Serial Drama

David Canary, Please Dial Back Your Awesomeness

I normally would not ever advocate that an actor mentally check out of the show on which they are performing and would actually pretty mercilessly mock them for it, but I NEED for David Canary to do that. Because as long as he's around, being compelling and giving this show a far better acting effort than it deserves, I will not be able to fast forward his scenes. And I so badly want to fast forward these scenes, because they are incredibly repetitive, and dumb, and I am still peeved that they had Adam kill Stuart!

But while I have no qualms about breezing through Kendall and Aidan on the run, or everything involving David/Amanda/Jake, or muting all of Ryan scenes so that I can invent my own imaginary dialogue, I can't do the same for scenes with Adam. Because David Canary is so good.

Adam: No. They didn't have to. I saw it all. The pain. The suffering. The one thing that I could hold on to, the one thing that might give me a small chance -- that had some kind of redemption -- was the child. A moment of freedom, perhaps an honor to my brother. That -- that was the -- biggest lie of all. There's no reason I have to beg your forgiveness, Erica. I don't deserve it. I just -- I need to tell you that I'm -- how sorry I am.

And, quite frankly, I need him to stop. Not solely because without his scenes, I'd be able to make it through an episode of AMC in about three minutes, but also because he is almost certainly going to win a well-deserved Emmy for this story, and once Pratt sees an actor win an Emmy for a horrific storyline, who knows what other kinds of character assassination in the name of Emmy-baiting scenes we are in for?! Please start half-assing your work from here on out, David Canary--it is for the greater good!

Soap Blog Coalition

Carly's back and she isn't messing around. Find out what's in store for her and her fellow Oakdale residents with As the World Turns spoilers. (Daytime Confidential)

If you weren't able to go to the Scrubs event at General Hospital's Fan Club Weekend in July, you can now see the videos of Jason Thompson and Kimberly McCullough entertaining the crowd.  (Scrubs Hub)

Sami and Nicole's confrontation on Days was one of the most over-the-top, soapy, fabulous things to hit daytime in ages. If you need the Serial Drama girls, you'll find them replaying the clip on a constant loop and clapping giddily. (Serial Drama)

The soap goddess reaches out to The Young and the Restless' Billy Abbott in Genoa city. (Soap Opera Examiner) 

Don't Leave Me Hanging, Show!

It is exceedingly rare that anything on General Hospital intrigues me enough to look forward to the next scene in order to see the fallout, but that happened twice today, and both times, the followup consisted of, "Remember when that thing happened and it bordered on interesting? We don't" and the writers blithely moved along to the amalgamation of boredom that is the rest of the show.

I'd ask what gives, but we all know that the answer is a combination of "awful writing" and "editors less skilled than a gaggle of geese".

But really, though, I beg for follow-up!

Like, Elizabeth has a daydream/nightmare about being caught making out with Nikolas by a very shrill imaginary Robin, and then notices Sam, juggling two coffees and whistling nonchalantly

 which leads Liz to unburden her soul to Sam and say:

Elizabeth: Sam...when I was with Jason, I judged you an awful lot. And I look back now, and I see what a hypocrite I was. I had no right to cast judgment on anyone. Lord knows I'm not proud of anything that i've done. So I owe you an apology. You don't have to accept it. I'm not sure I would.

That's kind of in the same neighborhood as intriguing, right? But there was zero follow-up, except that Sam was able to read between those few lines and correctly ascertain that Liz is conflicted about her relationship with Lucky, which leads to the second of the episode's missed opportunities when Sam explains the situation to Jason

Sam: Uh...Lucky is a good person. And I do know that he loves Elizabeth and the boys a lot. I just...Jason, I don't think that she feels the same way about being engaged to him as he does.

Why is this intriguing? Not because of the tortured grammar (Lucky and Liz have differing feelings on being engaged to Lucky?), but because of Jason's amazingly melodramatic reaction shot.

The man is a step away from having the vapors and damn it, I want to see Jason Morgan get the vapors! But no. Sam hit him with that tantalizing knowledge and then...nothing.

Which is the perfect word to describe the rest of the episode!

You Know How I Love a Good Soapy Fight

I don't smoke, but after yesterday's Days, I think I need a cigarette.  And a martini, to drink while wearing a heavily sequined outfit with shoulder pads and possibly a headpiece of some kind.  And if anyone were to irritate me, I would happily toss them into a fountain.  Basically, the episode infused me with the spirit of Joan Collins circa-1986.  (Which is a very good thing, in case you are INSANE.)  What I mean to say is -- and I realize it is frequently difficult to decipher -- this was some soapy goodness!  Vintage, 80s-style stuff.

