Daytime Emmys Recap: Worst Dressed
If you've been reading us long enough, you know that what we like even more than pretty ensembles are baffling ones, not only because it allows us the chance to broaden our vocabularies and learn new words to put in our mocking arsenal, but also because our reaction to them is usually totally reasonable and not at all OTT dramatic and hypercritical. Well, one of those things is probably true.
As they do every year, the Daytime Emmys brought us a boatload of fug that went from run-of-the-mill visually unappealing (of the "you have money and access to tons of stuff -- though admittedly to a lesser extent than people at Real Grown-Up Network-Based awards show -- so why do you look so meh?"), to the "HOLY GOD MY EYES! MY EYES!" sartorial travesties. Our picks for Worst Dressed of the 2009 Emmy Awards are below.
RACHEL! You are young, thin and gorgeous. You chose the one dress in the universe that could possibly make you look bad. Not just bad: insane. The ginormous flower, the tulle bustle, the beaded tulle in random places, the earrings, the fact that it appeared on camera to be both the color and texture of mold...we could go on, but we don't have the bandwidth to list every single fashion don't in this ensemble.
The color is beautiful on her, but that bow, and that hair, and those earrings! Dreadful. Becca actually yelped when she saw the hair, and it launched junior high flashbacks that lasted throughout the evening. They were somewhat counterbalanced by her mother's 65-year-old boyfriend walking through the living room, catching a glimpse of Gina's coif, and exclaiming "Last of the Mohicans"! So hilarity ensued, but so did mid-80s flashbacks, Ms. Tognoni, and those are rarely good.
From the print, which is surely a favorite of kindly old ladies who play canasta and/or the cushions on rattan couches in Florida, to the random beading and ugly back, this was wrong, wrong, wrong.
We're not sure how he managed to mix up "Daytime Emmys" and "Sonny Crockett Lookalike Contest", but he did. How embarrassing!
Also, is hair-brushing out again for men? Does this mean Ethan Hawke might get re-famous? Ugh.
Oh, Bree. The fit was all wrong, the strange sheer overlay was ugly, the braid was all wrong, and is that your hem that is obviously visible? Plus then you went and bedazzled your hips! Why would a woman ever do that?! We can get together and share our ideas for far more awesome craft projects; just say the word.
Surely it would have been easier to ask for an extra ticket to the show, rather than go through the trouble of festooning a papoose to her already questionable dress? Or perhaps because they didn't sit everyone at tables this year (wise after last year's apparent all-you-can-drink consequences), she was trying to sneak in some snacks and a fifth? The hair and earrings are terrible as well, unless it turns out we actually DID travel back in time to Dallas, 1982.
Sometimes we can do no better than quoting Nina Garcia. The taste level is not there. It is aesthetically not pleasing.
Becca: Good for Susan Haskell for winning, I guess, but oh my GOD, her dress was worse than the fashion shoot segment and Tyra Banks winning for being informative [AGAIN], combined. Ewewew.
Mallory: My notes from when she won said, "Susan Haskell wins, her dress is ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!" She turned me into Kevin McCallister!
Be honest; this is much more fun than picking Best Dressed.
And then there are those who you can't, in good faith, call the worst, because doing so would really be hurtful to the word "worst".
Sweet Jesus, what is happening here?
Whatting the what?
It's like she's a half-colonel in the Tacky Vegas Wedding Ice Capades.
IS THIS REAL LIFE?