia when she's not around Sonny. She has a nice friendship chemistry with Laura Wright (and I, too, am a crazy LW fan. Don't even get me started on the travesty of her not getting nominated for an Emmy!!!) and she and Brandon Barash were pretty cute together. I totally didn't expect to like Olivia and Johnny, but I think I might!

Also awesome was Sam telling Jason that Sonny's relationship with Michael was really twisted!

Since I got all emotional watching GH on youtube, I've spend up my anger...fortunately as soon as I finished this episode of GH I immediately rushed to this blog just so I could see what you would say to the who Michael/Sonny/Carly situation and boy do I still love you girl, and if you were a guy I'm pretty sure I would have tried to find you and stalk you and sent you flowers and pretty little heart cards and then beg you to marry me and FYI I know I'm kinda of new, posting that is because I've followed your stuff for a few months and I found you and Becca to the bestest best friends that made perfect sense in this senseless world that is GH and AMC which would make me seem sad and pathetic but you guys have gotten me through some tough times a few times especially when I wanted to throw both my tv and computer out the window in fastration over those shows which would have been a shame because since I can't leave without my computer I probably would have died as well, so you two saved my life...be proud
Back to the point, I don't think I will like this s/l at all because we all know how this is going to turn out. Jax will lose his baby, again...like gosh can't this guy catch a break. and Carly poor Carly, the only one who didn't give up on my Michael...the only one, which reminds me how the hell does Michael just let go of one year of his life and forgive sonny who was one of the first people to give up on him. I swear to god, although I can't believe I'm about to call someone I have never met evil, but really Guza has to be evil, he is satan's son, the ultimate weapon in world destruction because he is this close to destroying my mind with his BS plots and unimaginative, uninteresting, and absolutely hateful s/l...sigh, okay I'm done
Did I mention i love you guys, bye bye

I don't want Michael in a coma, just dead. Can the writers pull a "Kate" and get him shot again? Except unlike Kate, he dies, and FAST. Ugh! What a little S! And this time, instead of the bullet ricocheting off of a piece of metal, it ricochets off of Olivia and then hits Michael? Two birds n stuff... Haaaaaaaaate her! She was kind of okay when she and Carly were gabbing and being girlfriends, but she's back to being a giant asshole.

I have to admit I now see the chemistry between JMB and BB. When they're in a room ignoring each other, I kinda hope for a longing look.

Okay, I HAVE had a glass of wine (or two), but I have to say, I'm kind of looking forward to the karma that is Michael giving the ol' teen bitch-slapping to Carly.

No one, and I mean NO ONE has ever been able to beat down Carly's harpy-shrew ways, but her son, whom she absolutely adores, is going to be able to do it in spades. Michael has finally figured out that his mom is the reason he's had a bullseye on his back for his entire childhood. He knows Sonny ate lead paint chips as a child and can't be held accountable for his "duh" faces and actions. Carly, on the other hand, let a MOBSTER, for the love of God, who isn't even his biological FATHER raise him and now has the gall to seem SHOCKED that he was hurt? I'm sorry, I think I'm going to like watching karma do its' job.

I can't believe I'm saying this either, but I actually LIKED the scenes with Ethan and Lulu. As far as brothers go, Lucky has been a major turn off for me for quite a few years now. Last one in town to know he's NOT Jake's father, throwing his badge around in toddler tantrums when he doesn't get his way. Bleh. Nikolas is just VOID to me. He could fall off his horse and break his neck tomorrow - hopefully falling on top of Rebeccwhore and killing her too - and I wouldn't miss him for a second.

Ethan and Lulu, on the other hand, could be a great brother-sister team, getting into all kinds of fun mischief. I thought they had great chemistry. IF Guza would let that happen. "Fun" writing is not really his forte.

I shouldn't be admitting out loud that I liked anything about GH. It goes against Guza's evil plot, and if he figures out someone liked something, he'll definitely put some sort of illogical kabosh on it and pronto.

