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« How Is It That Not Even One Of Her Many Personalities Is Watchable? | Main | Anatomy of a Convoluted "Storyline" »

July 20, 2009

Tainted Love

I actually spent most of today's All My Children entertained. In the good way, not the "I have to plaster a grim smile on my face, because if I don't smile, I'll dry heave" way.

Even things that usually cause me no end of angst didn't bother me today. Take David and Liza, for instance. I usually harbor feelings of annoyance and revulsion, respectively, for these two fools and yet, during their random scenes at Confusion today, I didn't roll my eyes once. Either Vincent Irrizary and Jamie Luner have good chemistry together, or I am prematurely celebrating a David/Liza pairing which will be easy to fast forward.

Whether it's due to a good mood caused by gorgeous weather, or the fact that my standards for entertainment have become stunningly low, or the fact that Adam Chandler enthralled the universe with an impromptu dance break (!!! Why has this not been uploaded to YouTube and/or made into a hilarious gif yet? HE JUST STARTED DANCING! GROOVING, IF YOU WILL. IT WAS AMAZING. David Canary dancing is the most delightful thing to ever happen in the universe), or the fact that it showcased some prime Zach and Kendall goodness, or some combination of the four, I'm not sure. All I know is that today's show was almost good.

Yes. Almost. Because, as always, there was something that had to come in and harsh everyone's mellow and remind us that we're not actually watching a quality soap opera, we're just watching All My Children. The something I am referring to is about 6'1", speaks in a hoarse voice and has a name that rhymes with Lyin' Mavery. The something is also just terrible.

While I kind of agree with Ryan that Kendall agreeing to a plea bargain and going to jail for at least five years for a crime that she did not commit is kind of boneheaded, especially since the ADA NotHenryNorthAndThereforeNotAwesome has a case against her that is far from airtight, his methods for trying to change her mind leave a lot to be desired.

ATTEMPT #1: DARKLY URGE ZACH TO "MAKE" KENDALL DO SOMETHING

Zach: I talked to her. She wouldn't listen.

Ryan: Make her listen.

You know, from literally any other person on this show, this sentence wouldn't cause me to raise an eyebrow, but when it comes from "Stop the world, I want to get off. Before I do that, let me pummel someone" Lavery, it irks.

ATTEMPT #2: BE A PATRONIZING DOUCHE

Ryan: 5 to 10 years? This is insane. I mean, you know her. She's so emotional. She's so caught up in following her heart, she's not listening to the voice that's gotta be inside her head telling her that this is the worst idea that she could possibly have.

I know, right? Kendall, with her feelings and emotions! She ruins everything! Thank goodness she has all-knowing Ryan to tell her what she should really be thinking and feeling. And by god, he'll make her come around to his point of view!

ATTEMPT #3: BE ANGRY

Ryan: Well, I guess when you love somebody as much as you love Kendall, you would sacrifice anything, right?

He's right that Zach has and would sacrifice a whole lot for Kendall, certainly more than Ryan has ever even contemplated sacrificing, but...he was so enraged when he said that! It was both threatening and accusatory and completely had nothing to do with the scene at hand and only served to make me wonder if he was speaking in code, and what the code was for. That kind of sneering leads me to believe Ryan was confronting Zach about feasting on puppies, but I'm not positive.

Also, a few short months ago, when Erica and Adam scrambled off to parts unknown with Little Adam to protect him from David, I thought that was the most fantastic thing to ever happen in the history of television, even if it happened entirely offscreen. But when Erica suggests doing the same thing with Ryan and Emma, I shuddered, both at the transparent set up for Erica and Ryan's upcoming love affair and the transparent ways in which the writers rip themselves. Two thumbs down!

Two fangirly thumbs up to the rest of the Kendall/Erica/Zach story, though. I mean, yes, you have to get past the dumbness of Kendall taking this deal. And we're talking a lot of dumbness. And you also have to forget the tendency that these characters have to be annoying as recently as, like, Friday, like when Zach lectured Kendall about betrayal. And you ALSO have to get past the fact that we're going to have to sit through a story about plea bargaining, yet another aspect of the legal system that this show is ridiculously clueless about.

But once you move past that mountain of baggage, you have Alicia Minshew, Susan Lucci and Thorsten Kaye being really fantastic. Kendall and Erica's talk about Kendall's sacrifice and her fear, over the adorable baby babble of Spike (so cute!) was especially outstanding.

Kendall: Promise you won't let them forget me.

Zach: Forget you? The boys? They'll never forget you. They're boys. Send you e-mails and paint pictures and videos, everything. Come on. We'll get it done. It's gonna be a little weird, but...never really been normal, huh?

Heh. That is putting it mildly! To be perfectly honest, I am sure Ian and Spike will miss their mother, but they are so used to her being comatose that this won't be a huge shock to them. If anything, they'll be pleased that they can visit her in the clink and actually interact with her.

Plus: congratulations are in order for Ms. Minshew. Yes, my "spot the baby bump" skills are good, because she is having a daughter this November. Aww! And, on top of that, the pregnancy won't be written into her story. Fantastic news all around!

Comments

The most telling part about your post for me today was about the future possible/likely pairing of Liza & David. What you found entertaining about that is how easy it will be to FF them. I feel that way as well.

How sad is that? We find ABC Soaps "entertaining" now when we realize we will be able to FF even more of them in the near future ;-( Hopefully leading up to two things, the show's cancellation and/or giving them up.

ABC Daytime is both the heroin and the methadone cure!

I think I'm most excited about the fact that her pregnancy isn't being written into the script. Kendall has been pregnant for four years now. Let's give her uterus a rest, m'kay.

I'd like to agree with every word here! The only blight on the whole epi yest was StRyanofLavery, who once again staggers the mind with his total absurdity- it is mind-boggling! He always leaves me speechless at his total assiness! And yes,
Zach & Kendall & Erica with the boys was priceless, classic Zen!! This made me realize just what it is that makes me love this amazing couple so much! You're so right, Zach- you guys have never been normal- not a normal soap couple- & for that we all celebrate Team Slater! Erica & Kendall especially rocked the house with that scene- wow!!

DP- sorry- forgot to mention David Canary made me smile unexpectedly! He was beyond cute!! Gosh- that man is a treasure- can he bust a move, or what??!! Love DC!

I think I could have done without Adam dancing, but pretty much spot on with everything else. A few things I have to mention is how dumb is Scott? How tiresome is Annie and we need more of this rational side of JR! But great Zendall stuff and Kane women interaction.

It was some good stuff...and as usual it had to be brought down with Ryan. It left me with the same question I always have after one of his scenes. What the hell were they thinking? You have Zach, who you know hates this idea, he doesn't want her to do it...she tells him she needs him with her on this...so, he goes along because it is what she wants/needs. They you have Ryan saying the things he says about the situation....and it makes him look the fool. What was the purpose of that? Am I supposed to believe he is passionate about keeping Kendall out of jail...am I supposed to see it as him being upset that Kendall will be taken away? What I saw is a condescending bully who doesn't even begin to comprehend loving someone so much, that you will do what they need, even if you don't want to. Don't even get me started on his comments about her emotions...freaking idiot never, NEVER understood Kendall.

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