Date: Sun, Aug 30, 2009 at 8:06 PM
Subject: Oh...my god
When a show inspires that reaction in its first six minutes, you can be sure that it's going to be a rough two hours. We survived, barely, and decided to give back to the Emmys, if you will, by giving out our own dubious awards to the 36th Annual Daytime Emmy Awards. It's the least one can do. Well, no, the least one could do is what the people in charge of the ceremony's production last night did, but this is the least we personally can do.
MOST CREATIVE USE OF THE WORD "INFORMATIVE"
Tyra Banks winning "Outstanding Informative Talk Show"
She informs people about what, exactly? How to wear fake hair? How to make everything about you? How to shriek for no real reason? We can't help but feel like being in this category and deemed informative is going to make her smugger than ever.
"Yeah, that's right, I educate people. I teach people, I mold young minds, I am an inspiration!"
MOST UNCOMFORTABLE THREE MINUTES OF THE TELECAST
The Fashion Show
First of all, it started with Tyra's introduction, informing us that "Daytime has always been on the cutting edge of fashion." Which proved yet again that Tyra can't stop lying. But then, it got worse! Watching random pairs of cast members from each of the soaps preen, vamp and shake their groove thangs for a fake photographer was...
...well, it ended, is the good news.
MOST DISTURBING SEGUE TO SHOWCASING THE GOOD DEEDS OF A CHARITY
Susan Lucci Stalks From The Fashion Show To A Speech About Feed The Children
La Lucci weirdly pranced and catwalked her way over from the above fashion show right to the microphone, where she launched into a solemn tale about the importance of the Feed The Children charity.
The clip package that followed, showcasing her trip with Tony Geary and Kelly Monaco, to Africa for the charity was amazing and emotional, but, really, they couldn't have put a commercial break in between the cheesy "fashion show" and the legitimate charity? Well, we guess that they actually literally couldn't, since they quite nearly ran out of time as it is, but still!
Feed The Children
Mallory: I'm crying.
Becca: I am ashamed to have been totally moved by something these manipulative producers specifically designed to move me, but come on, I have a functioning heart. I totally teared up when Tony Geary and Kelly Monaco did!
Mallory: I think my heart just broke into a million pieces at the sight of those children. Especially when they were in their little uniforms!
MOST HILARIOUS HEIGHT DIFFERENCE
James Scott and Jay Kenneth Johnson
It's funny because JKJ is wee!
P.S. James Scott is a sex god.