Smells Like Teen Angst
Remember that time when I was genuinely moved by Michael waking up? It was only Monday, but it feels like so long ago, mostly because it usually takes me more than 48 hours to change my mind so drastically about something, but here we are: I wish Michael were comatose again!
Michael: You should have been here when I woke up, but you weren't...I don't want you here!
I actually sort of understand Michael's blistering anger towards Carly in theory, because teenagers can often be the worst people in the world and their mothers often get the brunt of their hormone-induced rage, sadly. Teenaged me spent an absurd amount of time screeching at my mother, slamming doors and moaning about how people don't understaaaaand. I yelled the words, "It's like you don't even know me!" more times than I am willing to admit. My mom is a saint and would have been more than justified if she dropped me off at a local orphanage (I think the lack of a local orphanage was probably the only thing stopping her from doing just that), but she was patient and gave me my space and let me grow into a person who...screeches on a blog and still slams doors. Uh, moving on...
So Michael, being a teenager (and a new teenager at that) AND having massive head trauma and being in a coma for a year, is of course going to be a beast. PLUS, he has Carly's DNA, so a lot of attitude is to be expected. I would just understand it more if he was like that with everyone, and not just Carly, but this is General Hospital, the land where reason goes to die.
Conversations from today, paraphrased (but only just):
Sonny: I'm sorry.
Michael: Sorry for what, Dad? You're the best, Dad. Don't apologize, Dad.
Sonny: Someone tried to kill me and shot you instead. I'm the reason you've been in a coma for a year.
Michael: Oh, whatever, Dad! It's not a big deal!
Sonny: You could have died because of me.
Michael: You have nothing to feel guilty for! You shouldn't even be apologizing, but I forgive you anyway!
Michael: You weren't here when I woke up.
Carly: I know, and I am so, so sorry. I have been by your side 23 hours a day and--
Michael: GET OUT OF MY ROOM! I HATE YOU! NEVER SPEAK TO ME AGAIN!
Michael: I SAID I HATE YOU!
This effing show.
If Michael is already this annoying, and if we are in for a summer filled with Michael...how are we, the innocent GH watching public, going to survive? I may not get to see September! Like, when he was complaining about how Carly got pregnant to replace him? Dude, she lost a baby last year when you ran away and you knew about that! Maybe she was replacing that baby. Carly telling him how badly she wanted him to wake up? "You wanted it so bad that you just left me here!"
And whine, whine, whine, some more!
Michael: You always tell me the truth, Dad. I need to know what happened. She treats me like a baby.
1.) That is what mothers do, especially when their child almost dies and 2.) You were a tween until two weeks ago, so forgive her if she's not used to your newfound maturity yet.
On the plus side, Michael's awakening has given us some great performances. Maurice Benard has been pretty good all week, and since I NEVER say things like that, you know it must be at least a little true.
Sonny: I was supposed to protect you, and I failed.
Michael: Stuff happens.
Sonny: This isn't stuff, buddy, we're talking about your life. I almost lost you. I am so sorry.
Michael: You don't have to keep saying that.
Sonny: I can't say that enough. You are the most precious thing in my life* (Lips trembling) I don't even have the right to ask your forgiveness.
*Somewhere, Morgan is like WTF did I ever do to you, dude?
Drew Garrett hasn't had a whole lot to do besides be surly and confused, but he's done quite a nice job of it! I also like that he kept touching the monitor on his finger because that's a completely realistic little detail.
The true highlight has, of course, been Laura Wright. Since she was robbed of an Emmy nom this year, I can only hope that she is preparing her reel for next year and will perhaps include some of these awesome scenes. She's just been fantastic. I don't know what else to say without seeming like a total fangirl. Her hurt and confusion when Michael was yelling at her, her devastation, her utter love. She has been breaking my heart.
(Also, Carly remains, like, my favorite character on the show, which is something I am having trouble wrapping my head around. Carly!)
I am also having trouble wrapping my head around the Luke/Holly/Ethan drama, because of sadness and boredom. I have a feeling it is supposed to be an intriguing cat and mouse game, with cons possibly conning each other, but in execution it is just a mess of implausibility and character assassination and mumbling.
As bizarre as it was that this was playing out in Patrick and Robin's living room, I loved seeing Patrick as a befuddled observer and assessing the situation thusly:
Patrick: You're all crazy.
There's not enough "word" in the world, Pattycake.
I also loved Luke's reaction to Patrick's shocking suggestion that they do a DNA test, but because of the implausibility, sadness and boredom mentioned above:
Luke: We don't need any more tests, doctor, we need the truth.
As if another test, done at a hospital that actually follows laws and codes of ethics, wouldn't provide them all with the truth! Patrick, logic never wins in a Logic vs. Contrivance cage match!
I will say that Emma Samms looks beautiful, even if her hair extensions weigh more than a small child.
I just wish that the powers-that-be had even an inkling about Holly's character history and didn't bring her back for these ludicrous fiascos. I'd also like a pony and a date with Peter Bergman if someone is handing out crazy wishes.
Sam: Uh oh, this is bad.
Jason: No, it's a miracle.
I LOL'd. People can't tell Jason's happy blank stare from his sad blank stare! Someone needs to update his emotive facial expression chip.
Then there was the Johnny and Olivia hookup, which was completely random and kind of bizarre. It was also gross how, immediately following their drunken sex, Olivia said "I never saw myself as a cougar", because the whole cougar thing is annoying and followed it up with "I have a son your age". !!! That's exactly what you talk about with a hot guy, post-sex. Your son. Dumbass.
Her dumbassedness was similarly in full force yesterday when she took on the Quartermaines despite being completely ignorant to their long history with Sonny
Edward: It will not be all right until you are out of his life. You are a scourge, Sonny
Olivia: Ok, ok, hold on one freaking minute here. Who do you people think you are taking a kid away from the only father that he has ever known?
Edward: You may be a very charming young woman, Ms. Falconeri, but you know less than nothing about the hell that this man has brought down on this family.
Olivia: You know what? I'm not so charming. And I know what I need to know, ok? Starting with if you were going to keep Sonny out of Michael's life, you needed to do it a long time ago, like when he was a baby, not now when they're all emotionally connected to one another. You can't come running with your expired ticket and try to jump on the boat, no. No. And another thing, if you think this whole thing has been some kind of picnic for Sonny, then you know nothing about what it is to be a parent.
Pointless AND obnoxious! So glad that they dumped Kate for Kate's cousin and her over the top My Cousin Vinny impression! Ugh! Don't take on the Quartermaines if you don't know what the eff you are talking about, heffa.
And can I state for the record how sick I am of Olivia alluding to the Dante thing whenever someone says the word "secret" in her presence? I hate Dante with a passion usually reserved for characters who have been annoying me for months, and he hasn't even been cast yet. This does not bode well for GH in the future!
I did enjoy Brandon Barash being flirtatious, though. He and Julie Marie Berman had anti-chemistry together, but they sparkle opposite others (JMB unfortunately sparkles with the actor who may be playing her sibling, which is an unfortunate story for another time). I don't think there is any potential for Olivia and Johnny as a real couple, and she makes me seriously insane, so I will have to fast forward them if there is, but BB works well with Lisa LoCicero.
Also, I was again genuinely entertained by something Sonny related (!!! Is it 1995 again and no one told me) when he barged into Olivia's and then realized that she and Johnny hooked up. I think it is absurd that he didn't think that something was going on when she opened the door in lingerie, but it was worth it for his hilarious reaction shot when he saw a shirtless Johnny stroll into the living room.
His on purpose dumbfounded is quite nearly as good as his unintentionally dumbfounded face!