• About Us
  • FAQ
  • Archives
  • Links
  • SOD Columns


  • Serial Drama on Facebook

Subscribe to Serial Drama

  • Add to Google Reader or Homepage

    Subscribe in Bloglines

    Add to My AOL

    Powered by FeedBurner

« Dramarama On and Offscreen | Main | Our Column In The 6/2 Issue of Soap Opera Digest »

May 24, 2009

Your Burning Questions, Answered

People continue to search the internet for answers to life's biggest questions and, in doing so, bring joy to my life. Pure, unbridled joy. The kind of joy you get only when you find out that someone, somewhere, asked "i need a song that is a sad song for an old mans funeral and it has to do with pigs and childrens". That kind of joy. To pay these people back for this happiness, let's take another look at the search queries that lead people to Serial Drama and try to get them some answers! Except for the old man funeral with a song about pigs and children. I have no idea what that is.


general hospital want something bad to happen to winifred

I fully co-sign this wish. The creation of Winifred was probably one of the worst decisions that General Hospitalhas made recently and when you look at some of the baffling, dreadful decisions they have made, that is saying something. Why would someone think to themselves, "You know what this show needs more of? Mob worshiping. And oh! What if the mob worshiper was an FBI agent who also speaks like Spinelli! How funny would that be? Let's make this happen right away!" and why would their boss say, "You know what, that's a fantastic idea! And let's put her in 42 episodes from January to April!"?

The only way this makes sense is if it were part of some elaborate plot by Claire Coffee to make us see how good we had it when it was just Nadine annoying us all because at least she spoke like a human being. In that case, TOUCHE, CLAIRE COFFEE! TOUCHE!

the hot guy dominic rains youtube

Is this the start of a new trend where we give people descriptive titles to differentiate them from people with the same name? Because I would completely love that trend."That dreamy man Peter Bergman" and "That useless moron Heidi Montag Pratt Just Heidi" may take longer to say, but they get the point across quite nicely. Anyway, try here for all of your Dominic Rains video needs.

young suds make better lovers

I am assuming that this question was supposed to be "young studs make better lovers", which...we are not that kind of blog! But on the off chance that you did actually mean suds as in soap suds...we are still not that kind of blog, but you may be interested to know that bubble baths are thought, by some, to be harmful to your health!

will liza take amanda baby on all my children i hope not

I, too, hope that the story does not take that turn, gentle reader, but I pessimistically feel that it will, because it has all of the elements AMC holds dear: secrets about babies, a complete lack of sense and Jamie Luner in a major role. We are in for a cruel, cruel summer.

serial song stuck in my head

I ALWAYS get songs stuck in my head, and it is always one of the same, like, five songs. For years, I've randomly had the Jesus Christ, Superstar soundtrack stuck in my head. I have no idea why, but I have often woken up singing "Heaven on Their Minds". Who does that? "Touch My Body" is a repeat offender, as is "Something Going on" by Frida from ABBA. I wish I had advice for you, dear googler, about how to rid your head of these annoying earworms, but I don't! All I can say is that I feel your pain.

sam finds out sonny got claudia pregnant

Sam did find out that Sonny got Claudia pregnant and spoke for the entire GH watching populace (so, like, thirteen people) in her hilarious response. Interestingly, Sam has been given the role of truth-teller lately, ably psychoanalyzing the complexities of the Sonny/Michael relationship. Jason, of course, reacted to her truth-telling with a blank stare, but perhaps underneath the dead eyes and the monotone, he, too, was impressed with her insight. Anyway, truth-telling, amusing Sam is quite nice, which means that she'll be ruined (again) in 5...4...3...2...

i have a vintage dairy

I don't know what that is, but it sounds delightfully retro.

all my children crazy to kill off adam

All My Children WOULD be crazy to kill off Adam. I seriously can't imagine Pine Valley without Adam Chandler and his schemes and perfect diction. Perhaps realizing this, the show decided not to kill Adam, but, instead, his twin brother Stuart, which is sad and terrible. Even if they only have him on twice a year, it's still nice having him around like he has been for the past 25 years. But who cares about the show's history when you can have a cheap sweeps stunt with contrived buildup and no real direction, amirite?

why wont michael leave general hospital

I have two theories:

  • The powers-that-be are under the misguided notion that we want to see a teenager have rage issues and take his anger out on his mother, the one person who steadfastly believed in his ability to recover from his gunshot wound to the head, while he completely absolves his criminal father and uncle for their parts in his injury and the rest of his screwed up life
  • The powers-that-be realize that this version of Michael is terrible and is trying to goad us into losing our minds

Either way, we are never going to be free of Michael. The entire show has, in some way, revolved around him since 1997 (!!!), and this has led to countless character assassinations, bizarre storylines and a trashing of the show's history in an ongoing effort to prove that the mafia is bad and everything else is evil, and that Sonny and Carly are always right, and everybody else is wrong and also evil.

dialogues having sexual meaning from star plus dramas


i stopped watching general hospital because of guza

You are not the first, and surely not the last, person to quit this show for that very reason, friend. The man is a hack. A (morally and creatively) bankrupt hack who has (literally and figuratively) set fire to this show during his tenure and has created so many jaw-droppingly awful things that you sort of curse the world for allowing this man to keep his job and not be fired, tarred and feathered and made to walk from California to New York being jeered at by crowds of depressed former GH-viewers, which is obviously the punishment he deserves for the myriad crimes he has inflicted upon the audience. The fact that he still has a job distresses me and makes me want to have a temper tantrum about how unfair the world is. Do you know how many talented soap writers there are who could be a better GH headwriter? Do you know how many talented puppies there are who could be a better GH headwriter?

if tjmax see you shoplifting do they come after you?

