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« Completely Confusing Contrived Conundrums | Main | Now I'm Getting Really Nervous »

August 03, 2009

"Realistic"...Like, The Way Harry Potter Is Realistic?

It's not that I'm surprised that Charles Pratt's discussions about his stories are as ill-conceived and poorly executed as the stories themselves. No, what's surprising is that, despite the fact that he is inept at everything he does, he collects a paycheck for it.

Oh, did I say "surprising"? I meant disgusting.

From Eye on Soaps:

Head Writer, Chuck Pratt, tells us that the identity of Stuart’s killer will come out “when it’s realistic,” ...He also goes on to say that Dixie’s murder via poisoned pancakes (which Alexander Cambais, the Satin Slayer, denied) is also tied into Stuart’s murder, but is “not essential to the solving of the story.”

There are two equally disturbing possibilities here:

1.) The man has no idea who the killer is, and "when it's realistic" is a vague code for "when I have any inkling who the hell I'm throwing under the bus", meaning that a much-loved veteran character was killed off with nary a thought of who the perpetrator would be, meaning that Pratt and Bob Guza are practically the same person, meaning that OH MY GOD, THEY ARE TAKING OVER THE WORLD AND WE'RE ALL IN DANGER!

or

2.) The man actually thinks that there are parts of All My Children that remotely approach realism, which is so insane that I don't quite feel safe knowing that he is roaming the streets unsupervised.

Let's take a look at the realistic things that occurred during today's episode of AMC.

  • A jury for a murder trial was selected in less than four minutes. If that's realistic, which apparently the show strives for, that means that when I go in for jury duty next Monday, I will know within 8.3 seconds whether or not I'll be sitting on a jury. Exciting!
  • The woman on trial for murder was allowed to go to the bathroom by herself, without a female guard escorting her.
  • Liza wore a shiny purple jacket out in public without throngs of concerned bystanders rushing up to rip it off and save her from being referred to around town as Grimace
  • Jake and Amanda decided that the next logical step in keeping David out of their lives is to stage an infertility revelation at the hospital, going so far as to falsify medical records backing up their fake claims
  • Jake, further, decided to add to his litany of crimes and lies by partaking in Ryan and Zach's scheme to get Kendall and the boys out of Pine Valley because he feels very strongly that a mother should be with her children? Even if that mother is the murderer of Pine Valley's most beloved resident (not that she is, but Jake has no reason to believe that she's not)? Actually, that IS sort of realistic, because Jake's entire persona of late is "Guy who makes horrendous life choices"
  • Liza continues to allow Marissa to assist her in Kendall's defense, despite the fact that Marissa is in a state of arrested development wherein she does adorable things like setting her parents up on a romantic rendezvous. I've spilled a lot of virtual ink complaining about Liza and how ridiculously unqualified she is to practice law, but I think even she is savvy enough to realize that Marissa shouldn't even be trusted to assist in feeding a pet.
  • That's not even MAGICAL REALISM, that's straight up science fiction or, more likely, the paranoid and unintelligible ramblings of a dangerous lunatic.

    The rest of the show gives us a deeper, similarly upsetting look into the psyche of Pratt. We have the next great ABC Daytime love triangle in the form of Tad/Krystal/Taylor, as if any human being in the world is remotely interesting in such a vortex of hamminess, skank, and boringness, respectively. Because you know what we don't get enough of? Women talking about how great Tad is while Michael E. Knight makes exaggerated facial expressions

    We were also given a small glimpse of Cameron Mathison's real personality and charisma today, in the short goodbye scene he had with Spike, which was ADORABLE, and yet they refuse to capitalize on that and, instead, choose to write Ryan as a completely loathsome, horrible person. I ask you: is any of this the work of a rational person?

    But, that same Eye on Soaps commentary easily solved the entire murder mystery, as far as I'm concerned:

    Say, “Goodnight, Palmer.” Veteran AMC actor, James Mitchell has quietly relocated to California and is not expected to appear on the show again.

    I'm calling it now: Palmer killed Stuart, and Dixie, and also Jimmy Hoffa.

    Comments

    I don't know...I'm still holding out for Double Dead Diego.......but if he's not avialable then yes...it's totally Palmer.

    Harry Potter levels of realistic indeed. Another true comparison, ABC Daytime is romantic like Silence of the Lambs romantic.

    Don't slam Grimace, he's cute and much more stylish and way more likeable than Liza. Compare her hideous jacket and epic levels of suck to Barney :-)

    On daytime confidential Jamey revealed what we've known for a long time. Pratt doesn't write long term story arcs. Originally the killer was supposed to be Amanda because Chrishelle Stause was leaving the show. Now that she's staying staying Pratt has no idea who the killer will be.

    That jacket was an abomination. How much of one? It was more distracting than all the stuff you mentioned about how stupid the escape plan was.

    I wanna know who JL pissed off in wardrobe and in the director's booth, because they keep dressing her like crap and putting her next to Alicia Minshew, with whom pregnancy clearly agrees.

    All I can think is that JL ran over someone's cat and AM managed to save it and then pay all the vet bills.

