Serial Drama

Countdown to the Emmys: Day 2

Today, we take a look at the lovely ladies nominated in the Outstanding Younger Actress category, a category that has rebounded quite nicely from last year's "OMGWTF?" group of nominees.

Julie Marie Berman (Lulu, General Hospital)

Our Take: The "Lulu kills Logan and then goes on the run" story was terrible, yes, but JMB did get the chance to play devastated, hysterical and scared and she hit all of the right notes. Her scenes with "Laura" in Shadybrooke were fantastic and truth be told, we're still disappointed that she didn't win in 2007, so we wouldn't be opposed to giving her a makeup Emmy (although her submission more than stands on its own).

After the jump, the rest of the reels and a chance to vote for the most deserving, and the most likely to win the big prize.

Three Cheers For Subtlety and Nuance!

When Paul finally learned the truth that Mary Jane, the psychopath tearing through Genoa City on a vengeful life-ruining spree, was not a random crazy but, in fact, his sister, Doug Davidson turned in one of the most thoughtful, nuanced performances in recent memory, using only his eyes to convey Paul's shock and horror.

I'm just kidding, he went totally batshit.

I hope that Y&R had a medic on set the day that this was filmed, because Doug Davidson looked to be three seconds away from either heart failure, bursting the vein in his forehead, popping his right eye out, choking to death on a piece of scenery or some gory combination of the four. I understand his thought process ("I get a meaty story once every five years, so damn it, I'm going to go for broke here! Right index finger, don't fail me now!"), but he could have seriously hurt himself! Is this show worth risking your life for, Doug?!

Learning that your sister had plastic surgery to change her appearance and then came to town on a crazy-fueled reign of terror would shock anyone, sure, but Paul's complete and utter meltdown was slightly...excessive.

That doesn't mean that I didn't say a little thank you to Philo Farnsworth for inventing the television and bringing that into my life, or that I'm not responsible for at least 1,384 of those YouTube views, but I just don't think that was a proportionate response...

Countdown to the Emmys: Day 1

To kick off our look at this year's Emmy nominees, we're starting with the Outstanding Younger Actor category, a category that, every year, causes us consternation because we can never get a real handle on the age restriction (it's supposed to be 25, right? But Cornelius Smith Jr. was born in 1982, which means he was 26 last year. Or can you submit scenes from just before your 26th birthday? Why is this so confusing?).

After the jump are scenes from each actor's submitted episode for you to watch (or, if you're going to realistically play the role of an Emmy voter, blatantly ignore) and then a chance to vote for who you think deserves to win, and who you think will win.

*Special thanks go out to the good folks at Soap Opera Network who have painstakingly compiled descriptions of the submitted episodes and YouTube links to the clips.

Blake Berris (ex-Nick, Days Of Our Lives)

Our Take: We really miss Blake Berris and having Nick on the Days canvas. While this reel featured a whole lot of Molly Burnett, which is never a good thing for us, it also featured a ton of different emotions that Berris nailed handily.

It's The Most Wonderful Time Of the Year: Emmy Time!

The Daytime Emmy Awards are finally just around the corner!  Thanks to a prolonged game of "Not it!" played by the major networks when it came time to decide who would air the show, the show wasn't broadcast in its normal May/June slot, and has instead found itself on the CW, in August, on a Sunday. Next Sunday, August 30th, at 8 PM to be precise! Check back here for more details about our coverage of the show.

We are, as always, excited. "Why," you may ask, "Do you so look forward to an awards show with terrible production values and whose decisions are almost always maddening?" For many reasons, dear readers, for many reasons:

• If your favorite actor wins an Emmy, you can smugly pat yourself on the back and say that you knew he/she was the best in daytime.
• If your favorite actor loses an Emmy, you can rant and rave, and discuss the intelligence of the Emmy voters with disdain.
• Forced banter between the presenters!
• Hot people in formal wear.
• The possibility--nay, probability--that at least five people will wear something so ugly that it will either burn your corneas or amuse you for days.

The Daytime Emmys have it all!

