Here Come The Sighs
Carly: Call me corny, but I love weddings, especially oddball ones.
Oh, Carly. You speak the truth.
If Friday's episode of General Hospital had featured a wedding for a couple I was actually invested in, or a bride whose hair was not decorated with what I can only assume would be a ceremonial headdress in some cultures...
(Many, if not most, things I encounter in life invariably lead me to a How I Met Your Mothercomparison, this time from Lily and Marshall's wedding: when Marshall first accidentally got hideous tips in his hair and then shaved part of his head in a fit of anxiety, and Barney and Ted were brainstorming ways to cover it up, and Barney kept insisting that an Indian headdress would work? I wonder if Maxie had a similar hair emergency, because I am uncomfortable believing that anyone, not least an aspiring glamorous fashionista, would find that to be anything but hideola, although if her hair this week is anything to go by, she certainly is blind to a whole lot of ugly).
...I imagine that my praise for said episode would be at a fever pitch. As it was, while I never thought of myself as the type of person who would use the phrase "Well, knock me over with a feather" (the only person I've actually heard use that phrase with aplomb was a kindly septuagenarian, so I felt like I lacked the life experience to pull it off), it was the first thing that popped into my head at the end of Friday's episode. Even more surprising was the rest of the thought: "Well, knock me over with a feather, that was almost a good episode". An almost good episode on GH is surprising enough, but when the episode in question is focused on the Spinelli/Maxie--a pairing, remember, that I have not been fond of--wedding, well...like I said, feather, me, knocked over.
Maxie's nightmare at the start of the episode was fantastic in that it was genuinely entertaining AND contained more honest and realistic character development than we've seen on this show in quite some time. Our glimpse into Maxie's subconscious showcased her deepest fears about this marriage, with hilarious results.
- Maxie being miserable in the life of Mrs. Spinelli and mother to little Spinellis? Check.
Maxie: You're gonna take that bottle, and you're gonna like it. My boobs are closed. Spinelli, I thought that you were gonna start helping me. [Gasps] I said no killing.
- Maxie's hopes and dreams being a bust on her end, but the perfect fit for Lulu, who winds up thriving as a glamorous, jet-setting editor-in-chief at Couture? Check.
Lulu: You heard me. Bump Angie from the cover and then throw her off the train for all I care. Heh. Gee, guess I'm not impressed. Well, of course I can do it. I'm editor in chief. Couture is mine. Whatever I say goes. Yeah, well, I've had it with these high-maintenance celebrities. I'm lulu Spencer. I make my own celebrities. Look, I gotta go. Ciao.
Lulu: Where else, silly? I'm gonna be gone for a month or so, so I wanted to say good-bye to my B.F.F. and all my adorable little godchildren. Oh, you -- you're...cute.
- Jason continuing to be the most important person in Spinelli's life and promoting him to the role of Jason's "best soldier"? Check.
- Jason and Spinelli murdering people for money? Check.
Jason: We gotta go. People are waiting to die.
- Mac suffering a mental break and needing to be committed to Shadybrooke as a result of the marriage? Check.
I giggled throughout and then I got a bit irritated, because the writers actually ARE capable of doing justice to their characters; all of these fears for Maxie make complete sense! So why can't this kind of writing be done all the time, and also not just for laughs? I know that the answer is "because the writers are mostly hacks", but still, the question needed to be asked.
Bradford Anderson and Kirsten Storms did a really fantastic job throughout the episode (crazy, isn't it, that good writing leads to good performances? How wild and zany that is!), and they didn't even need words to do it. Bradford Anderson's facial expression when Maxie walked down the aisle said more for Spinelli's love of Maxie than any bit of dialogue he's ever had
Maxie's scenes with her friends and family were downright delightful. The evolution of her relationship with Lulu from enemies to frenemies back to enemies to begrudgingly getting along with each other and now being best friends has been pretty awesome.
Maxie: Thank you. Not just for the purse, which I'm gonna keep forever, but for being my best friend.
Lulu: Wow. Let's not get carried away.
Maxie: Ok, if not today, then when are we supposed to do this?
Lulu: Heh. Well, you're my best friend, too. I mean, it's like -- I love you.
Maxie: Oh, whoa. We're getting carried away now.
And she and Mac just wrecked me.
Mac: Look at you, all grown up, about to be married. When did this happen? Where did the years go?
