Carnival of Souls
I am in a high spirits today (mostly because Starbucks is once again selling their Pumpkin Spice Latte. When you get right down to it, I'm immensely easy to please, which makes the soap world's failure to please me all the more galling), and I've decided to throw a compliment General Hospital's way: I always love the episodes leading up to their latest stunt stories. Granted, I love these episodes for all the wrong reasons, but a compliment is a compliment!
Yes, their gimmicks quickly devolve into poorly written, logic-defying (and yet, Emmy winning) chaos, and they almost always involve a dead child and/or dead Quartermaine, and they cause thousands of viewers to scream in plain and flee from the show every year, and I'm not at all looking forward to this carnival story for myriad reasons (not least because: CLOWNS!), but you have to admit that these stories begin hilariously, if only because it's unbelievably funny to watch a bunch of untalented writers scramble to get all of the show's characters to the same place.
Watching today's episode, I'm surprised that the writers just didn't have all of the characters say, "Uh, bad shit's gonna go down at this carnival and I have to be there for contractual reasons, so...", because the setup was half-assed in the extreme. Which it shouldn't have been, since it is Michael and Hospital related, meaning that nearly everybody has a reason for being there, but the writers couldn't even be trusted to execute that properly!
SONNY: Michael, Morgan, and Girl-Child, I'm done being an absentee father. Let's all go to the Michael Corinthos Head Trauma Foundation carnival together!
LIZ: Lucky and I are taking Cam and Jake to the carnival. I think you should come, too, if only so that we can exchange longing looks at each other.
NIKOLAS: There is nothing in the world that I enjoy more than a carnival. Corn dogs, carnies...I'm in my element there.
LIZ: And you can bring Spencer, too.
NIKOLAS: A child, at a carnival? Why on earth would I do that?
REBECCA: Hi! Hi Nikolas! Hi!
NIKOLAS: Would you care to join me at the carnival?
REBECCA: Ohmigod, really? Yes! Yes, I would!
JASON: Would you like to join me on a romantic evening at the carnival?
SAM: Would I?!
MAXIE: My boyfriend was brutally murdered at a carnival.
SPINELLI: And I am deathly terrified of clowns.*
MAXIE: I'm so looking forward to this.
SPINELLI: As am I, fair Maximista.
MONICA: I'll have a car take you to the carnival.
EDWARD: Why would I need someone to drive me? Is it because two doctors warned me that I should take it easy? Or because the latest Port Charles psychopath has been giving me the evil eye while caressing a vial of medicine and is right now sinisterly talking about my demise? What could possibly go wrong?
We are in for a long few days, you guys. Anybody willing to place a wager on which character(s) are brutally killed during this event?
*I don't know which is most horrifying: that I remember that Spinelli is afraid of clowns, or that Spinelli and I have something in common.