To celebrate, we will once again be posting supplemental Emmys content this week, including Emmy reels, predictions, and polls, leading up to the big show, hosted by Vanessa Williams (!!!) and featuring the following presenters (list courtesy of Beth R.):

Kristin Alderson (One Life to Live) *  Bradford Anderson (General Hospital) * Tyra Banks (The Tyra Banks Show) * Brandon Buddy (One Life to Live) * Patrick Duffy (The Bold and the Beautiful) * Melissa Claire Egan (All My Children) * Colin Eggelsfield (Melrose Place) * Jennie Garth (90210) *  Anthony Geary (General Hospital) * Van Hansis (As the World Turns) * Elizabeth Hendrickson (The Young and the Restless) * Bindi Irwin (Bindi the Jungle Girl ) * Jay Kenneth Johnson (Days of Our Lives) * Katherine Kelly Lang (The Bold and the Beautiful) * Lori Loughlin (90210) * Susan Lucci (All My Children) * Gilles Marini (Dancing with the Stars, Brothers & Sisters) * Kyle Massey (That's So Raven) * Chris Massey (Zoey 101) * Cameron Mathison (All My Children) * Daytime Emmy Nominee Dr. Phil McGraw (Dr. Phil) * Robin McGraw * Billy Miller (The Young and the Restless) * Ronn Moss (The Bold & the Beautiful) *Robert Newman (Guiding Light) * Sandra Oh (Grey's Anatomy) * Rachael Ray (The Rachael Ray Show) * James Scott (Days of Our Lives) * Jake Silbermann (As The World Turns) * Kirsten Storms (General Hospital),
Dr. Travis Stork (The Doctors) * Alex Trebek (Jeopardy) *Montel Williams * Kim Zimmer (Guiding Light)

Oh yeah, and also, BETTY MOTHEREFFING WHITE!!! How can you not be excited about that?!?!

Something Wicked This Way Comes...Every Afternoon At 3 PM

Much like there are only two types of General Hospital plots (Mob and Not-Mob, But Features Mob in a Supporting Role), there are usually two types of General Hospital promos. The first is the promo that features outdated footage of happy couples with a romantic, upbeat song playing in the background. This is their way of saying, "Love in the afternoon? We do that, kind of!" The second is the promo that explicitly spells out the upcoming month's plots in detail done, perhaps, as a favor to the audience to spoil plot twists and save us from tuning in, maybe?

So I applaud their creativity in doing something different with their latest "Something Wicked This Way Comes" teaser. I just don't know if this...wait, let me try again. This seems to be...no, that didn't work either.

I'm sorry, I'm trying to think of a diplomatic way to say, "What the fuuuuuuck?" but I'm failing. I just think that's the only reaction to have to a commercial that includes a ghoulish Helena voiceover AND a carousel horse crying blood. If anything, I think I actually could have added a few more u's to really convey the bizarreness of it all.

AND A CLOWN! I am reasonably sure that the clown closeup is even more terrifying than most of the current GH storylines (I say "most" because I'm starting to believe that Sonny and Claudia's relationship is at least as scary as clowns are).

The One Where I Have No Words

In any long-term relationship, there comes a point in time where you find yourself firmly settled in a nice little routine. I have such a routine with General Hospital, although I'd hesitate to refer to it has a "nice" routine, since it is GH we are talking about.

I tune in. General Hospital does something to anger/offend/confuse/repel/depress me; I melodramatically threaten to quit watching; General Hospital says, "You know you love me, and you'll be back here at 3 tomorrow"; I know that General Hospital is right, and I hate myself for it and, in lieu of quitting the show, I instead write a five hundred word screed about it and laugh smugly to myself, all, "You don't have a snappy comeback for this, do you, General Hospital?"; General Hospital then says, "Maybe I'll ask my Emmy nominated writing staff to write a comeback for me. Adorable blog entry, though!"; I cry.

See, words are never my problem. I ALWAYS have something to say, and I often use too many words to do it (most of my Twitter hatred is directly related to their 140 character count, as I am the type of person who uses twenty words when three would do) and, occasionally, I resort to making words up. But then there are days when GH is too much and the only reactions I have are speechless horror, and speechless glaring at my television.

Rebecca: I'm sorry that I hurt you, Nikolas, and I'm sorry that you hate me. Most of all, I'm just sorry you can't see past it.

Speechless glaring at my television! "I know that yesterday you found out that I've been lying to you and exploiting the memory of my dead sister and have generally been an immoral she-beast, but geez, are you ever planning on getting over that?"

Kate: I see. Carly has always been very straightforward with her children. You've got to admire that. She's never been afraid to tell them the truth.

Speechless horror! The only thing I admire about Carly's parenting is the sheer dumb luck she has. Morgan has genes from Carly AND Sonny, and he, against all odds, has grown into a normal child who has a fighting chance of being a functional member of society, not confined to a jail cell or a mental hospital.

Kate: But Olivia, what if Dante is asked to arrest Sonny, the man he doesn't even know is his father? Seriously, Olivia. Tell the truth before something tragic happens.

Speechless rewinding and turning the closed captioning on and double checking that Kate actually said that, or if I hallucinated, because, seriously, the latter theory is far more plausible than the notion that someone would declare a police officer arresting a career criminal to be "tragic"!

