Finally, A (So Bad It's) Good Episode Of This Show!
If you happen to meet me, and I tune out during our conversation, please don't take it personally--I will merely be reflecting upon the pure, unadulterated and wholly unintentional amazingness of the ending of today's General Hospital.
It was one of those soap moments where you can vividly imagine the episode's director wildly running to have the episode removed from his or her resume. Or you would be able to vividly imagine that, if you weren't busy laughing gleefully at how completely ridiculous this show is.
LUCKY, enraged: You're sorry? You're sorry?! You're sleeping with my brother. You agreed to marry me, Elizabeth, and you're sleeping with my brother!
LIZ, pleading: I'm so sorry.
NIKOLAS, in a manner far too casual for a person who, unless he was experiencing temporary deafness and missed Lucky and Liz's conversation, knows that his brother now knows the truth about Liz and Nik: ...what's going--
LUCKY: (Randomly whips out gun and shoots)
NIKOLAS: (Silently contemplates the fact that his brother just shot him--or maybe contemplates what to have Alfred make for dinner, because he doesn't seem at all shocked by this turn of events--for a full three beats)
NIKOLAS: (Suddenly airborn)
NIKOLAS: (Feet fly in the air)
I'm assuming that this is a (-n amazing, fantastic, perfect, awesome, hilarious) dream sequence. Which makes me doubly happy, because that means that the other highlights of today's episode--yes, I said highlights! When was the last time someone said "highlights" and "General Hospital" in the same sentence, aside from the oft-repeated lament, "I'd much rather read the classic children's magazine Highlights than sit through an episode of General Hospital"--actually did happen, unless it turns out that the episode was a dream sequence in its entirety...
Jason: I put Michael right in the middle of violence. He grew up watching people like me, like Sonny, grew up thinking money, power, intimidation were the way to solve problems.
Sam: But you love Michael, and you gave him to Sonny because you respected him and you thought that he would be the better father.
Jason: I don't know what would have happened if I left him at the Quartermaines, but I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have killed somebody.
Jason's internal conflict over the path that he led Michael down would have had a much greater impact if he was speaking to someone besides Sam, who reflexively strokes Jason's ego, but it was still nice to hear.
Jason isn't the only one having the realization that he's messed up epically when it comes to Michael. When Michael bragged to Sonny that he made arrangements to have Max and Milo deal with Kiefer, brushing off Sonny's concerns with a line akin to, "Eh, whatever, I've murdered someone once already", Sonny made one of his hilarious "I think I've made a huge mistake" faces.
Michael's outfit and the perpetually smug expression on his face made me want to slap the taste out of his mouth, BTW.
That outfit is just incredibly douchey.
Of course, this IS General Hospital in the Phelps/Guza era, so there were numerous lowlights to balance out the few moments of (unintentional, in most cases) greatness. For brevity's sake, I will only list the two lowest lowlights, because if I got to complaining about the rest of the show, we'd be here all night, and there is a new How I Met Your Mother that I don't want to miss!
Lulu: I imagine that it's an easier gig for you because you're new in town and you didn't know Sonny as a person.
Dominic: Eh, true. I mean, it's safe to say I--my private life, I'm not buddy-buddy with any gangsters.
Lulu: I can see past what a person does.
Dominic: What about when their job is committing crimes and laundering money and killing people?
Lulu: (No response)
What the hell, girl? Like, murder is no big deal at all! "Well, you know, some people aren't big on talking on the phone, and some people murder other for money and/or revenge. It's not a dealbreaker for me!"
WHO SAYS THAT?!
Operation "Everything to ever happen in the world, ever, is Jax's fault, and I do mean everything, ever" is in full effect, which means Carly is doing a lot of yelling things that make no real sense at all when you pause to think about them
Carly: I'm handling it wrong because I'm taking it out on you? Are you kidding me? You don't get to do that. This is because of what you did, Jax, and the lies you told.
and also that Laura Wright is doing a lot of horrible face-making that makes me remember the days when I loathed and despised Carly.
I think we are all in need of a palate cleanser and scroll back to the top of the page and watch Nikolas take flight. Repeatedly.