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« Even The Tanner Children Faced Harsher Consequences! | Main | Soap Blog Coalition »

September 02, 2009

Carnival of Souls

I am in a high spirits today (mostly because Starbucks is once again selling their Pumpkin Spice Latte. When you get right down to it, I'm immensely easy to please, which makes the soap world's failure to please me all the more galling), and I've decided to throw a compliment General Hospital's way: I always love the episodes leading up to their latest stunt stories. Granted, I love these episodes for all the wrong reasons, but a compliment is a compliment!

Yes, their gimmicks quickly devolve into poorly written, logic-defying (and yet, Emmy winning) chaos, and they almost always involve a dead child and/or dead Quartermaine, and they cause thousands of viewers to scream in plain and flee from the show every year, and I'm not at all looking forward to this carnival story for myriad reasons (not least because: CLOWNS!), but you have to admit that these stories begin hilariously, if only because it's unbelievably funny to watch a bunch of untalented writers scramble to get all of the show's characters to the same place.

Watching today's episode, I'm surprised that the writers just didn't have all of the characters say, "Uh, bad shit's gonna go down at this carnival and I have to be there for contractual reasons, so...", because the setup was half-assed in the extreme. Which it shouldn't have been, since it is Michael and Hospital related, meaning that nearly everybody has a reason for being there, but the writers couldn't even be trusted to execute that properly!

A recap:

SONNY: Michael, Morgan, and Girl-Child, I'm done being an absentee father. Let's all go to the Michael Corinthos Head Trauma Foundation carnival together!

LIZ: Lucky and I are taking Cam and Jake to the carnival. I think you should come, too, if only so that we can exchange longing looks at each other.
NIKOLAS: There is nothing in the world that I enjoy more than a carnival. Corn dogs, carnies...I'm in my element there.
LIZ: And you can bring Spencer, too.
NIKOLAS: A child, at a carnival? Why on earth would I do that?
REBECCA: Hi! Hi Nikolas! Hi!
NIKOLAS: Would you care to join me at the carnival?
REBECCA: Ohmigod, really? Yes! Yes, I would!

JASON: Would you like to join me on a romantic evening at the carnival?
SAM: Would I?!

MAXIE: My boyfriend was brutally murdered at a carnival.
SPINELLI: And I am deathly terrified of clowns.*
MAXIE: I'm so looking forward to this.
SPINELLI: As am I, fair Maximista.

MONICA: I'll have a car take you to the carnival.
EDWARD: Why would I need someone to drive me? Is it because two doctors warned me that I should take it easy? Or because the latest Port Charles psychopath has been giving me the evil eye while caressing a vial of medicine and is right now sinisterly talking about my demise? What could possibly go wrong?

We are in for a long few days, you guys. Anybody willing to place a wager on which character(s) are brutally killed during this event?

*I don't know which is most horrifying: that I remember that Spinelli is afraid of clowns, or that Spinelli and I have something in common.


I think the Maxie/Spinelli one is my favorite. And I'm glad you never miss an opportunity to mention Nik's neglect of Spencer. Should have just let Jax raise him. Jax is probably the reason Morgan is pretty normal.

ACtually i'm surprised Nik hasn't fobbed Spencer off on Lucky....you know since eveyrone else seems to.

the givens

A child of Sonny's is going to be hurt...mainly so we can reveal Dominate's paternity because THAT's what we are all waiting.

Even though other people will be helping when the bad stuff goes down....some way some how Jason will be credited with saving EVERYONE at the carnival from disaster.

This is clearly a desperate attempt at a ratings sweeps stunts in September because doing some Emmy winning writing is only something that can happen ONCE a year.

That montage at the end with the carnival footage was one of the most hilariously surreal clips I have ever seen on TV. WOW.

Holy cow -- timing of reading these comments meant I could turn right to SoapNet to catch the surreal ending you were talking about. Wow, it was better/worse than I could have ever imagined.

But I'm surprised no one mentioned Monica saying to Edward that bad things happen when Port Charles has big events. On a better show, I would adore this sort of meta-commentary... on a much, much better show.

P.S. I don't really watch the show that often... and don't plan on starting... though I do read plot summaries and updates so I might have an idea... who is the lady poisoning Edward and why?

P.P.S. Killing Edward Q? I watched three minutes of a show I haven't watched in years and I found a reason to never watch again -- wait to go show!

Should read "way to go show."

Jokes work better without typos

Did you see Liz's WTF face today when Nik kissed Rebecca... I think that was the best thing about the week's episodes so far.

Also WTH with the carnival-confetti montage at the end... seriously?

I am kind of hoping Michael kills Kate at this carnival.

I know I know, she won't be there because MW is only allowed to be on three episodes a year now. But wouldn't it be great for Michael to rage out on her and end her life with a crowd of clowns and bleeding from the eyes carousel ponies watching?

