Maybe The Show Has Seasonal Affective Disorder?
When the theme song to this soap came on the other day, I said, aloud, to no one, "Oh, for the love of, I can't sit through this today" and hurried to change the channel to something more entertaining, which, in that case, turned out to be an E! True Hollywood Story about someone who was neither famous or connected to Hollywood.
a) All My Children
b) General Hospital
c) The Young and the Restless
Readers, the tragic answer to that question is c) The Young and the Restless, which you might have been able to guess since the horror I had over watching a full episode was relatively minor and nothing in comparison to the anxiety I experience about AMC and GH (for the record, my reactions to those shows are "KILL IT! KILLLLLLL ITTTTTT" and sobs, respectively).
Is that not the saddest thing ever? Or at the very least, the saddest thing you've read in the past three minutes? It is! Just a few weeks ago, I was stockpiling Y&R episodes so that I could enjoy five hours of fabulosity all in a row over the weekend, as a prize for making it through the week. Now, I'm searching for reasons to get out of watching. "I could use a nap. I'm going to go read. I should dust. I'm super hungry! This infomercial looks really informative, and if I call in the next ten minutes, I'll get half off AND a special bonus gift!"
The goings-on in Genoa City right now are completely uninteresting. While watching with a finger permanently fixed on the fast forward button, I find myself going, "Oh, this could be good--oh, okay, it's over. This may be interes...never mind" and finishing episodes in under twenty minutes. Hardly anything happens and what does happen is never good:
- Jeff and Gloria have been had the same story for I don't even know how long: they are broke, but they don't want to be broke, so they scheme to not be broke. Why anybody would think viewers would want to watch two loathsome characters in the exact same plot, with pretty much the exact same lines, for YEARS is beyond me.
- Remember Nina and Philip? We're totally the only ones who do. They get trotted out randomly, and just when you think something is going to go well--like, say, Nina and Paul talking about Chance and Heather. That was great, right? And it happens and you get vaguely intrigued, and then the writers are all, "That was pretty awesome, huh? Anyhoodle, let's move on to AMBER. WHO DOESN'T LOVE AMBER?!?!"
- When Mac offered to be Lily and Cane's surrogate, I actually gasped, both in shock (how bizarre and sudden was that offer? I spend more time seriously considering whether or not to lend someone a pen) and horror (that scenario means lots of Mac, which means lots of Clementine Ford, which means lots of blank facial expressions and monotonous line readings).
- Speaking of blank facial expressions and monotonous line readings, Abby, Daisy, Eden and Noah continue to be a part of the show.
- I wonder if Christian LeBlanc ever looks at his Emmy and launches into a long, dramatic and emotional monologue about winning a Daytime Emmy and then being treated like the most tertiary of tertiary characters. I like to think that he does, because if there is any actor who I can see pulling off dramatic soliloquies in everyday life, it is Christian LeBlanc.
- I am officially over any and all soap look-alike stories and plan on drafting letters to my Congressional representatives asking for a law to be made to prevent the soap world from introducing another doppelganger story for at least five years.
- When Eric Braeden said, "Talks are dead, and I am never, ever, EVER returning to that show, for Sony has betrayed me for the last time", he was actually not at all serious and will be continuing to play Victor Newman until the end of time, meaning that Nikki and Victor's grand exit to Europe is temporary, not permanent, so we should all enjoy the Victor-free time while we can. Not least because Victor is in the stage of his relationship where he peppers his speech with terms of endearment that make me uncomfortable!
Victor: Mm-hmm. I was just thinking that this trip to Belgium to go to the rehab clinic would have been very lonely, thousands of miles away from home. But it's not going to be lonely, because... you're going to come with me. We're going to embark upon this adventure together. We will share it.
Nikki: Oh, yes, we will. I'll be cracking the whip-- lovingly, of course.
Victor: Of course. Baby, one thing is for sure-- you and I can't live without each other, can we?
Nikki: Obviously. Isn't it lucky that we don't want to?
Isn't it lucky that televisions come equipped with a mute button?
What say you, Serial Drama readers? Am I being unduly harsh, or is Y&R deadly dull right now?