Note:  The over-dramatic, sound-effects-enhanced slaps start at 5:42.  There are two, they are glorious, and you are welcome.

I will post more soon, but my reactions to this confrontation are, in no particular order:

1)  FINALLY!

2)  Does this mean we may finally have a Nicole-free episode?  I am a bit worn out.

3)  Putting a mid-30s woman (particularly one with glorious hair) in a silver, bow-tied headband is not okay under any circumstances that don't involve a Halloween costume.  And even then I would need to be convinced of the necessity.

4)  I have really grown to adore Allison Sweeney, in a non-creepy, realize-I-don't-actually-know-her, non-"If I met her I would just hyperventilate and call her by her character's name" kind of way. 

5)  Arianne Zucker kicks ass at playing cluelessly crazy.  (And at carrying impossibly large, tacky, metallic handbags, but that's not from yesterday so it's off-topic.)

6)  The next time I steal a baby, my defense is TOTALLY going to be the amazing one-two punch of 1) "But you had so many already I didn't think you'd miss this one!" and 2) "Plus you've gotten pregnant by accident so many times I just figured you could do it again on purpose if you wanted a replacement!"  I mean, that's just beautiful.

And the Word of the Day Is...WHY?

There are days when I watch General Hospital and, quite frankly, don't understand anything that is going on. Like, at not one point over the course of the hour do I think, "Oh, okay, that makes sense". It's just question after question after question, and then I start to wonder if I've missed an episode, and then I realize that I DIDN'T miss and episode, and then I start to wonder that I have some sort of memory problem or some sort of hearing problem that causes me to miss chunks of dialogue in which character motivation and/or exposition is explained.

Of course, the most logical explanation is that the writers can't write for shit, but I am prone to both melodrama and hypochondria, so freaking out about a possible swiss cheese memory or deafness comes first. THEN comes the all-encompassing hatred of the GH writing staff.

Here are just a few of my many questions about today's show. Please note that I did not include the most important question ("How the hell does Bob Guza still have a job?") because the crazy theories we are sure to come up with as answers to that question could probably get us sued for slander...

Is Outrage Fatigue Treatable With Antibiotics?

It's time for another installment of our continuing series Offensive, Outrageous and Oh-So [Expletive]: The Charles Pratt Story, starring Charles Pratt; his sidekick, the black hole of suck that accompanies him at all times; and four of the characters he's made near irredeemable and wholly unlikable this week: Aidan, Amanda, Jake and David.

Okay, David being irredeemable and wholly unlikable is not at all unique to this week, and the destruction of Aidan has been in full swing for a while, but the writers really ramped it all up in Friday's episode. Aren't Friday episodes supposed to be intriguing, and get viewers anxious waiting to tune back in on Monday? Because all I wanted to do when the show ended was take a Silkwood shower and schedule elective surgery for Monday at 1 PM.

You know, I had made my peace with Aidan being written off of the show in a flame of villainy disgrace. That's not to say that I enjoy it, or don't sympathize with poor Aiden Turner, who must be all, "...you couldn't just let me stay on the backburner and pretend that I never existed?", because I don't and do, respectively, but the show is obviously going there and shouting at my television is not going to change that. It's just going to give me a sore throat and very disgruntled neighbors.

The big issue is that, okay: Aidan Devane is a Special-Ops spy, no? I have to think that if he wanted to do something dastardly and break up Zach and Kendall, because he's apparently secretly been in love with Kendall all of this time (please see episodes dated "Never", "Never Ever" and "Never Ever Ever" for evidence of this) that he would be able to come up with something a little more ingenious than intercepting and forging email correspondence. Did he get his superspy training from seventh grade mean girls? Are we going to see him hack into Zach's Facebook and change his relationship status to "Currently In A Relationship with Liza Colby?" REALLY, if you are going to make him a sinister, manipulative stalker, at least make him a good one! It's the least he, and the viewers, deserve. And I mean that--it's the very, very least we all deserve.

I've Lost That Loving Feeling

Due, perhaps, to her adorable friendship with Maxie, or the fact that she works best as a singleton and has been single until her promising romance with Dominante, or Julie Marie Berman substantially toning down the smug face, I found myself liking Lulu again in recent months for the first time in YEARS.

And then Lulu found out Dominante's two secrets and I was reminded why the words I most often associate with the character are "vile", "shrieking", "shrew", "smug", "bratty", and "pout": because HOLY HELL, this girl is a judgmental asshole with a superiority complex and no moral compass.

