How Many Lives To Live Again?
This was a pretty action-packed 4-day week in Llanview and, given that I'm 95% spoiler-free, a surprising one at that. We had kidnappings, shootings, rescues, surgeries, homecomings, inflatable boats, stolen kisses and, most importantly, Brody In A Wetsuit.
I am not sure which Broadway musical comedy John-Paul Lavoisier thinks he's performing in, but I hope I can find some discount tickets for it somewhere. There's nothing better than a musical comedy about children with leukemia and aunts who endanger their lives and who try to date-rape their ex-boyfriends. Who wants to join me in the TKTS line? Leukemia Shenanigans and Vegas Strippers, The Musical!
We all knew Stacy would end up preggers anyway, right? That wasn't much of a surprise to me, but it irked me anyway since this storyline ran its course long, long ago. (Some would say it ran its course the second it started, but I thought there were moments of potential in there, and I do enjoy the addition of Kim, but overall it's been tedious and is chock-full of actors who aren't up to the task. Scott Clifton deserves better.) I do love the way Carlivati intertwines the storylines through the characters so that there's never anything happening in a void, so I will reluctantly say the one good thing about this is the potential it holds for Fish. But how awesome was it that Gigi just kept toting that pregnancy test box around town?
Now if anyone's annoyed by the whole timing-of-the-pregnancy issue, just remind yourself that Stacy and Kim are trying to trick Rex and Gigi. These are two of the dumbest people alive. No problem-o.
As for the kidnapping of Starr and Hope, I wish I could care more. Starr is an incredibly infuriating human being and Kristen Alderson's overacting hurts to watch. The major misstep John made in this whole undercover operation was including Starr in the secret -- to me, the lunacy involved in her decision to tell Todd (the most unreliable man who ever lived) about it makes her responsible for this whole mess. And someone may very well end up dead by the end of this. Here's how she reacted to the man who came to save her who was sneaking up behind one of her captors:
Very subtle, Starr.
This is of course forever tainted by the fact that I also watch General Hospital, but it was refreshing to see lots of heroes being heroes (and none of them named John or Todd). Shaun coming in and almost saving the day and getting shot in the process, Fish being the one to zero in on the location of the mobsters (note that I don't have to specify whether they're the good mobsters or the bad mobsters because they're all bad!), and of course Brody In A Wetsuit. This is not to say, however, that I'm not incredibly appreciative that we all got what had to be a comic-relief bit, and that would be the rolls that John and Bo took into the warehouse. Hilarious, yes?
Brody's stabbing worries me. This thing looks like it would hurt:
Will he live? Will he die? Were they grumpy that Bree Williamson didn't win an Emmy for her outstanding performance at Nash's funeral so they decided to kill off another of her men to give her another shot?
Not to be politically incorrect or anything, but do the towns of Pine Valley and Port Charles combined have this many people of color?
And here they are in Llanview, all in one room! And there's more right outside the door! Madness. But as much as we love OLTL for its diversity, I am going to have to call them out on this one. First of all, Greg's initial, "God no, that's my brother!" was laughable. Like 3rd grade class play laughable. He picked it back up later, and I know the soaps are made at breakneck speed and rarely have a chance for a second take, but this was dire. As for the medical situation, let me get this straight. Shaun needs life-saving surgery to move a bullet "frag" from his head; it's so urgent that they need to have his brother do it because there's no time to wait for a specialist from another hospital to clear his schedule and come to town. However, it's elective surgery. Shaun could go on to lead a healthy life, just knowing that jerking his neck the wrong way one day could lead to his demise. But he gets to choose whether he has the surgery. Eh? So he could leave the hospital and go on with life, but they can't just leave him in bed and keep his head still for a few days to find another qualified surgeon for this elective surgery? It does lead to a lot of potential for great drama, though, with Shaun's life in the hands of his brother.
I am exhausted by Todd and Tea and Blair. Ross's arrival is fun and has some promise, but cutesy Todd and Tea is completely unearned and stomach-turning, and pathetic Blair undermines the entirety of her history. These are all tough, dark people. The not-very-reformed rapist and the two super-hot bad-ass women fighting for his love is insulting. These are couples that worked in the past because they had passionate, ugly relationships. Also insulting is the frequency with which they are beating us over the head with Tea's obvious "secret." Tea, you don't know what it's like to be a mother! Tea, if you had a child you'd understand. Tea, you've never had to experience making a sacrifice for your child!
Thanks, Ron. I get it. I just don't care. Two things I do care about regarding this storyline? WHERE THE HELL ARE JACK AND SAM? And could we please have a few more weeks of bloody-faced Todd? Thanks. I kind of love it.