Talk About Your Manic Mondays
This Monday's General Hospital was pretty much terrible. In some ways it was even worse than usual, because due to some weird FIOS glitch, the audio on my recorded episode trailed about a second and a half behind the video. Ugh! As if you want to see and then hear, being doubly punished, crap like: Kristina's icky relationship, Lulu and Ethan on an adventure with Lucky (you know, the loser cop brother) nowhere to be found, Claudia of all people having the ability to blow apart the Dominante thing, Nikolas totally inexplicably telling Robin about Liz cheating on Lucky with him, being reminded that Carly and Jax are going to be forever linked by a kid, Carly's talking dream-fetus, and Olivia breaking up with Johnny. Although there was Molly being all precocious and knowledgeable, which is one of my new favorite things on TV. It's not enough to compensate for the rest, though. What could?
But last Monday's GH? That was some pretty good soap, people! (And it followed a good old-fashioned Friday cliffhanger. What in the name of Gloria Monty is going on when GH turns in two consecutive good episodes?)
"I now pronounce you not husband and wife."
These are the words I'd been longing to hear! Rejoice! Maxie is not permanently joined to Spinelli! There shall be dancing in the streets.
And yeah, allegedly for him it was all about "oh, this is proving how deep my love is and blah blah blah" but let's get real: The headpiece spooked him.
I still can't get over that thing. Sex and the City (the
was on cable the other day and this thing gives Carrie's bird-hat a run
for its money in the fugliest wedding headwear category, which I didn't
think was possible. Pat Field will not stand for being trumped!
But even if Spinelli got past the hat, the dress wasn't much better.
As my grandmother used to say, boys don't marry lasses with big bows on their asses. I'm pretty sure that's what she used to say, anyway.
I think the only person as delighted about the "non" part of the non-wedding as I was was Mac. When he passed out from relief, I actually guffawed.
And it just got better from there. So much Mac hilarity to choose from. Getting drunk, being excited anew every time someone mentioned that Maxie and Spinelli didn't get married,
flirting with Alexis, mentioning Frisco and "Fericia," calling Spinelli a nincompoop. The whole episode was just chock-full of Mac being awesome. And then it was capped off with Maxie thanking Mac for being there for her her entire life.
Aw! I mean, obviously John J. York will be locked in a basement for another eight months or so now, having pre-taped 17 nearly identical police station scenes. But we had one great day, dammit!
Carly scored some points by seeming to be nearly as happy as Mac was about the wedding that wasn't.
I hate how much I've agreed with Carly lately. It's unsettling.
Side note: Ingo Rademacher could get it.
Robin's enthusiasm over her birdseed packets, coupled with Jason's absolute horror at the idea he would do anything festive with one, was delightful.
Nobody is more shocked than I am to find that I am enjoying the umpteenth go-around of Jason and Sam. When I don't think about the fact that she let his infant son get kidnapped and he threatened to kill her, I find them hot and well-matched.
The garter-and-bouquet thing was of course contrived and you saw it coming from a mile away, but it was funny nonetheless. Especially Jason's open loathing of the entire tradition.
Does nobody remember? Jason is not a fan of garters.
Related note: Garters, please avoid dark alleys. And docks. And hospitals. And mansions. And bars. Maybe just stick with thighs.
Spinelli to Jason: Stone Cold's affirmation of his namesake's words is the greatest affirmation of friendship I've ever experienced.
You need more friends, boo.
Maxie to Spinelli: You're the most wonderful, smart, sexy man I've ever met.
And you need to meet more men. Or take a closer look at the ones you've already met.
I don't want to get into Lisa LoCicero and Brandon Barash's business, but if they are not hooking up in real life I think they should seriously consider it. I have no idea whether they're both straight, single, etc., but I don't think it matters. Cast all traditional considerations aside, because...whoa.
And their "I love you"s were adorable! (Yes, I know they've since broken up, but travel back with me to the halcyon days of late September and enjoy this budding relationship.)
Side note: Brandon Barash could get it.
Even her flirting with Coleman could not detract from the hilarity of DrunkKate.
I love her.
Side note: Megan Ward's hair?
I'm pretty sure it could solve the health care crisis.
I can't believe I'm saying this about one of Lulu's relationships, but...I really like her and Dominante. They had a couple of great moments, with not even a shadow of the shrieking, judgmental, entitled Lulu we'd come to know and...know.
And if it's written right (humor me), their story could be really intriguing. Especially if they get involved before his cover is blown. At the very least, could Luke please have to deal with his one son being a cop and his daughter being in love with one? Because lately I want Luke Spencer to be as unhappy as possible.
Side note: Dominic Zamprogna could get it.
I think I could watch DrunkMac try to force Alexis to dance for a year on a continuous loop and still want more.
I cannot tell a lie, I laughed out loud. Several times.
Sure, it was overly precocious and nothing that a real kid would say, but Morgan's toast was pretty funny.
To sum up: Spinelli is really smart, and Maxie is super cool because she doesn't hate Spinelli for dumping her ass at the altar.
Ew. I think that "written by" credit is giving them cooties.
Robin to Patrick: You look so sexy right now.
Now that is an anytime, anywhere line if ever I heard one.
Patrick hotly reminisced about committing to Robin -- and about all the fights they've had at Jake's.
I thought that was awesome, because I am totally the type of person who is incapable of being 100% schmoopy and positive during any relationship-oriented conversation. (I shouldn't worry that these writers whom I otherwise disparage write interpersonal relationships the way I actually conduct mine, right?)
At one point, though, the weirdest thing happened with Patrick. Some random dude who seems like the type who never does anything or hangs out or talks with anyone showed up and was all fraternal with him.
The guy's obviously a creeper.
Side note: Jason Thompson and Jason Cook could get it.
Alexis with all her daughters! Adorable!
There's her daughter with Sonny, her one with Ric, and her eldest, with...well, it's not important that we know piddly details like parentage. Or that the daughter herself know such things. Don't be so provincial!
I thoroughly enjoyed the "I Want To Know What Love Is" serenade, which I know is an odd thing to say about group karaoke to Foreigner. Maybe I just enjoyed the joy of everyone singing.
Except for Jason. Ha. Sometimes Steve Burton seriously cracks me up.
So cute! And the song was of course a nice little call-back to earlier this year.
And while this post is about Monday's episode, I would be remiss if I didn't mention the awesome karaoke on Tuesday's episode too. Or maybe I wouldn't. There is only so much chronicling of GH goodness that I can do in a week so you will just have to look back on it fondly and insert your own adverbs (especially "hotly") and adjectives yourself.
Oh, who am I kidding -- we all need to re-live this magic in full living sound and color:
The adorable magic:
And most importantly, the hot, hilarious magic:
Sigh. It bothers me that this show can still occasionally delight me. While I'm on this high, I might as well say it:
These two were mildly adorable. But that is all the positivity you're getting out of me.