    Apparently, Jamie Luner pissed somebody off in wardrobe. Between her bad make up and atrocious clothing, she looks more and more like a hemochromatosis linebacker. Orange and purple are not a good color combo. I guess wardrobe still loves Bobbie Eakes because her best assets are prominently on display even if her character's personality has been effectively neutered. Taylor continues to underwhelm me. Fiery Army lieutenant or godsend babysitter?! She's still a dullard.

    As for the Martins, in particular Jake and Tad, they are a family of felons who consume too much airtime with their distorted views of truth and justice. Neither Jake nor Tad are heroic unless using the Sonny Corinthos scales of morality. And you are absolutely correct that Pratt and Guza are the axis of evil of daytime, which makes me question exactly what are Brian Fron's and Anne Sweeney's agenda?

    And are we supposed to be rooting for Taylor and Tad? What was his, "What if she's not over her war hero ex?" Oh, you mean the man she went to war with who came back from the dead who she was engaged to for YEARS who she inexplicably broke up with like two weeks ago? That's MORE than enough time for us to throw our support behind a new relationship!

    Ugh. And where IS Brot anyway? He's what made her an interesting character.

    Just for the record, Harry Potter is WAAAAAY more realistic than AMC. While the basic HP premise is obviously fiction and fantasy, the characters are true and real to themselves..and act consistently and honestly. There are many REAL relationships in HP... and events are logical and well thought out. In addition, everything that JKR wrote in book 1 still applies in book 7. Facts and events do not change on a whim and there is a real "good vs evil" dymanic which follows through all 7 books. People fight for what's right and are loyal to a fault.

    I would like anyone to say that about AMC or it's characters at this time.

    Jamie Luner should have in her contract never to be in the same scene as Alicia Minshew. It does not bode well for her.

    And yes, JL must have seriously pissed off someone at wardrobe. I might not like every fashion choice on every actress at all times..but you can see there is some attention to style.

    JL looks like she walked in off the street on a 95 degree, hot and humid day. She is definitely the "before" in all before-after photos. The purple jacket was atrocious and was rivaled only by her white linen dress of last week which was wrinkled and showed of every body flaw possible. I couldn't care less about Liza or JL but shouldn't someone be noticing this?

    The forced adorableness of Taylor and Tad is ...forced and not so adorable. I admit being I just watched Tad hurt Brot last week to "keep the secret of the baby going", Tad is working on my last nerve. For someone who was lied to and was not with his daughter Kathy for 7 years, his lies to keep this baby from David is appalling. Taylor on the other hand..is just dull. Brot made them all interesting.

    If it were not for Zach and Kendall, I would be so out of here.

    Oh, KathyNYC, huge Harry Potter fangirl here, and I didn't mean to insult it. I just needed the name of a whimsical fantasy and it was right on my desk, so I went with it:)

    OH I wasn't insinuating you were insulting it. I apologize if it came out that way.

    I was just commenting that here is a series of books that are supposed to be "fantasy" and "non-reality" and they are way more realistic than AMC at this time.

    It's a sad commentary, isn't it? But of course JKR is a wonderful writer and CP is a hack, and a non-talented one at that.

    Again sorry if my post sounded like I was against what you said. I loved everything you wrote in this post.

    Come now. Harry Potter is far more realistic than All My Children is these days.

    GAH and now the next to final insult .. AMC is moving to LA .. the final insult will be when Frons begins actually writing vs just commanding what be writ.

    Amanda was supposed to be the one who shot Stuart? WHY? What was her motive? She wasnt even in the house that night ...

    Anyone want to chip in for a hit on Frons?

    Seriously, am I supposed to be rooting for Jake/Amanda...not just as a couple, but for them to have Trevor all to themselves? Really? Because I am at the point with all of these absolutely stupid schemes they come up with to hide him from David...I am rooting for David to get the baby. He may be the "bad guy", but I am pretty sure he is smart enough to not give Trevor a plastic bag to play with in his crib...Jake/Amanda, yea, not so sure.

    Ryan, Ryan, Ryan...why must they torture me with this character? It would be one thing if he were a character I loved to hate...but, I just hate him. Why is he even involved in Kendall's escape...why I ask you? In what universe would a husband want to work with the man his wife had an affair with? A man who took that same husbands companies. A man who swore vengence on him for killing this weeks love of his life, even after he knew it was Kendall driving and not Zach (greatest rivalry ever...another PrAss no show sl). We have Zach not giving Aidan the time of day...or using him for a punching bag...why can't it be the same for Ryan? Can we just have him be Stuart's killer and shipped off to prison and let his cell mate take care of him...please?!

    Liza...I don't know, maybe JL should try to bribe the people in wardrobe with flowers or chocolates...she needs to do something, because I don't think they are looking out for JL's best interest...it is that bad. It is hard enough to buy into the awesomeness of her lawyering skills simply based on the other characters telling me how great she is...they make it impossible for me to believe in her as a lawyer when all I see is Barney squinting at me.

    Like so many other people, I have always been a big fan of Harry Potter. And i have always wanted to be in Orlando to see the awaiting Wizarding world of Harry potter. I was searching for the same and have so many good sites and blogs like http://www.theorlandovacationstore.com/blog/universal-orlando-the-magical-new-wizarding-world-of-harry-potter/ check it once this is really interesting.

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