Is it just me, or is EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD irritating today? Maybe it's because a cat decided to entertain the neighborhood last night with an odd mixture of howling, screeching and what sounded like weeping, which led to very few moments of sleep and very many moments fantasizing about pulling a Betty Draper, but I have spent the better part of the day in a constant state of aggravation. This means that I've been doing a lot of pouting and eyerolling about everything, including, but not limited to: Kanye West, the inexplicable media coverage of the Gosselins, the person at the mall who took up two parking spaces, Mike Isabella from Top Chef: Las Vegas (he's even more irksome in repeats), the fifth season premiere of How I Met Your Mother being next week and not tonight like I had originally thought and the cost of gas.
I tried very hard to focus on the positive: it's the beginning of autumn, which always makes me happy, most likely due to the necessity for both cardigans and fall flavored hot lattes! And it almost worked, too, except that I turned on General Hospital and, within minutes, was confronted with something that makes me feel dirty and ashamed.
Nikolas: Perhaps Ethan feels you should stay here at the hospital with Edward.
Ethan: That happens to be true. But Ethan can speak for himself.
I actually rooted for Ethan in a situation. Yes, it was half-hearted rooting, since Nikolas is awful these days, but I rooted for him nonetheless. Please don't shun me!
That was an omen of things to come. OBNOXIOUS things to come.
My love for Liz is well-documented, but it is so hard sometimes to watch her without actively wishing for someone, even a nameless extra, to walk onscreen and throttle her, shouting "Are you for real, woman? What the hell is wrong with you?" and exiting, hopefully having knocked some sense into her.
Elizabeth: Yeah, i know. It's a problem. But the love, the insanely romantic, swept away by passion kind of love just isn't... It's not there anymore. But it is for him. And I just want him to be happy, so maybe I should marry him.
I cannot believe that she had such a ridiculous idea, decided to verbalize it and then made it through the sentence without choking on her words or bursting into laughter at how patently insane it is.
Look, I am a people pleaser (I know that is shocking, considering my often sour disposition, but it's true!), and I realize that it's easy to just do things to make someone else happy, but marriage is not one of those things!
And it's especially maddening that Lucky asked her, point-blank, how she felt.
Lucky: Elizabeth, you know how I feel about you. Unless you don't feel the same way about me. Elizabeth, if you don't love me, just...I just need to hear you say it.
She didn't even awkwardly change the subject or feign a coughing fit to get out of the conversation! No, she said:
Elizabeth: Lucky... Never question my love for you. You're my first love, my kids' father. You have been my anchor since we were teenagers. My life doesn't make sense without you in it.
And yes, if Lucky were at all perceptive, he would realize that her darting eyes and panicked face and the way she kept grasping at past transgressions to prove why this is a terrible idea meant that she wasn't on board with this, but...it's Lucky "I'm Bob Guza's lobotomized whipping boy" Spencer, here! He's not so good with subtext. He sometimes needs to be spoken to slowly, with short words.
Elizabeth: Ok, Lucky. I am so honored that you want to marry me, and I want to give your proposal the thoughtful consideration it deserves.
"And I'm going to do that at Wyndemere. With Nikolas. Naked".
Nikolas: I absolutely need to hear you say it. We need to be honest with each other, if with no one else.
(Yes, GOD FORBID you be honest with anyone else, like YOUR BROTHER.)
Elizabeth: All right, fine. It's you. I don't know how this happened, I don't know how our friendship turned into something more, but ever since that first night you kissed me in Jake's, I have thought about being with you.
Nikolas: Thought about it? Or wanted it?
Elizabeth: This is wrong.
Nikolas: Don't you think I know that? Don't you think i've fought it every bit as hard as you have? I can't do it anymore. I want you
Just...ugh. Between this and his bizarre revenge on Rebecca ("I'm going to shower her with nice treatment and make her feel like Emily, and then she'll be hurt when she realizes she's not Emily! Mwahahah! I'm diabolical". Leave the plotting to the Cassadines who aren't halfwits, dude), and the constant neglect of Spencer (at least when Spencer was played by a middle-aged actor, you could make the argument that he's self sufficient and had learned to deal with having a physically and emotionally distant father, but he's a child again!), I'm more over Nikolas than I've been in a long time.
Actually, Spinelli and Jason had one of the more touching moments of the episode, when Jason admitted to Spinelli that he couldn't live with himself if Spinelli got killed:
Jason: No, you can't object. You almost died tonight, from what, delivering paperwork? Are you serious? How could i even live with myself? I depend on having you around. Ok? Not because of all the stuff you do or the tech stuff. You're my friend. You're like a brother to me. Ok? I try to protect my family, not put them in the line of fire. This has to end tonight. Are we clear?
If only there were some way Jason could be sure his family would never be in danger! What could it be, what could it be? Yes, the fact that Jason's problem is entirely of his own making makes it slightly less sweet, but I am grasping at straws for something positive about this show, okay?
But the Spinelli speak is killing me. Johnny is dying, Claudia and Jason are nervous wrecks, and he STILL uses the cumbersome nicknames. I thought he spoke English when he's agitated?
Claudia: Why are you just standing there telling me this? If Johnny dies, I have nothing, do you hear me? I have nothing. And this entire town will feel my pain.
OMFG, enough with your empty threats, you stupid cow. This is me quaking in my boots at your 95th vow of revenge this year, a vow of revenge that will blow up in your face like every other half-baked plan you have ever had
There WERE a handful of non-obnoxious moments. But only a small handful.
- Johnny would like Spinelli to tell Olivia that he loves her!
I hope that having a hot boy in love with her makes Olivia wise up and realize that she doesn't need to moon over Sonny. The fact that this show is General Hospital and not a show with good writing makes that unlikely, but still, I can dream!
- Lucky's facial expression upon finding Ethan at his door
He was in no mood! I wouldn't be, either, if my hated half-brother showed up wearing that hair don't.
- Foreigner once mused that they want to know what love is and requested that they be shown the answer. Well, here it is, Foreigner! Here is love!
Love is Bruce Weitz chewing scenery like he's been told he'll be set on fire if he doesn't give the hammiest performance in the history of television! He's completely ridiculous in such an epic manner that it makes me completely gleeful. It's like he's the only person in on the joke that is GH.
Screencaps courtesy of LaurieLuvsLiason