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June 02, 2009

Pregnant in Port Charles? TAKE THE ELEVATOR.

Okay, General Hospital writers.  While I really do appreciate your generosity of spirit demonstrated by your dedication to providing us an apparently unending supply of rant-inducing material, I must say this about the end of this promo that aired after yesterday's show (a show that was 92% garbage, BTW):

REALLY? 

REALLY?

Your originality is groundbreakingFor real.  (And hey, "funny" twist that the two women are 1) the character to whom this exact thing has already happened, and 2) the actress who was playing the character at the time.  Tee hee!  Wink wink nudge!  You have truly earned that Emmy nod.)

My job would be so much easier if I could just copy and paste shit I did years ago while demanding a shiny new paycheck.  I'm going to look into that.

Comments

But if you take the elevator, you end up getting a cesarean performed by a brain damaged mobster, aided only by a Swiss army knife and a computer geek and resulting in your bloody death (ala Night Shift 1.) All PC women should only adopt, because they either fall down stairs or get that abruptia placentia thing.

OMG...not ANOTHER pregnant woman falling down the steps. At least it wasn't at the Quartermain mansion like Monica and Carly before...amazing...

MisSTAIRage for the win!

There needs to be a new word for predictable to describe GH, staircases, and pregnancies. And thanks to NS1 we know the elevators aren't safe either for pregnant women in PC. Stacy, the Borg and Spinelli anyone? And w/ Toussaint, the Elevator Whisperer, coming back I recommend repelling down the sides of buildings as the safest way to descend anywhere in that town.

I wish some youtuber would make a compilation video of all the preggers GH ladies who have taken this tumble before. If I watched that reel over and over it might just be the aversion therapy I need to quit watching this show.

Here's who I recall taking the stair tumble of pregnancy doom....

-OG Carly at the Q's when Sonny barged in during her fight w/ AJ.

-Liz pushed by Faith while knocked up by Ric outdoors somewhere.

-Jason during the mystery pointless pizza delivery virus that forced him to be quarantined with Claudia, Spinelli, and the magic berry juice! (He's not technically preggers but it was funny to see him faint and fall!)

-Carly a few weeks ago in her own house for no reason but her Fraternity Blood Disease.

-Post pregnancy Robin shot Emma in her stroller down the new stairs at GH. (All new sets will have stairs so more pregnant women can fall down them and have miscarriages.)

I know there are more, but I've blocked them out.


Don't forget Skye falling down the three stairs at the Haunted Star during the umpteenth re-opening party...made even FUNNIER by the fact Robin C was preggers in real life.....gosh I wonder why she left again....

and jennyp I would agree with you about the adoption thing but you forget in Port Charles...only Sonny and Jason are allowed to do such a noble and loving thing...everyone else isn't good enough.

For the love of pete! If you get pregnant in this town the safest thing to do is just go into seclusion far, far away!! Don't take the elevator (ala the NS lady), don't go near stairs (ala everyfreakingbody), don't cross the road (ala Liz), just don't do anything!!

Wrap yourself in bubblewrap, preferably somewhere in Ohio!

And of course if you want to go really old-school...

Have to confess, if it results in one less Sonny spawn, I'm all for it.

Going into hidden seclusion doesn't work either. I loathe to bring her up.... but Courtney (ick) was in seclusion/hiding far away from PC while pregnant and she was kidnapped by Helena offscreen and then stupidly escaped and snuck back into town just in time to die from the monkey encephalitis and have her baby napped by her BFF Carly and her ex husband Jax. In Guzaland being a female is bad enough, but pregnancy is more dangerous than the mob!

And much love to Marcia for that old Q clip, excellent!

You know what's even worse?? There are spumors that Claudia has a miscarriage, fakes the rest of her pregnancy, and then steals CarJax's baby.

I think by this point Sonny has fathered more miscarried babies than living children.

Hey Andrea...I've been thinking that was coming since the second i heard about the "My Two Pregnancies".

Doesn't anyone at GH pay attention to what's happening at other soaps? They just did that story over on Days. No stairs were involved but fake pregnancies and babynapping were prominent features.

Of course it will be Carly that will miscary and Claudia will be just fine because the writers are determined to give Sonny his 156th kid and for Jax to never spawn. This effing show.

SERIOUSLY?!?! Are you effin' kidding me? I'm soooo glad I don't view this crapfast anymore...

What ticks me off more than anything is that Laura Wright has cut her hair. Her hair was so great. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Becca, after reading yours and Mallorys back to back (hilarious) posts on GH, I'm afraid one day I'm going to log in and find "afsfsfsfah! Blsfafsfdsfiworx! Blarg!"

And then I will know that GH has finally caused dual rage related aneurysms.

Huge thanks to Marcia for the link to the awesome old vid of Monica, Alan, Laura, Tracy, Lesley and Amy!! Imagine a show with all those wonderful actors in it. . . that's a show I'd happily watch! Whoohooo!

Ugh...I truly hate these people!

Wow. Just wow.

Why can't a good guy have a child of his very own on this show? Lucky? Bam! It's actually Jason's. Jax? Not one, but two and now possibly THREE miscarriages. I sort of adore Ric, but he (1) obviously can't be considered a "good" guy and (2) has a daughter the writers have probably forgotten (I mean, I haven't watched the show in a year, but I'd be willing to bet money that my assumption is correct). Nicholas is good I suppose. So that's one.

I think the only reason Cameron was born healthy was because Liz left town. And I know we're all grateful for that, because what would GH be without Cameron?

Thanks for the links to the old clips! I mean, it inspired an hour-long time suck of watching classic GH clips, but still, thanks.

Wait! I forgot Patrick! Still, if Robin wasn't HIV+ -- and GH wouldn't have had an outright revolt on it's hands -- I think Guza would have been more than happy to add Patrick to the ranks of the heartbroken fathers to be. Because Guza sucks just that hard.

GH is sort of the daytime version of "Lost" when it comes to pregnant women. Women on "Lost" can't carry a baby to term and they die. On GH, the women live to get knocked up by Sonny again.

I wouldn't be surprised if Carly's baby turned out to be Sonny's - even though they hadn't slept together when she got pregnant (that we know of). Sonny's sperm apparently has such superhero qualities that he can impregnate women just by being in the same room with them. Because even though Jax and Carly had quite sextacular marathon on their "we renewed our vows" honeymoon, a gallon of Jax's sperm is no match for even one little swimmer of the awesome Sonny.

Let's review:

Lily - blown up
Carly - miscarriage by stairs of doom
Carly - Morgan
Sam - Abruptio Placenta
Alexis - Kristina
Olivia - Dante
Kate - (okay, this is only a guess on my part, but I was convinced the writers were heading in this direction at once point)
Claudiaho - Possibly stairs of doom repeat

Let's not forget all the women he's slept with who must have had two diaphragms, birth control pills, tubal ligation and 10 morning after pills to avoid the "Sonny Spermination."

Eeesh...

Sorry for my typos - Sonny makes me have spastic typing syndrome.

I'm so tired of Sarah Brown's Claudia. Please make it all go away.

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