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« "Edward Puts Many Lives In Jeopardy" | Main | Soap Blog Coalition »

September 09, 2009

This Could Be the End of a Beautiful Friendship

Mallory and I have had a good run with our little co-blogging mutual admiration society.  But soon, I fear, it will all end.  What have I done to bring about this potentially tragic break-up?  Well, I returned from vacation over the long weekend and had to watch three weeks' worth of my shows (I propose it as an alternative to minimum security federal prison, as I'm certain the soaps-related sanction is more of a deterrent), and while going through the General Hospital episodes have been peppering Mal with emails along the lines of "Jason is so hot!"  "I am totally crushing on Steve Burton right now!"  "Jason and Sam are fab together!" 

Mallory has been relatively patient -- she did, after all, post on Friday that Sonny was nearing "adorable" (and she's right, but that is a confession for a different day), so she HAD to cut me a little slack -- but I know her patience is wearing thin.  I fully expect to attempt to sign on to blog tomorrow and find that she has changed the passwords and posted an update informing you of my institutionalization.  Which might actually happen and not just be a bitchy diversion!  Jason-love sends people over the edge.  I know, because I've deleted the expletive-filled nonsensical comments of those who have ventured into that territory.

Finding Steve Burton appealing in and of itself is not an actionable offense.  He is handsome, and if you are around my age, you could easily have fallen for him as Evie's surfer boyfriend on Out of This World, and later swooned when he was the adorable med student Jason Quartermaine, on GH back when watching it was a reward for getting through a day of college classes as opposed to a punishment for...I don't know, still watching soaps?  But that was back when Antonio Sabato Jr. wasn't a skeevy dating reality show contestant -- they were truly better, innocent times. (Speaking of which, purely as an excuse to use these links, both Antonio and Steve posed in Calvin Klein briefs!) (Side note:  Google image searching for those also produced this.  Never before has the phrase "LOL forever" escaped my fingertips, but come on, it is appropriate here.)

Now many years later, of course, Jason is a Morgan and a hitman.  He kills people for money.  Offs mofos for cash.  Terminates dudes for dollars.  I will stop now.  But you get the point:  Jason Morgan is gross.  He has moments of decency, like when he's talking to certain Quartermaines or making fun of Spinelli, but in general it's hard to root for a hero-slash-hitman.  Especially when he's single.  When Jason doesn't have a girlfriend/fiancee/fake wife, we're just left with his horrible job, and it's easy to forget why you care whether he lives or dies.  And for the last year or so, Jason has been woman-less.  How you still claim to be running a damned soap opera when your leading man doesn't get any for many months on end is beyond me, but then I am confused by many soap-related things (see also Emmys, The Daytime).

But here's the thing:  Steve Burton makes me buy every single relationship Jason is in.  (Okay, I never liked him with Courtney, but nobody -- absent perhaps shut-ins and others with severe emotional problems -- liked anything associated with Courtney.  That dog she saved from the Port Charles Hotel fire was cute, but that is as far as I go.  That wench was odious and I hatehatehated her.  Bless you, monkey virus!)  ANYWAY.  Seriously, I have enjoyed, at least much of the time, every romantic relationship Jason has been in:  Robin, Sam, Elisabeth...even Carly.  CARLY, for god's sake!  Jason should always be in a relationship, because when he is, he's sexy.  Yeah, I SAID IT.  Jason is sexy.  Jason the unrepentant hitman is sexy. 

Before you ask, YES, I hate that I ever like Jason.  It's totally giving in to this stupid show and its warped morals and playing into the hands of a twisted writing team that has taken a once-great soap and turned it into televisual torture that I watch only because I have to.  They write Jason -- the hired killer -- as a practically infallible romantic lead, to the point where sometimes it would not surprise me if an animated halo appeared above his head.  So obviously, I do not want to like Jason.  But sometimes, Steve Burton selfishly forces me to!   Truth be told, especially lately some of those times aren't even related to Jason having a girlfriend. His terror and relief/regret today when Jake was in danger and then rescued, with Jason forced to keep his distance, was genuinely moving.  I have moved beyond my somewhat-acceptable-if-you-are-not-especially-judgmental position of thinking Jason is kind of hot when he is in a relationship to, GULP, honestly thinking that I might want to see Jason as a parent!  WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!

There are things I do to talk myself down from these moments of affection.  There is, of course, the hair.  Remember 2007?  Those were scary times indeed.


