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« Watch Out Victor: Vivian Is Back In Town | Main | It Can't All Be Praise »

July 28, 2009

All I Have Left Are My Lists

Oh...my god.

Claudia:  You think I deserve this, don’t you?
Johnny:  You know that’s not true.
Claudia:  No, you think that this is karma, because I’m responsible for Michael getting shot.
Johnny:  I’m just saying both situations were accidents.
Claudia:  No John, you’re saying this is justice, you’re saying that I’m getting what I deserve because I put the hit out on Sonny and Michael got shot instead.
Johnny:  You’re putting words in my mouth.
Claudia:  I don’t think I am.  I’m allowed to be angry, Johnny.
Johnny:  Not saying that you’re not.
Claudia:  I mean, when this night started, it doesn’t matter who was behind the wheel, Sonny and I had a baby and now we don’t.  Someone’s gonna pay for that.
Johnny:  Michael already paid, Claudia.  He paid with a year of his life because of what we did to him.  Now he’s gone and turned himself into the cops for running you off –
Claudia:  So what!  So what!  I’m supposed to feel sorry for Michael?  He killed my son.
Johnny:  Again, it was an accident.  And if you can’t find any compassion for Michael, just know that he has been punished enough already.
Claudia:  You never wanted me to have this baby to begin with.
Johnny:  I never wanted you to get hurt.  I never wanted you to marry a man who wasn’t going to love you genuinely.  And I’m not saying that everybody’s even now, but I am saying it’s over.  Your baby is gone.  And now the truth about that shooting is going to come out.  It’s bound to.  And there is nothing you can do to stop it.

Things I Find Less Disgusting Than Claudia Zacchara:

  • jumpsuits
  • Baconnaise
  • reality dating shows
  • Sonny
  • clear heels
  • some wars
  • Ed Hardy clothing
  • Limo Sex
  • what I had to scoop into a plastic bag in the park the day after my dog broke into the pantry and ate 14 protein bars

Feel free to add your own entries in the comments.  And though you'll be tempted, please don't add on threats of physical harm to the GH writers.  I'm pretty sure we're already on an FBI watch list thanks to our e-stalking of devotion to Jason Thompson and James Scott.

Comments

Oooh you are kind of hitting it close with the Ed Hardy clothing...I could see Claudia wearing that crap

I'm going to have to say

- Twilight
- Miley Cyrus
- Jonas Brothers
- Harry Potter


...barely less disgusting, mind you

Less Disgusting:
* Mom jeans
* Scrunchie
* Billy Bob Thornton
* Ethan's hair
* Daisy duke shorts

Less disgusting

-the other things Sonny was thinking about while kissing Olivia

- Steve Burton's hair when it's all long and grown out.

- Tony Geary interviews about how Ethan/Nathan Parsons is the greatest thing ever to happen since Gua created St. Jaysus

- The "do you want it" song

- GH's facination with quasi-incest relationships.

I'm on that list too...for the devotion to Greg Vaughan. You are in good company!

Less disgusting than Claudia:

* Completely irony-free reality-show arguments between smug, vain, self-righteous contestants about who is more or less smug, vain, or righteous.

* The smelly trash that builds up when I miss a trash day.

Oooh, this looks like fun! Let's see, things I find less disgusting than Claudia Zacchara:

- Soily (and that's saying something)

-Nikolas and Courtney

- Stinkhorn mushrooms

- The ongoing character assassination of Luke Spencer

- Constantine Maroulis

I'm sure there are more, but that's all I can think of at the moment. Why do the writers continue to torture us with this mob crap, yet the absolute prettiness that is Greg Vaughan and Becky Herbst has not been seen in a week?

Less Disgusting than Claudia:

Sam's hot tub

Maxie's pillow baby

Spinelli's barbeque-chip laden bed in the pink room

Sonny's hair oil expiration date 1/1/99


Sonny's track suit, with him in it.

Nikolas wearing his Cassidine Crested track suit.

Courtney Matthews, beyond her existence, her stripping career.

