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« Brotherhood of the Woefully Dim | Main | I Hope I'm Not The Only One To Find This Creepy... »

June 14, 2009

We're Here to Help

It's once again time to take a look at the Google searches that lead people to our online home.  The earnest inquiries, the outraged rants, the truly bizarre shit that we are never really able to figure out why the Google crawler paired it up with our soapy posts or why people don't have friends to talk to about -- we bring it all together to laugh at address in the most respectful way possible.  


i want to watch guiding light

Aw, that’s sweet.  At least someone does! 

On a related note:

guiding light cancellation hoax?
was guiding light cancelled
guiding light cancellation outrage
has guiding light been cancelled

I say this out of love [-ish]:  It's over, and it's time to move on, sweetiepies.  There are plenty of other crappy soaps for you to watch, though!  Speaking of...

gh destroys characters to prop others

Yes, it does.  Constantly.  For nearly a decade now.  It’s exhausting to watch, isn’t it?  And again, speaking of...

how much does sonny corinthos suck?

So, so much.

We started off here with a relatively thorough accounting of the myriad reasons he sucks.  And then we really haven't shut up about the issue for nearly three years.  He keeps adding new reasons, which we are duty-bound to chronicle.  So anyway, all this is to say that you have found your people.  Welcome.

I hate ryan lavery

It’s kind of cute how Mallory searches for our own blog, isn’t it?  I think she just likes to verify on a weekly basis that Google will direct all Ryan Lavery haters to her AMC posts.  Like a quality control measure.

Bizarre sex that hurts ultra much

nancy grahn to quit gh


Please don't put bad Nancy Lee Grahn employment juju out there into cyberspace.  Instead, take a few minutes to listen to this recent interview and tell me 1) how awesome she is, and 2) how much she loathes how Bob Guza writes for Alexis.

days of our lives why is this crap still on the air?

I think mostly because a 13th hour of the Today Show would be considered excessive even by the executives who greenlit that Kathie Lee shitshow.

The good thing is, if you just stick it out for a couple of weeks, you might think the show is great (before you then stick it out for a couple more weeks and it returns to being less interesting than you even thought was possible).  Its inconsistency alone provides some level of interest.  Daniel will never be anything but odious, though.  Just FYI.

has Hunter Tylo had plastic surgery

YESNot that I mean to imply any certainty or non-humorous conclusion by saying that.

Rebecca Budig taller than

As far as I know, the only correct answers to this pseudo-question are "very young children," "Ryan Seacrest," and "Nicolas Sarkozy."


where can i watch full episodes of santa barbara serial

Nowhere that I know of.  Whatever you do, do not look for such things on the network called "SOAPNet," because obviously that is a dumb place to expect to find them.  I have my eye on The Golf Channel and The History Network, though.  The Capwells seem like golf people, and the missions in Santa Barbara are way historic.

josh duhamel flip flops

Awesome.  Are we just pairing hot men with summer footwear to see what pops up?  George Clooney Tevas.  Ryan Reynolds mandals.  Chris Pine white bucs.  This is fun!

jack and jill went up the hill with nobody in the vicinity

I think your nursery rhyme is going to end in a place that worries me. 


dudes...i laugh so hard at these..tks so much...

oh and yes agree....

gh screws characters over to PROP 2

sonny sucks and is the first sign of the apocalypse

how much does sonny corinthos suck?

My soap-loving friend and I were watching OLTL and an - of course - Sonny-heavy ad for GH came up. As soon as the ad was over my friend blurted out, "General Hospital? More like General SUCKspital!" My inner 13-year old and I laughed and laughed.

Sonny sucks so much it has to be measured on the Richter Scale.

I love this, please make it a regular post. Although some are just scary :-0

"i want to watch guiding light. Aw, that’s sweet. At least someone does!"

As an avid fan of serial drama I would appreciate not being kicked while I'm down. I'm still in the denial stage.

As another GL fan, I second Tahanee. Seriously, guys. Give us a break here.

I have come to rather loathe the Office version of Ryan but that little moment you used was spot on.

Some of these searches really are disconcerting to say the least.

Re: Hunter Tylo

First of all, I need to say that I've never actually watched B&B but I have seen her picture in many a magazine over the years. I always thought she was so stunningly beautiful. I hadn't laid eyes on a picture of her for quite a while, and then recently, I caught the last couple of minutes of B&B as I was waiting for GH to start...and almost fainted from fright. So glad that I am not the only one who has noticed that she has essentially mangled her face! And yes, it is even sadder because the woman was already gorgeous - WHY would she do that to herself????

Oh, and give the GL fans a break...I remember how devastated and inconsolable I was when Another World went off the air!!! LOL...but at least the GL fans don't have the added insult of a sub-par "replacement" show like Passions...

Seeing Ryan Lavery hatred makes my heart fill with joy!

Guiding Light watchers, sorry if we kicked you while you are down. It is just foreign to us that the cancellation of a soap would make people sad. I mean, if I found out that AMC was ending, I'd probably throw a party! We're kind of bitter like that.

I thought they meant Josh Duhamel is the new John Kerry. Or, perhaps, they were hoping Josh has made some gay porn.

If NLG didn't quit during the Dobson fiasco, she never will.

I get that it sucks when your soap is canceled (I went through it with Generations, Santa Barbara, and Another World -- and that's before you even get to prime time), but I think it's important to have a sense of humor and some perspective about it.

I mean, sure, I still start breaking out in hives if anyone mentions Dirty Sexy Money getting axed, but I claim that it's an allergic reaction to pollen. Then I go home and lovingly caress the pages of my scrapbook and light candles at my Peter Krause shrine. Perspective is awesome.

thanks for the Nancy Lee Grahn interview link ... the woman is a genius and simply elegantly splendid!!

huzzah for your political humor. And they may just be finishing Santa Barbara's run in some of the outer islands of Indonesia.

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