Is It Wrong That I Am Jealous of Annie's Coma? Probably, Right?
Much in the way that a long Thursday feels even longer and duller when there is something extra-special going on on Friday, the badness of All My Children right now seems even worse and more pronounced now that I know that there is an end in sight to the reign of Charles Pratt (because, remember, he has been FIIIIIIRED!). I sat through today's episode impatiently, thinking "When do we get episodes written by someone who's not a failure at life?" and "How the hell was he allowed to do this to this show for this long?!"
Newly super-villainous Aidan Devane has it bad for Kendall and the fact that every word out of Kendall's mouth is about Zach and her boys (literally, every single word! On the plus side, Alicia Minshew must have had an easy time memorizing her lines for these scenes and since she was pregnant at the time, she deserved it) hasn't given him pause. He's just had to re-evaluate his plot to make Kendall his for forever and has resorted to drugging (her wine, and dousing a rag with chloroform) and trickery in order to do so.
Trickery along the lines of arranging it so that Zach witnesses him having sex with someone who appears to be Kendall but is not Kendall and is, instead, Candy, the infamous Kendall look-alike, pinning his hopes on Zach becoming enraged at the sight and storming off to Pine Valley on a mission to excise Kendall from his life.
Which...is actually what ended up happening so, um...well played, Villain Aidan.
While Aidan may have backed into a successful plan, I have to call BULLSHIT on the entire thing. First of all--and this is a minor question in the grand scheme of things--how did Aidan find Candy?
And secondly, am I expected to believe that Zach would believe that Candy was Kendall? Zach Slater is many things, but he is certainly not the kind of person who thinks that all long, curly hair looks the same. Please, Zach is the kind of person who memorized every single part of Kendall including her hair and any freckles or identifying characteristics on her back. He'd have seen through this ruse in seconds!
But what's the fun in writing a story that is in character for any of these people, or that includes this new-fangled thing called "logic"? It's way more important that another male character on ABC Daytime fly into a rage, violently throwing things all over his house.
Annie had a miscarriage and is now in a coma, being spoken about as if she were already dead. Or being spoken about by Scott as if he were a wizened old curmudgeon and she an adorable grade-school scamp: why on earth does he call her "Kiddo"? Especially since he wants to have sex with her. Kiddo is the least sexy term of endearment ever!
There are not enough question marks to fully convey my confusion with the entire story, so I will abridge my real thoughts by saying "???!!?????!!???????" rather than going on like that for 30,000 characters.
Ryan brought Emma to see Annie, and begged her to wake up for Emma's sake. I feel like the writers were trying to give Ryan a genuinely nice scene, but, perhaps because my heart is black and filled with Ryan hatred, I was unmoved. I am not going to compliment the man for bringing his child to see her mother on her death-bed. That's not noble or heroic, that is just the human thing to do! As ever, shut the hell up, Lavery.
And then there is the Jake/Amanda/David clusterfuck, which moved forward in two ways today.
First, Amanda confessed the truth to Angie, who was far more patient than she should have been upon hearing that Amanda slept with David in the backseat of his car rather than wait another month to be inseminated. She's a more compassionate soul than I am, because all I wanted to see Angie do was smack Amanda and then go find Trevor to have him apply for guardianship of his own mother because she's obviously too stupid to function on her own because SERIOUSLY.
And secondly, David learned that he has fertility problems and--surprise!--probably can't have children and Trevor likely isn't his. If only there were a way for all three morons involved in this convoluted story to have found this out earlier! If only the two doctors had heard of a thing called a paternity test months ago before the need for a fake dead baby and a cross-dressing baby and dumped in the alley to be put into foster care and then adopted baby and then a contract to have a baby in exchange for custody of Trevor! Sure, that may have made the story a short one, but the AMC viewership would have much lower blood pressure than they do now.