It's Just The Same Old Song...Except Even More Off Key
Today, I started to wonder if, perhaps, I am too critical about General Hospital's tendency to repeat itself, especially when it has become clear to me that I am quite nearly as guilty as GH in doing the same thing over and over (and over). It became obvious to me today when I went to Starbucks and the barista said, "Hey there! Venti iced vanilla latte, coming up!" before I had even opened my mouth to order because I've gotten it everyday for an embarrassingly long span of time. And there was that time that I listened to "Sabotage" by the Beastie Boys for an entire weekend, much to the annoyance of everyone within earshot. And I often watch favorite TV show episodes so often that I know them from start to finish and, if asked, could probably do a dramatic one-woman reenactment of Slap Bet. And there's also the fact that, you know, I repeatedly complain about GH's repetition, which makes me a repetitive hypocrite.
But after watching today's episode, I've decided to let my hypocrite flag fly high, because this kind of creative bankruptcy can't go unmentioned.
First, a pressing issue that many have commented and emailed about: Laura Wright's new hair (can I just say that I love the fact that people associate me with General Hospital hairstyles? Because I do). The people I've heard from seem to be evenly split about whether it's a good look.
What say you?
I am probably not a fair judge, as a recent recipient of a haircut a good four inches shorter than I had asked for, because I keep looking longingly at long hair, which must really creepy, and part of me is like, "But you had such amazing long hair! Why would you cut it?!". But LW has such glorious hair at any length, and the short cut looks healthy and adorable.
SPOILER: Negativity follows! Laura Wright's hair is the show's sole highlight.
Remember when Natalia Livingston left, and the writers decided to kill off Emily, and everybody was a little put off by the fact that an important legacy character was being brutally murdered, and Bob Guza went from soap mag to soap mag all, "Don't worry, we have an awesome story planned for if/when Natalia Livingston comes back" as if we were mourning the loss of the actress and not her beloved character? And how he assured us that it was a brilliant, amazing story we'd all look forward to?
I don't think Guza remembers any of that, because the whole "Rebecca is Emily's TWIN! Who was SOLD! And is now BAD!" story reeks of last minute desperation. It's like he was flipping the channels and landed on All My Children and saw this exact scenario playing out with Babe's heretofore unknown twin sister Marissa being sold at birth. "I can do that! But let's raise the stakes a little. Since Emily was so good..what would happen if her twin was BAD? Awesome!"
Of course, Rebecca is bad only in that she talks with a husky voice occasionally, snaps her gum, cakes on eyeliner and sneers like Billy Idol. How sassy and entertaining! I'm so glad we lost Emily for this!
And then it turns out that on top of those failings, she's kind of dim, as she immediately let the random mumbly con artist she just met in on her plan, as we learned in a series of "jaw-dropping" and "charming" flashbacks.
Rebecca: Blue gin fizz, please.
Ethan: A drink to match your eyes.
Rebecca: Oh, smooth line. Except my eyes are brown.
Ethan: So they are. You know, I would have pegged you for more of a gibson girl myself.
Rebecca: Ah. Wrong again. You're really batting a thousand.
Ethan: You know, believe it or not, my instincts are actually usually spot-on.
Rebecca: Oh. Maybe i'm just not as easy as most of the women you meet.
I will say that there is a secret silver lining to this friendship: we can quickly fast forward their scenes without worrying that we're missing anything aside from unintelligible monologues from Nathan Parsons and a disturbing amount of closeups on Natalia Livingston's cleavage. So there's that, at least.
Alexis:You are deliberately trying to miss the point. Hank and Paige Bowen were very young when they gave birth to their twins. They couldn't afford to keep both children, so they kept Emily, and they gave Rebecca up for adoption. Let me make that clear. They sold her. Which would explain why Paige didn't tell anyone, even Emily, that this other little girl even existed.
Poor Paige Bowen. Part of such a great storyline in the 90s and then all of a sudden turned into a Krystal Careyesque baby-seller.
And HOW FREAKING DUMB is Nikolas? I don't care what kind of deep, spiritual connection you have with the woman who looks exactly like the dead love of your life, and if you love her for all of the great qualities she has that have yet to appear onscreen. You should have some reaction to the fact that she's Emily's twin besides "(Shrug) That doesn't change anything. It's not at all weird that she wound up in Port Charles. Nope. Not at all. Please stop judging her". Any and all bad things that happen to him now because of Rebecca are mostly his fault.
And what was with them trying to build suspense about Nikolas finding Rebecca and Ethan together? Uh, he's shown himself to be relentlessly dim these days, so they could just say, "What are we doing together? Nothing at all! Certainly nothing suspicious!" and he'd say "Okey-dokey" and leave.
I have to admit that Drew Garrett (Michael) and Lexi Ainsworth (Kristina) are both very talented.
That being said, enough with the angry Michael and overly sexual, scheming Kristina. WE GET IT. They are angry and scheming, respectively. We do not need to see them being that way in every scene and explaining to other characters that they are that way. I really resent having my intelligence insulted by the GH writers, of all people.
At least Michael decided to spread his hatred around a little. While he was still insanely angry towards Carly, he did snap at Jason.
Michael: I thought you were someone I could trust. But you're just like the rest of them.
And Kristina got in some digs about St. Jason herself:
Kristina: I hate how Jason acts. Like he's in charge, and nothing the rest of us say matters.
Kristina: Look, I honestly thought I was helping michael. Maybe I was wrong. The point is, Jason was mean and rude. He also happens to kill people for a living, which is pretty unsettling.
Which was unfortunately negated by the over-the-top way she came on to Jason while in her underwear.
That, Kristina, is the very definition of pretty unsettling!
Your originality is groundbreaking. For real. (And hey, "funny" twist that the two women are 1) the character to whom this exact thing has already happened, and 2) the actress who was playing the character at the time. Tee hee! Wink wink nudge! You have truly earned that Emmy nod.)
Who doesn't love pregnant women in distress and the threat of miscarriages, right? Let's sit back and watch the ratings go through the roof!
This show is an asshole.