I was capable of saying "I have no idea why any woman finds Jason appealing" and meaning it!  But then Steve Burton cut his hair and gave me not one but three reasons to find him endearing, plus then on Night Shift Jason was tolerable, and I don't know what's happened since then, but I have rarely if ever been able to muster a truly heartfelt anti-Jason rant.  It's aggravating!  And it's terribly unfair to Mallory, who must soldier on as the sole bearer of Jason Hate on this blog.  Fortunately, she is excellent at it, but just because you're good at something doesn't mean that you should be the only one around you doing it.  Just ask Awesome Writer.

Steve Burton was also indirectly responsible for the most horrifying Google search result in Serial Drama history:  "jason morgan/spinelli slash."  Sure, you have to define "indirectly" really, really broadly to make that person's sad and sick search remotely the fault of Mr. Burton, and if I blame him for that then I have to thank him for the laughs brought about by these:

  • where did steve burton's neck go
  • gh steve burton did he double in size?
  • is jason morgan really a murderer

...but sometimes I'm willing to stretch to find reasons to talk myself out of being a fangirl!

Another excellent counterpoint to my moments of liking Jason is when weeks on end will go by without Steve Burton seeming to put even one iota of effort into his performance.  Look, if I were on this show, I'm sure my morale would equalize with the quality level of the writing (below sea level), but "soap actor" is one of the better jobs around and he could at least pretend to care about earning his paycheck.  He does it when he's in scenes with people like Kimberly McCullough, so he's totally capable of it.  That's why the laziness of his frequent mediocrity is extra-annoying.  Lately, though, Burton has consistently seemed engaged, in character, and even like he's having fun.  It's incredibly confusing!

So none of these things are working now.  Many weeks have gone by without me hating or even disliking Jason.  Yesterday, I even laughed when he pulled his gun out to shoot at that bullseye at a children's carnival!  This is getting serious, particularly when it is combined with Sonny also not being a complete asshole.  I have to direct my rage at the horrible stories on this show somewhere, and Steve Burton and Maurice Benard are depriving me of my two favorite targets.  How DARE they?

Oh, and as long as I'm putting all this out there, you might as well add this to the reasons you will from now on out question my judgment:  I also love Michael.  This new snotty version is a horrible teenager, but I dig that about him.  I, in fact, adore him.  Truly!  He is one of my favorite characters on the show. He is also essentially a younger version of Jason Morgan.  Coincidence?  I think not.

In conclusion, I did sustain a minor head trauma on vacation (low-hanging birdhouse), but I'm pretty sure that is totally unrelated to this rambling, moderately insane, possibly co-blogger-relationship-ending post.


OMG! I totally blocked out his long walk of pain, was that two segments or three? I assumed he just got bored and felt trigger happy so he was walking over to the new Pine Valley set to shoot a few holes in it before it goes into production.

And jennyp is onto something w/ that Jason/Spinelli fiction. Between the "babbling and the blinking" it is kind of like two people communication through seizures.

Being of unpopular opines myself (I'll just say it. I like Spinelli re: Bradford Anderson and I do not like Elizabeth re: ALWAYS snarky and snide, even when interacting with friends! much prefer bad girl Liz of yore), I would like to note that I still heart you, Becca, even if you want to have a pants party with Steviekins.

So glad someone brought up ridiculous Walk of Pain. Also glad Louise asked about slash fiction, I'm lost too.

Some time can we talk about Maxie's modified mullet? Is not carnival related but a pressing matter for those of us who normally covet her hair.

Count me in the group that despises Jason Morgan without ceasing (and I don't find Steve Burton attractive). There is nothing positive in the character at all. Please, Mallory, carry the Jason Hate banner proudly and proclaim it loudly until Becca regains her senses.

What saddens me the most Becca is that you have given in to the show, to Bob Guza. To tolerate, much less like, Jason or Sonny gives Bob Guza more power and I know that you know what a bad idea that is. This is one of the reasons we will never be rid of this type of character on GH. Sigh.

Best wishes for a speedy recovery.

Although Jason doesn't do anything for me, I love watching old clips to see how his body has gone from soap-actor size to Lou Ferrigno size. Maybe Jason wouldn't seem so dumb if his face weren't so pumped up. Seriously--expressing the same amount of emotion on a smaller surface area might make those emotions more visible.

I do think that when you look at an actor and all you can say is "he obviously hates this job," there is something seriously wrong.