When I was a kid my family took a huge catamaran day cruise from St. Marteen to St. Barths, and the waters were really rough that day. So just about everyone on board spewed chunks. It was epic disgusting. Truly a nightmare in paradise. Like that pie eating contest scene in Stand By Me. When the horrified crew ran out of plastic trash bags for all the violent seasick passengers some people just puked into their hats and clothing. Others not yet passed out or nearly dead from the trauma threw up overboard. And in rough seas that can be VERY messy. I went to check on my Mom as she was attempting this act. I was holding her back so she wouldn't pass out and fall overboard as she emptied everything she had in her. As she finished heaving a dolphin surfaced and made her agony his lunch. Aaaaand that is when I finally lost the battle of the seasick......and that is less disgusting than Claudia!

Something less disgusting than Claudia:

Pond scum
That thing you step on while in NY subway
Octo mom
Ethan being Luke and Holly's love child while he was still with Laura

- hot dog puke
- GH winning the Emmy for Best Show (but just barely)
- Jill Farren Phelps' giving speeches
- people who watch current GH for enjoyment

I have to disagree with prior posters on one thing. The fact that Ethan exists and is Luke and Holly's child from an affair they had is more disgusting than Claudia Zacchara.

Something else on today's show was MORE disgusting than Claudia. I quantify that by the fact that Claudia has always been disgusting, hence even though she is sinking into new levels of evil and gross, it's to be expected.

However, in the now long tradition of GH destroying not only veteran characters but any and all sense of justice decency and morality, Alexis bashing is at an all time high.

Her NOT wanting her daughters to be crazy dangerous mob molls surrounded by pain misery and endless senseless violence makes her a terrible self righteous evil bitch of a Mother. Not very Port Charles of her right? How dare she want to raise her beloved daughters in relative safety and respect while helping and inspiring and guiding them into becoming their best and happiest and healthiest selves as intelligent successful competent independent young women. What a stupid way to be a parent, right Guza & Phelps? Instead of PCU now we have MU, misogyny university. Georgie died for attending PCU instead of Guza's beloved MU.

I know Alexis is clueless to what is really going on in her home, especially w/ her kids. But this is not the Alexis I know and remember. Her intelligence has been vaporized by the writers. Example=the way Sam described poor tragic Kristina and her horrible childhood of love responsibility and expectations to do her best VS. the super fortunate Michael surrounded by so much "alleged" proper love by the likes of Sonny Carly Jason and the Q's even. Good thing Sam said this crap to Jason, with all his brain damage he didn't understand just how STUPID and BACKWARD that all was.

With all the crappy plot points, I still loathe the way TIIC portray parenting. The magical effect "near" parenting had on Claudia lasted all of six seconds. As soon as her baby died she went right back to ordering hits. Even on kids she already nearly murdered. The fact that she and even Johnny don't get the HUGE difference of actively and aggressively trying to murder someone vs. a highly avoidable accident by a damaged kid is just too much.

And thanks to Guza Robin is involved in this mess. She dropped her life lickety split to guilt Mac into likely illegally releasing Michael just because St. Jasus asked her to, ick. Now spoilers say she is going to find a way to prove Alexis innocent, one bad mommy for another, insert massive eyeroll here and forever when I discuss GH.

This leads to a huge reveal that will change everything for everyone etc.... Guza's usual threat/promise refrain. It makes Alexis turn against her defender Robin, and tell her to keep the deep dark mystery secret. WHAT A SHOCKER FOR ROBIN TO BE A BUSYBODY ONCE AGAIN & IN THIS KIND OF DILEMMA. Gee, think it has anything to do with that birth certificate Helena got her hands on from a painting at Nik's Spooky Palace of Doom?

We already lost Luke to the dark side. Now Robin and Alexis are almost lost too. For me this is MORE disgusting than Claudia. It's final nail in the coffin time for GH isn't it?