I am glad that you decided to do your research before going to TJ Maxx and shoplifting! There are cameras all over those stores and they will come after you if they see you shoplifting. You will possibly be made to pay a fine, or banned from TJ Maxx. Bad decision! Don't do it!

courtney thorne smith use

I am sure that Courtney Thorne Smith is a lovely woman, but she was the antithesis of useful on Melrose Place. God, Allison was lame. How can you be, over the course of the show, blind, alcoholic, and crazy, and still be lame? I blame Billy.

adam mayfield look like david canary

HE DOES! I am struggling with this,personally, because I think Adam Mayfield is cute and this means that I must also find David Canary cute and while I find David Canary to be one of the most wonderful people in all of soapdom, I don't know that I have an actual crush on him, but maybe I do! Weird!

It is amusing that the non-biological Chandler looks the most like Adam and Stuart, because Jacob Young and Brianne Moncrief and Kelly Ripa (Does Hayley even know that her father was presumed dead and that her uncle is dead?!?!?! I know she is busy with Regis, but I think she has a right to know!) certainly don't. Also amusing: the fact that Adam Mayfield looks to be three feet taller than Jacob Young. I love when they have scenes together for that reason (and because they play off of each other very well. But mostly because of the height difference).

cameron so much love

If by Cameron, you are referring to one Mr. Cameron Webber, then yes, he completely deserves all of your love, because he is, without a doubt, the most precious and hilarious person associated with any soap opera--nay, any television series currently on the air! He is pretty much a Serial Drama idol and I always get excited when he is onscreen being adorable and emotive.





If you are referring to another Cameron, such as Diaz or Mathison, this is probably not the blog for you.

day of our lives so boring

Pretty much, yeah. Becca was so desperate for something entertaining in Salem that she had to go back to 1988 to find it.

90s ugly vests

I hope that you are going to a 90s themed party; otherwise, there is no godly reason that someone should be looking for a 90s vest, unless you wanted to remind yourself that a lot of the trends out there now are bad (like the terrycloth strapless jumpsuit I saw at the mall!) but that the 90s were just terrible. Remember the sunflower trend of the mid-90s? I swear, I had like a dozen shirts, accessories and, yes, even hats (!!!) festooned with sunflowers. And the flannel. DEAR GOD, THE FLANNEL.

do you think susan lucci had surgery?

Interestingly, this question, or some variation thereof, has come up before. One of my all-time favorites is "how many times did Susan Lucci have facial surgery on her face?" To answer your question, while I love Susan Lucci beyond all reason, and I think that Erica, Erica Kane is the cat's meow, I do think it's quite clear that she has...um, different facial features than she used to.

La Lucci in 1971:


La Lucci now:


There have also been a few other enhancements, which distracted Becca from the dancing on Dancing With the Stars. A conversation from Susan Lucci's season:

Becca: I am watching Dancing With the Stars and am reminded that I keep forgetting to tell you -- though I know you adore her and therefore I have really tried to ignore this -- that Susan Lucci's implants are terrifying.
Mallory: How do you spell "Becca"? H-A-T-E-R, that's how
Becca: You know it's true! Maybe you just haven't noticed because you've been distracted by her gigantic Erica Kane hair!
Mallory: That's a good point. Who can focus on anything below her neck when her hair is so oversized and stiff looking?
Becca: That is, coincidentally, an apt description of her implants as well!

mallory means what

The name Mallory, which became popular in the 1980s thanks to Family Ties and led to years of teachers taking attendance on the first day of school and saying, "Like Mallory Keaton from Family Ties?" as if I had not heard that reference every year of my life, has two meanings. The German definition is "army counselor". The French definition is "ill-fated". Tragic either way.


I love your search query entries!
True story: I can never remember which blog platform y'all use and so I always end up googling "serial drama" to find you. Well, today I decided to try a different approach and googled "I hate Sonny Corinthos." Yours was the first site that appeared. It was very exciting.

My life would be emptier without knowing what search results led people here.

Emmy, I actually kind of want you to continue to use Google because then I find out stuff like that we are the #1 Sonny-haters on the web, but if you want a shortcut, try serialdramablog.com.

OMG! I feel your pain. My last name is Donahue so I always got the "Are you related to Phil?" bit. Eventually I took to telling people he was my great uncle--it totally threw them off. ;)

These searches are absolutely fascinating. Some of them sort of make sense but others are just totally insane. I'm now tempted to come up with a really fun search & see if it gets me here. Bookmarks are for pansies.

Susan Lucci's implants are SCARY! I remember that dress she was wearing a couple weeks ago I was like OMG, they're like up to her neck!

Cameron Webber RULES! That is all.

That and sometimes people's searches scare me.....

I saw Claire Coffee in a "Dave and Busters" commercial yesterday, and I kind of felt bad for her. To go from overused ingenue on a leading soap to girl having date night in a Dave and Busters commercial in less than a year has to suck bad.

Wasn't Claire Coffee going to be in some sitcom or something? I guess the pilot didn't get picked up... Speaking of which, is it sad that I'm considering watching the trainwreck that the new Melrose Place is bound to be just because Colin Egglesfield is going to be on it?

I hate dramas with dialogues that haves sexual contents, Protect 3 kids for these sexual insinuations it's very hard now days.

Verify your Comment

Previewing your Comment

This is only a preview. Your comment has not yet been posted.

Your comment could not be posted. Error type:
Your comment has been posted. Post another comment

The letters and numbers you entered did not match the image. Please try again.

As a final step before posting your comment, enter the letters and numbers you see in the image below. This prevents automated programs from posting comments.

Having trouble reading this image? View an alternate.


Post a comment