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« Not Gonna Lie: I Totally Cried | Main | Soap Blog Coalition »

June 10, 2009

Let's Pool Our Resources And Hire This Show a Fact Checker

I know that I am expecting far too much by expecting the depictions of police investigation and criminal trials in Pine Valley to be factually correct, because the powers-that-be have made it perfectly clear that they are not even slightly concerned about creating quality entertainment, so it's highly unlikely that they would expend any effort on making sure their poorly planned and incoherently written plots are accurate.

However, I don't think my standards are unreasonably high here. All I want is a police investigation that is even VAGUELY accurate, if only so that I can make it through an entire scene of the show without guffawing at the stupidity (I wouldn't mind the guffawing, except that I do it so often that it spills over into other scenes. I quite nearly missed Jake and Amanda's adorability yesterday because of it!). I mean, for starters, you can get a pretty good overview of the American legal system just by watching Law & Order, which happens to be on at least one channel at all times of the day. Failing that, Google exists and has an interface so user friendly that even these writers could navigate it; after all, Google taught them the steps to crafting the murder mystery that has led us to this sorry excuse for an investigation

You have Jesse walking around the Chandler grounds that he claims have been secured, which seems highly unlikely since everyone in Pine Valley continues to traipse in and out despite the fact that at a man was murdered there a few weeks ago (BTW, does anybody else want to have a stern discussion with Adam about the concept of security?), without anything covering his feet, or Jackson's feet, or Scott and JR's feet. And then it turns out that the latest smoking gun piece of evidence is a man's shoe print, which leads to Jesse walking around Pine Valley asking men for their shoe size, and then apparently blindly taking them at their word before he continues to trek around town looking for the next person to rule out. Nice detective work, Jesse!

Then there is Liza, who decides to be Zach's lawyer, and now David's lawyer, when she is a suspect herself. This is especially problematic because 1.) why is she so eager to defend someone accused of murdering the beloved Stuart Chandler, who happened to be married to her mother? 2.) why is she so desperate to have Amanda's baby? I mean, that's why she's defending David, right, to keep him from going to jail so that he'll always be a threat to Amanda (which is completely shitty, because she's always so nice to Amanda to her face and then goes off and is plotting behind her back with no rhyme or reason or sanity)? But why couldn't she just go to a sperm bank? 3.) why are they trying to pretend that this character is Liza Colby and when will they realize that the jig is up?

And then there is a police officer assigned to guard Annie, the mentally ill, unstable, violent, would-be kidnapper flight risk who...falls asleep outside of her room. A sleep so deep that he doesn't even stir when she screams for help for a solid two or three minutes. Fantastic.

I don't know who is dumber: the writers, for peddling this, or me, for continuing to watch. Eh, who am I kidding, the writers never lose a dumbness contest.

Comments

This is also Pratt....who worships Guza's feet.....and don't we all remember the greatness and accuracy of Guza's trials.......

The writers would win a dumbness contest with a stump.

You almost missed Jake & Amanda? That would have been horrible!

I can tell you honestly that they are the ONLY thing keeping me tuning in to this mess.

I love my Hubbard family but since all they do is have Angie spend 90% of her time doctor mode & Jesse spend about 97% of his time in cop mode (allegedly) they loose the advantage of having Jesse & Angie around. Not that I won't tune in for the rare scenes with A&J that are actually about them or their family.

You definitely wouldn't have wanted to miss Jake and Amanda. They're all I'm watching of this show - with cameos from head-injury Tad - at the moment. Therefore I am enjoying the show. By watching maybe half an hour per week...

I'm glad someone can find something to enjoy on this show. For my money, not even the Hubbards can save this shite and the lackluster Jake/Amanda certainly don't get it done. First of all, I don't ever want to watch another dead baby lie, full stop. I certainly don't want to watch it told by another sanctimonious Martin for the woman he loves. The fact that Amanda is less despicable than Babe (Amanda is giving her child away) isn't doing her any favors as she became involved with David because she was helping him steal someone else's child. Karma's a bitch. Second, this so called romance is unbelievable, to say the least. A few months ago Jake left skid marks on Amanda's bed to get to Taylor. All because Pratt was trying to pair Ricky Paull Goldin and Beth Ehlers and now I'm supposed to buy that he's fallen for her? Not happening.

Oh, andemcbeal, I know that the story is truly flawed. But I am a sucker, and I think RPG and Chrishell Stause are wonderful together. They are so cute that I am even able to ignore Tad's idiocy in their scenes, which is saying something. I do see where you are coming from, though.

AMC takes it for granted that no one in their audience has ever seen a single episode of LAW & ORDER.

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