Poor Choices in Port Charles
I won't ask what General Hospital related decision is the worst.
Mostly because the obvious answers are, naturally, (a) our decision to continue watching this show rather than kicking it to the curb and filling the 3-4 PM timeslot with something far more entertaining, such as sitting through a rerun of Law & Order that we've already seen 78 times, or seeing how long we can stare at a wall before blinking and (b) ABC Daytime's decision to continue to employ General Hospital's writing and production staffs despite the fact that the crap that they churn out is offensive to everyone, everywhere on every level.
And also because, when it comes to the choices of the denizens of Port Charles, there are just too many poor choices to choose from since, in lieu of doing things like "giving characters a point of view" or "writing a story that is actually good", the writers have characters do half-witted things in order to start, extend or end the latest hours of illogical crap that they are trying to pass off as "storylines".
But I think we can all agree that every story from today's GH can be summed up with, "Poor Choice, [Character Name]!"
Actually, let me rewind for a second and start off on a positive note: Decidedly Not Poor Choice, GH Wardrobe Department!
That cardigan is amazingly cute. I want to own it and wear it with pink ballet flats.
I do, as I may have mentioned, have a serious cardigan addiction. They make me happy. If I were to compile a list of my five favorite things about fall, cardigans would be number one (5. Halloween Candy 4. Thanksgiving 3. Pumpkin Spice Lattes at Starbucks 2. Postseason Baseball 1. Cardigans), although I do wear them all year round, so it's not solely a fall thing.
And my mother has gotten me hooked on Criminal Minds and I feel like at least a third of my enjoyment comes from marveling at how adorable Matthew Gray Gubler is in Dr. Reid's variety of cardigans (also, I know that it is because MGG broke his leg in real life, but I have to state for the record that Reid on crutches may be the most precious thing ever).
So I give two enthusiastic thumbs up to this fantastic sweater!
As far as Liz's storyline goes, I am giving two enthusiastic fingers up to that as well! It's just that the two fingers can't be held up in polite company...
Poor Choice, Elizabeth and Nikolas!
Elizabeth: We are the people that Lucky loves and trusts most in this world. Whether we tell him the truth or not, we've betrayed him on so many levels.
Nikolas: You and Lucky are getting married. You'll eventually put it behind you.
ENORMOUS betrayal of a loved one is something that, eventually, won't really matter one way or another once enough time has passed*! Good to know, Nikolas!
*Granted, in this case, he is probably correct, because nothing on this show matters once enough time has passed, and entire histories are rewritten on a daily, if not hourly, basis.
Elizabeth: This is crazy. I mean, after all this time. But I can't stop thinking about you.
Nikolas: God, you're beautiful. I really wish it could be different.
Elizabeth: But it can't.
The only thing worse than the Liz/Nik thing coming out of nowhere is the writers trying to spin it as though, "No, seriously, this has always been simmering under the surface for, like, a really long time, except for all of those times that it wasn't".
Poor Choice, Lucky!
Oh, Lucky. My darling, beautiful, woefully dim Lucky. Granted, Liz IS sending him terrible mixed signals, but half the time, she reacts to him with discomfort and has said the phrase "Take it slow" about eleventy times, and he interprets this as "You know what would be fantastic? A surprise party celebrating us!"
And doubly sad was how proud he looked of the entire thing.
And, really, he should be damn proud of himself for getting BOBBIE and LESLEY and AUDREY on the show at the same time OMG!
I can only imagine the mass hysteria that the writers had as they tried their hardest to prevent these women from appearing on camera and reminding viewers of their existence.
Poor Choice, Michael!
There has been an Olivia Overload on the show of late, and I admit that part of me sympathizes with Michael for snapping at her, because I totally want to, but...
Michael: Oh, so if you had known, you just would have waited and then trashed Claudia then?
Olivia: Um, it's complicated, Michael.
Michael: No, it seems pretty simple to me. I think, you know, you guys grew up together and now it just upsets you that he's with Claudia.
Shut the sassmouth, child! Most of the time, Michael's brattiness doesn't bother me and I usually find it realistic, but there are times that I wish he was still in a coma, and this is one of them.
Also, if you're going to be a jerk to anyone who disapproves of Sonny and Claudia's relationship, you're going to have to go door-to-door to be a jerk to the entire viewing public! Luckily, that won't take you more than twenty minutes.
Poor Choice, Claudia!
What poor choice am I referring to? Her insane plot to get pregnant by Dominante? Her ludicrous scheme to keep Olivia away from the brother she loves in a creepy way? Her twisted and revolting love for her brother? Her unfathomably terrible choice in clothes? Let's be real, everything about this woman is terrible and while I normally roll my eyes at this show's habit of sending characters out of town in a body bag, I am eagerly awaiting the day that we are done with her for good. Or at least done with her until the show tries to get us to pretend that she didn't actually die, or until the show brings Sarah Brown back again as a different character.
I did love Dominante's "The hell?" face he made as he watched the obviously unhinged Claudia crazily grasp at crazy straws in crazy town.
Poor Choice, Sonny!
To be honest, I didn't pay any attention to Sonny today, aside from the confrontation with Michael and Olivia, and I have no idea if he actually made terrible decisions, but since this is Sonny we're talking about, I feel that I am safe in assuming that he did.
Poor Choice, James Franco!
I keep getting more and more nervous for James Franco's GH debut, in terms of how bad his story will be and in how many ways I will twist logic trying to praise something that he is involved in. Why couldn't he have picked a better soap to join?!
I am guessing that this
is going to be part of his storyline. Right? It has the same vaguely intriguing air to it that so many stories on this show start with before they eventually devolve into character assassinating, never-ending lameitude.
Poor Choice, Helena!
I usually love anything and everything Helena related, but her taunting of Lucky and Ethan today was unforgivable, since it...well, it made me enjoy Ethan.
Ethan: Whatever secret you're selling, sweetheart, I'm not interested.
Helena: That's very disappointing. Well, it seems you'll have to learn the awful truth from someone else.
Lucky: I'm sorry to spoil your fun. Let's get out of here while we still can.
Ethan: Yeah, that's the best idea I've heard all day.
Hells Bells, Hells, between you and Nikolas, it's like the sole function of the Cassadine family these days is to make me like Ethan, albeit half-heartedly.
Poor Choice, Show!
Who on earth made the decision to have Bruce Weitz act normally today? They deserve to lose their job!
He was in multiple scenes and yet I saw no absurdly contorted faces or flying spittle. What the hell is this crap? Nobody likes a relatively subdued Anthony Zacchara! Granted, I like a crazed Anthony Zacchara for all the wrong reasons, but still! Liking something is liking something!