Soap Blog Coalition

The last few days on One Life to Live have been filled with hysterical one-liners, killer performances from the legacy actors, and generally great stuff all around. What else could be headed our way? (Daytime Confidential)

Has everyone in Pine Valley lost their minds!? Take a look at all the lunacy and tell us who you think is the nuttiest of them all! (Pine Valley Bulletin)

This week at The Scrubs Hub we're reflecting on the GH Murder Mystery! (Scrubs Hub)

Former GH and Night Shift star Antonio Sabato Jr. has his own VH1 dating show. In case you missed the series premiere, the Serial Drama girls tuned in and recapped it. Their verdict: cheesy, tawdry and more than a little addictive. (Serial Drama)

We all know Josh Lewis has always been a gift in Reva's life, but what he's done for Olivia in her time of need has been absolutely amazing. (Soap Opera Examiner)

The Wubqueen is back in the country and ready to dish! Get a great round-up of charity events, star news and of course, scoops and gossip. (Wubs)

The Fool On The Hill

Some things are so easily parodied that one does a double take when they read, or see, something that is straight from the source and not a hilarious send-up of the source's most mockable qualities.

Like, I just read Twilight¹ and when I got to the parts where vampires sparkle in the sun and are also gifted at baseball, I called my Twilight reading friend immediately and screeched, "I thought you were making that up!" ("Why would I make that up? HOW would I make that up?" "I DON'T KNOW, BUT IT WAS THE EASIEST EXPLANATION!") Like, I know that the book has some ridiculous moments, but I honestly figured that the sparkly baseball stuff was some elaborate, fandom wide inside joke, but the joke, it turns out, was on me.

The same thing happened with the comments Brian Frons made to The Wall Street Journal (big thanks to Kimber and Lucille for passing the interview along!). When I first saw a quote, I giggled gleefully at the uncanny lampooning of Frons and his tendency to be arrogant and dimwitted at the same time. Until I realized that it wasn't lampooning him at all, because the arrogant and dimwitted words were all his. And then the giggles turned to tears as I realized, yet again, that he is a high-powered network executive and I am, in the words of a disgruntled reader, "some chick with a blog".

WSJ: Is there much industry nostalgia for the legacy of “Guiding Light”?

Frons: It was actually my first creative executive job, from 1979 to 1983. That was a great time for soaps. This was when the Rider case was in the news, one of the first times a woman sued her husband for rape, and we introduced a story to touch upon that. Television is a today business. From an ad sales perspective, “Guiding Light” hasn’t won the 18-49 women since 1991.

Really? It was a "great time for soaps" because real life circumstances at that time let them do a story about rape? That is his touchstone golden soap moment? The man is warped.

Our Column In The 8/25 Issue of Soap Opera Digest

The latest issue of Soap Opera Digest is on newsstands now, and features several interesting pieces, from the Sam/Jason cover story (The cover reads "Fans won't be disappointed!" We...seriously doubt that), to an article on AMC's move and an interview with Bryton James (Devon, Y&R) about his friendship with Michael Jackson, as well as our latest My Take/My Take, Too column. This month, Mallory appreciates that General Hospital and All My Children at least tried to be creative with their latest front burner romances, but is so unhappy with the Spinelli/Maxie, and Adam/Annie pairings that she wishes they hadn't bothered, while Becca asks the GH and Days of Our Lives writers two questions: (1) what's with all of the miscarriages and pregnant women in peril? and (2) why do you find these things entertaining?

Bad Ideas A Go-Go

Your average All My Children episode leaves me scratching my head and asking myself several questions including, but not limited to:

• What Crayola color most accurately describes Jamie Luner's skin tone: Burnt Orange, or Macaroni and Cheese?
• Where on earth did Debbi Morgan find that wig?
• Would my grandfathers be offended if I adopted David Canary as a third grandfather?
• When will we know what actors are opting not to move to the West Coast, because the suspense is killing me and it sometimes takes me out of the scene I'm watching because I find myself suspicious of the behind the scenes drama (although, in full disclosure, it doesn't take much to get me to stop paying attention to the scenes on the show)?

But, by far, the questions asked most often start with "Why?"

• Why does [character] think it is a good idea to [action so completely ludicrous that even a small child would laugh at the implausibility were it described to them, which, of course, it would not be, as any discussion of AMC invariably leads to dropping lots of f-bombs that are wholly inappropriate for young ears]?
• Why is [character] acting so completely unlike [himself/herself]? I don't think I saw them suffer a brain injury...
• Why are Erica and Ryan?

There is a simple answer to all of these questions:

Well, maybe it's not exactly a "simple" answer, because it only leads to more questions, like, "How did he become the head writer of a show that he has never watched or cared about? Did the other candidate, a potted plant, turn down ABC's offer?", but it's the most concise answer, at least.