For those who asked...slash fiction is gay fanfiction. (the slash thing is a very long involved geeky story that I am almost ashamed to know). That's right...if you have ever watched Spinelli/Jason and gone "Wow...if only GH would go Brokeback with them..." well I think you need mental help but that's what you are looking for.

and yes...Spinelli/Jason slash fic DOES exist. I HAVE NOT read it...but i have seen it posted on fanfiction.net...."blinking/babbling" does seem to be the way i imagine it would go.


I thought when the mention of Jason/Spinelli "slash" fanfiction came up, they meant fanfiction that dealt with their friendship - you know, the whole "Stone Cold, I need your advice" kind of thing like they were in the beginning. I really thought they had a great friendship at first.

I DID NOT KNOW WHAT THE SLASH THING MEANT!!! AHHH!!! Now I'm going to have to pour bleach into my ear with a funnel to try to wash the image out of my head of where they could possibly go with Spinelli being Jason's "grasshopper."


Yikes. I'm regretting that I asked. (But thank you!)

Ok, Becca. If you tell anyone this, I will deny it. I love Jason, too. Sure, he drives me crazy sometimes but I'm still a fan. A lot of my Jason love has to do with SB, of course. So there you have it. I.MUST.GO.SHOWER.NOW. I feel all kinds of dirty. LOL!!!


Jaspin slash fiction. Wow.

Thank you, Beth R. I'm glad you're savvy enough to broaden my horizons. Sort of.

Sorry for disturbing you all but well..you did ask! And I do live to help! =)

Beth R., thanks for the translation! Too funny :-)

I thought the only same sex pairing on GH was the obvious couple of Jason & Sonny. Aren't they called the Gummy Bear Mobsters or something?

Now with this new Stonelli Spinson Janelli whatever coupling I may need a BIG drink to block it all out. Go go Grasshopper indeed. EWWWW&*!%$^&!$#%!$$!&(^%!

Well the Gummi Bear Mobsters are the only ones on the show.....on the internet on the other hand.....

Lets just say some nights I stare at my computer screen and go "But....what.....huh.....how......EEWWWWWWWWWWW...OMG MY EYES I'M BLIND!"

And that's just from glancing at a story summary as i try to find a decent fanfic to read. (yes I am that nerdy...)

Overall, I love Jason, but he goes through periods where I just.....can't. Like when he was with Courtney and now this redux with Sam. It doesn't compute for me.

Aside from yesterday's epi (excluding his Walk of Pain) and in the scenes with Clown Spinelli, Jason just hasn't seemed very present to me.

I can't do it.

This doesn't mean I'm going to quit you, Becca. I'll still stand by ya.

Was there an acai-berry tainted juice bottle with you when you were on your vacay?

I sympathize with Mallory...cos I had to defibrillated when I read this....

I love Jason, always have, always will. He's flawed and complicated and hot. He doesn't need much to say because Steve Burton can speak volumes with one look or a prolonged silence. Okay, so Jason kills people, but he kills bad people who kill innocent people, so that's my rationalization. He's not so much of a hitman anymore as much as an enforcer, which means he enforces the law for his particular world. In many ways, that makes him moral and noble, especially because he accepts responsibility for his actions and does not try to have it both ways. While Sonny tries to straddle both the traditional life he craves and the mob life he's created, Jason knows that's a pipedream.

Also, it's stupid to call Jason a deadbeat dad. He made a noble choice to protect his son, just like Olivia did. This being a soap opera, that secret--which more than a handful of people already know about---will come out at some point, but Jason and Elizabeth are still noble for making it.

And Jason pulling the gun out at the carnival was hysterical. Lighten up people---this is a TV show.

Anyway, love, love, love Jason and Steve Burton. Andthanks a lot for that Calvin Klein ad. That put a smile on my face.

If Jason took responsibility for his actions he would confess to his many years of assorted crimes and dozens, possibly hundreds, of felonies, stand trial and then go to prison.

Anyone else with me on this point? Or is having a box of pain enough of a punishment? Because if that's true, I have a crime spree to commit.

Of course I am joking, and I get this is show is allegedly entertainment. But it's a soap taking place in an American city in real time. It's not some altered reality land of lawlessness and vengeance far in the future or on some wacky planet w/ totally different morals ethics laws etc.....