Then we could get more heartwarming scenes where Sonny and Carly tell him it's all great and not to worry, he didn't do anything wrong... again. And nobody really cares about Kate anyway right? Carly will explain that she was unworthy of Sonny and even her magazine sucked, so her death is no biggie. And Sonny will stop sucking on Olivia long enough to mumble and agree w/ Carly's theory.

If Michael doesn't step up his crazy how is he ever going to be a super hero hitman or super sperm mob boss like he wants to be so badly? His vacay to Cancun slowed down his game. He's got more competition now that Dante is in town, and we all know he is going to claim his role of first born Sonny Son any day now.

But beyond that I have another secret GH wish. Once Dante has claimed his role in the Corinthos organization turning Michael into the new AJ (funny huh?) a mysterious 40 year old comes into town.... And he is hell bent on revenge!

You see, this angry dark bitter violent 40 something man is the secret love child between yet another Bensonhusrt "whore" (thanks Claudia) and Sonny Corinthos.

Dun dun dun......!!!!!! He's Sonny's real first born Son. He was conceived while his parents played seven minutes in heaven back in junior high! Even in seventh grade, Sonny's sperm was SUPER STRONG.

OK, YES! I've been drinking. Sorry about the above. I didn't mean to make anyone sicker than watching GH already does.

I am completely unspoiled and only get my GH info from this blog and, when this blog recommends a scene, from the occassional youtube clip. But I am very VERY concerned about the well-being of Edward Quartermaine. I mean, we always knew that Guza hated the Qs, but I'm seriously starting to think that he won't rest until every Q whose name has not been changed to Morgan or Corinthos is dead.

Dillon, Ned (whose last name is not Q, but who, no doubt, Guza would be happy to off) - I love you both, but never, EVER come back to Port Charles. At least unil Guza's reign of terror has ended.

I too had visions of NS Season 1 and Spinelli's over-the-top fear of clowns (although, in his defense, clowns are kinda frightening and even more so when "written" by the ever so "creative" Bob Guza). I don't know how many Quartermains and/or children will be killed off or left comatose as a result of this stunt storyline but what I can say is that, despite how ridiculous the promo looks, at least it doesn't involve the following for which I am forever thankful:
1. Toxic balls
2. Trees being used for baby storage purposes
3. Kate Howard fondling a DVD and making like the wicked witch on the Wizard of Oz and cackling to Claudia "I'm going to get you, my pretty!" (I would also like to point out that the last statement should, in no way, imply that I have any sort of fond feelings for Claudia because I very definitely do not).
It's the little things that make me happy. Just like Michael, they're trying to...yeah, I can't even finish that sentence.

I am thinking some peripheral character will be killed, but that at least two or three PC youngsters will be in peril/hospitalized/briefly-thought-dead.

I am going to murder my television set if one of those youngsters is Jake/Cameron/Spencer and is used as an excuse for inappropriate anxiety-sex between Liz and Nik.

Also, if one of those youngsters is Cameron, I am going to murder 12 television sets. Now I'm worrying myself. Cameron's going to be okay, right?

Louise...Cameron will be fine because his father is Zander biologically and Lucky. Therefore he rates as no importance to Guza. He'll be seen briefly and then shuttled off to the land where Spencer was forever while we worry about Jake's papercut and if it means everyone will figure out the worst secret in the world.

Louise... you and I are totally on the same page. And to have Edward be even remotely involved/ responsible would be yet another slap in the face to the Quartermaines. Then again, this is Guza we're talking about, so I wouldn't be surprised. I just hope Cameron/Jake/Spencer don't pay the price for Guza being an asshole.

Whoever dies won't be important- like some stupid non-mobular, legacy veteran or a cop or somebody equally lame, like someone in the medical field. The more important question is WHO IS GOING TO SAVE THE DAY? I'm going to take a wild guess and say Jason- along with his sexy sidekick, Sam, and his unsexy geek-kick, Spinelli, with Maxie screeching at their heels. I know, I know. This is a totally out of the blue prediction with absolutely no precedent supporting my case, but I just have this gut feeling. It kind of feels like salmonella poisoning.

Rides fall, everyone dies.

(obscure semi-quote?)

Pretty cool how they had virtually the same episode today.

The suckiest part is I know I'm going to end up watching it. They always suck me in during these stunts...jerks!!

Has Guza said this is the catastrophic event that will change everything? Something is seriously wrong if he doesn't said that, or perhaps someone finally told him that line has become a joke.

I hope there are millions of clowns and Spinelli dies from shock. I hate clowns but I hate Spinelli more.

Thanks to those of you whose digestive systems are strong enough to allow you to watch this garbage. The rest of us are grateful you keep us posted.

What have children ever done to Bob Guza? If Molly, Morgan, Jake, or, most importantly, my Cam are harmed I WILL get stabby.

My TV better watch out. It's not easy being an innocent bystander.

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