I totally agree regarding Jason's "blank" stare, Mallory! The acting range is...um...nonexistent at this point! If he's not careful, Steve Burton's face will soon morph into one enormous furrowed brow. I get a headache just watching him.

i don't understand where the writers are going with michael being mad at carly. it doesn't even makes sense.

oh, quote of the week this week was when johnny asked claudia "don't you look at your belly and just want to puke." hahahaha

I have to say Johnny and Olivia kind of grossed me out, it was better than Jolu. I love BB and agree about him and JMB not having any chemistry. My question is BB has loads of chemistry with KS - why are we not seeing them? I really wish they would put Johnny and Maxie together. That I would enjoy.

Wait, wait, wait... you post Sonny's reaction shot to shirtless Johnny, but don't post shirtless Johnny? The hell is wrong with you?!!

Even if Patrick wasn't already one of my favorites, he would have earned some points today by saying out loud what we were all already thinking. "You guys are crazy" just about sums up the lot of them. Way to go Patrick.

I'm still filling up my buckets from Olivia's scene yesterday. How ICK worthy was that? I mean seriously? The ONLY thing that made that whole thing worth while was Sonny's reaction. Hopefully it will lead Sonny down the path of actually having a healthy romantic and sexual relationship with someone that obviously actually knows him and DIDN'T get his kid shot in the head.

And Carly is working it. I fall in love with the woman more every day. Apparently she wasn't nominated for a daytime Emmy because her acting is better than even that. It deserves an award of its own category.

I don't know what to say to statements like "Maurice Benard has been pretty good all week" and "Also, Carly remains, like, my favorite character on the show". I mean, I get it, I do. This is what happens when they randomly drop Kate Howard and her awesome hair (did Crimson go out of business? I don't watch so I have no idea what actually happened to her), make Robin stick her baby in a freakin' tree, and only bring Alexis out when all the stars and planets align and Steve Burton and Laura Wright and Maurice Benard all have the day off. But still...is this a result of lowered expectations, Mallory? A case of "well, at least no one got shot today...so it's a good day on GH!"?!?

Mkay, I don't mind Johnny and Olivia's age difference (in part because their scenes took a few minutes away from The Michael Show, yawn/barf), but I WAS totally skeeved out by the fact that they seem turned on by said age difference.

Also of note: I, who have hated Sonny and been annoyed by Maurice since the Karen Wexler days, agree that he did a great job when Michael woke up. Is it Stockholm syndrome? Will I be cured if Antonio Sabato, Jr. shows up and punches him in the face?

So Olivia says she knows all she needs to know about the Michael/Sonny,Carly,Jason/Q debacle. Then the wise one goes on to say that if ever there were a time to keep Michael away from Sonny, it was when he was a baby. If she knows all she needs to know, maybe someone needs to tell her that Sonny didn't become Michael's "father" until that boy was 4 or 5. When he was a baby, Jason was his "father", then AJ. Maybe someone should tell her that her great friend Carly strung that baby along and Michael has basically had about four fathers since his existence.

She needs to keep her pathetic mouth shut about things of which she knows nothing. She needs to go back to Bensonhurst since she's so deathly terrified of Sonny finding out that they have a son. She needs to just start practicing what she preaches.

I thought it was funny how she cleary wants Sonny and is sleeping with another mob guy and yet this is the same woman who tried to get in Liz's face about Jason. No matter how she tries to spin it, Michael was shot IN THE HEAD b/c of the "father" that's such a good influence: Sonny.

I agree that LW is knocking it out of the park, but this whole situation with Michael being angry at Carly makes me snicker a little. The only problem I have with it is that Michael should be just as mad at Jason and Sonny for what happened to him. And is the only reason he's angry at Carly b/c she wasn't there when he woke up???

The fact that I feel the need to defend Carly is just foul. Michael is as selfish as ever and I find myself wondering what the whole point of this story is if they aren't going to do a reverse Jason?

Bring on AQ3!

I would just like to complain that New-MyKill was a damn STONE WALL in the face of Laura Wright's ridiculously good acting, and that is serious crap. Why do I still even follow this show? whyyyyy.

This Michael-waking-up storyline has been "developing" for so long and has hogged even more screentime for the chosen few that I have ff'ed through virtually the entire thing and couldn't even scare up a tear when he awoke. Ugh.

The only thing I find the least bit watchable lately are scenes with Lulu and Ethan. Who have crazy-good chemistry. And are probably siblings. How stupid do you have to be to allow two characters who don't gross us out or bore us to tears together NOT be brother and sister???

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