Lulu: Now you've gone from a warning to overkill, because even if I did believe that Sonny would kill you, there is no way under any circumstances that he would ever hurt Olivia.

Yes, because there are no cases on record of Sonny ever lashing out and physically or emotionally hurting a woman who he felt betrayed him, except for that one case known as "Every relationship Sonny has ever had".

Lulu: Sonny trusts Dominic Pirelli. He depends on you. You guard his children. In Sonny's book, that is a huge compliment. But officer Dante Falconeri is betraying him. You are lying to his face. You are gathering evidence from his house that could put him in prison. If I know all of this and I don't warn him, then I'm betraying him as much as you are.

Is she for real?

Lulu: But the system can work both ways. And I was brought up not to trust it. And Sonny has done a lot of good for Port Charles. He bought a whole wing of the hospital for AIDS patients to be treated with or without insurance. He's donated millions of dollars to the head trauma unit that Carly started. He's done a lot of good for a lot of people over the years.

To recap: criticism of Sonny is not allowed, under any circumstances, because he helped take care of Stone and supports AIDS patients. And because he donated money to the head trauma unit started in honor OF HIS OWN SON? I'm not even going to mention the fact that his son had head trauma because he was shot in the head during a botched hit on Sonny's life, but, really, we're awarding prizes for Sonny donating money to his child's foundation?

Lulu: Why did you bring me here? Are you trying to impress me with how brave you are? Because Sonny's office is right there. I could walk right in and tell him the truth, and then you wouldn't make it out of here.

Lulu: Really? 'Cause if you could lie to Sonny and Morgan and all the other people in the organization, people who put their lives on the line for you, who depend on you to keep them safe, why should I believe a word out of your mouth?

I certainly don't want this show to become MORE violent, so I won't say anything like, "Is there any reason why Lulu can't be used in a mobster's target practice?" I will just glare angrily at my TV and curse the writers, which is pretty much what I do after every episode of GH anyway, but at least this time I have a specific reason for the glaring.

Soap Blog Coalition

Daytime Confidential's Melodie Aikels chatted with daytime legend Kim Zimmer at the So Long Springfield event in Pittsburgh. Read Kim's thoughts on her legendary character. (Daytime Confidential)

With little to no air-time for our favorite couple we're back to creating puzzles at The Scrubs Hub. Come check out our latest word search!  (Scrubs Hub)

Serial Drama's guest-blogger Louise is lucky enough to watch the one ABC that is entertaining (on purpose, even!). She shares her take on the good, the bad, and the anger-making SORAS mess in Llanview. (Serial Drama)

Claudia's exit on GH had the wubqueen on the edge of her seat. For once things didn't play out like a bad B Movie. Kudos to all, especially the actors. (Wubs)

Five Freaking Lives to Live!

I was trying to hold off to see how this played out, but clearly this needs to be addressed immediately, albeit briefly.  Remember how my last post was pretty much a plausibility rant?  I take it back.  I apologize, show.  I was foolish.  Dear, dear show, I did not realize how awesome implausibility could be.  Just utterly, utterly awesome.

So uh... it's hard to figure out where to start, but let's go with the logical place:

We start with Viki coming across Nash's empty grave, which, let's face it, falls pretty high up with the highest-up echelon of Friday cliffhangers, yes?  But it didn't stop there.  Because then:

Awww, Jess is so happy.  Her dead husband came back to life!  Now, I do question why she's smiling here -- while Nash never did have spectacular hair, one could already tell that something here was... awry.  But that didn't take long:

I mean this is not the receding hairline she so fondly remembers.  And then?  Really, one of the greatest moments in daytime history:

I know.  I know!  Would you like some more?

Better The Enemy You Know...

Have you ever sat and truly, thoughtfully reflected upon the destruction Charles Pratt has unleashed upon Pine Valley?

The answer to that is probably no, because why would you ever willingly do something so depressing?

(Unless you--like me when I was younger, inspired by a Baby Sitters Club book where Mary Anne mentioned that she reads the passage of Little Women where Beth dies anytime she is feeling down--actively seek out sad things to have a good cry. But in this case, it wouldn't be a good cry, it would be a horrified, angry, "How is he allowed to roam the streets without supervision and COLLECT A PAYCHECK?" kind of cry).  

But if you DID undergo that sad exercise and dredge up memories better left repressed, you'd have a long list of terrible things and you'd see a clear pattern: everything he does is more awful than the last.

So it shouldn't come as a surprise, then, that the spoilers for upcoming AMC stories are so wretched that they spur a person to organize a large protest, or at least design an angry button to wear.

You sunk my battleship, Pratt. And you sunk it hard.