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« Bonding With The In-Laws | Main | Soap Blog Coalition »

October 21, 2009

A Star Is Bored

While I have no factual basis for asserting that any of the stars of All My Children are bored, I am willing to wager that this entry's title is actually an understatement, if anything, because this poor group of actors has literally done nothing for the past few months but say the exact same lines of dialogue in every scene they are in, and if it is cripplingly boring for me to watch, can you imagine what it is like to have to constantly repeat those poorly written lines about hating Annie, or hating everyone who hates Annie, or Madison being a life ruiner, and whatnot? They probably lose little pieces of their soul each time they report to the set! I certainly lose little pieces of my soul each time I sit through a full episode which, to be perfectly honest, is rarer and rarer these days, as I've taken to fast forwarding maniacally when I'm disinterested. This led me to once finishing an episode in three minutes...

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Ryan, to Annie: You lying, manipulating, twisted bitch.

Ryan was completely correct in his assessment of Annie, and I have described her underdeveloped, soap-crazy, overtanned self using those same terms, but that didn't stop me from reverting to a slightly hysterical first grader and shouting "Takes one to know one!", "I know you are, but what is Annie?", and "Oh, Ryan, why are you talking to yourself out loud?" at my television. I'm not proud.

There is just something about Ryan sneering at others in that hoarse, condescending voice he has that makes me want to stick my head in a microwave.

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Far less anger-making, but still not entertaining was the JR/Marissa nuptials. First of all, it's nice to know that Pine Valley doesn't require anything like a marriage license, or multiple witnesses, for a wedding to be valid. Secondly, the two of them together are so dull that I can't even think of a hilarious way to describe their dullness. They are the living embodiment of the sound "meh".

Granted, there were two aspects of the story that got a response out of me. For one, I literally laughed out loud when Adam asked Marissa if she was sober. David Canary knows how to deliver a line.

And then there was Krystal in all her whiny, needy glory, bitching to Tad about how sad she is that they aren't a family, and moaning about how unfair it was of Marissa and JR to marry right around the first anniversary of Babe's death. These two getting married is many things. Like...creepy as hell (his dead wife's twin sister who he really hasn't known that long! E-W). But when she went on her "Does anyone but me remember that her baby-dolly holiness passed away a year ago?!?! WON'T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE DEAD SKANKSAINT?!?!" monologue, I had to laugh. How could we possibly forget that when we hear about her all the freaking time? It's like she's still alive and still infecting us with her strains of various STDs.

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I think today's episode also featured some Hubbard shenanigans that, regrettably, I could not watch all the way through because...I have a really hard time watching Denise Vasi try to emote. And I feel bad for saying that, because I'm sure she's a nice person, and she's so lovely, but it's painful. I lasted about three seconds in the brief snippet I saw of her today before I ran to my computer and started to set up a PayPal account to raise donations for acting lessons.

(Also, Madison isn't actually dead, right? So we're in for a few days of talking about her death and then having it turn out that she's alive, and then in for a few days of talking about how she's alive? "Can't wait!")

Comments

I'm inspired by your bundless compassion. I would like to send some money for those acting lessons. If your account doesn't have a name yet may i suggest The Denise Vasi School for Hair Models Who Want to Learn to Act Good or Get the Hell off my screen.

This show,as the beatniks used to say,is Dullsville.There was a compelling story with Stuart's death,and the fallout from that,but the writers/IIC have taken that story,beaten it to within an inch of its life,dragged it out to a shack down by the river,and left it to die,but like the movies Saw, Friday the 13th, and Halloween,the ugliness has come back to life to torment us again. If they really want to save money,they should do some clearcuttiing of scenes where everyone discusses the same damn thing over and over,sure the show would be 15 minutes long,but they could sell more ads,thus making it both more profitable and watchable. They should possibly think about showing episodes three times a week,instead of 5.Not only would it reduce thetime we spend viewing scenes from the Department of Redundancy Department,where all the characters beat a point to death,at least TIIC could stop patting themselves on the back with how no one could EVER guess who killed Stuart-it's the best mystery EVER!And with the neglect/mishandling of Zen, the rest of the show is both too crazy to believe and too painful to watch. And Tahanee,I not only agree,with you,I have tjis to add:Mer-man!MERMAN!

Oh. Emmm. Geee! Effen right. Denise Vasi can't act. I haven't made it through one of her scenes since back when she was still a werken gurl.

From the moment Randi woke up from her nightmare, I had to fight to get throught the episode.

Seriously, I don't like saying someone can't act, but DV just can't. She didn't even wake up convincingly and I sat there the whole time going "Really?"

Quite a few people have stated that she needs acting lessons. I hope she takes notice. It's sad that Brianne Moncrief has surpassed her and she's the one who was let go.

As for Ryan, what he said about Annie is certainly the truth, but I still hate him. I do love them trying to tear each other down though. Nothing like seeing two people I loathe fighting.

I'm with you but sad to have to agree this show just sucks sewage. The mishandling and malicious character decimation that has been done to ZEN makes me both happy and sad that they will soon be gone. I will finally be released from sitting thru this drek for some tiny and I do mean tiny bit of ZEN I can get but oh so sad at the many missed opportunities to turn this show around and make it what it once was. I have given up that TIIC realize what they are losing with ZEN and allowing a hack like Prass to do to this once great show. And it is a sad thing because along with them are other actors and crew who have hung thru all these tough times to try to make this show great again and their efforts have been rewarded with direspect and or unemployment in favor of others who have [to be kind] lesser talent and have no business being employed.

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