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« I Suppose This Is Technically Giving The Viewers What They Want | Main | Guess Who's Coming to Dinner »

June 23, 2009

Into the Woods

In Mean Girls, when Coach Carr was teaching sex ed, he told the students not to have sex because they will get chlamydia and/or pregnant, and then die. I feel like sex education in Port Charles should address similar downsides to sexual activity, such as

  • you will get pregnant and have a miscarriage
  • you will get pregnant and face some sort of mortal peril
  • you will have a baby who eventually grows up to be shot or otherwise held at gunpoint
  • you will have a baby who you stick in a tree

I don't understand why the General Hospital writers see children merely as new canvases for gunshots and life-threatening danger, when it's patently obvious that soap children are meant to be adorable scenery.



Obviously, Sonny's career and Carly's blind devotion to it are the reason that their children continue to wind up in dangerous scenarios, but since the show believes that their lifestyle is honorable and heroic, the constant danger seems less "karma for Sonny and Carly" than it does "let's exploit the audience's emotions by holding a gun on a kid! Dramatic jackpot!"

And what makes this even better is--wait for it--the person holding the gun on Sonny's kids is...Sonny's kid.



I am unspoiled, so I don't know if Dominic actually is Dante, but the setup is so cliched and ridiculous that it pretty much has to be the case. Dominic's mention of Bensonhurst sealed the deal: you can't come from Bensonhurst and not have some sort of relationship with Sonny. I'm pretty sure the writers actually think that Bensonhurst is an imaginary place they invented...

(Also, the woods in Port Charles are terrible, perhaps even more so than the dangerous-ass park. Mob shootouts, mobsters' children being held hostage, babies being stuffed in trees. It is validating my dislike for the great outdoors!)

I will say that the actor playing Dominante is quite good, in the limited scenes we've seen him in. I reserve the right to change that opinion as soon as tomorrow if it turns out that he is not good at all.

And I kind of enjoy that he proves, once again, that Claudia is the worst at life, and at ordering hits in particular. She hires Sonny and Olivia's child?! I'd figure that the mafia would be big into background checks. Common sense is obviously something else Claudia is terrible at.

Also on that list: using slang.

Claudia: It makes you crazy that he is banging that ho.

It was so awkward that it calls for a douche chill.

Speaking of Johnny "banging" that "ho" Olivia...they are super cute together, and actually have chemistry. Brandon Barash actually knows what to do with his hands when he kisses her! It's amazing. I have many questions about the relationship, such as why Olivia lied about Dante's father for years to keep him away from mob danger and then embarks on a relationship with a mobster, but I'm just going to ignore my inner critic and enjoy the pretty. Especially since they mostly make out, which prevents Olivia from being annoying. Win/win!


Hypothetical situation: you have this handsome, Emmy-winning actor who is pretty fantastic in general, and, it turns out, extra fantastic with his new scene partner, Martha Byrne, and their scenes together are more entertaining than 90% of the show. Do you...

a) Do whatever you can to keep him on canvas and give him a big story

b) Let him languish on the backburner for years, bump him to recurring and watch him leave for another show.



Rebecca: It feels like I'm living someone else's dream...and not just anyone's. Emily's.

We have that in common, Rebecca. When I watch your scenes, I feel like I am watching someone else's drug-induced hallucination. Only the use of narcotics could make the Rebecca/Nikolas/Emily triangle (yes, it is a love triangle) seem entertaining, right? I don't understand, I don't WANT to understand, and I pretty much want to curl up in the fetal position, sobbing, instead of understanding.


The murder mystery still has potential, but the pacing of it seems completely off, and these writers can't be trusted to do...well, anything well, so I don't have high hopes. And I didn't like Maxie's completely random comment about Robin and Emma, and now I am worried about what we're in for. 

Maxie:  Isn't life so weird? A few months ago, you couldn't get Robin to go near Emma, and now you can't pry her off that baby with a crowbar.

I'll let Patrick's facial expression speak for me:


"Seriously, the PPD storyline from hell just ended, and we're already going back to a story about Robin's inappropriate interaction with her baby? HEAVY SIGH".


Yup, that about sums it up Mallory! NotEmily/Rebecca/whatever her name is, makes me want to curl up into a fetal position and sob too.

Scrubs story has potential and Martha Byrne awesome. This blog is nothing if not predictable.

^^Umm...oooook. LMAO!!!!

true story...i havent watched gh since last fall when i finally gave up hope. i tuned in yesterday to watch RH's final scene. GH sucks!

I will be watching Bold to catch him there...that tells you how great he is - i am will to FF thru Brook/Ridge/taylor,,,just to watch RH do what he does.

Please let him be Dante.
We don't need more hell spawn on this effing show!

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