Becca, you will be alright. This to shall pass, but let me remind you of something....A BORG IS A BORG IS A BORG no matter the year,how many times it BLINKS OUT CODE FOR LOVE, OF A BLACK T-SHIRT GUN TOTING BINT THAT HE REMAINS. My issue is that no matter what female he is with HE GIVES NOTHING IN RETURN AND SHE DOES ALL OF THE WORK IN THE RELATIONSHIP!!!!!!! I need to hear how you feel, and do not under any circumstances let me HEAR from your female friend how you may or may not feel about me. (I'm looking at you Carly). If you have something to SAY, then DAMNIT SAY IT FROM THE HEART! and don't do more blinking because I do not know MORSE CODE BORGY STYLE!!! THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!! He is the DESTROYER in the moments that he has with women.Sam gets what she deserves at this point because anyone that DUMPS YOU WHILE YOU HAVE BEEN SHOT, gives you NO EXPLANATION about ANYTHING, then in turns makes said woman go BAT-SHIT-CRAZY, fucks her MOTHER'S husband while said mother deals with her CANCER, all because this piece of shit cannot tell you straight out how he feels while you are recovering from a GUN SHOT WOUND that was meant for HIM!? I would not ask him for a glass of water if I was on fire and he had the only water supply in the free world for me to save my own life from this bitch. Forget it Becca, I will continue to HATE HIM for you, I got time for this hell I WILL MAKE TIME.

Wow. I'm so...disappointed. that's all really. :(

No no, seriously Beth R., thank you! You're quoted so much on this site, I think you just know everything. I'll be posting soap irrelevent questions next time I don't understand why my boyfriend does the things he does. (Right now I excuse it with the Homer Simpson answer, it's because he's stupid. That's the only reason anybody does anything.)

And you saved me a potentially scarring experience googling "Jaspin slash fiction," just to find out what it is.

I'm very sorry if this causes a blogger break-up, but I have to admit, even through all the deplorable things Jason does... I've always found Steve Burton hot (stemming back from those oh so tender days of 'Out of This World). So anyway, I understand your pain Becca... but thanks for singing his praises (even if it is a result of birdhouse induced head trauma) and THANKS for the link to SB in his Calvin Kleins... yum.

I've never been a Burton fan and I don't consider him more than mediocre as an actor, but I sure thought he was more attractive before all the steroids. Body builders don't blow my skirt up. That body type is extremely unattractive, especially since I tend to look at a body builder and my mind goes directly to "narcissist."

So the current root-for romance on GH is an unrepentant sociopath/hitman and his unrepentant serial child-endangering hooker con woman, but they joke with each other so that makes them cute? Even as he pulls guns on teenagers and in public places? Thanks anyway, I think I'll take a pass on the giggling superficiality.

Becca. I feel your pain. I love Steve Burton.

And by love I mean I find him sexy and just watch to pretty much drool over him a bit.

I mean he is expressionless, he is wardrobeless, because come on really, this is a soap, and all he ever wears is a t-shirt and jeans, and his occupation is hitman. Sadly though I admit to enjoying and lusting just a bit over his pecs! There I've said it! LOL..and to make matters worse, when he tears up it moves me (usually - see below).

I hate the character of Sam though, never was a JaSam fan, yet enjoy Jason so much more with Sam than Liz. Yes, I'm torn.

Perhaps it was the circumstances surrounding Liz and Jason that made their union too heavy. It burnt Lucky beyond recognition into stupidity realms, Liz looked whorish, Sam was totally off her rocker (by that I mean batsh*& crazy!) and they kept jumping in the sack when people died. Not romantic at all. And out of that came Jake. So though I preferred (note the past tense please) Liz over Sam, I didn't enjoy that union.

This time around with Sam I can tolerate (I'm ashamed to write enjoy!)but please note that is only because I love to watch a happy smiling Jason! I'm of a ripe age and I must say, he can still make my heart flutter.

But I also have to say that I really didn't GET that totally spaced out walk of torture that was supposed to move me. I laughed at first, and then when it seemed to go on forever I was like what the heck? Did I miss something? This is the kid he voluntarily chose not to raise to continue to kill people..and said kid was okay, right (this was before the diagnosis) so what's this all about?

All I'm saying now is I hope and pray (please oh please oh please) that they don't turn Sam back into that psycho, crying, can't live or breathe without being with Jason tool again. I can't take it. It seriously puts a damper on my Jason fantasizing hour.

when are you guys going to post something about days?

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