Maxie: I love you, Mac. Dad. Wow, if it wasn't for you, I don't know. Georgie and I, we would have been lost, especially me. Because no matter what happened, no matter all the chaos that was going on in my life, I knew I had a safe place to go -- wherever you were.
Mac: And now it's time to let you go.
Maxie: I know that you don't approve.
Mac: That doesn't matter. You love him. He makes you happy. That's all I could ask. Ready?
Damn it, show! My mascara went all runny, both when I watched it and as I am typing this right now.
Aside from the sweet and the adorable and the familial, the show also gave us humor--the on purposekind. Aside from the aforementioned nightmare, we were treated to some quality LOLs from Mac.
Mac: Why don't you just shoot me in the head?
Patrick: Could make a call.
Mac: Aw, you don't have to. You know, Jason the mob enforcer is best man at my daughter's wedding. I'm sure he'll be packin'. How did this happen, Patrick? How did that little bundle of joy who was Maxie end up a grown woman getting married to organized crime?
Hee! I actually answered Patrick with, "You could just call out to the other room and probably get a dozen people offering to do the job. You wouldn't have to even call out at full volume!" and then Mac reiterated the sentiment.
And said mob enforcer got in a good quip of his own.
Jason: Ok. Well, I'm gonna tell you, because I watched the whole thing. You were yourself. You didn't speak other people's words, even though that would've been a lot easier for me to follow.
When Jason is funny, I laugh and then feel slightly dirty. It's a half-chuckle, half-shudder type situation.
The random Port Charles denizens there to witness the blessed marriage were...an assorted bunch, to say the least.
I don't know why Molly and Kristina were so heavily featured in this story, but any opportunity for Molly to be adorable is good with me, so I won't quibble about their involvement.
Molly: Maxie's really lucky. See, I like the brainy ones, so you're good with me.
Misguided, but adorable! I also liked her comparisons of various Port Charles relationships with literary ones. She's so cute.
Milo was irksome and as socially inept as Spinelli:
Milo: Max sends his regrets and congratulations. He still can't believe a babe like Maxie would marry you.
Duh, we're all thinking that, but you don't need to verbalize it!
Coleman was there, spreading around communicable diseases and, I imagine, reeking like stale booze. Jax shares my distaste
Jax: Really? You want him hanging out with Coleman?
Thank you, Jax! I know we're never supposed to agree with what Jax says, so he and I are being complete squares as far as this goes, but whatever. The saying goes that it's hip to be a square, and if Huey Lewis says it, it must be true!
Johnny and Olivia taunted us with their hotness, and earned Carly's admiration
Johnny: Yeah. Well, Olivia's been taking good care of me.
Carly: Yeah, I bet she has.
Let's enjoy them while we can, since, with Sarah Brown leaving, it's only a matter of time before Olivia jets out of this relationship faster than Jason can pull out a weapon and prances over to Sonny's.
(That sentence reads strangely. I meant that Olivia will be the one doing the prancing, but picturing Jason pulling his gun out and then prancing over to Sonny's to get his orders is incredibl amusing to me)
Morgan: Holy crap!
Carly: Morgan. Don't talk like that.
Morgan: Mom, Jason's wearing a pink tie.
Carly: Holy crap.
The pink tie has been one of the best supporting players on the show this year! I think we should compile an Emmy reel for him and hope he takes home the gold next year!
All of that, AND a surprise ending! The show finally remembered to end a Friday episode on an intriguing note!
Spinelli: How I love you. I struggled today. I'd written vows -- no, I'd, um -- I'd carefully crafted vows to assuage your reservations, but as fate would have it, they were irretrievably lost, leaving me with nothing but the words in my heart, and that's what I'll depend on now. I'm not like other people. [Laughs] I never have been. But I became used to the outsider status, and I was really quite content. I mean, my mind is an active and fertile one. I'm never bored in my own company, and if being alone was to be my lot, well, there are worse things in this life to have to endure. But then there -- then there was you... luminous, transformative Maxie, and you saw me, you got me, and to my utter shock, amazement, and profound gratitude, you loved me, and that is the most precious gift, and I will never, ever betray it... and that is why I cannot marry you.
It's enough to make me look forward to Monday's show, even if I know that it will almost certainly not live up to expectations and will probably make me regret everything I've just written.