Wrong list, sorry. And I promise not to post any more massive responses. I gotta start exercising or something intense to get rid of all this anger I have from watching GH die a slow painful death one sad episode at a time, five days a week.

Less disgusting than Claudia..... Babe worship in PV? Did I go too far ;-)

Less disgusting than Claudia...tough one, but here we go!

Kristen Stewart's mullet
Meredith Viera (though barely)
Samantha Harris' hosting "abilities"
Sebastian's hair scoop on NYC Prep
A nice greasy pork chop served in a dirty ashtray (Chet, Weird Science)

Although let's face it, if this baby were gone because of an accident caused by someone else's teenage kid, Sonny would be right in there on the revenge plan. He wouldn't have the kid taken out, but probably the kid's parents.

Why on earth wouldn't they have taken this opportunity to give this character just a LITTLE of a human side? Oh wait. Because technically she's from the side of the mob opposed to Sonny and Jason. So she has to be pure evil, while they are allowed to have both lights and darks.

And perhaps I'm being too generous here, but on the bright side -- the showrunners WANT us to hate Claudia. And we do. Unlike all their favorite mobsters who they want us to appreciate, it's clear they want us to find her disgusting.

Of course the bad news is that they want us to feel that way so that we don't care when she loses babies or gets insulted/slapped around/possibly murdered by our resident mobsters-with-hearts-of-gold.

Sarah.....like Guza remembers Helena came back for a birth certificate....he can't remember yesterday much less a long time ago like...April.

Anyone notice that all the women mobsters are portrayed as crazy evil sluts? Guza must pee himself a little when writing them.

Less Disgusting than Claudia:

*Sam McCall
*Jerry Springer
*Finding a used condom in a public restroom
*Fox News
*Jasam reunion
*Jason holding the Pee Stick for Carly
*A Lucky/Elizabeth reunion
*Spixie romantic scenes
*Sonny yelling at Michael
*Kristina hitting on Jason half dressed
*Kate Howard still in PC (which if you know me THAT is a big one)

*Pole dancing week on "Dance Your Ass Off"
*Rape victim Jax being portrayed as the wrongdoer.

LESS disgusting??? Mkay, hard, but let's see here...

*Sonny in a tracksuit.
*Sonny's man-nips and manboobs on parade.
*A puss-filled boil (practically the same thing as above).
*Oprah's cart o'lard she toted out many years ago.
*Tony Geary's description of Luke and Tracy sex.

Oh WAIT, that's my list of things that less disgusting than GUZA. My bad.

Things less disgusting than claudia #1 is Ethan's hair #2 Ethan's teeth #3 Stacy Morasco #4 Rex Balsom with Stacy #5 Rebecca and Nick #6 Erica pretending to be a good Grandmother. She never touches or holds " boys".And one that is so disgusting it has no number the aging of Michael and Kristina.

Allison - I loved all of yours except I think Jasam digusts me more than Claudia.

* Sonny and Kristina not having one scene since Soras
* Jason running to Sam for advice instead of maybe Benny shoot even Johnny could give better advice
* Sam's constant need to touch her hair and look up to the ceiling
* Teethan's accent
* Rebecca's eye makeup

It's nice to see that I can celebrate my upcoming 6-month cold-turkey-aversary from GH with no regrets.

Less disgusting:
* That time I threw up Thai food and margaritas on my bathroom floor.
* That time I threw up red wine and peanuts on my plane to Vegas.
* Ghost Logan
* Felching
* The blister my Etienne Aigner sandal has rubbed on my left heel.

My son's diaper after he's been eating raisins is less disgusting than Claudia.

The ugly naked people participating in the orgies on True Blood are less disgusting than Claudia.

Week-old roadkill is less disgusting than Claudia.

I quit watching GH (again) awhile back, but I inexplicably turned it on yesterday for about 30 seconds. This is the exact scene that was playing. I was so grateful for this conversation because I could not turn off the TV fast enough.

A bloody tampon

a shitty pamper

toe jam

B00GERS

Notice how there are NO LITTLE GIRLS in Port Chuck?

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